Chapter 30
KOLTON
Shay leaves before the sun rises, giving me time to explain to Jackson and Stella that she’s moving in. Jackson, of course, is thrilled. To him, it’s just more time with his new friend, but Stella pulls me aside in the kitchen.
“You sure this is a good idea? I like Shay, but isn’t moving in soon?”
There isn’t much I can say to that. “It is, but she was in a bind, and we’re only here a short while. I want this time with her. I know it’s sudden, but aren’t you and Sawyer always telling me to live a little? To quit being so uptight and thinking a million steps ahead?”
“True and valid,” she says, crossing her arms. “I’m all for you having fun with Shay—date her for a bit, enjoy your summer.
I hoped spending time with her would change your attitude toward dating in general.
You know, push you to start dating more seriously when we’re back in Vancouver, but living together implies serious.
How does a serious relationship work when you live on opposite sides of this very wide, very large country?
You’re the one who said you’re tired of casual flings. ”
“Yeah, but…” No explanation comes to mind, and my heart beats faster like it did last night, skipping so quickly I press my hand to my chest.
For Shay and me to work long term, one of us would have to compromise.
Move. Create distance from the people closest to us.
If I moved, I’d have to alter how Sawyer and I work together.
If Shay moved, it would be a complete job change for her—a regret she has from her ex.
All daunting possibilities, but, for some reason, I haven’t backed down from pursuing her.
“There are always options,” I tell Stella as I slow my breathing, regulate my erratic pulse.
She narrows her eyes at me, then taps her fingers on her elbows, then she says, “Interesting.”
I match her pointed gaze. “Interesting, what?”
“Nothing I want to share at this time. For now, I’ll get behind the living arrangements. You know, to support you getting laid and all.” She wiggles her fingers at me with a saucy, “Later, boss.”
I don’t bother trying to understand Stella’s meddling ways.
Needing air, I head out on a walk. Count my breaths until my chest doesn’t feel so tight.
My boots pound a steady drone, but I barely notice the spectacular homes lining the street.
I pick up the pace, hands stuffed in my front pockets, my head down.
My mind is in a mad sprint now, trying to figure out the future I didn’t want to think about yet.
It’s like I’m incapable of existing in the moment anymore. Except in Aspen, that is.
By the time I’ve walked around the block twice, I’m still addled. When I reach the driveway, I grab my phone from my pocket and dial Sawyer.
“Miss me?” he says in greeting.
I settle my hip onto my new rental SUV—that emasculating van finally exchanged—and kick some loose stones. “I’m fucked up.”
“And?”
A woman with a pound of makeup on her face speed-walks by as her tiny dog scampers to keep up. I hunch forward and rake my hand through my hair, sweat gathering under my shirt on this warm July day. “Do you think Marina and I were the real deal?”
He pauses. Gives me a fucking eternity of silence. Then finally says, “Where the hell’s this coming from?”
“Answer the question.”
“Give me a sec.” A muffled voice—a female muffled voice—carries through the line then, “Seriously, dude, what’s going on?”
“Is someone with you?”
“No. It’s just Lily. We were Facetiming. I got off.”
“Her boyfriend know you got off while Facetiming her?”
A distant I swear to God rumbles through the phone before he comes back on full volume.
“Fuck you. Now back to this ridiculous question of yours. I don’t know what kind of messed-up shit is going on in your head, but you and Marina were epic.
The best together. Why the hell are you questioning that? What happened with Shay?”
I hunch farther forward, shifting my weight from foot to foot, a bead of sweat gathering at the base of my spine. “Shay and Marina are so different.”
“And?”
“And things have been intense with Shay.” Like more-chemistry-than-a-NASA-lab intense.
“But Shay’s all fire and banter where Marina was sweet-tempered and soft-spoken.
They’re nothing alike, and Marina and I got together so young.
Does that mean we’d have grown apart? That we weren’t what I thought we were? ”
Crunching crackles in my ear, Sawyer likely inhaling a bag of chips. The sound reminds me of Shay. Like everything these days.
