Chapter 60
ABIGAIL
Simon hadn’t really responded to my accusation about always belonging to his father, and even though I was having a great time with him, the back of my head was worried.
His answering shrug and the shake of his head hadn’t done much to convince me that he’d turned over a new leaf in the paternal-approval chapter of his life.
All he’d said was, “I’m working on it.”
Then he’d asked me to trust him and offered me his hand, and I’d taken it. Not because I was sure that I trusted him. In fact, I was pretty sure I didn’t. Not when it came to his dad. Yet I knew that working on it was the best thing he could do right now.
Simon’s grip was strong in mine, his hand so large and warm.
I clung to him like a lifeline and stayed close to his side.
Honestly, I just liked feeling him there, next to me.
As we walked around the museum for the next few hours, I pointed out some of my favorite pieces and laughed at his impressions of some of the art, but that worry was still gnawing at me.
With George being the way he was, Simon could either try, which was what he was doing now, or he could cut ties. But if he cut ties with his dad, he also cut ties with the company—and possibly even with his mother.
I didn’t know very much about what their relationship was like these days, but I did know it was unlikely George would allow her to see her son if Simon went against his wishes. Just thinking about it broke my heart.
Lisa Astor had already lost one of her sons. It was unfathomable that George might force her to lose the other as well, but the man was beyond difficult. Which was why I didn’t push Simon for a better answer.
While I didn’t trust that he’d ever really belong to anybody except his dad, I was willing to trust that he was trying.
The problem was that apparently, he’d also tried before, when we’d been seniors.
Since I knew how that had worked out, I wasn’t filled with optimism that it would play out differently this time.
The only reason I stayed was that I had decided not to be intimidated by George.
I had decided that I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being the same timid, skittish girl I had been as a teenager.
I was a woman now, a pretty successful, pretty put-together woman, and most importantly, a woman who had feelings for his son.
The same son who had feelings for me too.
We cared about each other and I would not let George’s disapproval keep me from even trying to make things work with the only man who soothed my soul.
As arrogant and sometimes impossible as Simon was, as far as I was concerned, it was his imperfections that made him so perfect.
Perfect for me, anyway. The two of us understood each other in ways no one else did.
We could be ourselves with each other in ways we couldn’t be with anyone else.
We made each other stronger and yet, when we were together, it was like we gave ourselves permission at times to be weak with each other.
Like when Simon had spoken to me about Brooks and what he’d endured with his father ever since. I knew without even having to ask that he wasn’t that vulnerable with just anyone.
“Penny for your thoughts?” He glanced at me as we left the museum, those deep greens studying me with concern clouding their usual brightness. “You don’t look very happy right now.”
I purposely smoothed my features and smiled up at him, even going so far as to take a small step closer and catching his face in my hands. “I am happy, Simon. I’m also just trying to sort through some of the fears and insecurities I have about what we’re doing here. It’s not a bad thing. I’m just…”
“You’re just thinking it through.” A soft smile spread his lips, his hands moving to my hips and resting lightly against them. “I love that you’re still willing to admit that kind of thing to me, and I get it. It’s been a lot. I’ve been feeling pretty fucking confused about it myself.”
“You have?” Deciding to throw caution to the wind just for a few seconds, I stepped into him, winding my arms around his neck and laying my head against his chest. “I’m sorry, Simon. I wish things weren’t as complicated as they are.”
“Which is exactly why today is meant to be fun. Just us hanging out together.” He dropped a kiss to the top of my head. “Above everything else, I’ve missed you and we could both use a break.”
“You’re right.” I groaned and lifted my head away from the hard heat of his chest to look up at him. “What are we doing next?”
One of his hands fell away from my hips and I took a step back, curious to know what he was up to as he shot me a grin. When his hand reappeared, it had two long, rectangular pieces of paper in it.
My heart skipped. “Tickets?”
“Tickets.”
“Tickets for what?”
Slowly, as if trying to make the reveal as dramatic as he possibly could, he turned them around. Immediately, I recognized the colors and the logo. Excitement raced through me, ratcheting up my heartbeat as I practically jumped into his arms.
