CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
JAYDEN
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“Sit your ass down,” Josh says, closing the door behind us.
“I’m not changing my mind,” I tell the Navy SEAL for the fourth time, especially not after coming face to face with Tiffany last night.
Every time I see her, I am reminded that I could have fucked up so much worse.
I rang Josh on Monday to say I was resigning and would not be returning, but the Navy SEAL showed just how tenacious he could be.
He refused my resignation and told me to call tomorrow. So I did, with the same answer. Josh responded the same again, but this time hung up on me.
Wow.
Wednesday, we repeated it all over again.
Today, he shows up at my house with a coffee and demands that I get my ass in his truck. So here I am, back at the BHS offices in the big boardroom with one angry Navy SEAL.
Intimidation at its best.
His efforts are wasted on me, though.
Josh drops a laptop on the table and points to the chair. “I have done some digging.”
“Excellent,” I just want to get out of here and start my OnlyFans account. That’s a joke...still...at least while I can still joke about it.
Josh glances up when he notes I’m still standing. “You trying to get yourself fired...wait, of course you are. Well, I didn’t go to all this trouble to recruit you just to have you leave in under a month.”
I swallow because I feel guilty enough and there’s nothing I can stay to fix this.
“I know it’s not about the girl.”
“Tiffany.”
“I know her name.”
He looks mad, and a mad Josh Black is not something you want to be sitting in front of. Hence my propensity to want to stay standing.
“Listen, this gig is just not for me—” I begin.
“Want to tell me why?”
Not really. I decide to be honest. “No.”
“Well, I didn’t get through SEAL training because I’m some pussy, so start flapping those lips. I’ve got all day, and I’m paying the bill.” Josh crosses his arms, leans back in the chair and props his legs up on the edge of the table.
I almost laugh.
Aidan steps into the room, halts when he sees what’s happening, grins and then looks directly at me. “Word of advice, buddy, give in. He’s the most stubborn man I know.”
“Note he said man. His wife is way more stubborn.” Josh is referring to Briar Hawke.
“Facts. She’d be a good Marine if she wasn’t so fucking tiny.” Aidan grins, looking proud as hell.
I hate that I love these guys. That I’ve let them down. They’re good men, well-respected and highly regarded in the industry. Which just makes what I’m about to tell Josh, as Aidan disappears, even harder.
So damn hard.
I’m extremely ashamed, as if I’m less of a man, and once I tell my father, I know that will be cemented in.
“I have PTSD.”
He waits.
“I haven’t talked to anyone, and don’t know if I can,” I add. “It comes and goes and could be debilitating.”
Josh nods.
Jesus, fuck. Why isn’t he saying something?
“Fuck, man. I can’t do this job, Josh. I will put people in danger. What if she’d died? What if Tiffany had died the other night? What if I did something, and it had ended differently?”
“She didn’t.”
“Or one of us.” I point towards the door. “What if I put one of the team in danger?”
“We can take care of ourselves.”
“You know that’s bullshit. Owning up to this is the right thing to do. I shouldn’t have taken the job. I’m sorry.”
Josh drops his legs and sits back at the table, pushing the laptop away.
“I don’t disagree, but you know the SEAL ethos: Leave No Man Behind. It’s ingrained in my soul.” He says, dropping the tough guy act.
Not that it's an act.
I wouldn’t take him on in a dark alley, and that’s with all my training and combat experience.
I did appreciate what he said. It wasn’t just the SEALs who had an ethos like that. Marines and many of the special forces and other military departments had something similar. The Ranger Creed, for example, reads, I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy.
It’s these phrases that bond us all as warriors.
“I get it, you know that. But you aren’t responsible—” I shake my head.
“Jayden, I’m not letting you walk away from Black Hawke. We will get you the help, and I need you.”
I blink.
That was not at all what I was expecting him to say.
“What?”
“You have an exemplary record. I don’t know what happened or when, but it never interfered with your performance or relationships with your crew.”
No.
I fucking paid the price, though.
And I got out just in time.
“It would’ve caught up with me over time.” I lean an arm on the table, noting my sleeves rolled up and my Air Force tattoo. “Josh, I need to be upfront here. I missed it. I hated hearing all the great assignments Liam’s been a part of while I was selling air-conditioning units.”
His lips quirk.
Fucker.
“But that was no excuse to jump ship and take the job without telling you the big picture.” I glance away, pissed with myself. “I wish I could get my head right. I don’t want to take drugs to numb the pain. I also don’t want to sit and talk about it a thousand times.”
Josh nods. “I get that. Between you and me, I don’t know how I didn’t walk away with it myself. Hell, some nights I wake up and think I might have a dose of it on some level. We all do.”
It feels good to hear that.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Which is why you should talk to other guys. Go to a group support instead of a shrink if that’s the first step.” He opens his phone. “Sending you a link. One of my SEAL buddies attends this group. Go. Don’t. I don’t need to know. But find something.”
I swallow.
Emotion wells up, and I dig my nails hard into my thigh.
“BHS is growing. Faster than I can keep up with. I only hire the best, and that still stands when it comes to you. If you aren’t ready to be out in the field, I have another position I want you to consider,” Josh offers, surprising the hell out of me.
