Chapter Thirty-Six Tula
Chapter Thirty-Six
Tula
Me: I want to dive the Oceanus.
I’d texted Nathan right after I’d left Kaitlin’s and climbed into my car. If I’d given myself five more minutes, I’d have found an excuse not to dive. He responded almost immediately.
Nathan: Where are you now?
Me: At Kaitlin’s.
Nathan: Come back to my place.
Seeing him again tonight wouldn’t solve anything. Too much emotion churning in me. OK.
I tossed the phone into my lap and gripped the wheel. I nosed my car south back toward his condo. When I spotted his truck parked out front, I almost kept going. I didn’t need to justify myself to anyone.
But I needed to prove something to myself.
I parked next to his truck and grabbed my purse. The walk to his front door felt so long compared to an hour ago. After hesitating for what felt like years, I rang his bell.
When he opened the door, he was wearing the same T-shirt and shorts, and his feet were bare. His dark hair was dry, and the thick strands, now curling at the nape of his neck, swept over his forehead. My mouth was sand-dry.
“Is your hair ever tamed?” I asked.
“Not often. It’s kind of a trademark.”
“I envy that freedom.”
He cocked a brow. “Why envy it? Live it.”
My body tensed with fear. “Right.”
“You really are serious. You’re still going to dive, right?”
Doubts tugged at me, trying to pull me back. “Yes.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I think the dive would be good for you, but you don’t have to.”
“I have something to prove to myself.”
“What?”
“That I haven’t lost who I was.”
“Fair enough.”
He stepped aside and motioned for me to come in. My soda still sat on the counter next to his. This time, I noticed his shoes were lined up by the front door, his rain slicker was hung on a peg, and his dive equipment was arranged in a neat row against a wall.
“Still a stickler for routine?” I asked.
He closed the door. “Can’t help it. Only way to keep your sanity when you’re on the road.”
“I’ve been landlocked for seven years. No issues with finding anything in all that time. Then I move here, and I’m convinced the Brooks house is hiding things from me.”
He chuckled. “I have no patience for searching for lost anything. I need to know where all my stuff is, or I can’t sleep.”
“Yeah.” I picked up the soda. It was warmer.
His eyes narrowed. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
I took a gulp and set the can down. “Kaitlin and I had a fight.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I don’t.”
“You sound like your mother.”
“Shut up.”
He laughed. “Is diving about Kaitlin or your mother?”
This dive wasn’t about Kaitlin or Mom. For the first time ever, it was about me. “Me. It’s about me. I can’t ignore the ocean any longer. It won’t allow it.”
Anyone else would have found the comment odd, but he understood. The ocean ran in his veins. “Let’s work our way up to the Oceanus.”
“What does that mean?” All this buildup and then nothing? “I have thousands of diving hours.”
“Skills grow stale over seven years. We can start in a pool.”
“A pool. You’re kidding me? Should I wear water wings?”
Even white teeth flashed. “There’s a pool attached to this complex. We can do it now.”
I looked out the sliding glass doors to the round pool, not even long enough to swim laps. “It’s a bathtub. And the sun will set soon.”
He chuckled. “Security lights come on. Visibility is great. Show me the water doesn’t scare you. Then we’ll talk about the Oceanus.”
I ran my hand over my head. “I don’t have a suit.”
“Are you wearing underwear?”
Heat warmed my cheeks. “Yes.”
“Covers like a bikini, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Grab a towel from the bathroom.”
I moved into the bathroom, closed the door, and pulled off my T-shirt and shorts. The black bra and panties at least matched, but they did little to hide the extra pounds. I wrapped a towel around my middle. “Shit.”
Nathan was waiting in the living room, dive equipment now surrounding him. His gaze slid quickly over me, but it was unreadable, just like it had been all those times when we’d dived in Greece. I couldn’t look at him without admiring his form.
Without a word, he grabbed the larger tank and a buoyancy compensator. “Carry your own stuff.”
I hefted the smaller tank, a mask, and the BC. He opened the sliding door and walked toward the pool. Ignoring the water, I checked the tanks and the mouthpiece. Full tank. Free flow of air.
“Good, you remember the basics,” he said.
Always check your equipment. How many times had Mom said that? I slid off the towel, settled the mask on my head, and pulled the tanks onto my back. I tested the mouthpiece again. The cool burst of oxygen rolled into my lungs.
“All good?” he asked.
My upper lip was sweating, and my stomach rolled. “Sure.”
Suited up, he jumped into the water. He moved like a fish, his muscular arms pulling him to the middle. He motioned me to enter.
I settled the mask over my eyes and walked to the edge. I jumped into the water. The cold impact knocked my mask sideways and flooded it. I shoved back panic as pool water stung my eyes. I cleared my mask and put the mouthpiece between my lips. I breathed in more oxygen.
When I met Nathan’s gaze, he was watching me closely, as if deciding how much rust had accumulated on my skills.
“Go on, dunk your head,” he said.
I drew in two deep breaths and then tipped backward, letting the water flow over my body and face. The water rushed over me, encasing my skin in coolness. I pulled on the mouthpiece. Air filled my lungs.
The water slowly warmed, and the wetness caressed my skin. See, it’s not so bad, it whispered.
The tension always tightening my neck and back slackened. I rolled face down into the water and stared at the plaster pool bottom. I kicked my feet and glided toward the deep end.
Come on in.
I angled my head down and kicked my feet.
My fingertips skimmed the bottom. I rolled on my back and looked up toward the late-evening sky, now obscured by a watery haze.
