Chapter 43
Emilia reached her garden gate and stopped short. On the facade of her house, in the left corner, stood a child’s bicycle propped up against the wall. How come I didn’t notice Chloe’s bicycle before now? I never notice anything. I live my life like a damned automaton! How did I allow myself to be fooled again? To wind up hurt like this? Again? Like, I needed any more heartache!
She was still mad at herself. She had been crying all the way home. Now, looking at the front door of her house from the street, she knew she didn’t want to go inside. She guessed Chloe was in there, and the last thing she needed was to let her see her like this. She would offload all her pain on the poor child. To Elise too, if she was in there. How could either of them help her? No. No, they can’t.
Emilia had always isolated herself when the going got tough. Licking her wounds on her own. Letting no one see.
Her eyes sought the sea that sparkled and shimmered, and it called to her. Taking the downward path to the beach, that was quiet as always at the time, she walked up to the edge of the shore and flopped down on the warm sand.
Gentle waves lapped on the shore, and it was a gentle whisper that soothed her soul. The breeze caressed her face, and she raised it to the sky, letting the sun offer its blessing too, a warm touch on her cheeks and her brow that conveyed a million words of comfort in an instant.
Her tears ran freely anew. She gave out an agonising scream. ‘ Aaaargh !’
No one was about to hear her. It felt so liberating, so she began to speak aloud. To the sky. To the sea. To the breeze. To anyone and anything that might listen, since the one she was mad at the most wasn’t there.
‘Oh, Esmera! What have you done to me? Where are you now to see the result of your gift? You said you’d help me! But all your gift did was bring me more pain! This man… I thought he loved me. But he gave me false promises. He’s still stuck in the past, not able to let go of his late wife… And he doesn’t even have the guts to tell me. To be honest with me!’
She heaved a long sigh that burned her throat, then added, ‘At least… Before your gift, I had a false hope that I could find love if only I could be young again. I thought that it was my family woes that had stopped me from finding it in my younger years. But you, you’ve proved to me that I was wrong. There must be something really wrong with me if I cannot find a man to love me, be it young or middle-aged. I must be cursed !’
She cried and cried, and felt so alone.
###
Esmera had heard Emilia’s call, like angels do. Let alone archangels like her. And now, she was in her ethereal form, unwilling to show herself to the human that now sobbed quietly, her eyes focused far at the shimmering horizon.
She was sitting right beside her on the sand, like she had that very first night when they met, when she imparted the gift to Emilia.
The archangel shook her head forlornly. Laranon! she said inside her mind. From the looks, my girls messed up, and I don’t even know how. I just heard Emilia’s call and she is in tatters. I need to get to the bottom of it. What went wrong and how we can fix it. Lend me a hand?
###
Feeling a little better after crying on the shore, Emilia took the path back home. As she was about to open her garden gate, she heard Mrs Popi’s voice. Turning around, she found the nosy woman rushing toward her.
‘Emilia! Finally, I find you. Where have you been? I have been so worried!’
‘Hi… I… I am fine…’ she stammered.
Mrs Popi’s face dropped when she stopped before her. She raised Emilia’s chin with one gnarly finger to take a better look. ‘You’ve been crying? What is it, Child?’
Emilia shook her head. ‘It’s nothing… Thank you for asking. It happens sometimes… uh… the past gets too much. But, I’m okay now…’ she lied, looking at the garden to avoid Mrs Popi’s scrutinizing gaze.
‘Child, I know you have had more than a fair share of heartache, taking care of them all… Believe me. But I am worried about you. Tell me the truth. Is that all? Are you in some kind of trouble?’
‘Trouble? What trouble?’
‘I don’t know! Why do you disguise yourself as this younger version of you? Lia is you, right?’
Emilia shook her head slowly and said nothing, avoiding eye contact with her. She was so done by then. She had no words to defend herself, no desire to lie any more either.
‘Don’t deny it, Emilia! I’ve never seen you two in one place! And I mostly see her and not you, prancing about with this sporty young woman and that cute little child. Are they helping you do this? But why? Who are they? And where are this child’s parents anyway?’
