Chapter 46
LONDON
The week had finally come to a close and I was packing my bags for our trip to Houston. Lorelei sat on my bed, her legs crossed and hugging a pillow in her lap. Liam and I were flying out first thing in the morning and I was wildly excited to see my sisters.
“I wish we were coming with you,” she said as she watched me folding a shirt into my suitcase. “I know you guys have been out here longer than we have, but you’re the only thing keeping the homesickness at bay for me. I definitely wouldn’t have minded making a quick trip back.”
“I would’ve loved for you to come. I’m going to miss having you around, but it’s only for the weekend. We’ll be back before the homesickness can kill you.”
She chuckled. “Bring me back a leaf or something. Anything that’ll make me feel closer to home.”
“How about a big steak?” I waggled my eyebrows at her. “I’m not entirely sure how well cooked meat travels, but we could try.”
“We could, but as much as I’d like to lose some weight before the wedding, I don’t want to do it by giving myself food poisoning.” She grimaced before she laughed. “I’d rather be fat.”
I shot her a narrow-eyed glare. “Nope, you don’t get to talk about yourself like that. It’s not true and you know it. You’re going to be the most gorgeous bride of the year and that’s final.”
She smiled at me, leaning back against the headboard and sighing. “I don’t have to be the most gorgeous bride of the year, but I will be the happiest.”
My heart melted into a puddle of goo and I let out a soft sigh. “You guys are so damn cute together. I love this for you.”
“Thanks. So do I.” Weirdly, she glanced at the closed door before looking back at me. “What are your plans when you get to Texas?”
“Just some good old fashioned sister time and a dinner Liv and Charlie are hosting at the ranch. Nothing fancy.”
“Is Liam going to be staying at the ranch with you?”
Ah, so that’s why she looked at the door. She was checking to make sure it was properly closed so she could ask about him. Again.
I shook my head. “Maybe on the second night, but he’s going to be sleeping at his house tomorrow night and checking up on some of the other properties he owns there.”
Lori laughed. “Sometimes, I forget how wealthy that man is.”
“Same,” I agreed. “He carries it well. Although he’s also really cocky, so there’s that. He just doesn’t shove his money in people’s faces, but he sure has an attitude.”
She didn’t respond immediately. Her gaze glazed over with thought as if she was trying to decide something.
Finally, she refocused and looked right into my eyes.
“Don’t think I haven’t been paying attention to you two.
There’s for sure something going on and you don’t have to tell me about it, but I wanted to let you know that I already know something has changed and that I’m still here if you need me. ”
I groaned. “Why does this keep coming up? Liam and I are friends. Period. Nothing has changed.”
“You can keep trying to play it off, but it’s not working anymore.” She exhaled deeply through her nostrils before she pursed her lips at me. “We’ve been friends for a long time now, London. I can tell when you’re lying. You suck at it. So just spit it out. Tell me what’s going on.”
I took a deep breath, getting ready to deny, deny, deny. It had been working for politicians, royals, and celebrities for ages. Surely, it would work for me if I just kept trying, but as I stared into Lori’s big brown eyes, the weirdest bolt of realization hit me.
I wanted to tell her.
I needed to tell her.
While I’d been planning on talking to my sisters about it this weekend, it suddenly occurred to me that Lori knew Liam differently than they did. They knew him as a childhood friend, a coworker practically glued to my hip that might as well have been a member of the family.
Lorelei knew him as her fiancé’s best friend.
She’d seen him in situations and on occasions my sisters never had, and she’d been there when he’d taken home girl, after girl, after girl.
All of which meant that she might offer a different perspective, and I definitely felt like I needed to be collecting those right now.
“Fine,” I said eventually, reaching out to offer her my pinkie. “If I tell you though, it has to stay between us. Like, has to. Top level secret. Jerry can’t have security clearance on this.”
Her eyebrows inched up, but she nodded and wrapped her little finger around mine. “There. I’ve pinkie promised, so spill the freaking tea.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this.” Another deep, deep breath. I ran both hands through my loose hair and groaned. “Liam and I have been sleeping together. It’s nothing serious, just a friends with benefits kind of arrangement, but yep. It’s happening. That’s what’s been going on.”
Her jaw dropped, but as she stared back at me with wide eyes, she also couldn’t seem to contain her smile. “London Walker, you sneaky little devil. You better not be bullshitting me.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. It’s been great so far, except that there’s one big, big problem.”
Her eyes widened and she leaned forward, lowering her voice even though we’d both been keeping it down ever since I’d sworn her to secrecy. “Are you talking about his dick? It’s too big?”
“What? No. Focus.”
“Is he terrible in bed then? Shit, no. That can’t be right. He’s had a lot of practice.”
“Stop trying to guess,” I said, chuckling. Heat filled my cheeks, probably turning them the color of overripe tomatoes. “He’s amazing, which is part of the problem, but the bigger part is the friends thing.”