He stops eating long enough to say, “Don’t play that game, bro.
Nothing good comes of it. What you and Marina had was golden.
Untouchable. Nothing you do or don’t do will ever change that.
So don’t fuck yourself over by messing things up with Shay because you’re overthinking things like a pre-teen girl.
Live in the now.” He pauses, more crunching as I wait for him to continue with his motivational speech.
Apparently, he’s done.
I must sound like an ass, questioning what Marina and I had. Deep down, I know we were solid, minus our shitty phase, but everything about Shay has me twisted up. Especially the part about living for the moment.
“How’s work on your end?” I ask, veering to safer topics.
Sawyer’s heavy sigh isn’t the sound I want to hear.
“I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but things aren’t pretty here.
That shipment of zippers I ordered? I got the quantity mixed up, and it’s set us back.
Two production staff also quit, and that guy you deal with on the jacket insulation?
Howard something? He’s telling me they won’t have our order ready next month.
Since you’ve got a lot to organize, I was trying to handle things, but I’m drowning. ”
I can’t stifle my groan. Moondog is growing faster than we can handle, and it needs us both there to weather the storm.
In time we’ll hire more people, but even then, if I’m not present, I can’t rummage through files to figure things out, can’t stop by our production floor to assess damage and delays.
From a distance, everything takes longer, gets more complicated.
Our head office is in Vancouver, and that’s where I have to be. “Not sure what I was thinking,” I mutter.
“About what?”
“Shay—pursuing her as hard as I have. If things get more serious, I can’t relocate here. Not to mention, Marina’s mother would be crushed.”
Caroline called again this morning, and her voice cracked when she said goodbye to Jackson. I knew this trip would be hard on her, but I didn’t anticipate the constant phone calls. The worry. Jackson is their only link to their daughter.
Details I knew before wooing the heck out of Shay, but I still plowed ahead. “I am so fucked,” I mumble. “If things do get more serious, I’m not sure I can convince Shay to move. To pass up the job she’s gunning for.”
“So do the long-distance thing. Fly down for weekends.”
I tighten my grip on the phone. “Never again, Sawyer. I can’t do it again.”
“People do it all the time.”
“Have you forgotten what happened with Marina? What a disaster that was?”
“Sure, but—” He cuts off the line and comes back with “Give me a sec. There’s someone at the door.”
He can take as long as he wants. Time won’t change a damn thing. I know firsthand how badly long-distance relationships can go.
“Fine,” Sawyer says when he comes back on the line. “I won’t harp on the long-distance thing, even though you’re being a pussy about it, but there are always options, if you actually want to find a solution.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know what it means.”
Nope. I have zero clue what he means, but he and Stella love getting under my skin. “You’re irritating as hell.”
“And you love me for it. As far as Shay goes, figure out what would hold her back from moving and prove to her you’re worth it. Do that charming stuff you do. But back to work—we need to find a new supplier for our jacket insulation.”
The latter being the easier problem to tackle.
We brainstorm awhile, then I head inside to make notes and figure out a plan of attack for finding new insulation. And a plan for a future with Shay.
Sawyer’s “if you actually want to find a solution” has me edgy and annoyed.
Of course I want to make things work with Shay.
I wouldn’t have pursued her so relentlessly if I didn’t think we had staying potential.
Long distance may be a no for me, along with moving my life here, but Shay is mobile.
She might consider relocating if we get closer.
I have no doubt Hilary will offer Shay the job she’s coveting, and that job would likely hold her back from moving, which means I need to pivot to Planner Mode. Quit pretending the future will be dealt with later.
If I show Shay how much opportunity there is in Vancouver, how much she can thrive on the West Coast, she could be swayed. I’ll just gather an arsenal of facts over the next few weeks and, if we get as close as I think we might, lay it out for her in a pretty package.
Yep. I’m doing this. Planner Mode has been engaged.
Sawyer can shove his “if you actually want to find a solution” up his obsessed-with-Lily ass.