Chapter 17 - Healer
I never thought the heir to Lycaster would be so hard to find.
None of the Hytons had seen him. He was not holed away in his music room or his bedroom. He had not gone for a ride on his horse.
He was just…gone.
After hours of searching, I crashed into a chair in yet another small room in the maze of the palace. I slumped over, my belly full from a quick dinner, and tried to think.
Bloody pieces of a shattered armchair were stacked in the corner of Derrick and Brietta’s room. The blood bond meant Derrick could not be dead, but he was hurt.
I needed to find him.
“I thought you were taught to have better posture than that.”
I whipped my head toward the noise. Standing between two suits of ancient armor was a floating white head—a phantom.
No, it was not a phantom, it was…
“…Daigen?”
He had followed me to the palace?
He stepped away from the wall, his cloak that perfectly matched the blue damask wallpaper fluttering around him. “Much calmer of a response than normal. Looks like you heeded my advice about keeping that crystal on you.”
I was not about to admit he was right. “Is invading my dreams not good enough? You have to harass me in the halls too?”
He kept his arms folded as he stepped over. “Watching you wander around the palace like a lost sheep was too painful to bear any longer. I could not wait for you to pass out.”
I hissed out a breath. “You could actually teach me how to get inside dreams instead of sneaking around, you know.”
“It’s easy.” Daigen mussed the hair at the crown of my head before I could flinch away. “You just stand over someone while they are sleeping…” He tapped me between the eyes. “…and go right through that open door. You drool a little, you know.”
He had watched me sleep? “You are vile.”
“I am effective. ” He hooked his ankle around the leg of a chair and dragged it across the floor beside me. He sat down with a flourish, resting his feet on top of a low table. “People are much more vulnerable when sleeping.”
I wrinkled my nose at his boots on the furniture. “Noted.”
He folded his arms behind his head. “How is following your heart’s desire going?”
I held back a scowl. “Leading me in unproductive directions. All I know is that Riyan is a murderer and Ilsa might not be.”
Daigen slid his feet off the table and rested his elbows on his knees. “We know anger fuels your power, but when do you connect with your magic the most?”
Evereon had let me in when he was talking about how he was kicked out of Heaston. Astrid had let me in to see memories of Ragnar. Annalisa’s raindrops poured on me any time she mentioned her siblings.
“When someone is sad,” I said. “Usually they send me memories—things that should be happy, but an underlying bitterness sours it.”
Daigen gave me a soft smile. “Seems like we know what your affinity is.”
“Sure would be nice if you gave me a clue.”
“My magic speaks to me when I need to change.” Little horns poked through his temples to prove his point. “Your magic speaks to you when others need to change. My affinity is transformation, yours is healing. ”
I scrunched my nose. I was never clever with medicine nor did I know how to wrap a sprain or make a compress. I excelled in our childcare classes at Ashmore, but I was never drawn to making sick people well again.
“Healing makes no sense,” I said. “I rarely cared about anyone other than myself.”
I clamped down my teeth and shut my eyes. I did not mean for that bit of ugly truth to come out, but I could not help it.
Daigen laughed. “Still having trouble with the compulsive truth?”
I shot him a glare. “You never said this would be a problem. I am going to lose my head if I keep hiccupping up damning truths!”
“Just accept your truth so the magic does not force you to! For example…” His skin began to flare red. “You will never see me wear someone else’s face. The magic only reflects what I truly believe I am.”
I crossed my arms. “A monster.”
His violet eyes were still. “A son of a goat herder who cannot hide no matter how hard he tries.”
I bit my tongue…what did I truly believe I was?
Was I a bride? A daughter? Friend? Liar? Magic danced within my veins, making me a sorceress…but did my gift from an immortal man really answer my question?
No matter how much I achieved or reflected on my inner turmoil, I still did not know myself…or Riyan, for that matter.
Would he have even believed that I was a healer?
Daigen’s voice suddenly pulled me out of my thoughts. “By the way, the young Alastar is prowling within the walls, just like I was.”
I suppressed a groan—as if I could find Derrick in an even darker maze.
Daigen rose from the chair and flipped his cloak to reveal a grey side. He wrapped the darker fabric over his shoulders. “His behavior is very predictable—he generally is in the same place every night.”
I hissed out a breath. Not very helpful.
He stepped toward the fireless hearth. “Think of this as another trust exercise. Just as you float on your back in the middle of the lake, I am the gentle tide that pushes you in the direction of your heart’s desire.”
I folded my arms. “I cannot float! Or swim.”
He rolled his eyes. “The art of a good metaphor is lost on you.”
“Just tell me!”
“Just feel something!” The air tensed, as if Daigen had suddenly taken command of all the magic in the room. “Stop demanding answers and find them. Your emotions will put you on the right path.”
