Chapter 15
Raiden
Konnor stares at me blankly from the other side of his stone-carved desk.
“She will never forgive me for this. No explanation will ever be good enough,” he says.
It’s been weeks, and the old man can’t stop stewing on the way Arina had looked at him in the throne room. I think perhaps he thought she wouldn’t know who he was, and that he would have time to get to know her.
I don’t pry, and I’ve allowed them both space to decide what they want to do next. The thing about snakes is, they don’t like to be cornered.
“You don’t know that. If this works, the curse could be broken very soon. Then everything will be worth it. And, Konnor, she will forgive you.” I don’t think either of them will forgive me, though.
“You’re really going through with this, then?” he asks, standing from his seat and pacing the worn path behind his desk.
“I’ve put things off long enough. And I guarantee Dolan was not the only one getting impatient. He was so willing to take things into his own hands. He put us at great risk. We need to give them hope. The Smog’s grip on this land will end.”
He scrubs his face with one hand. “You believe this will work? You trust them to stand up to their end?”
“I have no reason to believe they wouldn’t.
They are all just as fed up with the inconveniences caused by the barriers as we are.
Trade routes must reopen, and the gods will not forsake us in this.
” I won’t give them the choice. “Besides, our scouts tell me Lukasian soldiers were spotted too close for my liking. We must move forward.”
“When do you leave?” he asks, knowing there’s no point in trying to convince me to stay.
“There is a Clestrayan vessel ready and waiting.”
Konnor gives me the same unamused look he always has when he knows I’m keeping something to myself. The man practically raised me and watched over the Rhiza for me when I could not do so myself.
He sacrificed his family when I called on him to help me in the pursuit of restoring our kingdom. Again, I am reminded that I owe him everything, but I cannot bring myself to tell him that his daughter is my mate.
Maybe he can sense it in me somehow. I couldn’t stand knowing how much it might pain him to discover that she will never be whole in that way. That, in order to win back Lukasia and save our people, we must make this sacrifice.
The thing I think I adore her for the most is how much I know she would agree with me on this, should she ever find out.
There is an additional ache in my chest when I consider how much of Arina’s trauma has been my fault.
I make myself a silent promise to give her whatever I can once the curse has been broken.
We may not get to be together, but I can make her life comfortable.
Whatever it takes. She will want for nothing.
“You’re ready?” Konnor asks.
I only nod.
“Let’s not delay any longer, then. Just say the word, and we shall see you off.”
“Thank you,” I say, reaching across the desk to shake his hand, hoping he knows I mean it. “For everything.”
Konnor’s emerald eyes are misty when he asks, “Do you really think she’ll forgive me?”
His daughter is as stubborn as they come, but I do believe she loves her father. I tell him what I know, “Arina has a good heart. She wants this just as much as we do, even if she doesn’t fully understand what that means yet.”
Arina
I'M NO CLOSER to leaving than I was the first day I woke up in the Underground. And my father hasn’t called on me even once.
My brain is at war with my heart, though.
All I’ve ever wanted was to have my father back, but not like this.
I’m fuming over the entire situation as I prepare for another day in the kitchens.
He abandoned us. And what’s worse is, he lied.
Or Mother lied for him. It’s a deception that sinks deep into my being, and I don’t think I can get over it.
Maybe it’s best that he hasn’t come to see me. At least, that’s what I tell myself as I open my door to head to the kitchens.
A small gasp escapes me. As if he knew I was thinking of him, my father stands on the other side, fist frozen in the air, ready to knock. Or he was contemplating knocking, but couldn’t work up the nerve to face me.
I cross my arms over my chest and ask, “Finally come to explain yourself?”
He drops his hand but doesn’t back away like I expect him to. Instead, he straightens up to his full height, and gestures for me to let him in. Against my better judgement, I oblige. I deserve answers.
We sit in the two small chairs across from each other at my table.
“I need you to know that I thought I was doing the right thing,” he starts.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I spit. Anger explodes from me without warning.
I knew that would be his excuse. It doesn’t make any sense to me. “These tunnels are full of happy, healthy fae. They’ve been down here for years. You’ve been down here my entire life, and you never came for me?” My throat burns, and tears hit the table as I speak.
He reaches to put his hand over mine, and I pull away. If he touches me, I might lose my nerve, and I need to get answers.
“I was put in a position of leadership and had no idea if I’d be able to keep you safe.
