Chapter 51 - Bonded
Pandemonium struck as soon as the dark wisps of smoke curled into the sky.
Riyan rushed to the courtyard to repair the fallen wall. Endre and Evereon inventoried weapons. Brietta focused on how to put out any incoming fire. The last I saw of Annalisa was her watering eyes as she shut Astrid’s bedroom door in my face.
My last evening of freedom was in solitude.
I used to enjoy the peaceful embrace of a lonely night, but my heart raced as I paced across Riyan’s bedroom. I chewed on my tongue as I walked back and forth, the flickering candlelight on the writing desk my only companion.
What was the point of all the defenses? Everyone but Riyan knew I was going to kneel before Derrick and give him the most powerful weapon he could possibly possess. How could Brietta still hold on to her plans of freedom knowing Derrick was just going to point me at her like a gilded sword?
What was the point of any of it? Of uncovering the lies, of fighting Alastar, or of trying to change the entire fabric of the Dukedom? We had just caused damage left and right, to what result? Nothing. We gained nothing.
My white flame flared between its blue and violet companions and I let out a shallow breath. Fine, I should not blame Annalisa and Brietta. I had gained nothing. Seven years of manipulating Derrick had sent him into madness.
I had made him want me, I had made him need me, but I had done my job too well.
Without realizing it, I had taken Derrick and I’s mutual desperation for one another and weaved them together until I had forged our own bond. I had just wanted to make my own security, but instead of wrapping that threaded bond around Derrick’s wrists like I had planned, I had circled it around my own neck.
And because of my bargain, that bond between us would never sever.
All the magical flames raged within me. Cold clashed against warm and light flared against dark, but deep within that diamond in my heart was that flickering red ember—that infuriating little ember that would not let me hate Derrick despite everything he had done.
Would I still be unable to hate him after he snapped that collar onto my neck?
The memory of three low notes on a harp and a warm laugh against my cheek gave me my answer.
I yanked back the chair at the writing desk and sat down. I slammed parchment on the desktop and my magic cut the quill sharper than a needle.
I hated myself for what I felt, but hating my own emotions is what sent me down the path to forge that bond with Derrick in the first place. Maybe if I faced my actions, the next eternity might be bearable.
I dunked the quill in the pot of murky ink and wrote:
Midnight,
I am so sorry. For everything.
—Birdie
I slammed my eyes shut, but a tear still trickled past my eyelashes. The red ember pulsed in my heart four times as I kissed the parchment right over where I had written “Midnight.”
I had done it with every letter I had ever sent him. It was a bit of my own superstitious nonsense, a frivolous wish that maybe I could have won his heart.
I opened my eyes to see my teardrop had smeared the ink of the “M.” The ink swirled in the teardrop before it dried into the parchment, leaving behind a ruined smudge.
What was I doing? We were not schoolchildren any longer. He was the Duke and I was his slave. Wishing would do me no good.
And neither would any worthless letter.
My flames twisted as I focused on the tear that had mixed with the ink, and then I incinerated the parchment.
The door creaked open. I turned from the mound of smoking ash to the door where Riyan stood. He had not bothered to put on a shirt after his bath. His hair was still slightly damp from him washing away all the masonry dust, but the style I had weaved earlier was still intact.
The wall was repaired, but what did it matter?
The light from the candle in his hand flickered across his soft smile. “Do you want to talk?”
Did I need to talk? Yes. Did I want to talk?
“No,” I said softly.
“Me neither.” He set the candle on the desk and slowly lowered to his knees in front of me. He rested his head on my lap and let out a long, heavy breath as his shoulders dipped.
I could not help but laugh. “Comfy?”
He looked up at me and smiled against my thighs. “I’m just glad I could at least fix something I broke…for once.”
My eyes flicked up to the shattered bedframe. “No one can fix everything they break.”
A slow, melancholy wave in the back of mind pushed his worry through our bond. I slid my hands through the roots of his hair, my thumbs tracing the braids above his earlobes. I responded to his tide of unease with my crackling fire.
Neither of us were all right, but we were only brave enough to say it through our magic. Riyan did not want to face his father. I did not want to face Alastar’s jaws.
We were stuck, but at least for one night, we could be stuck together.
Through my burning anguish, the little red ember pulsed in my heart.
I held back a frown. I had acquired more power than any other being alive, and yet that damn little ember remained. Once my servitude suffocated my flames in a few centuries, would that ember still be there, glowing strong? Would it still mock me with its presence? Would that ember be all that was left once my spirit had died?
Ice from my blue flame pricked my ribs. My chest rattled with a sob and Riyan lifted off my lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried myself in his shoulder as I let the tears run into his hair.
He slipped something soft into my hand. I sniffed away tears as I traced my thumb over the bumps of threads—it was the scrap of linen with the embroidered flowers.
I pulled away and met his soft smile. “Came to me out of the well when you went to speak with Daigen. Figured I would give it to you when you needed it the most, just like you did with me.”
I clutched the flowers and my worry began to wane. His thumb stroked my neck and I savored his touch. It was the last night that spot would ever be bare…
“Kiss my neck,” I whispered.
He brushed away my hair and pressed his lips in a feather-light touch just below my ear.