“The friends thing?” she repeated, her voice completely even, but confusion clouding her eyes. “What do you mean? You guys have been friends forever.”
“Yeah, but now I’m not so sure I like that anymore.” Saying the words out loud was as terrifying as it was a relief. “I don’t know if I want to be his friend anymore, Lori. The lines are getting a little blurred for me and I’m feeling things I should not be feeling.”
“Yeah, his dick. See? It always comes back to that.” She nodded wisely. Then, suddenly, out of absolutely nowhere, she started laughing. “Well, it’s about dang time,” she managed to squeeze out between giggles. “He’s been after you for years. He must be over the damn moon right now.”
“Oh, he doesn’t know and he’s not going to,” I said without skipping a beat.
“What the hell does that mean?” Her brow furrowed. “If you two are hooking up, he better know it’s happening. Please tell me you haven’t been sneaking into his room at night?”
“No, shut up.”
She laughed. “Only if you start talking.”
“Well, okay, he knows about the lines starting to feel a bit blurred, but that’s all he knows and it’s all he’s ever going to know.”
The humor faded from her eyes and she frowned. “What do you mean? Why isn’t he ever going to know? You have feelings for him, London. He has feelings for you. Sometimes, when a man and woman—”
I groaned through a chuckle that cut her off. “Spare me the lecture about the birds, the bees, and everything in between. That’s not where this is going with us.”
“Why not?” The light that had been in her eyes just a moment ago dimmed, her expression becoming completely serious. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s just…” My throat got a little tight, an awful pressure building behind my eyes. “I can never be with him, Lorelei. You understand that, right? It doesn’t matter how we feel about each other right now because it can never become anything more than that.”
“That is the biggest load of bull I’ve ever heard.” Her head tilted as she looked back at me. “Do you mind telling me why you think you can’t ever be with him?”
“It’s simple really.” Even so, I was struggling to get the words out.
Sitting down on the edge of my bed, I tried to swallow past the tide of emotion threatening to choke me, but my voice was still tight.
“If I truly allow myself to go there with him and it all comes crashing down like it has with every other relationship I’ve ever been in, I’d be heartbroken forever.
If we ever ended, I don’t know what I’d do.
I’m not good with romance and I need Liam in my life. ”
My friend got up on her knees and shuffled across the mattress to me, pulling me into a tight hug. “London, it’s okay to take a chance on him. He’s loved you for years and I know he’d be such a great guy for you. He would do everything he possibly could to make you so, so happy every single day.”
“We want different things,” I whispered, once again simultaneously terrified and just so damn relieved to finally be able to get all this off my chest that I nearly started crying. “He wants a family, to get married and settle down. All those things. I just want to do my job and live my life.”
I felt her smile against my cheek. “Love changes everything, my friend. Let’s just see what it changes about you before we start worrying, shall we?
You might think you know what you want, but that will change when you let yourself love someone with everything you’ve got and every little part of yourself. I promise.”
“What if I don’t want to change?”
“Oh, it’s way too late for that. You already are, London. I’ve seen it and I know you can feel it. You’ve already started changing. You just haven’t accepted it yet.”
I held her tighter, but as scared as I was to acknowledge it, truer words had never been spoken. I really had already started changing.
When I finally let her go, I exhaled a deep, slow breath and smiled at her through tears that had gathered in my eyes, but I absolutely would not let fall. “Thanks, Lori. I think I really needed to hear all that.”
“Sure thing. Told you I was here if you needed me. I just can’t believe you waited so long to take me up on the offer.”
I chuckled and swiped my fingers under my eyes as I rolled them up to the ceiling, intent on not having an emotional breakdown today. At that exact moment, my door crashed open without warning and Liam stuck his head in.
“What’s the limit on liquids in a carry-on again?” he asked, casually leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms. A smirk curved his lips. “I know I always forget, but that’s why I keep you around, right?”
“Just for that, you and your horrible memory can go look it up yourself,” I said, turning to the bed to start closing my suitcase so he wouldn’t see my face.
Liam knew me way too well. One good look at me, and he’d know I was feeling a little fragile right now.
Then he’d kick Lori out of the room and make me tell him what had happened.
Since I absolutely was not ready to tell him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, I was simply going to go with saying nothing about it at all.
“It’s called Google, Liam. Learn how to use it.”
“I don’t need Google. I’ve got London. So, what’s the limit, nerd?” I felt him coming into the room, only hearing the soft padding of his bare feet a few seconds later. “Holy cow. What the hell have you got in that bag? We’re only going for the weekend. You know that, right?”
As he came to stand with me to help zip it up, Lorelei watched us with a knowing smirk on her lips that made me blush. Our secret was officially out, and though I trusted her to keep it, I already knew we wouldn’t be able to keep a lid on it for much longer.