Daigen stepped into the ashy hearth and turned to face me, his back against the bricks in the fireplace. “I have too much at stake for you to go the wrong direction. Just trust me.”
He leaned against the bricks and they instantly swallowed him. I had no idea how he had done it.
He was the master of illusions and a complete pain in the ass.
My head fell into my hands. If merely looking for Derrick had not worked, I had no other option but to heed Daigen’s advice.
My white flame snaked around a little spot of warmth within my heart. Derrick was hurt. I wanted to heal him, if I could. He was predictable, but where would he run off to night after night where no one could find him?
Then the realization hit me like a jolt of lightning. I knew where he was…or at least where he would be.
I stood on the balcony of the North tower as the stars twinkled above me. I kept darting my eyes between the door and the pile of pillows and blankets in the corner of the balcony.
Brietta had said Derrick was able to escape to the North tower, but maybe a guard had grabbed him and locked in his bedroom for another night.
The thin crescent moon loomed above me. Time was running out.
I propped my arms on the balcony railing and gazed at the faint peak of Nordingaard in the distance.
How was Riyan faring in the place West of the Moon and East of the Sun? Was his spirit merely swirling around in endless darkness like the other lost souls?
I sighed and looked down at my hands. Trusting Daigen was difficult, but if he said following my emotions was the way to Riyan, I had no other choice.
Wings flapped next to me like a whisper. I turned—a raven had perched on the balcony.
I looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was around before I asked, “Erik?”
The raven raised its hackles and flapped its wings. Wrong—it was definitely Endre.
Endre raised one of his talons, showing off a tiny-rolled up piece of parchment attached to his leg. I untied the parchment and a sliver of charcoal fell into my hand.
Was Evereon contacting me already? I unrolled the parchment.
Yoo gud?
I wrinkled my nose. Evereon had said he was one of the few soldiers who could read and the writing was too sloppy for me to believe it had come from the hands of a noble son, even one who had not finished school.
I turned to Endre. “Did Brandt send this?”
Endre bobbed his head and I smiled. “Where was he?”
“ Guard-house, ” Endre croaked.
Brandt must have been staying with former cadets from the military academy. He was taking a huge risk to send messages by raven, especially a talking one.
All to make sure I was all right. How sweet of him!
I flipped over the parchment and wrote a simple “Good” along with a small heart, in case he could not read.
I secured the parchment around Endre’s leg. “Give him a little kiss for me when you see him.”
It was supposed to be a joke, but my voice came out hollow. Could I still talk to Endre like I had before?
I pulled the twine into a tight knot. “Was it a tough flight from the fortress?”
Endre shook his head and the ruff around his neck fluffed up. His wavy hair used to always be so messy, no comb could fully tame it.
Slowly, I reached over and stroked his neck and tried to smooth the ruff. “I just found out that all you Heaston boys got to play around while the Ashmore girls were locked up. How many lovers did you have?”
Endre looked over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes. I swore he was smiling.
“ A-lot, ” he croaked.
I scoffed and flicked him on the back of the head. “You men are absolute boars.”
Endre opened his beak and spread his wings, as if to say, “Not me! I am a raven.”
Hinges creaked behind me and Endre took to the skies. Derrick stood in the doorway, gripping the handle of the tower door. He had a red and purple ring under his left eye.
My heart ached. What had happened to him?
He dropped his gaze. “I did not know you would be here, I—”
He caught his words and stopped. He shifted back into the tower, but I reached out my hand.
“Derrick, what did Brietta do?” I asked.
He froze in place and swallowed. “Nothing I did not deserve.”
Did they have an argument? Had he somehow discovered our plans? Did he know I was a sorceress?
My palm pressed against my heart and I took a step closer. “What do you mean?”
His eyes stayed low. “I cannot remember.”
I knitted my brows. He said he could not remember consummating his marriage with Brietta either, but how could he be black and blue and not remember what had happened?
Derrick’s throat trembled and he hissed out a breath. “Look, it is late, you should go to bed.”
No, I was not going to let him shut me out too. “You were looking for me last night—you said you needed me and here I am.”
He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. “I…I did?”
The ache beneath my ribs deepend. How much could he not remember?
He turned his shoulders toward me, keeping his fingers hooked on the door handle. “I suppose I wanted to make sure you were all right.” A ghost of a smile flicked up his lips. “You certainly are doing better than I am.”
Being direct was not going to help, maybe I needed to change the subject and then he would open up.
I glanced at the pile of pillows and blankets. “Do you sleep out here often?”
His Hyton Blue eyes finally met mine. “Every night since you left.”
He had told me his eyes would stay north until I came back to the palace. I thought he was just being poetic.
“Seems foolish, I know,” he said, “sleeping outside like a dog and watching over the mountain…but I just could not stop worrying.”
