43. Bailey
bailey
. . .
Iwoke up tangled in Luke’s sweater. For a few seconds I didn’t move, my cheek pressed against the soft fabric, breathing him in before reality caught up to me.
The room was dark except for the pale morning light bleeding around the curtains and my chest didn’t feel as tight as it had the night before.
My eyes drifted down to the sweater still clutched in my hands and heat crawled up my neck as flashes from the day before slammed into me all at once.
Crying in his arms, on the floor of the empty house that was supposed to be ours. Luke rocking me against his chest while I completely fell apart.
My stomach twisted as I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. I should feel embarrassed. Horrified even. Instead all I could think about was how safe I felt in his arms. How easily my body remembered him, even after everything.
I pushed the blankets back and sat up taking a deep calming breath. I didn’t have to figure out everything today, I just needed to brush my teeth and get some coffee.
I can do that.
After using the washroom and splashing some cold water on my face I came back out into my room, in my underwear and a tank top.
I quickly pulled on a pair of leggings and then without thinking about it too hard I slipped on Luke’s sweater.
With another centering deep breath I made my way quietly down the hallway toward the kitchen.
The house was quiet, and the smell of coffee hit me first, followed by something sweeter…
maple maybe. Then I heard it. A voice I would know anywhere.
Luke singing.
I froze in the hallway, my hand instinctively going to my throat to hold in my gasp. I haven't heard him like this in so long.
Just Luke. Soft, raspy and warm.
I moved toward the sound before I could stop myself.
The living room opened in front of me and my breath caught.
Luke sat in the oversized chair by the windows with Iris tucked against his chest in one arm while he absently rubbed circles along her tiny back with the other.
Morning light poured across him, catching the dark strands of his hair and the soft smile on his face as he sang quietly to her.
And god…
Seeing him hold a baby. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Something deep inside me cracked open. I had spent so long grieving what we lost that I never let myself think about all the things we never even got the chance to have.
All the dreams we promised each other, the nursery.
Our babies. Growing old here together. A life lived fully.
His voice drifted across the room.
“Every sunset burning gold…
Every story you’ll be told…
Every brave and beautiful thing you do…”
I didn’t recognize the song, but a warmth bloomed in my chest and made its way through me. Iris made a sleepy little sound against his chest and Luke smiled down at her like she hung the moon.
And just like that, another image slammed into me so hard it stole the air from my lungs.
Luke holding our baby.
I blinked away the tears, because that was a dream I had to let go and couldn’t get lost in.
Across the room Sadie sat curled into the corner of the couch with a blanket over her legs, looking at something on Luke’s phone.
Her face softened in a way I hadn’t seen in weeks and when she noticed me standing there, her eyes widened slightly before she immediately locked the phone and tucked it beneath the blanket.
But before I could ask, Sadie grinned at me.
“Well look who slept in on her big day.”
I blinked, dragging myself into the room. “What?”
She pointed toward the clock. “It is almost ten.”
Luke chuckled and my head snapped to him. What I saw in his dark blue eyes took my breath away. I opened up my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Then Iris sneezed and the tension cracked instantly. Sadie burst out laughing while Luke looked concerned, “Is she ok?”
Iris responded by making another little grumbly noise against his chest. And god help me, I laughed. A real laugh. The sound felt foreign leaving my body. Everyone went still for half a second like they noticed it too.
Sadie recovered first. “So,” she said casually, like she wasn’t aware of the emotional landmine we were all standing on. “Are we excited for nominations today?”
I forgot… That’s today?
I groaned and walked toward the kitchen. “No.”
“That’s not the energy we’re bringing today,” She called after me.
I grabbed a mug from the cupboard. “I genuinely do not care.”
Didn’t they know that the more nominations I get, the more the label will push for me to return?
“That is a lie,” she replied.
“It’s really not.” I quipped.
Luke stayed quiet behind me and somehow that was worse than if he said something.
Because I could feel him watching me. My chest squeezed around the realization.
So many things I wanted to say, but I didn’t want Sadie to feel guilty, I didn’t want her to tell me to go celebrate, perform, live my life.
My life was right here.
Sadie shifted carefully on the couch. “You released one of the biggest albums of the year.”
Luke murmured, “Yes she did.” in a soft singsong kind of voice, to a sleep drunk Iris.
I turned and had to look away from the sight of them in the morning light. The bastard had the audacity to look amused. I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t encourage her.”
“Too late,” Sadie said.
A knock sounded at the door before I could respond and a second later Noah walked in. “Morning, are we ready to celebrate, four… no five nominations today?.”
“Good morning to you too,” I muttered.
He walked straight for me and wrapped me in a hug, before freezing when he noticed Luke holding Iris. His entire expression softened. “Damn,” he said quietly. “That looks right.”
Luke looked down immediately, emotion flashing so quickly across his face I almost missed it.
Before anyone could say anything else the front door burst open again.
“Well this is cozy as hell.” I spun toward the voice just in time for Rachel to walk in followed by Jackson and Rhett carrying bags from the bakery in town.
“What are you doing here?” I blinked.