“You kidding?”
“I rarely kid.” He smirks.
I don’t need to ask if it’s a position in-house; he’s got the message loud and clear. Jesus, does this mean I can stay with the organization?
“Well, I was going to start an OnlyFans account, so the pay better be good.”
Josh snorts. “Do it in your spare time and don’t send me links.”
We both laugh.
“What’s the job?”
“Our bodyguard and personal security department is blowing up. Word is getting around.” Josh says, opening his laptop. “We’re going national. Expanding.”
Shit, that’s huge.
“Ryder will continue to lead the team, but operationally he’s going to need a manager who knows how things work. Someone who can travel around the country.”
I feel the first stirrings of excitement. “You want me to do that?”
“You were an account manager, weren’t you? You were a pilot and captain—hell, you could fly yourself. You’ve done security. You know how to talk to people.”
I grin.
A flicker of hope starts to come to life inside of me.
“Is that a yes?” Josh lifts his brow, amused because it’s clear as day that I’m interested.
“No fieldwork?”
“No. But,” he holds up a hand. “You will be armed. Every paramilitary member of this team is expected to step in if someone is in danger or needs help.”
“It’s part of our nature. I’d always do that.”
“Exactly.” Josh studies me. “The job is yours. I’ll get the new contract and offer to you tomorrow. Go home and focus on setting up a support network, as you’ll be busy when you get started on Monday.”
Josh shakes my hand, then stands, tucking his laptop under his arm as he walks to the door.
“Hey! I don’t have a car.”
“Maybe call Tiffany, I’m sure she’d be happy to give you a ride.” Josh says over his shoulder, then walks out.
What the hell?
Did he just set me up?
I can guarantee you she wouldn’t offer me the dust off her shoulders let alone a ride home after how I’ve treated her.
Ignoring her messages.
My cold response at the bar.
Deserting her after we spent the night together. A wild, passionate, incredible fucking night.
He was very professional.
If professional was fucking her until she could barely keep her eyes open. Licking every inch of her body. Sliding my thumb inside her asshole and making her scream.
Sure, then I was very much a professional.
I recall holding her neck while my cock was sliding down it and then forced her to swallow after coming.
Very professional.
The way I’ve driven past her house, asked Liam every day about how Noah is going, and followed her social channels. I’ve become her stalker and I cannot seem to stop feeling such overwhelming emotions.
One minute I want to pound her door down, demanding she give me her body.
The next, shame has me opening a beer and staring out at my small yard, reminding myself that not only am I fucking broken right now...I’m broke, financially, compared to her.
Tiffany deserves a man a heck of a lot better than me.
Josh is giving me an opportunity—I’m a lucky asshole—and I should thank the universe for this last chance.
I can’t mess it up.
I scan my memory for who will be in the office. Someone who can give me a ride home.
That’s when I realize it’s Thursday.
Fuck.
It’s the Maison Diamond Luxe Lash & Lips launch. The venue is about fifteen minutes from here, and a bunch of the team will be doing security, including Noah.
I don’t even think as I climb to my feet, walk down the hall, saying a quick hello to Penny on the way past.
“How are you enjoying the job, Jayden? Your sister is so pretty...are you excited about the wedding?”
“As excited as any brother learning his little sister is marrying his best friend.”
“Oh, Liam is a good boy.” She chides.
I’ve seen that good boy with other women and while he wasn’t as much of a womanizer—so to speak—as I’ve been, thinking about what he does to my sister makes me feel a little nauseous.
She might be a grown woman, but she’ll always be the little girl I carried into bed and tucked up in her pink snuggly blankie.
The end.
“Is he here?” I ask.
“He and Marshall just left to go to the Warner site. They’ll be back in a few hours.” Penny tells me. “Did you need him?”
“What I need is a ride.”
“Why don’t you take one of the company SUVs or bikes?”
“We have motorbikes?” My brows lift excitedly.
“Josh and Aidan are big fans of all the boy toys. We have everything, including a jet, which obviously isn’t parked in the building.” She giggles.
Man, this job just got even better.
Liam never told me any of this stuff.
Then an idea occurs to me. One I should shut down, but don’t. I can get close to Tiffany without her seeing me...without anyone seeing me.
I’m a sniper after all.
My princess.
Penny tosses me the keys. “Ducati Panigale V4. I’m sure that means something to you.”
Holy fuck.
“Yes, ma’am.” I toss them in the air and catch them. “Today just got a whole lot better.”
“It’s the black one,” she calls out as I walk down to the armory.
“Of course, it is!” I laugh.
Ten minutes later, the roar of the Ducati fills the air as I speed towards Hollywood. I’m happier than I should be to see Tiffany, given I’ve vowed to stay out of her life.
All of us have failed to get her to cancel this event, so there’s a part of me that will be happy to see it over with.
Except, the closer I get, the heavier I feel. When I kick down the stand, and lift the rifle off my shoulder, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end.
A sense no soldier ever ignores.
Why do I feel that I am supposed to be here?
That Tiffany needs me one last time.