Chapter 13 #2
Why I haven’t been able to shake thoughts of him is a mystery.
I spent five years with Richard and never looked back, never wondering, hoping, pondering if I said or did the right things.
Two months after spending four short days with Kolton, regret needles me—a chain of what-ifs plaguing my thoughts.
Lily pouts. “But you two were so cute together, and he’ll be in Toronto this summer.”
Toronto. Here. This summer.
I’ve replayed his whispered words, asking me to hook up again, along with my quick reply, shutting him down. But what’s done is done. Better to move on.
I shove the last bite of noodles into my mouth…but I pause mid-chew. I never mentioned to Lily that Kolton was planning on coming here this summer. Not one word. I drop my chopsticks on my empty plate.
“How do you know he’s coming here?” I lean forward. “Are you still talking to Sawyer?”
She pushes her partly finished food away. “No. Yes. I mean…sometimes? I could get Kolton’s number, you know, if I speak to Sawyer.”
“So you no-yes-sometimes speak to Sawyer, and things are fine with Kevin. What part of this story am I supposed to believe?” I ask.
She picks at her cuticles. “Okay. I do talk to Sawyer, but it’s professional. He helps me with my design stuff.”
Raven cackles. “The insurance guy helps you with your design stuff?” She glances out the front window. “Did a pig just fly by?”
“Anyway,” Lily says, deflecting my way, “Sawyer might have mentioned that Kolton talks about you.”
My ears flame. Kolton talking about me means he thinks about me. Maybe he touches himself while lost in memories of us tugging at each other’s clothes, too. “Talks about me? Really? Like how? What does he say?”
Lily grins. “You so have it bad. Come on. You need to get his number.”
I shake my head. “What’s the point? He may be in town for a bit this summer, but he doesn’t live here.
I can’t afford to fly back and forth to Vancouver.
I doubt Kolton’s hairdressing job affords him that type of lifestyle, either.
” Best to banish thoughts of how he kissed me that last night, how cute it was of him to buy me those fries, the hopefulness on his face when he asked to see me again.
How right it felt lying next to him on the cold, wet snow after he fell.
Lily’s eyes wander around as she taps her fingers on the table. “Is it the job?” she asks. “Is that what’s holding you back?”
Like I’d judge others on their vocation.
“No. I could care less what he does or how much he makes. Look, after everything with Richard, it was hard for me to really love myself again. The guy wasn’t physically abusive, but…
mentally is a different story. If you’re around someone who talks down to you for that long, you kind of start believing them.
” Lily’s eyes fill and Raven frowns, but I swat the air between us.
“It’s okay. I’m feeling good, maybe not careerwise, but my confidence is back, and I’m ready to date.
To meet someone. I’ll never let a man get in the way of my career again or influence me or my life like Richard did, but I think I’m ready to get back out there.
“Still,” I say before Lily interjects, “with the physical distance, Kolton’s not the guy for me. I’m not uprooting my life for a man again. I won’t put myself in that position. Besides, with our chemistry, one of us would wind up in a body bag.”
Lily raises her hands in defeat. “Fine. I won’t push. But now we get to set you up! There’s this guy who owns one of the shops where I sell my purses. A little older, but super nice. And cute. Can I set you two up? Pretty please?”
Raven leans back on her chair. “I don’t know why you’d bother. So much more fun playing the field.”
Lily’s face falls like a disappointed puppy. “Don’t you want to fall in love? What about Nico? Have you heard from him?”
Her expression hardens. “I’m happy to watch you ladies fall in love.
I’ll cheer from the sidelines, but love is not for me.
And no, thankfully, I haven’t heard from Nico.
The guy’s an idiot.” The way she traces the rose tattooed inside her wrist, I’d say things aren’t so cut and dried in the Nico department.
Just last month, when stressing about her job, Raven’s finger looped over that tattoo a dozen times. But I don’t get why Nico would inspire anxiety. When I ask her about their time in Aspen, she shrugs and says he’s not worth talking about.
Lily picks at her nail polish—her nervous tic—but I’m not sure what she’s all fidgety about, either. A moment later, she fists her hands. “I bet Nico had his reasons for not getting in touch. Anyway, Shay, what do you say? Can I arrange a date?”
Before I can answer, the waitress gathers our plates and drops fortune cookies on the table. I crack one open and pull out the paper:
If you want the rainbow, you have to tolerate the rain.
Fitting. I’m reaching for my golden-ticket job, slinging coffee and running errands as an unpaid intern at a design firm, waiting for my big break. A promotion won’t happen overnight, but at least I’m on the path.
As long as I don’t end up homeless between now and then.
With my career on a (glacial) trajectory upward, I may as well venture into the wilds of dating. Toronto is a big city. Lots of single guys. If I put myself out there, I’m bound to meet someone cool. Someone who gets me as fired up as Kolton did, minus all the bickering.
“Okay,” I say. “Let the dating begin.”