He walked toward the balcony’s edge. He slumped down onto the railing, his eyes on the dim outline of Nordingaard. “When the moon was full, I could almost see that damned fortress with you locked inside. Then the moon thinned night after night, so I stopped trying to see. I just listened—listened for a scream.”
I joined him at the balcony railing. His eyes were bolted north as if he were tracing Nordingaard’s peak into his memory. “I knew you had my dagger with you. I knew you were smart enough to escape him and strong enough to fight back if he…”
He swallowed. “I just waited for a reason to go out there and save you, my father’s laws be damned.” His hand found mine, holding me so tightly my hand folded in on itself. “Everyone knew what was going to happen to you if he tried to seal that blood bond. All those bastards at court treated it like a joke, but it destroyed me every time I was reminded that monster had you.”
My stomach felt hollow. I had carefully penned every letter to make Derrick need me so he would choose me. I had never considered what would happen to Derrick if he could not choose me.
“You were mine, damn it.” His voice broke. “They all knew I loved you, that I had waited for you for seven years. There was only you.”
He had the freedom to do as he pleased throughout our time at school. He could have had another lover in town, or been with any woman eager to please the heir to Lycaster…
…but he chose to wait for me.
Derrick’s throat trembled. “I grew up believing love was the greatest power in the world, but when I watched you ride away in the black Bloodstone carriage like you were going to your own funeral, I realized that was all a lie. I was the Duke’s heir, but losing you made me feel as powerless as a….as a…”
His voice dropped. “…as a little rabbit.”
I pried my hand out of his grip and placed both hands over his pounding heart. I had to make this better. I had to help. “You did not lose me. I am right here.”
Derrick finally looked down. Slow, careful notes of a harp echoed in my mind. The pinhole of light slowly opened up between his eyes, but the horrible bruise on his eye captured all my attention.
“I hate that you are going to look like this for your birthday tomorrow,” I said.
He sighed. “Father is throwing another ball to celebrate, he is going to be furious when he sees me.”
The hell he would. I might not be able to mend the wounds in his heart, but I could at least try to mend his face.
I could not bear to see his horrible father call Derrick weak again.
He gave me a little smile and pulled out a small round tin from his pocket. “Thanks to the Viper, this is helping, at least. I use it for all my…cuts and scrapes.”
He handed me the tin. I opened the lid and the fragrance of the balm inside hit me like a fist. Smelled just like home. I swiped my thumb in the creamy balm. “Close your eyes.”
Derrick obeyed and I raised up on my toes. My hand rested against his cheek and he exhaled.
I spread a little balm underneath his eye. “Why did your mother call you Midnight?”
His smile was soft. “I used to have a lot of nightmares when I was little, mostly of a horned monster. Midnight is usually when I would wake up from them.”
The door into his mind opened more under my touch. Every bit of magic inside of Derrick sparkled, lighting each of his blood vessels up like a roadmap. His entire body thrummed with magic, waiting for my orders.
I paused for only a moment to appreciate it—the heir to Lycaster was under my command.
The crystal warmed my leg. Even though the image of Duke Hyton’s tight fist around Derrick burned in the back of my mind, what made my white flame dance was not anger. I was not even sure what emotion I was channeling, but I did not care.
Derrick lit up even more. “But really, I think Mama just wanted something else to call me. Anything but Alastar. Anything but Derrick.”
The music in my mind got louder, like we were in the middle of our own dance floor that my magic had created. I closed my eyes. Power pulsed in my fingertips and Derrick’s blood grew warm beneath his skin as I touched his wound.
“You have many names, Midnight,” I whispered.
“I am whoever I have to be.”
I pictured his handsome, unmarked face when I saw him for the first time at the Suitors’ Ball. My heart had stopped, my stomach fluttered, and I had wanted nothing more than to be with him. I took that memory and sent it through my heartbeat, pulsing through my blood to my fingertips.
White light glowed behind my eyes. The magic was listening, and so I commanded:
“ Change him. Fix him. Heal him. ”
After a heartbeat, everything went still. I moved my hand from his cheek to his shoulder and opened my eyes.
I smiled—the bruise was gone.
Derrick opened his eyes. He had no idea what had just happened, but he smiled back. He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. His warm lips on my skin sent a symphony through my mind, the notes lifted and peaceful.
My heart pounded with triumph. My magic was building. My muscles felt stronger. Somehow, I even felt a little taller. I was not just a sorceress, I was a healer.
Whoever the Viper was could take credit for healing the bruise. I was just happy that…well, I was finally a little happier.
Daigen was right, following my heart’s desire would lead me down the right path, even if it seemingly made no sense.
My eyes found the crescent moon that was slowly disappearing amongst the stars. I only hoped my heart’s desire would give me the right answers soon.