“The Yankees? Tonight?”
Simon caught me effortlessly, laughing as he picked me up. “I figured it was about time we caught another game.”
“You figured right.” I grinned at him, trying and failing to count all the games he and I had watched together over the years. “If you’re trying to make me nostalgic, it’s working. This is all stuff we used to do together all the time.”
He shrugged a shoulder, just the barest hint of a smile on his lips. “Well, I’ve already told you that I’ve missed you and I really have. It felt right to plan a day when we got to do all the things we used to love. Try it on for size. See if it still fits.”
“Is it weird that it’s fitting like a glove so far?”
“Nope.” He wrapped his fingers around my hand as we walked to his car and my heart bounced around in my chest. “I know you’re worried.
The last few weeks have been so up and down and we’re still trying to figure things out, but I’ve never doubted that we fit together, Abi.
You and I? We might just be written in the stars. ”
To my surprise, I burst out laughing. I hadn’t planned to, but I couldn’t get over Simon casually saying such romantic things. For just a moment, his eyes widened like he’d surprised himself too. Then he started chuckling with me.
Shaking his head, he shut the door and went around to his side of the car, still grinning as he climbed in. “Way to make a guy feel good. I guess I deserve it, but still.”
“I’m sorry.” I was still giggling as I turned in my seat to look at him. “It just gets me when you say stuff like that. In all the years I knew you, you were never shy to say whatever was on your mind, but written in the stars?”
He paused for a beat as he thought it over. “You don’t feel the same way?”
“I do.” Holy crapperoni, I really do.
My cheeks heated, but I took a page out of his book and didn’t let that stop me. As he eased out of our parking lot and headed for the stadium, I kept looking at him and decided to be completely honest.
“Sometimes, I just think that our version of being written in the stars is that we’re star-crossed. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the time we spend together a lot more than I should, but that doesn’t mean everything is going to turn up roses for us.”
“Sure, but it definitely won’t if we don’t even try.
” He glanced at me for only a fraction of a second before his eyes were back on the road.
“I don’t believe that our fate is predetermined.
I think we get to make a choice and that what we choose is not only up to us, but that it can change whatever the stars had planned. ”
Yeah, but that’s the problem. A part of me melted into a puddle of goo, but the other part just scoffed and rolled her eyes. Who even knows if you love me, Simon? Who knows if you’ll choose me if you ever really have to make that choice?
I sure didn’t, and I doubted he knew either. In some ways, our situation was actually pretty simple. Being with me could potentially cost Simon his dad and possibly even his whole career. His family could blow up because of it.
While I knew I was getting ahead of myself, I also didn’t know if I wanted to fully open myself back up to him. I wasn’t sure I trusted him. We were both still willing to give this a chance, but damn if we didn’t have a razor-sharp freaking guillotine hanging over us at all times.
“All we have to do is want to change our fate—that’s what you’re saying?” I asked, clearing my throat as I tried to work out if I believed the same thing. “Doesn’t that seem a little self-important to you? Thinking that we can change what the universe has in store for us?”
“I don’t think we can change everything. Brooks wouldn’t have died if that was the case, but stuff like this? Who we’re with? Sure. I don’t think fate gets to decide that for us.”
“So you don’t think fate brought us together in the first place?”
Simon’s lips curved into a slow, sexy smirk. “I know fate brought us together. I’m just not going to let it tear us apart too. Besides, it might’ve put us in each other’s paths, but we chose each other once upon a time.”
“You think we should just keep choosing each other?” I asked, uncertain if I could ever stop doing that even if I tried.
He nodded, eyes intently focused on the road. “For as long as you’re an option, I will choose you, Abigail Walker.”
“Who said I’m an option?” I teased, needing to ease the tension that kept mounting between us. If we kept talking like this, we were likely to end up confessing our love to each other, hightailing it to Vegas, and getting an Elvis impersonator to marry us.
We reached the stadium and eventually found a parking spot. I wasn’t generally an impulsive person, but if he was so sure that he would keep choosing me and I wasn’t sure I could stop doing the same thing, then it was only logical that we committed to spending the rest of our lives together.