Chapter Twenty-Six
Jen didn’t sleep well.
Julia’s revelation about why Ted had broken up with her all those years ago went round and round her mind, and it was as though the years in between had slipped away.
She felt as though she was still that young woman, in freefall as she tried to come to terms with the collapse of her parents’ marriage.
Her trust in everything had been rocked.
The world she’d always known, and all that she’d counted on to keep her safe, had been blown apart.
Ted had been right; what she needed was not a lover who might eventually leave, but a friend she could rely on. And he’d given her that.
She’d just never realised that he’d sacrificed what he wanted to do it. She’d always thought that he ended things because she simply wasn’t the kind of woman people committed to. It became an assumption she carried for years. Now, she realised that wasn’t true. And it changed everything.
Perhaps her understanding of all that happened in the past wasn’t accurate. Perhaps her insecurities about whether she was good enough for Anthony were based on nothing.
They had been messaging a lot, but there was no firm plan to meet again, and she could feel her anxieties rising up.
He had vaguely mentioned dinner, but nothing solid had been put in place, and Jen felt old doubts, old fears, creeping in as she lay sleepless.
He didn’t mean the things he’d said; he would disappear from her life with no warning.
Just because she felt things were good between them didn’t mean they were.
She turned over, pummelling her pillow into a more comfortable shape.
These were old worries, she reminded herself. Part of an old life. They had nothing to do with Anthony. They were based on assumptions she’d made that weren’t true.
It didn’t matter what Julia thought, or what Ted thought. Anthony understood her, he championed her and didn’t make her feel bad about her life. They were two of a kind. She really believed that. And she mustn’t let old wounds persuade her otherwise.
She distracted herself with Christmas fair jobs – she needed to keep busy, to stop herself obsessing over Anthony and his silence, over what Julia had told her about Ted.
She called Lou as she dressed and did her make-up. Her friend picked up on the second ring.
‘What’s the news?’ she asked. ‘How’s it going with Train Guy?’
‘Oh, you know.’ Jen fastened the cat necklace, smiling as it brought back memories of her favourite pet, reminding her that there had been happy times. ‘We’re messaging. He mentioned dinner, but nothing’s been—’
Lou sighed. ‘Oh, a nice romantic dinner. Just the two of you, how lovely. Where are you going?’
‘Well, we haven’t quite decided yet, but you know, something weird happened that—’
‘I bet it’ll be somewhere gorgeous,’ she said. ‘He sounds the type to go for romantic gestures, right? Has he done that?’
‘Well . . .’ Jen considered as she applied mascara. ‘He drew a picture of me, so I suppose so.’
‘Oh, you should get it framed! Then later on it’ll be like—’
‘Lou, you’re getting ahead of yourself, and anyway I want to talk to you about Ted.’
‘Ted?’
‘Yeah.’ Jen brushed out her hair, the curls falling shiny and soft around her face. That kids’ shampoo of Amy’s that she was stealing seemed to be doing the trick. ‘Something weird happened.’
‘OK.’ There was something cautious in Lou’s tone.
‘Julia said that – you know when we were together, me and Ted, all those years back? Just for a little . . . anyway, Julia said that he only broke it off because he was worried about taking advantage of me. Because, you know, my parents and all that.’
‘Yes.’
She waited, but Lou said no more.
‘Well, that’s – that’s kind of a shock, I mean, I always thought he just didn’t want to be with me.’
‘What, you didn’t know?’
‘Well . . .’ Jen blinked at her reflection in the mirror. It was frowning. ‘No, but apparently everyone else did! What – I mean . . . what? You all knew?’
‘Well, it . . .’ The sound of crying rose in the background, and Jen felt Lou’s focus immediately slip away.
‘I don’t know, it was kind of obvious.’ She began to coo softly and Jen heard the rhythmic patting of a hand on a child’s back.
‘I mean did you really never realise how he—oh, oh no, sweetie, don’t . . .’
The grizzling became a full-on wail. Jen winced.
‘Sorry, actually, I’m going to have to go,’ Lou bellowed, over the cacophony. ‘Sorry. Call me again, I want to hear all about everything with Train Guy.’
‘Anthony,’ Jen said. But Lou had already hung up.
Jen threw her make-up back into the bag with more force than usual. What was going on? Apparently everyone knew about this apart from her. Apparently it had been obvious. So how had she missed it?
She thought back to the girl she’d been at the time.
No wonder she hadn’t realised. Nothing had made sense to her, and she had doubted everything; her family, herself, her relationships.
She was a mess, and she’d have been a terrible girlfriend at the time; a self-absorbed, snivelling wreck.
She would probably have ruined everything with Ted if they’d stayed together.
Thank God he’d had the sense to realise it, and instead given her a decade of the best friendship anyone could hope for.
The least she could do in return was help him organise the fair.
Jen sighed as she trudged down the village street; Michelle had her nephew visiting and had invited Jen to come for a cuppa and a chat.
Babblebrook twinkled in the glow of fairy lights reflected in snow.
The snow family she’d made with the children was beginning to soften and slide into the ground, but she still smiled at the memory.
Walking past The Plough, church and village hall, Jen couldn’t help but think that Ted was over-complicating the fair.
Of course he wanted it to be a success, and there was clearly a lot to live up to after previous years, but she felt that everything he needed was right there in the village.
It was full of its own quirky charm, and no other school would have that.
She was sure that Gillian would provide food, and the Woods would bring farm animals to be petted.
So it wasn’t fireworks or a live band or living nativity tableau.
But it was uniquely Babblebrook. And nothing could compete with that.
Michelle’s house was a welcoming haven of chaos – Lottie was running around in her pyjamas and she immediately grabbed Jen by the hand.
‘Come and see our Christmas tree, Train Lady!’
Jen found herself pulled into a snug living room where an open fire crackled behind a guard and a large tree stood in the corner. She recognised some of the same decorations that Amy had made at school and now hung on the tree at Railway Cottages – cardboard angels and salt-dough baubles.
Michelle provided tea and biscuits while her nephew, Harry, walked up and down holding the sleepy Max. He spoke with enthusiasm to Jen about the ‘gig’, as he called it. He was young, polite and cheerful, and she felt pretty confident that he could be relied upon.
‘You know it’s for a primary school, right?’ she asked. ‘Like – this age.’ She smiled, nodding to Lottie, who was lying on her belly on the carpet, playing with some farm animals.
‘Oh yeah, don’t worry. I’ve explained to the guys.’ He grinned. ‘It’ll all be U-rated.’
‘Perfect.’
She soon had Harry and his band, The Purple Pygmies, booked in. He was going to email her the set when they’d planned it.
She couldn’t wait to tell Ted. And, as she kissed Michelle on the cheek and thanked her, as she hugged Lottie and promised to see her in the café soon, she realised she was developing a firm faith that, whatever was needed in life, Babblebrook would find a way to provide it.
If only, she thought, as she checked her phone, it could somehow magic up a message from Anthony.