CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
JAYDEN
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I lie low for a week, working from home in my new role, while Josh and Ryder keep me updated. I killed the second-in-command to the Russian pakhan.
Nadia-the-fucking-neighbor is his daughter.
I knew something wasn’t right about her. She’s a mafia princess!
Whether Alexei was her boyfriend, bodyguard, or simply living with her to launder diamonds through the United States from Russia, no one knows. Nadia, though, was extradited yesterday after her president demanded her return.
Surprise, surprise...to no one.
Fuck, they were running the operation right next door to Tiffany the whole damn time.
Tiffany.
I wonder how she is doing. If she is recovering. If she lies awake at night like I do, wondering if I’ve done the right thing.
If I was wrong.
If touching her the first time was a mistake.
I can’t help but click on her social media accounts and watch her daily videos, searching for signs she needs me.
Jayden, I need you.
Then I tell myself she doesn’t. That once this blows over, and it will now, she will bounce back and start dating.
That makes my trigger finger itchy.
Why does it feel like Tiffany is mine?
That each day I’m hurting both of us?
I run at the beach, play video games and work each day like I’m a hamster on a wheel, hiding from the world.
Then, earlier today, the FBI told Josh that they don’t believe there is any risk to our team. To me. The press never reported on any names, only that Black Hawke Security and Maison Security had been present along with LAPD.
His contact said that the Bratva view this as a failed operation and collateral damage now that the pakhan’s daughter is returned.
Mostly, the press has been focused on Tiffany Stallone, daughter of Steven Stallone, who has faced the press saying he was grateful to everyone involved for keeping his daughter safe, and the family was happy any risk to her was now over.
Josh and Ryder visited to give me the good news.
“Monday, you can return to the office.” Ryder crossed his arms, leaning against the wall of my kitchen. “We have a big job ahead of us, rolling out the private security around the country.”
I was actually looking forward to it.
“We need offices in key states and people on the ground.” Josh smiled. “You’re going to be busy.”
“You told him?” I nodded to Ryder.
“He needs to know.”
“Nothing to be ashamed about, brother. You have our support, and if you want to get back out in the field, we can ease you in.”
My chest had tightened.
“Fuck, thanks.” I stared at my boots.
Now they’ve gone, and I am sitting out on my deck, with my phone in my hand knowing I can’t put this conversation off any longer.
I find the name and push the green button.
“Son.”
“Hey, Dad.” I gaze at the grass on the lawn and rub my forehead.
“How’s the house? You want me to visit and help you extend the fence line? I think you should consider it. Adds value, and when you have kids—”
“Not yet, Dad.” I smile, knowing in my heart that he means well.
“Well, after the holidays. Your mom wants to visit. With all the wedding stuff happening with Jessie, you know how it is.”
“Dad.”
He’s silent.
“What’s wrong?”
I drop my head, leaning my forehead against the palm of my hand.
“Something happened. On one of my last deployments.” My voice comes out rough, almost broken. “What I saw...”
“It’s okay, Jay. Tell me what you can.”
“Not much. The details are irrelevant. Fuck,” I feel myself losing it. “Dad, it affected me. That’s why I left.”
He’s quiet for a while, then says, “I wondered.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I know you and Liam have walked the same path together as kids, young men, and into the Air Force, but I watched you growing independent. Finding your own rhythm.”
He saw that?
“When you specialized as a sniper, I was incredibly proud. Not because of what you were doing, but that you chose something and put your all into it.”
My heart sinks.
“Well, I failed Dad.”
“Bullshit,” he curses, and he never curses. “You said something happened. Tell me.”
A tear slides down my face, and I hate everything about this, but he’s my father and I need him to know who I am.
“I have PTSD from one of our operations. I’ve tried to deal with it, hoping it would go away, hell, even pretending it doesn’t exist.”
“Oh, son. Jesus.”
“I just wanted to make you proud.” I shake my head, swallowing down all the emotion.
“I’m fucking proud, Jayden. I couldn’t be more proud. You served your country; you protected your sister since she was born—much to her chagrin—and you’ve been a good, honest man. You love your mother and come home every holiday.”
More swallowing.
“Yeah?” I smile.
“We will help you get through this. Tell me what you need.”
“Nothing. You just did it.” I smile, smash away the tears, and draw in a deep breath. “I’m staying with BHS but in a different role for now.”
“Maybe this is what you’re meant to be doing. I know you have more to offer.” Dad adds. “You always had good grades. Don’t let that experience define you, there is a lot of life ahead of you.”
I hadn’t thought of it like that.
Most people change their careers throughout life, and perhaps this was a new path.
“And Jay,” Dad says. “I may not have served, but I know enough men who have returned from action changed. That’s not a failure.
Nothing about war is natural. We might be wired to protect ourselves and our loved ones, if say, a lion or bear or a madman appeared in front of us.
But war these days? That’s not what that is. ”
Yeah.
Dad seemed to understand a hell of a lot more than I gave him credit for. Guess kids do that. Even grown-up kids.
Which is probably why I spit out the next thing I say. “I met a girl.”
“Oh yeah? You going to marry her?”
I laugh.
If that were a possibility, I would be down on my knees...the problem is, I don’t have the bank balance to buy her the big ring or the big house she deserves.
“Unfortunately, she’s way out of my league.” I stretch out my legs and imagine our kids running around the lawn, the fence done because Dad stayed the weekend building it, and Tiffany is in the kitchen with Mom making lunch.
I like that vision.
“So was your mom, but you know what I did?”
I’ve never heard him say that before. They have a little story they tell over and over about meeting at the movie theatre and mom being shy. How he fell for her the first time he saw her, tossing popcorn so it bounced off her head.
“What did you do?” I ask, thinking he’s going to give me an A-Z of steps that I’ll ignore.
“I let her decide,” Dad says. “I told her I was in love with her and then let her decide.”
I wait for the rest as his words sink in.
Then they finally do.
“Because if I don’t, I’ll never know.” I’m nodding as I speak.
“See, you’re my brightest kid,” Dad replies, cheekily.
“You say that to Jessie, too.” I chuckle.
“And you’re almost ready to be a dad. Go figure.”
I laugh and say goodbye. When I hang up, feeling so much lighter than I have in months, I nod out on my chair for another hour thinking.
Planning my next move.
Because it’s obvious that if I don’t do it now, the tiny slither of opportunity could disappear forever.
If it's not too late already.