Finally, Emilia worked up the courage to look the woman in the eye. ‘Mrs Popi, I am moved that you care for me so much. But, I am okay, really.’
‘Child, maybe you should go back home, to your normal life. And keep this place for your summer holidays. It doesn’t seem right to me for you to live here, with these girls. Go back to what you know. You had friends in Athens, right? Your apartment, and your customers?’
Emilia nodded slowly. She had her friend in Athens, Anita, her only one, but she counted for a dozen. Warmth seeped into her heart as she thought about her. She would know how to fix me. I haven’t phoned her for so long. I am such a bad friend… But I can go back… to my real friend… to my apartment, to my work… Go back to Athens, where I belong… The notion illuminated a dark recess in her mind that felt desirable. Right. Safe, if anything.
‘I’ll think about it, Mrs Popi. I haven’t decided yet what I’m doing here.’
‘Well, if you want my opinion, those girls have overstayed their welcome. You need a normal life, Emilia, now that everyone is gone. You’re too old to play games. Seek familiarity in your life. Joy and fun, yes. But in a normal way. Not by playing these crazy games. They are not you.’
Emilia felt her heart blossom with love for this old lady. Yes, she was nosy, but she’d known her all her life. More than Emilia knew herself, it seemed. She squeezed the woman’s shoulder gently and said, ‘Thank you, Mrs Popi. I’ve taken your words to heart. I’ll think about it, I promise.’
‘May God guide you to do the right thing, Child. You’re a good person. You deserve happiness.’
‘Thank you, Mrs Popi.’
The woman turned around and soon disappeared behind her closed front door as Emilia stood watching.
For the first time, she felt peaceful. Guidance had just come, from the most unexpected place. Not that she was sure she wanted to go back to her safe and familiar life in Athens, but it was an option still. Mrs Popi had helped her see that.
###
Emilia had returned to Andreas’s garden for another day and it had taken all she had to get herself there. That morning, she’d detested every word of the damned song as she sang it, but she had to. She had to be Lia for another day or two, until the lie could end.
She would work harder today. Faster. Even being in his home hurt. Let alone the fact that, for another day, it had been Stefan who had welcomed her, telling her when she asked after Andreas that he was still feeling unwell with that stomach bug.
She didn’t believe it. Nor had she believed Elise and Chloe back home during breakfast when they assured her once again that everything was going to be okay. But, this time, they didn’t even sound convincing. They both looked sheepish and were not in their usual high spirits. She wondered what that was all about, but she was so imbued with her pain and disillusionment she didn’t want to get into it.
She doubted these girls would be in her life much longer. Within another two days, she’d finish her job here, and she would then destroy the CD. Lia would go away forever, and so would those two girls. Two pointless companions for a pointless gift.
Everything has been for nothing. What a joke…
Her pessimistic train of thought stopped abruptly on its way down to the darkest tracks of her mind when she heard shouting from inside.
Pricking her ears, she pretended to keep on shovelling dirt, in case anyone could see her from behind the closed curtains, but soon, she stopped the pretence and just froze. Now, she was beyond caring if anyone would see her poised like this, listening. She couldn’t believe her ears.
‘Dad, please! Just talk to her!’
‘Please, Son, let me be!’
‘Dad, enough is enough, okay? For two days you haven’t been right!’
‘I am not ready yet. I have to think—’
‘Think, what? There’s nothing to think! You just have to accept it!’
‘You know, Son, you young people think you have it all worked out, but we older people… we don’t recover that easily, you know.’
‘You’re stronger than that, Dad. Stronger than you think…’
‘Son, I acknowledge your right to make your life choices, okay? Just let me work out what I am going to do about mine.’
‘Yes, of course, Dad. But please, don’t sulk in here on your own all morning. It’s not right you’re not talking to her. You guys need to smooth things over or she’s going to get even more upset. You realise that, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I do. But give me some time, okay?’
