Chapter 14 - Hers to Mold
Brietta and I stared out opposite windows in the Hyton carriage as we rode to the dressmaker’s shop in the center of town. She had only given me a brief explanation that we needed to get our costumes for the Darkest Night ball, but otherwise kept silent.
Neither of us wanted to say much about our disastrous tea with Freya. Not only did we have nothing new about Duchess Ilsa, but also we both nursed the wounds of another lie.
Our chastity requirement was all bullshit.
The gems on Brietta’s rings flashed in the sunlight as she turned to me. “What would you have done differently at Ashmore had you known?”
A spot of warmth glowed in my heart as it compelled me to answer the question. I thought of Derrick’s lips on mine when he snuck me away after the Suitors’ Ball. And his hands around my waist. And his teeth on my neck.
He had not just wanted me as a future wife, but wanted me in the way a starving man seeks a meal. Despite how intense he was, it felt… good to be wanted.
I stared at the passing stone buildings through the window as my cheeks heated. As much as I wanted to modestly deny it, my magic would not let me swallow the truth. “I would have found a way to be with Derrick, at least once.”
A mixture of sensuous memories and the fantasies I had weaved through the years flashed through my mind. I shifted on the velvet cushion as pressure grew in my hips. I could not be feeling like this, I had answers to find. I could not just retreat to my dormitory for fifteen minutes and hope no one came in like I used to.
I bit my tongue as my mind wandered from dark curls and gorgeous eyes to golden tresses and massive biceps. I thought those inconvenient… feelings would go away after the marriage enchantment, but maybe even Fraleigh’s magic had not been powerful enough to temper the frustrated knot within me.
The blood bond might have not exactly forced me to want Riyan’s body, after all. Maybe having a red-hot desire was just part of me.
Desire—that was what I must have felt for Riyan. Love had nothing to do with it. After all, Father loved Mother with all his heart…and he still sold her to the Duke.
Love was a lie in Hyton. How the hell did I ever think I would have it for myself?
Brietta’s soft voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “I would have been with any man, so long as it was my choice. Just…anything different than what my first time really was.”
The memory that the Man of the Mountain had shown me through her eyes flashed through my mind—waking up confused on a couch with white-faced Derrick on top of her.
The air tightened around us, but I gathered the courage to pull my eyes over to Brietta. Her arms were folded across her chest and she stared down at her feet.
I could almost see piles of stones on the carriage floor as we silently built our walls. I had done this before—stacked the stones and shut out love. I once thought the fortress around my heart kept me safe, but the world had still caved in anyway.
Shutting out the warmth of what love might have been was not going to help me this time, either.
I let out a breath and imagined that wall crumbling at my feet. I could not just retreat, I had made a promise.
Try to be happy.
If I could not reconcile my ideas of love with my feelings of desire, I could at least try to find small bites of happiness. I was going shopping with my fr…the future Duchess. We could have fun again.
My eyes flicked over to Brietta. Maybe I could even see her smile again.
The carriage came to a stop. Brietta sat up and gracefully stepped onto the street and I followed.
We entered a dressmaker’s shop in one of the more posh parts of the city. The dressmaker was an older man in spectacles, wearing a berry-colored doublet and shoes with shining buckles.
The dressmaker’s eyes gleamed as he bowed with a flourish. “Lady Hyton, we’ve been expecting you. Your costume for the Darkest Night is nearly as splendid as you are!”
Brietta kept her shoulders back and her lip stiff. “That is all well, bring out Madame Bloodstone’s costume first.”
My costume was already made?
“Ah, yes, the Midnight Dream!” the dressmaker said with glee.
He turned and pushed past a glimmering curtain that led to the back of the shop. Two bleak-eyed women emerged from behind the curtain and led us to a private area. They helped me onto a round pedestal while Brietta sat on a luxurious couch behind me.
I glanced at my reflection in the large mirror in front of me and my heart leaped into my throat. I had not expected them to undress me!
As soon as the women left, I yanked up the hem of my skirt and quickly pulled the ribbon of my choker. The Nordingaard crystal slid into my waiting palm as I turned toward Brietta.
Her eyes met mine and I tossed her the crystal. She flinched as if I had thrown a spider at her, but caught the crystal and shoved it behind her back.
Without the crystal on my skin, my heart started to pound.