I floated along the pool bottom’s rough surface.
The water winked. I was weightless, and the world shifted from three dimensions to four.
I swam to the shallow end and then back to the deep.
My hair drifted around my face like an inky halo.
I didn’t have on flippers, but the pool water offered little resistance. A pool wasn’t the ocean, just like a minnow wasn’t a shark. But still it felt like home.
I looked behind me and saw Nathan. His mask magnified his eyes as he watched me closely. He gave me a thumbs-up and swam toward me. As he reached for me, I thought he was brushing away my hair.
Instead, he yanked off my mask.
The flood of water cut through the tranquility. And for a second I was pissed and confused. Then I adjusted the mask and blew air outward to clear the water.
I faced him and raised my middle finger.
His eyes danced with laughter.
We swam in the pool for fifteen minutes before he motioned me upward.
We surfaced in the shallow end. I stood, pushed up my mask, and pulled the mouthpiece free.
“How was it?” he asked.
“Good. Think I’m ready for the Oceanus?”
He shook his head. “We’ll try an ocean dive tomorrow. One step at a time.”
“Fair enough.”
Inside his house, I toweled off and stripped off my wet underwear. I wrung them out and draped each piece on the shower rods. The dive hadn’t been a challenge, but it was a first step. I’d let too much time pass since my last dive.
I wiggled into my T-shirt and shorts. When I returned to the living room, Nathan was leaning against the kitchen counter, a glass of water in his hand.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there that last day. If I had been, I might have spotted red flags before the dive.”
“And then what? You’d have saved Mom, and she would’ve died slowly in a hospital. She ended it on her terms.” I didn’t like her choice, but she’d lived life her way.
He set the glass down and laid his hands on my shoulders. His fingers felt warm and soothing against my skin.
I looked up at him. He’d hugged me earlier, but this felt different.
He’d never touched me in such a sexual way.
If there had ever been any physical contact between us, it had always been professional.
A hand to guide me, an adjustment to my tanks, or a fist bump.
I’d soaked up every moment like that, thinking it was a kind of tenderness.
But this touch wasn’t cursory. It was intimate. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever appreciated the pure excitement of such a simple gesture. Now I did.
And I wanted him as much as the seventeen-year-old version of me had.
Rising on my toes, I leaned toward him and gently kissed him on the lips.
He tasted of salt. At first, he didn’t lean into the kiss, and he stared, studying me.
The eye-to-eye contact was intense. I feared I’d misread the situation.
I’d always assumed he hadn’t wanted me before because of my age.
But maybe he just didn’t want me. Maybe I wasn’t his type.
And then his hands slid to my waist, and he pulled me closer. The strength of his hands was sexy. I was breathless.
“Are you going to kiss me back?” I whispered.
Instead of answering, he pressed his lips to mine. A groan rumbled in his chest as his hand slid up under my T-shirt. Since I wasn’t wearing a bra or panties, his fingers easily grazed over my nipple. My knees nearly buckled.
“That the kind of kiss you want?” he whispered.
“I’m not sure. Try again.”
He backed me up to the wall and planted a hand on either side of my head. “I want more than a kiss.”
“Me too.”
He leaned in and brushed his lips over my jaw and then down to the nape of my neck. His reluctance, if he’d had any, evaporated. My nerve endings tingled. And that hand found its way under the waistband of my pants. His kiss deepened and time melted.
Finally, he paused, his lips close to mine. “My bedroom?”
“Yes.”
He kissed me again and pulled me down the narrow, carpeted hallway. I barely noticed the trek toward the bedroom. I’d dreamed about him more times than I could count when we’d worked together. He had been the fantasy. The dream guy who would make my world just perfect.
And then that world had shattered, and I was gone.
But this moment wasn’t going anywhere. He was here now.
And I wasn’t a kid. I knew what it felt like to talk myself into liking a guy.
I didn’t need any persuading with Nathan.
I pulled off my T-shirt. My nipples hardened as the cool air brushed over the sensitive skin.
Nathan yanked off his shirt. God, he looked amazing. I hesitated a fraction before pulling off my pants. I wasn’t the skinny bikini-clad kid I’d been in my teens. I had curves, and not all of them were welcome.
When he took me in his arms, I forgot about everything but this moment. As I’d dreamed, he lowered me to the bed, and I scooted up to the pillows. I’d never felt so unrestrained or so alive.
He smoothed his hands over my skin. “So pretty.”
“You’re the stunning one.”
He kissed my breasts and my belly. The sensations overwhelmed my nervous system, now humming with desire I hadn’t had in a long time. I’d been in limbo, encased in glass ever since the wreck. I didn’t realize how frozen I’d become.
Nathan rose off me and leaned over the side of the bed. Cool air hit my warm skin. I reached for him, tracing my finger down his muscled back as he grabbed a condom from his wallet. As he slid it on, his hands trembled a little, and I was so charmed. Dave’s hands had never trembled for me.
I rubbed my hands up and down his leg, anticipating and so ready. “You aren’t nervous, are you?”
A nervous chuckle rumbled in his chest. “Maybe.”
“You were a huge fantasy for me for a long time.”
“Yeah.”
Faint worries whispered. Fantasies were all well and good, but they often didn’t live up to the hype.
When he had settled between my legs, he slowly slid into me, and I was pretty sure my out-of-balance life had finally tilted back in the right direction. It might still not be totally centered, but it was better. And this night, this dream, lived up to the hype.