Rachel looked offended. “Supporting my bestest client.”
Rhett dropped a bag on the counter. “We brought pastries.”
Jackson dropped his bags at the island and made his way over to me, pushing Noah out of the way and pulling me in his arms, “Are you ready to celebrate your accomplishments?”
I squeezed him back, “You didn’t have to come. I am sure there are parties you could be at or…”
Jackson cut me off saying, “Bailey girl, I am exactly where I want and need to be.”
I pulled back and felt eyes on us, but when I looked Luke was looking out the window.
Rose and Thomas entered next and I allowed myself this time to be surrounded by friends and family. People who wanted to be with me in this moment.
And for the first time in months it felt a little like those nights recording the album.
Everyone talking over each other. Coffee cups everywhere.
Music drifting through rooms. Chaos and laughter and life.
Sadie looked around the room with the biggest smile on her face and Cole joined her on the couch holding her close..
I couldn’t take my eyes away from her for too long, because she looked happy. She looked like she had more life in her than I had seen in a long time. And I realized she was really happy. The kind of happiness that hurts to look at because some part of you knows it can’t last.
Rachel pulled her phone from her pocket. “Alright everybody shut up.”
Nobody shut up. But Rhett and Noah went to the fridge and came back with bottles of champagne and Rose set a tray of glasses on the table.
Rachel made her way to the couch and perched on one of the arms. “The nominations are live in sixty seconds.”
Rhett immediately started counting down loudly just to annoy everyone.
Luke finally stood from the chair, still holding Iris against his chest while he moved closer beside me.
My body noticed immediately, like having him close automatically helped me relax.
Like my body didn’t want to let go of the fact that it has always been him.
Always.
The livestream started and suddenly all the air in the room felt electric. Award after award flashed across the screen while everyone half listened and half talked over each other until…
“Nominations for Female Artist of the Year…”
My stomach dropped.
“Nope,” I muttered.
Jackson smirked beside me. “You know you’re nominated, that category is as good as yours.”
I pointed at him. “Don’t start.”
“And the nominees are…”
My name filled the room and Sadie screamed so loudly Iris startled. Luke immediately bounced her gently while Noah yelled, “LET’S GO brOOKS.”
I buried my face in my hands.
Then came:
Album of the Year.
Single of the Year for Wild Again and Single of the Year for No Place I’d Rather Be.
Performer of the Year.
By the fifth nomination the room erupted completely. Rhett picked me up despite my protesting while Jackson popped open champagne.
“Five!” Sadie shouted from the couch. She had a twinkle in her eye and her cheeks were flushed pink I laughed helplessly while Noah yelled something about making shirts.
And through all of it…
I looked at Luke. He wasn’t celebrating wildly like everyone else. He was just watching me. Like seeing me smile was enough. Like getting to be in this room, holding Iris… being near me was all he needed. That look almost undid me.
Later that night the bonfire crackled beneath a sky littered with stars. We all settled at the central fire pit, someone had dragged blankets and extra chairs down and Iris was bundled up like a tiny marshmallow in Rose’s arms while music drifted through the cold night air.
It felt achingly familiar. Like the night we recorded together, but also like the nights where Luke and I dreamed this whole thing up.
Before everything broke.
Sadie sat curled against Cole beneath a mountain of blankets, her cheeks pink from the firelight and excitement.
“I want music,” she announced.
“You always want music,” Noah muttered.
“Yes and somehow you still give me a hard time, every time.”
Laughter rolled around the fire. Then Sadie looked directly at Luke.
“Will you play the song?”
The entire energy shifted. Luke went still across from me, guitar resting across his knee. Even Cole looked surprised.
Luke glanced at Sadie carefully. “You sure?”
She nodded softly. “Please.”
I frowned slightly.
What song? Was this what Luke had been signing to Iris earlier?
Luke looked down at the guitar for a long second before looking across the fire at me. Then he started to play. The first few notes wrapped around my chest immediately. They were soft and raw. The conversation around the fire slowly disappeared.
Luke’s voice was rougher than usual when he started singing.
“Little girl with your mama’s eyes
Got her laugh and her wild inside
Whole damn world stopped spinning that night
The second you arrived”
Rachel inhaled sharply beside me. Across the fire Jackson went completely still. Rhett lowered the beer in his hand slowly and I couldn’t breathe. Because I had never heard Luke sing like this before. It was pure adoration, pure love.
“Tiny hands wrapped around her thumb
Like you already knew her love
She held you like an answered prayer
Like heaven finally sent you there”
Every word wrapped around Iris.
Around Sadie.
Around all of us.
“And there will come a time
When you ask about her life
Or the way she used to smile”
And when I looked toward my sister… She was crying quietly against Cole’s shoulder. Smiling through every tear. Like she already knew this moment would matter...
The thought hit so hard I almost folded in on myself, but then Luke’s eyes found mine across the fire as he continued to sing his song for Iris.
“So when rain falls and the sky breaks wide
And colours bloom across the night
That’s your mama reaching through
Painting little pieces of her into you”
And for one impossible, painful second…
It felt like we were all still whole.