Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
“I love you, Ava.”
Grayson’s voice seems to echo around me. Or maybe inside of me. His words pound against my heart, scratching massive cracks in its protective cage. My jaw slams shut and my teeth grind together until a dull ache begins to form in my temples.
No one could ever love you, my father’s voice screams in my mind. Worthless, useless girl.
My fingers twitch, clenching around the hem of my dress. Everything in my stomach suddenly feels like lead, the weight of it sinking me further and further into the chair. He can’t mean that. He can’t love me. It’s not real.
I suck in a breath when Gray’s hands land on my cheeks.
His palms press against the sides of my face and force my gaze upward.
His lips tip down into a grim expression and his eyes harden.
I let myself be captured by their icy depths, following the dizzying pattern in his irises.
The sharp lines jut inward toward his pupil, like shards of ice in dark water.
“Absolutely not, precious,” Gray says, tightening his grip on my face. “You’re not retreating into yourself.”
He grabs my waist and yanks me into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck as my feet leave the floor. Gray wraps his hands around my thighs and forces them around his waist.
“You’re not hiding from this,” he growls. “I fucking love you and I know that you love me back.”
My head bumps against his shoulder as he walks, the steady thumping of his footsteps rocking me into him. I lean into him, nestling my face in his neck and surrounding myself with the smell of him. His grip tightens on my thighs and I sigh into his neck.
When he stops moving, his grip loosens around my legs and I slide down his body until my feet hit the soft carpet in his living room.
Gray lowers his body, letting one knee land on the floor before looking up at me expectantly.
My gaze drags along the hard line of his jaw and I ignore the impulse to reach out and touch his chiseled features.
“Put your hands on my shoulders,” he says while grabbing one of my feet and lifting it into the air.
With one leg off the ground, my balance immediately falters and I grip his shoulders to keep from toppling over.
The zipper on my boot lets out a metallic hiss, the leather loosening from around my calf.
He yanks the boot off and lets it thud to the floor.
My sock follows, fluttering onto the carpet by my feet.
My breath catches in my throat when I feel his lips press against my ankle.
My fingers tighten on his shoulders as his mouth traces a line from my ankle to my knee.
Seeing this man on his knees in front of me does something to me.
My entire body heats until I feel like my skin is aflame.
Liquid fire pools in my core and begins its slow descent down my thighs.
He repeats the process with my other leg, the scrape of his stubble against my bare skin making me gasp.
He stands up and looks down at me with a devilish smile that makes my knees feel like jelly.
“Take the dress off,” he demands.
I ball my hands around the hem of my dress, my eyes falling to my feet. My toes wiggle amongst the soft strands of the carpet. My mind begins to run through an internal checklist that I didn’t ask for. Shaved legs? Check. Perfectly rectangular landing strip? Check. Plucked h—
“Take it off or I’ll cut it off.”
My eyes shoot upward and I yank the dress from my body, my arms catching clumsily within its sleeves before tossing it onto the couch.
Gray pulls me toward him, forcing me to stumble into his chest. His hands roam over my hips and belly with soft, teasing touches.
His fingertips slide into the waistband of my panties, his featherlight touch sending a shiver through me.
He pinches the silky fabric between his fingers and groans out a masculine sound of approval. “Bra and panties, too.”
I unclasp my bra and drop it to the floor before pushing my panties down my legs.
I kick them away and watch them flutter onto the carpet.
Even without his hands on me, Gray’s gaze touches me like a physical thing.
It teases its way down my body like the softest caress.
Heat rises in my face and I’m certain my cheeks have turned red.
I hold my fingers at my side stiffly, trying to force them not to fidget.
A soft thwack sounds in the room as a small blue pillow lands at my feet.
“On your knees, precious,” Gray commands.
My legs wobble as I sink to my knees on the pillow.
Suddenly unsure of what to do with my hands, I wrap my fingers over the tops of my knees.
Gray moves in front of me, drawing my eyes toward him.
