Chapter 60
LONDON
Shit, why the hell did I do that?
It might only have been the barest kiss on the cheek, but I knew it had been savage. I also saw Liam’s face in my periphery, and although I’d barely touched Xavier, it was clear that I’d hurt him. I could see it in his eyes.
Xavier smiled, his brow puckering slightly as he stared up at me. He was a nice guy, but the reality was that I didn’t even know him. I’d also told him that it was possible there was somebody else, but I hadn’t told him who.
It did explain why he was looking at me like he was trying to figure out why the hell I’d done that. He’d already asked if I wanted to go have a drink with him at some point and I’d turned him down, which was when I’d explained that I had something going on with somebody else.
And now, I’d chosen him as the guy I wanted to go on a date with. If things had been different, I for sure would’ve taken him up on his drinks offer, but I hadn’t because of Liam. Who I’d just hurt the heck out of.
As I backed away from them and returned to my spot, I had a hard time even glancing in his direction. But as much as I wished I would have chosen him instead, I couldn’t let him think that he had my heart.
Not when I couldn’t really let myself give it to him. This was Liam Jones we were talking about, my right-hand man who could get any woman he wanted and always had. Any woman except for me, that was.
I couldn’t ignore the possibility that all this was for him was the thrill of the chase.
What if I fully gave in and let myself fall, only for him to decide he didn’t want me anymore once he’d caught me?
I could live a life of him chasing me—as long as it meant he was still in my life and it kept him close.
Losing him would devastate me in ways I couldn’t even fully comprehend and I knew it. Hell, I’d been a teenager when Simon had left Abigail. I’d seen the way that it’d affected her when she’d woken up one morning and he was gone.
My sister was a heck of a lot stronger than I was. She’d survived. For the longest time, it was like I could see her broken heart whenever I looked at her, but she’d crawled her way out of that hole and she’d come out even stronger.
I wasn’t sure I would come back at all. Let alone strong enough to forgive him eventually, like she had. The thing was that I’d always known Simon was her soulmate and so had she. So had he, it seemed, but none of us had known that at the time.
Theirs had been a story of second chances and forgiveness. Of redemption. Of perseverance. Of simply never giving up.
That wasn’t my story.
Then there had been Olivia. She had really suffered when she’d thought she’d lost Charlie. It’d almost been like she’d lost a part of herself and I’d seen that same sense of brokenness as I had with Abi back in the day.
Both of them had ultimately gotten back together with the men who had broken their hearts, and so far, they were living happily ever after. If that hadn’t happened though, if they hadn’t ended up with those men, I wasn’t sure how things would’ve played out for them.
What I did know was that Olivia and Abigail were tough. They were brave and they were unafraid. I was freaking terrified—and uncertain if Liam even really wanted me or if he only thought he did because of the chase he loved so much.
Either way, what was done was done and I shoved all those thoughts aside as I sat down. The game continued with me pointedly avoiding looking at Liam and him acting like I didn’t even exist. Lori cast me a puzzled glance, but I whispered, “Tell you later,” and she let it go.
It finally came time for Liam’s turn, and one of the guys smirked at him when he chose truth. “Alright. If you could hook up with someone here tonight, who would it be?”
Never scared of the smirk, Liam gave it right back and didn’t even hesitate for a second. “Tonight has been surprising, to say the least…”
He glanced at the girl he’d been speaking to before, a black-haired beauty that looked like a cross between Pocahontas and Princess Jasmine. She blinked back surprise but returned his smile and the guys laughed, hooting and wolf-whistling as Liam winked at her.
As if to prove his point, he even got up and went over to her, bending his head close to hers and saying something that made her laugh and blush. While I knew this was just him taking a hit at me for what I’d done to him first, it still hurt like hell.
Weirdly, I saw Bailey’s gaze drift over to me, but she quickly turned her attention back to him and brought her lips to his ear. He chuckled at whatever she’d said, dropping to his ass and taking a seat next to her for the rest of the game.
I felt like he’d dropped a sledgehammer on my chest when he leaned in and replied to her. She tucked her hair behind her ear, turning to face him and speaking quietly enough that I couldn’t make out a single word even as the commotion died down.
The others went back to the game, but Bailey and Liam seemed to be wrapped up in their own little world. I flashed back to that moment we’d had just this morning when he’d made me feel that way and my heart sank.
This is what you wanted, remember? Distance. It doesn’t get much more distant than him moving on right in front of your eyes.
I sighed and Lori reached for me, giving my arm a quick and reassuring squeeze as she murmured, “Don’t worry about that, okay?”
I nodded, but it was easier said than done. I had caused this. First when I’d gone over to speak to Xavier when we’d arrived and then when I’d effectively chosen to go on a date with him instead of Liam.
By the time the game was finally over, I was eager to get the heck out of here. Everyone else stood up and went in their own directions, heading either to the kitchen to grab another drink or to the patio out back to settle down for a chat.
Lorelei stayed in the living room with me, curiosity etched into her features as she watched Xavier go the kitchen and Liam walk away with Bailey. Her chin lowered while her eyebrows climbed higher. “Care to tell me what that was all about?”
I sighed. “I wish I could, but honestly, I’m not entirely sure right now.”
“Are you actually going to go on a date with Xavier?” she asked, her gaze drifting past my shoulder, presumably to look at the guy in question.
“It looked like you were getting along pretty well earlier and he seemed like a nice guy when I met him, or has something else happened with Liam that you haven’t told me about? ”
I shook my head. “Nothing worth talking about now, I guess. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”
She rocked her head back and forth, laughing when I reached out to smack her knee.
“No, London. You’re not an idiot, but you do need to figure out what you want.
If there was any indication between you two after you got back that something had changed, I would never have suggested introducing you to Xavier to begin with. I hope you know that.”
“I do. I shouldn’t have taken you up on it, but I’ve also been thinking that I need to take a step back and reassess.”
Lori didn’t respond immediately, but when she finally looked at me again, I had a feeling she was going to agree with me—and suddenly, I really didn’t want her to. “If you’re not into him, then yeah. You do need to take a step back. A big one.”
“I was afraid you were going to say that,” I muttered. “Can we go home yet?”
“Definitely.” Her entire body turned as she searched for Jerry. She found him almost immediately even though he was outside, standing in the relatively dark backyard.
We went to grab him and all three of us went to find Liam. He and Bailey had moved to a small bar area in the corner of the patio, and he didn’t look at me when he saw us coming. “Ride’s leaving already?”
“Yep.” Jerry shot Bailey an apologetic grin. “I’m sorry we have to do this to you, but we all came in one car.”
“Of course—” she started, but Liam cut her off.
“That’s okay. No worries,” he said. “I’ll get an Uber when I’m ready to go. Thanks, guys. Good night. Drive safe.”
Lorelei and Jerry exchanged a look but nodded and said their goodbyes. I, however, made one last ditch attempt to get him to come home with us. “C’mon. You know you want to listen to my epic playlist for the eight-hundredth time. I have Don’t Stop Believing lined up for us.”
Finally, he swung his gaze toward mine, but his remained completely straight. “I’ll get my own ride. Enjoy your playlist.”
Dismissing me from his gaze, he turned his attention back to Bailey and gave me his literal back. Shock held me rooted to the spot like I’d been planted there, but only for a fraction of a second. After that, I forced myself to move, but even as I walked to the car, I knew I’d messed up big time.
Liam Jones wasn’t going to be waiting for me at home, nor would he hurry back after his drink. There was every chance that I’d gone and done it this time, driven him into another woman’s arms—and if that was true, I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to live with that either.