Footsteps echoed into the room and a flash of silver caught my eye. Four young women entered with black—no, dark blue—fabric in their hands that had glitters of silver sewn in. All the women had lines around their eyes, but somehow seemed to be close to our age.
Two of the women took off my bodice and skirts while the others held the fabric that looked like the folded night sky. I flinched as a hand touched the sleeve of my chemise.
“These too, Madame,” the woman said softly.
I grabbed my arms. “What do you mean? I have to have my undergarments.”
The woman dropped her eyes. “Dresses for the Darkest Night are different.”
I looked over my shoulder at Brietta and raised my eyebrow.
She looked down and cleared her throat. “The Darkest Night is not a normal ball. You get married on the full moon, but on the new moon, you find the person you want to be with…at least for the night.”
I blinked in disbelief. Surely she was not suggesting…
Shame pricked my cheeks and I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Are you telling me this ball is just a giant orgy?”
Brietta nodded. “The entire House of Hyton has to attend.”
I scoffed and crossed my arms. “I am not going.”
Her eyes snapped up to meet mine. “You came to Hyton Palace accepting the invitation. You would greatly offend His Excellency if you did not attend.”
And by “greatly offend,” Brietta really meant that I would tip him off that something was amiss.
Maybe I could work my way around it. “But it is a masked ball. His Excellency will not know if I am there or not.”
Brietta’s eyes went dark. “He will know. Do not test him.”
A chill ran down my arms. She was right, I still needed to stay inconspicuous if we were going to gather information.
“Freya said the ball is for us newlyweds, anyway—designed as an incentive to hurry up and seal our blood bonds.” Her voice turned bitter. “Now we get to celebrate the joys of consequence-free sex with everyone else. Supposedly, the masks help the new blood feel less insecure.”
But I had no blood bond, and despite the tight knot sitting in the center of my hips, I certainly did not want to have sex with anyone there!
Brietta must have read the fear in my eyes. She dipped her chin and said, “Though if one is feeling… bashful, no one is required to participate in anything. Just provide good company, that is all you need to do.”
I released the breath I had held in. Brietta’s message was clear—if we all had to attend the Duke’s orgy, I needed to keep Derrick the hell away from her.
Derrick would not want to be with Brietta that way…but that had not mattered before.
I turned back to the large mirror on the wall, silently hoping it was not another window in disguise as my hands slowly rose to my shoulders.
I closed my eyes and removed everything but the wrappings around my hips. My eyes stayed shut as I stood on that pedestal with my arms folded over my bare breasts.
The women tied layers of organza skirts around my waist. Delicate slippers slid onto my feet. My arms slid through puffed sleeves and a bodice encircled my ribs. The inside of the bodice was whisper-soft against my bare skin.
Only when the maid had finished lacing the bodice in the front did I open my eyes.
I held in a gasp. I looked like a dream.
The dark organza was a gorgeous contrast against my pale skin. The bodice squeezed my bust to make it look fuller. Best of all, the overskirt was embroidered with hundreds of silver stars.
I held my breath as I moved my hips. The stars shimmered in the afternoon light that streamed in through the gossamer-trimmed windows.
I swallowed—no one but Derrick could have commissioned the dress.
I waved the overskirt in a beam of sunlight, making the stars twinkle. “What did Derrick even intend for my costume to be?”
Brietta scoffed. “You really do not remember?”
I knitted my brows at Brietta’s reflection. “I never claimed to have a sterling memory.”
She tightened her grip on her arms. “‘ A thousand wishes will never change what was written in the stars. ’ He wrote that for your birthday last year.”
Poetic nonsense. No wonder I left that for Brietta to handle.
She narrowed her eyes. “We responded, ‘ And so we shall shine forever. ’ Might want to remember that while you are…with him.”
I suppressed an eye-roll. I could not wait to shout lines of poetry at Derrick and hope the sounds of the orgy would not drown me out.
Brietta glanced at the women who quietly stood against the wall. “Thank you, please allow us to inspect the dress in private.”
The four women demurely bowed and left, closing the door behind them with a soft click.
Brietta waited until their footsteps disappeared before she pulled the Nordingaard crystal out from behind her back. “What does this even do?”
I turned to face her. “Radiates warmth and light when I use my magic. Captures memories.” My heart pounded. “Somehow keeps me calm.”