Things became quiet after that and Emilia stayed frozen for a few more moments, trying to assimilate what she’d just heard. Even Stefan can see that his father is acting up, that’s he’s upsetting me—Emilia and Lia too. How can he be so stuck on the memory of his late wife he can’t even bring himself to come out and talk to me—to Lia? Does he feel that bad that he gave me those false promises?
Her eyes misted over, threatening with tears, and she fought that lump in her throat, but then she heard the door open and she had to recover in a rush.
She wiped her tears away quickly and was shovelling like a frantic wind-up toy when Stefan emerged, a refreshment in hand.
She marvelled at how punctual he was, even on a day when family trouble unfolded indoors.
He offered her the glass of juice in his hand and she took it, relishing the cool fragrant liquid that filled her mouth, taking the painful lump down her throat with it. At least, for now.
‘All okay here? You need some help?’ he asked and she could see from the shadows on his face he was trying to appear carefree when he was anything but.
‘I am fine, but thank you,’ she said as she handed him the empty glass. ‘Things are wrapping up quickly here. I think tomorrow will be my last day.’
‘Good,’ he said and started to leave. He stopped at the bottom of the step and turned around. ‘But, you won’t be a stranger, right? After you finish?’
‘I’m afraid I won’t be staying on the island, Stefan. I have to return back to my life in Athens.’ She was saying it as Lia, as she had to go forever, never to be seen again. And yet, it felt good to say it, thinking of her real self too. Maybe, that was the way to do it. Create as much distance as possible between her and Andreas.
Plenty of distractions back in her normal life. She would be able to forget him much more easily if she weren’t worried she’d bump into him every time she left the house. Milos was so small, as small as a backyard, it seemed.
‘Well, of course you do, but maybe you can return every summer, I mean.’
‘I don’t think so… I… Actually, I am planning to move abroad. To Australia.’ As far away as possible. You won’t be seeing Lia again. No one ever will.
‘Oh…’ he mumbled looking surprised, but didn’t ask why, thankfully. ‘Well… We will certainly miss you, but you know what’s best for you,’ he said a few moments later and went back inside, dragging his feet. It was evident he had his own troubles to deal with.
Everyone had been so joyful until two days ago. Now, everyone was miserable, including her. And she couldn’t stop thinking it was all down to that song. That useless, pointless gift. The sooner she broke that CD to free herself of it, the better. Esmera had said she ought to break it in the form she wanted to keep. As soon as she finished the job here and changed back to her real form, she would do it. She couldn’t wait.
Her phone rang and she rushed to get it where it lay on a garden chair nearby. It was the notary. Mr Roidis.
After they exchanged the typical pleasantries, he said, ‘I don’t know if you are decided yet, Miss Paschos… if you are staying on the island or going back to Athens, but, in any case, I have an offer to convey to you from someone who is interested in your aunt Irini’s house.’
‘A buyer?’ she asked breathlessly.
‘Yes. Obviously, I am not a real estate agent, but it’s a local who knew your aunt and also knew I was her notary. He asked me who got the house, and expressed the wish to buy it, if it’s for sale.’
‘Oh, I see…’ she said, feeling numb.
‘So… Is it?’
‘For sale?’ She shook her head, even though no one could see her.
‘Miss Paschos?’
‘Sorry, uh… I am not decided yet.’
‘But you are open to the possibility?’
‘Yes, I guess…’
‘Well, can I just tell the man that? And ask him to wait for a while until you decide?’
She cleared her throat, her mind whirling, before she said, ‘I think I need a week tops to decide.’
‘That’s fine. Let’s talk next week then…’
‘Sure, thank you,’ she mumbled and they hung up.
Lost in her thoughts she resumed her work, her mind now stuck on the possibility of selling and never returning to the island.
Her mind filled with the image of Andreas gazing into her eyes with love, and her heart contracted so violently she had to bring a hand on her chest to rub it softly until the feeling eased.
The sound of his voice, as she had heard it a little earlier echoing from inside, now reverberated around her mind. He’d sounded wounded, and so… so weak. He wasn’t happy any more than she was. Surely, if this was meant to be they’d be happy right now, not despondent like this.
Perhaps, this phone call was a sign. Perhaps, selling was the only way out.