Epilogue 2 - Bailey
The ocean is freezing, absolutely freezing and Iris is having the time of her life. Her tiny squeals echo across the beach while I hold her against my chest, waves crashing around our legs as she kicks excitedly at the water like she was born for this.
Maybe she was.
The wind whips my hair across my face while late afternoon sunlight spills gold over the endless stretch of beach in front of us.
Tofino looks exactly the same and yet feels completely different.
I tighten my hold on Iris as another wave crashes toward us and she laughs so hard she snorts.
“Oh my god,” I laugh breathlessly. “You are definitely your mother’s daughter.”
Behind us I hear Luke laughing too. I glance over my shoulder toward the shore where he stands beside Cole wrapped in hoodies and holding giant towels like we are both completely crazy.
Noah is farther down the beach helping Thomas and Rose set up a fire while music drifts softly from a speaker buried in the sand.
Life has moved forward. Messy and beautiful.
My hand instinctively slides down over the curve of my stomach as Iris presses her wet little hands against my cheeks. I still can’t fully believe it sometimes. A baby. Another little piece of us. Hope wrapped up in something terrifying and beautiful all at once.
Luke’s expression softens immediately when he catches the movement. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of the way that man looks at me now. Not like I’m something he has to earn. Or something he’s afraid to lose. Just… like he loves me. Completely.
The waves rush around us again and suddenly I’m not here anymore.
I’m back in this exact spot watching Sadie walk straight into the freezing November ocean like fear had never once touched her. I can still see it perfectly. Her sweater, the sunlight behind her and the sound of pure joy in her laugh. The peace on her face when she turned back toward me.
And the look on her face as she watched me following her. Choosing her. Choosing life.
The grief still hits sometimes. It can be sharp and sudden and unfair. Some days the guilt that I get to live our dream, I get to have Luke and a family. I get to live… It gets to me.
For a while I was anxious about being affectionate with Luke in front of Cole and when I spoke to my therapist about it she asked, how would you feel if Cole moved on. I didn’t hesitate when I said I would be happy for him. She gave me a look like, exactly…
Now when I feel that way I go and talk to Sadie or I talk it through with Luke and he reassures me.
Iris brings me back to the moment with a wet open kiss on my cheek.
My throat tightens painfully as I stare out across the water.
“She’d love this,” I whisper softly.
Iris immediately squeals again like she’s answering me.
A laugh breaks through my tears before I can stop it.
Because somehow…
That feels exactly like something Sadie would do.
I look back toward the beach again.
Cole stands beside Luke, shoulders lighter than they were a year ago while they talk quietly watching Iris and me in the water.
Grief still lives in him. I think it always will. But now so does joy.
I see it every time Iris laughs. Every time he talks about Sadie instead of avoiding her name. I know he loves my sister and can’t imagine someone else in his life. But I hope someday he will open his heart again. I will be right there cheering him on because I know she would want that for him.
Luke catches my eye from the shore and smiles. I smile back instantly. Because after everything… I still choose him.
Every day.
Another wave crashes against us and Iris squeals loudly enough that everyone on shore laughs.
I pull her closer kissing her wet blonde curls while emotion swells painfully inside my chest.
“She brought us here, you know,” I whisper softly against her hair. “Your mama.”
The ocean stretches endlessly around us while wind and waves and memory tangle together beneath the fading sun.
And for one impossible beautiful moment…
It almost feels like Sadie is standing here beside us. Cheek to cheek. Laughing in the waves. Teaching us all how to live.
I close my eyes briefly letting the freezing water rush around us.
Then I look back toward the shore.
Toward Luke.
Toward our family.
Toward the life waiting for us, and smiling through tears, I walk us home.