CHAPTER NINE
JAYDEN
––––––––
I lied. I didn’t need to be in the office, but I thought some space between us was a good idea.
It was that or march upstairs and rip open her shower...and fuck her like I’ve been wanting to since the moment I met her.
When it comes to good decisions, I’m not sure whether I made the right one.
My mortgage is, though.
I don’t want to lose my job in the first week, or ever, so if I can keep my anxiety under wraps then I am not going to let my dick fuck this up.
I’ve liked a lot of girls over the years. Not just for sex, a couple I’ve dated for a few months. Nothing any longer.
Dad has hit me up about it a few times.
“Son, stop looking for the perfect girl. You want a good woman, someone that wants a family, who can cook good southern chicken.”
It was his favorite meal so I can’t fault him for that comment. “Who is loyal and trustworthy.”
“Yeah, but I want that spark. Someone I can talk to like I do with Liam. A best friend, I guess.”
“That’s a myth.” He slapped my leg. “When you get married, and a woman starts talking after sex, trust me, you’ll be fighting not to doze off and end up in the doghouse.”
I guessed he was right.
Which is why I found it weird leaving Tiffany’s house each night, wishing we could sit out by the pool with a cool drink and talk.
And talk.
And talk.
Then I’d make love to her and feel like the most alpha man in the world while she cried out my name.
Then more talking.
Jesus, maybe that PTSD had really done a number on my manhood. Dad must have been right.
I park the car and head inside the BHS offices, saying hi to Penny on the way past. It’s late in the day and I find some of the guys in the gym.
“What’s up?” Marshal high-fives me.
“Just on my way home.” I lift my brows at Cole and Aidan as they head in our direction.
“How’s the assignment going?” Aidan asks.
“Yeah, good.” I rub my hair, finding it still a little wet, and hope it’s not obvious. “The new security system is half installed. Just waiting on some out-of-stock parts to arrive.”
“Good work getting her across the line on the monitoring. Ryder said she was being stubborn.” Aidan crossed his arms.
Yeah, about that.
I didn’t give her a choice.
I crossed the line that day, but she backed off.
Not half as much as I did today.
For a split second, I consider admitting what happened, but I glance between Cole, Marshal, and Aidan, and decide I don’t want any of these guys near Tiffany. They are all loved up, but that doesn’t change the growing protectiveness...hell, the possessiveness I feel about her.
I want you to stay. I want a lot of things, but I don’t want anyone else to do your job.
Talk about music to my ears.
Where this is going, I don’t know.
But if we end up in another situation like today, I don’t know if I’ll be able to let her go again.
Fuck.
What a mess.
––––––––
WHEN I WAKE up in the middle of the night in a sweat, I’m at first confused.
Then the images of those haunting eyes slap me hard across the face.
My chest rises and falls rapidly, yet I can’t seem to keep the oxygen in my lungs.
Fuck.
I’m having a panic attack.
I sit up, clenching the sheets in my hand and look around the darkened room.
Yet all I see are the two women who looked up when they heard our fighter jet that day.
It was a split-second moment before the drones dropped and blasted them into a trillion pieces.
A split second before the little boy ran toward them, and I screamed nooooo.
I knew it was useless.
I saw his body flying through the air. I knew if he lived, the training he’d already received would be multiplied by his hatred for us. One day he’d seek revenge, lead soldiers and drive more wars.
Yet, he was still a child who’d just watched his mother be obliterated. The same woman who had appeared to look me in the eye with fear and anger as we came bearing death.
What evil in this world can justify any of it?
I couldn’t make sense then or now. It wasn’t my first mission, but that day I got too close, and it tore a piece of my soul off and spat it out.
Then came the nightmares.
The memories of those eyes, the little body running...the death. The sounds of the engines, the explosion, the smells.
Anything can trigger it, and it never seems to end.