My eyelashes fluttered closed. “Again.”
He kissed me on my neck, then my jaw, then my lips. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He lifted me off the chair and laid me in the middle of the bed.
I sank down on the plush mattress. Riyan’s arms bracketed me, his silken hair fell toward me, and the back of his hand gently caressed my cheekbone.
Riyan could not fix my bargain just as he could not fix the bed he had destroyed. Though there was nothing either of us could do about my eternal servitude…we could at least have a night that earned a broken bed.
I kissed Riyan with a whimper and locked my legs around his hips.
He pulled away softly and gave me a wicked look. “Really? Three times in one day?”
My body ached to be with him just one more time, but heat spread across my cheeks from embarrassment rather than desire. “Too much? I was just worried with the army coming tomorrow—”
Riyan silenced me with a kiss. “Stop talking.” His calloused hands rounded my hips and he raised the hem of my nightgown. He planted a kiss in the center of my bare chest. “Stop worrying.” He kissed my lower belly. “Just enjoy this moment of happiness…”
He settled between my legs but his eyes stayed locked on mine. My heart pounded with anticipation as his arms wrapped around my thighs and he dipped his head.
I held back a gasp as the first long, gentle sweep of his tongue threw me to the edge of ecstasy. I rolled my head back onto the pillow and gripped the sheets as he took me slowly, so agonizingly slowly. I grinded against his face and he tightened his grip with a scolding grunt.
He raised his head, looking at me over the slight swells of my belly and my breasts. He licked his lips and smirked. “I wonder at what point in your immortality you will finally learn some patience?”
I huffed out a breath as desire pulsed within my hips. “When you stop pissing me off.”
His smirk softened into a smile. “I missed you.”
Riyan lowered himself again and I whimpered as he tasted me. His hand slid up and caressed my breast, his thumb tracing circles around my peaked nipple that matched the circles he traced with his tongue.
Each delicate touch sent a shock of pleasure through me. My legs started to shake, but I did not merely want his mouth, I wanted him.
I raked my fingers through the roots of his hair and tilted his head up. My hand found his jaw and I brought his mouth to mine like I was starving. The taste of my arousal traced my tongue.
He held the back of my head, his fingers lacing with my hair, as he folded me in half.
“Right here,” I whispered against his lips, “just like this.”
Riyan shifted my legs to the right side of his chest as he loosened the laces of his pants. “See? Being patient is rewarding.”
Though I desperately needed him inside me, I could not help but laugh.
I only caught a glimpse of his devious smile before he slowly entered me. I dropped my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. Soft moans escaped my lips with each thrust as I savored the feel of his rough edges against my soft curves.
The splintered edges of the bed creaked beneath us. Riyan quickened his pace and the rough motion bent and snapped more of the shattered supports. He slammed his hand into the headboard and it cracked, but my cries of pleasure nearly drowned out the noise.
“Not so mouthy now, are you?” he said with a wicked edge to his voice.
I almost shot back about him being “mouthy” when he was between my legs, but I could not find the words. White light filled my entire body as I enjoyed him, enjoyed us.
My head fell to the side and I felt the tickle of his calloused palm cupping my flushed cheek. He eased his rhythm but my body pulsed around him, wanting more. My eyes opened only slightly as I looked up at him through my heavy lashes.
His face was soft and his voice echoed through our bond. “ I take back what I said earlier about commissioning that portrait of you for the dining hall. No one else gets to see you like this. This is just ours. ”
I closed my eyes and smiled into his palm. Ours.
The word repeated through our bond as heat and light filled my body, slowly reaching its pinnacle. I gripped the planes of tight muscle on Riyan’s legs as pleasure built within me. His lips caressed the top of my head as he whispered that he loved me. My body started to shake, but my mind was calm and clear.
I was safe. I was warm. I was his.
We finished together and crashed beside each other on the mattress. Before I could even think to move, Riyan wiped the sweat from my brow and kissed me on the forehead. I rested my head on his chest and crossed my leg over his waist, clinging to as much of him as I could. His hand cupped the back of my thigh and his chin rested on top of my head as his heartbeat slowed to a quiet thump.
Although my body craved the bliss of sleep, I savored Riyan’s smell too much to lose even a second to unconsciousness.
So I just breathed, long and deep, even though I never would have to breathe again.
I breathed because I could.
As I let out a long exhale against Riyan’s skin, I finally understood why Fraleigh was willing to face the collar. Pain is temporary. Despair is finite. A cage can only get so small.
Alastar could drag me away into the sunrise, but Riyan and I were bonded—unbreakable. No matter how brief my moments of reprieve might be throughout eternity, Riyan would still be there.
My fingertips brushed the hair on his chest as my hand curled into a fist. Riyan and I might never end, but I still never wanted our time together to stop.
Golden light flared through my eyelids and I buried my face into his shoulder.
No, just a little longer.
The song of the birds filtered through the broken window and I gritted my teeth.
We were eternal. It would be all right…
Soldiers shouted outside as they formed ranks. “The Duke is coming!”
Riyan’s chest stirred and he tightened his grip on my thigh. I opened my eyes to the sickly yellow light that leaked through the boards nailed to the shattered window.
Time had finally run out.