Your mother and I decided together that it was the best way to handle things,” he explains, and my stomach turns.
“As time went on, we inadvertently attracted some questionable recruits. I think you’ve met a few of them now. ”
“She knew.” It’s not a question. Konnor gives a curt nod.
“I’ve been challenged countless times. I didn’t want a target on you. Not down here, and not up there.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You abandoned us.” You left me with a monster, I want to say.
“No. I never did. I made sure of it. Raiden made sure of it. We had scouts watching you always. We left supplies.” His words are desperate.
Oh. Oh. The baskets. They weren’t from the castle. Still, it doesn’t make up for much.
“Did your scouts tell you she abused me? That she’s an empty shell who never leaves the house, drinks too much, has drugs delivered to her doorstep to numb whatever feeling she might have left?” I hurl the words at him, bracing myself against the table.
I had not expected to feel so many emotions, but they flow from me unbidden as I think back on all the pain I endured alone.
Before I can stop him, he wraps his arms around me, cradling me to his chest as I sob. I want to pull away, but he doesn’t allow it. My father kisses the top of my head, and I melt into his hold.
“You left me,” I whisper between gasped breaths. Something soft hits my hair, and I realize he must be crying, too.
“I know. And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. I’m so sorry, Arina. Please forgive me.”
There aren’t words, and I feel too fucking vulnerable. My skin is hot and tight, and I do not want to be here anymore. I pull back, barely meeting my father’s eyes before running out the door with no idea where I’m headed.
I fly past a few rebels, mumbling apologies as I push my way through to the main cavern. From there, I take a new tunnel on the other side of the hub. My feet take me as deep into this part of the Underground as I can get before the lanterns no longer light my path.
The darkness is too wide and too imposing all at once, but my eyes adjust quickly, and I’m able to discern a slight elevation in the path to my right. Determination takes over, and I tell myself it’s time to find my way out of here.
I walk for what feels like hours, dragging my hand along the spikes of rock that hang from the low ceiling and shoot up from the ground. The further I go, the damper and shinier the black walls seem to get, until finally they’re soaked and I can make out a quiet drip, drip, drip.
It’s getting colder. I can see my breath each time I exhale. But I keep marching on.
There’s a small light reflecting in the water up ahead that has hope flaring within me. I pick up my pace even though I am shivering and my legs threaten to give out beneath me.
Before I can reach the glint of my salvation, the ground rumbles beneath me, and I scramble to find a foothold until it passes.
My hand slips off the rock, and I tumble backward into a hole I hadn’t seen. The slick walls make my attempt to find purchase futile, and I fall down, down, down, scraping my hands as I go.
At the bottom of the hole, a shallow pool has formed, and I am soaked to the bone when I splash ass first into it.
I am going to die in this puddle. Who knows what microscopic devils hide in the still water or how long they’ve had to grow. If nothing else, I’ll freeze to death.
No. Fuck that.
Standing, I feel around for an opening, or a way to climb my ass back up, but there’s nothing. The stone is too smooth and wet to be of any use.
The curse I release echoes back at me, and I shut my eyes.
“Are you going somewhere?” a deep voice calls from above, and when I open my eyes, there is firelight bouncing off the walls and the water below me.
“Were you following me?”
“Do I sense thanklessness in that tone?” Raiden asks.
“Stop fucking with me and get me out of here!” As I say it, a rope falls from above.
“It’s not my fault you have the navigation skills of an infant.” I’m going to hit him so hard when I get up there.
I grab the rope and start to climb. Thankfully, the fall felt much further than it was, and the climb is not difficult. Though I do stumble when I reach the top, falling forward into Raiden who wraps his free arm around my waist and holds the torch far from us.
“These tunnels are fucking death traps,” I say, still holding clumsily to him. Then I murmur a reluctant, “Thank you.”
He carries me a couple of steps until my back touches the rough tunnel wall, and I put my hands behind me to steady myself.
He’s leaning over me now, and I can’t find the courage to look him in the face. The fire from the torch he’s holding just above my head is blazing hot on my cheek, and I just know I’m covered in dirt from my short-lived escape attempt.
Raiden reaches his free hand to my chin, tilting it up until I can feel the tickle of his breath on my nose. The air I can’t release sits tight in my lungs, waiting.
“There is no hole you can slither into that I will not pull you out of. Nowhere in the depths of darkness you can sink into that I will not find you.” It’s a threat, I think. But something within me pulses at the way he says it.