He unbuttons his black dress shirt, revealing the dark tattoos and rippling muscles beneath.
My mouth pops open as he peels the shirt down his arms. The bunching and tightening of his muscles draws me in and I can’t help but lean closer.
He looks like a dark god, and on my knees in front of him, I feel like I should be praying.
He reaches out, placing a finger under my chin and lifting my gaze until our eyes meet. “I need you to be a very good girl for me and not run away,” he says.
Alarm bells scream in my head. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, trying to ignore the way my legs begin to twitch beneath me.
Very slowly, he moves his hands to his belt.
The clinking of the buckle rings in my ears and I cringe.
He pulls the leather through his belt loops and the fabric whispers a taunt in my ears.
He’s just taking it off, a panicked voice yells inside of me. He’s just taking it off and then he’s going to put it away. No, no, not put it away. He’s going to throw it away. He’s going to throw it far, far away.
Gray takes a measured step toward me. He holds his hands out, pushing the leather closer to my face. My eyes bounce from the belt to his face, which is drawn with a concerning expression that I don’t understand. A giggle bubbles out of me from nowhere as I shift uncomfortably.
“W-what are you d-doing?” The words creak out of me.
Gray’s eyes soften and something that looks like pity flits across his face. “I’m taking back what was taken from you,” he says.
Gray steps closer, his feet nearly touching my knees.
My eyes lock on the black leather in his hands as it moves inches closer to me.
Lamplight shines on the strap, highlighting the wrinkles and grooves in the leather.
It looks soft and worn, but I know that’s not the case.
There’s no such thing as a belt that whips softly.
A shiver zips down my spine and my blood sloshes through my veins like ice.
I watch the belt come closer as Gray stretches his arms out toward me.
Something inside of me screams. It thrashes and claws at my heart, making every beat painful.
My knees squirm out from beneath me and I topple, my ass thudding against the floor.
I flip myself onto my hands and knees and crawl, not bothering to try to get myself to my feet.
My fingers grip the carpet and I yank myself toward the couch.
The velvety lounge calls to me, offering some semblance of safety if I can just get myself behind it.
If I can hide, I can survive. My arms and legs move automatically, propelling me forward.
My knees slip against the soft carpet, sending me careening forward.
My chin crashes into the floor, making my teeth slam together painfully.
I right myself quickly, tucking my arms under me.
Can’t stop. Can’t stop. Can’t stop, a mousy voice chants in my mind.
Strong arms band around my waist and pull me back.
I thrash and scream, my arms flailing wildly, my elbows colliding with hard muscle.
A cry spills from my lips as my arms are wrenched behind me, pressed between me and Grayson with the weight of my own body.
My ass crashes down into Gray’s lap. I squirm, wiggling my limbs, but can’t move.
I distantly hear whispered assurances as an ache erupts in my hips.
He forces my legs apart, draping one leg over each of his.
I watch the belt descend over my head, its tail tucked into the buckle to make a circle of leather.
My breathing becomes ragged, each breath feeling like it’s being ripped from my lungs.
The belt touches my shoulders and scratches against the skin of my throat.
My vision blurs as tears burn in my eyes.
They pour down my cheeks and dribble over the leather.
“P-please, Gray,” I sob. “Please, don’t. Please, m-master, please.”
Gray wraps his arm around my waist, holding me tight to his body. He runs his nose along the column of my neck and I shiver. I pinch my lips together, but it doesn’t stop the needy whine that crawls up my throat when his lips touch my neck.
“Do you trust me?” Gray murmurs against my neck.
I shouldn’t. I know that I shouldn’t. My mind fights against the concept of trusting the man with a belt around my neck, but my head bobs up and down. It’s as if my body answers for me because it can’t deny the safety I feel in his arms.
“That’s my good girl.” Gray nips at my neck, making me shiver with need. “We’re going to take back your fear, little bird. You don’t need it anymore. I’m going to protect you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”