Chapter 30
Arina
It’s not the threat of physical pain that scares me; that kind of pain doesn’t last. What really terrifies me, to my core, is the pain that slices through my chest and lingers. That’s the pain I cannot heal or numb. It never really goes away.
It’s the pain I’m feeling now as my best friend’s sorrow-filled eyes study my reaction to what she’s just told me. The pain that knowing my relationship with Demitra will never exist as more than a toxic one. We didn’t have time to heal or reconcile, and I don’t know if it’s better this way or not.
My mother is dead.
“How?”
“After you fell. When we thought you were … The shock of losing you tipped her over the edge. I checked in on her as much as I could, but she was lost to herself. It was as though the Smog were living within her. I tried to comfort her. She was a shadow of herself, Rina.”
“Thank you for trying,” I say, knowing it had to have been like walking on shards of glass to spend any time with Demitra if she was in such a state.
“It’s not your fault. Don’t for one second try to take the blame for this.”
I know she’s right, but I can’t help but think that I should have fought harder to come back to them. I could have saved them both from this pain.
And though she was awful for much of my adulthood, she was still the person who raised me. I try to grasp tight to the few happy moments I can remember. Her holding me, comforting me when I was small and scared or sad.
She was still my mother, and losing her doesn’t hurt any less just because she was mentally unwell and incapable of being a proper caregiver.
But the ache is a familiar, selfish reaction.
All I had ever wanted was a mother who loved me.
I was forced to grieve the reality of our relationship long ago, and so, losing her physical body almost feels like a relief.
I pray to the gods that her soul has found rest, and that she is no longer tormented.
“Right. Well, let’s have a chat about Mr. Dreamboat, shall we?” Phillipa smiles, and I’m thankful for my friend who knows just how to save me from myself.
Raiden
“ARINA! ERYK SHOUTS from his cell when my mate comes within view.
I step in front of him, and he cowers. “You so much as look at her? And I will fucking end you.”
He turns his back to us, but continues to address Arina, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea about Queen Daphne or whatever that thing is.” I can smell the lie seeping from his pores.
Arina’s voice is softer than I expect, “It’s okay, Eryk. None of it matters. Tell me why you’re here.” My knuckles pop from how tightly I squeeze my fists.
His answer sounds rehearsed. “I’ve been waiting near the tunnel entrance since just after the collapse. When the inner tunnels failed, and then you went over the cliff, we went back to the surface and tried to block it off so the Rhiza would have a hard time returning without exposing themselves.”
I share a look with Arina and can feel the distrust rolling off her through our bond. It eases the prickling sensation that had begun to crawl up my arms.
“When we reported what happened to the queen, she went on a rampage. She met us in a courtyard, locked us inside. She turned them to stone. There was a flash of green light, and suddenly the courtyard was filled with statues of soldiers. I—I still don't even know how she did it. Then she released the half of us she hadn’t turned. Threatened to do the same if we didn’t find you. ”
“Find who?” I ask in a low growl.
In the dim light, the bruises to Eryk’s face are darkening. When he steps closer, he braces himself, a sure sign of broken ribs. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.
“You. I mean, I’m assuming, but you fit her description. Are you not the lost prince? The heir?” His voice shakes, but it doesn’t sound like fear.
Neither of us acknowledge his question.
“Tell me what you want, Eryk.” Her voice is gentle, coaxing. I don’t know how anyone could deny her.
And he doesn’t. “I want to help. I can get you into the castle. There’s a group of us ready to fight with the rebels now that we’ve seen the queen’s true character.”
Arina and I haven’t taken our eyes off each other, and I beckon for her to step out of the cave that makes up the dungeons with me.
"We’ll be right back,” she tells him, and I pull her by the hand out into the connecting tunnel.
“I don’t trust him,” I say.
“Me neither, but he’s right. We don’t have a plan to get into the castle. We need him.” I want to kiss her.
“It’s super fucking convenient that he just shows up here with the one thing we need.” I want to spit. I don’t like the idea of walking willingly into a trap.
“If he’s lying or playing us, you have my permission to gut him,” she says, putting her hands on either side of my face and pulling me down for a kiss.
“Are you using my attraction for you as a weapon, little snake?”
I miss her touch when she lets go and winks at me as she disappears back into the dungeon.