Chapter Forty-Two Gertrude
Chapter Forty-Two
Gertrude
Eight hours after the Oceanus was torpedoed
I woke with a start and slowly realized it was early morning.
For a moment, I was aware only of my aching body and the cold, wet wood pressing into my back.
And then, just as quickly, I realized my stomach was as empty as my arms. I sat up, searched the women in the boat.
The other women were dozing, all huddled in coats and blankets.
Dr. Brooks sat against the side of the boat, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes closed.
The other lifeboat had drifted away from our tiny vessel and bobbed in the distance.
Sigrid sat beside me, gently rocking the baby.
“Give me my child,” I said.
She carefully lowered the infant into my arms. “He’s perfect. He reminds me so much of my daughter.”
The warmth of the baby’s small body against my arms eased some of the fear gripping me.
“I think he’ll be hungry,” Sigrid said. “Do you know how to feed him?”
I had a general sense, but I’d never had anyone show me.
Her face was barely visible in the moonlight, but I could see the seawater had washed off her makeup, revealing freckles splashed over her nose. “I can help you, if you’ll allow me.”
“You can’t have him,” I said.
“I don’t need him now. That torpedo has erased me and my past. Once we are saved, I’ll make up a new story.”
“What about your family?”
“I will return and save them.” Such confidence.
The baby turned his mouth toward my breast and rubbed his lips. Not finding what he sensed must be there, he began to fuss.
Sigrid rose. “Unbutton your blouse.”
Heat warmed my cheeks. The idea of baring my breast in public was unsettling.
“Everyone is asleep. And you’re the only one who can feed him now.”
Now. As if there would be others later. I unfastened my buttons, exposing a silk camisole. My breasts were tight and my nipples hard.
Sigrid unknotted a scarf from around her shoulders and draped it over my breast and the baby. “Put the nipple in his mouth.”
I wrestled my breast free and held the baby closer. The child rooted but didn’t seem to attach. He began to fuss.
Sigrid removed her gloves. “May I?”
Before I could answer, she’d adjusted my breast so my nipple landed directly in the baby’s mouth. He latched on to me and began to suck hard. The sensation was both shocking and comforting.
Sigrid sat beside me. “You and the baby will get used to each other. It takes time.”
I studied the baby. He fisted his tiny hands and kneaded them into my breast.
“See, he knows,” Sigrid said gently.
The purity in his face was as touching as it was tragic. I was almost as innocent when I’d married his father. I’d believed in fairy tales and happy endings. Now, somehow, my son and I would have to make our own ending.
“You told William about me.”
She sighed. “I did. I needed to maintain his trust.”
I hadn’t expected her loyalty, but the betrayal stung. “You and he wanted to force me back to Vienna.”
“He won’t be doing that now.”
“Where is he?” I scanned the calm, rolling waters as if I expected him to rise like a leviathan.
“The Oceanus owns him now.”
“What does that mean?” When I saw him last on the deck, he’d been furious and bleeding.
She shook her head. “He’s dead. He can’t hurt anyone.”
I thought about the knife in my hand as I’d plunged it into his side. Had I done more damage than I’d realized? “He was on the deck with me.”
She shook her head slowly. “The final report will simply list him among the dead. How he died doesn’t matter.”
But I would carry the memory of his death. “You can still betray me.”
“I don’t need to. Dr. Brooks offered a different solution.”
“What?”
“He has connections. He’ll help me return, and if I help him, he’ll find my family.”
“Help him?”
“A man like him is always searching for a good contact.”
I looked over at Dr. Brooks. His eyes were closed, but the slight tension in his jaw suggested he was listening and paying very close attention.
The baby continued to nurse and soon seemed to have gotten his fill. I removed my nipple from his relaxed lips and refastened my blouse. In the distance, another lifeboat bobbed on the horizon.
As I searched the vessel, I noticed someone stand up and wave their hands.
The currents carried us close, but never near enough for the boats to join. As if sensing the shift in my attention, Dr. Brooks opened his eyes.
When he stood, the other ladies on the boat roused. They looked around, hope brightening their tight expressions.
“We must try to stay close to them,” Dr. Brooks said.
“As long as the engine holds, we can,” the sailor said.
“And if the engine fails, we’ll row,” Dr. Brooks said. “I don’t intend to spend another night bobbing and weaving, and we have a woman in need of medical attention.”
The sailor straightened his shoulders. “We’re in the shipping lanes. And there could still be U-boats.”
“They wouldn’t shoot a life raft,” Dr. Brooks said. “We carry no bounty that’s of value to them now.”
“That doesn’t mean they won’t.”
Dr. Brooks ignored the comment. “The radio operator got off a Mayday, correct?”
“Yes, sir.”
Dr. Brooks removed his jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves. “The engine?”
The sailor yanked on the pull cord. The engine sputtered, sounded as if it would catch, and then faded to silence. He pulled again. And again. “Out of gas,” the sailor said.
“Then we row. We will be easier to find if there are several boats together.”
The soldier nodded. “Yes, sir.”
The men each settled on either side of the lifeboat, forcing two women to shift their positions, and took the oars in hand.
“Frau Werner, are you in immediate need of assistance?” Dr. Brooks wasn’t looking in my direction, but I suspected he was very aware of me. To underestimate Dr. Brooks would have been foolish.
“I’m well enough.”
“Good.”
The tension on the boat eased. The two men dug the oars into the waters, which parted for us, and the vessel moved easily toward the other lifeboat.