I yearned for that crystal to be on my skin again.
I turned back to face the mirror and caught a flash of skin through the edges of my bodice. I took a closer look. Despite being snug against my ribs, the bodice did not close completely in the front. Beneath the criss-crossing midnight blue ribbon was a sliver of my skin and the slight swells of my breasts.
Is that why I was not supposed to wear my chemise?
My cheeks heated. I gripped my skirts, only to find that they weren’t complete. With a little tug, the layers of organza parted on each side, revealing slits in the fabric that ran all the way up both of my legs.
Surely Derrick would not have requested such an indecent design.
I turned to Brietta so I would not have to look at my nearly-naked form in the mirror. “Do you think I could alter the dress to look less…scandalous?”
She let out a mirthless laugh. “That dress is closer to our Ashmore uniforms than the normal Darkest Night costume. Derrick wanted you covered up!”
The heat in my cheeks spread to my ears. “Then what is your costume?”
“A peacock.” She uncrossed her legs and gestured across her bust. “Shimmering gold fabric will drape across my body and dozens of imported peacock feathers will cover whatever skin is left bare.”
I folded my arms. “And do you plan on participating in the Darkest Night?”
She did not even blink. “Maybe. The Darkest Night is one of those rare times we can make a choice, or many choices, depending on one’s mood.”
The romantic Brietta I once knew really was dead. “So you intend on gobbling up your choices like a feast?”
Brietta spread her hands out on the couch cushions. “So long as I hold the fork and knife instead of being the roasted boar on the table. It might be a tiny taste of freedom, but I want to gulp it all down until I can refill the chalice myself.”
I looked down. How could she want to go to the Darkest Night, scarcely dressed, after…everything that had happened? “But I still do not understand your costume. All the men will see you—”
“I want them to see me.” She stood up from the couch. “All of me, on my terms. Mine. I will banish the image of the girl crying bitter tears into Ilsa’s Presentation dress from their minds forever. I cannot control these men, but I will control how they see me.”
She took a few powerful steps until she stood beside the raised pedestal. We looked at our reflections, my eyes the same level as hers for once.
Brietta eyed my dress, opened her full lips, and recited:
“ A dress of white turns into shackles of gold,
She is his to have, but he is hers to mold. ”
My eyes slid from Brietta to my reflection. We were to be dazzling illusions of complacency, obeying commands yet playing by our own rules.
Maybe I could follow Brietta’s example and find power within the manipulation.
I took a deep breath, watching the small mounds of my breasts swell against the tight bodice. Instead of the midnight satin of the costume, I imagined Riyan’s hands encircling my waist like he had before.
My cheeks reddened. The organza in my hands crinkled as I slowly lifted my skirt, widening the slits on either side. The silver-beaded toe of my slipper peeked out and the dark organza parted as I revealed my foot, then my ankle, then my bare calf from the split in the night sky.
Gooseflesh bloomed across my skin as I reveled in the memory of Riyan on his knees, kissing the insides of my legs as his hands traveled higher…
I dropped my skirt and swallowed the lump in my throat as the knot within my hips tightened. At least I was confident that the desire I had felt for Riyan was very real.
I chewed on my tongue as I tried to calm my racing heartbeat. Brietta was right, though the event itself was disconcerting, our costumes for the Darkest Night were certainly better than a tear-soaked Presentation dress.
My heart stopped for a moment. Tears. Ilsa’s Presentation dress.
Tears.
I turned to Brietta. “Do you still have your Presentation dress?”
She raised an eyebrow. “I shoved it into the back of Derrick’s wardrobe after…after it was removed. Why?”
The words flew out of my mouth as my thoughts raced. “What if you were not the first person to cry in that dress?”
Her brows furrowed and her voice dropped. “Does this have something to do with sor—”
“Magic holds memories.” My heart raced as my white flame danced. “And magic is everywhere water is—in our bodies, in our tears. If I can just touch the dress, maybe I can find—”
“No time tonight.” She glanced at the closed door before turning back to me. “We have to go straight to dinner with the House of Hyton and then Derrick and I get locked in his room for another night. But tomorrow…”
Then a smile finally broke through Brietta’s lips. I smiled back, my chest alight with righteous white fire.
Tomorrow, we would get acquainted with Duchess Ilsa.