sixteen
“Why are you bringing this up now?” Sonall perched his elbow against the table separating him and his wife as they sat on the back porch, stealing a moment away from the hustle inside the house.
The rain was falling again, and according to the forecasts, was here to stay for the next couple of days.
Sulim foolishly took this opportunity to bring up her recent grievances.
“Seriously. My sister isn’t even married yet.”
She had been over this twice with him already since they sat down, their teapot now cold between them.
Sulim was bundled in an outdoor blanket, while her husband was layered in a sweater and a rain jacket that sometimes went to Temple with him, but never the pastures.
As soon as Sulim opened her big mouth, neither of them touched the refreshments they brought.
“Your mother—”
“Is distracted by everything going on for the next few months,” Sonall interrupted. “Besides, I made it very clear to her that she’s not getting any grandkids for at least a few years. I bought us time before she fusses.”
“She’s been going on about it for the past two weeks!”
“What do you want me to do about it? Talk to her?”
“If that’s what it takes! Honestly, the presence of the Temple people has only made her more insufferable. Before they arrived, your mother bossed me around, but left me alone.”
“Because you’re good at keeping to yourself and doing whatever needs to be done.”
She rolled her eyes. “Very romantic of you to notice.”
“Besides…” Sonall remained facing forward, both elbows now gracing the arms of his chair.
“Even if it comes to that, I’m not exactly looking to court suspicion by being seen with another woman. God, who would I even go out with? Who is even worth the looks? We can’t do shit about it until either my father croaks or my sister has a brood of kids she’ll loan to us.”
“They’re already working on it,” Sulim said, referring to Graella and Lewin. Whenever neither was accounted for, she knew exactly what they were doing. No idea where. She did not want to know. Just stay out of my room. And my loft.
“Is there someone else?”
It took Sulim a moment to realize what he meant. She was so absorbed in her own thoughts, never mind the pleasing way the spray of rain fell across the light green yard.
“What?” She sat up straight when she parsed his words.
“I asked if there was someone else.” Despite his trying to stay calm, Sulim noticed enough about his body language to understand he was not at ease.
She was quiet, letting the rain do the talking as it pelted the eaves over the porch. “No.”
Was she slightly shocked at how easily she lied? Because those were still Mira’s kisses she tasted on her lips.
She was also pretty damn sure that nobody knew about those kisses. Well, besides Mira, who had instigated both. And I let her. Sulim was not innocent at all. She had wanted that attention like she now wanted to crawl into bed and not look at the world.
“There’s nobody else,” she reiterated. “I just think it would work out better if you were the first one to be… with somebody else.” Sulim had no idea how to say it.
“What? You want me to suddenly start cheating on you?”
“You wouldn’t be cheating on me!”
“According to everyone else in this family, yes, absolutely, I would be.”
“Oh, so I should be the first one to have someone else?”
“What are they gonna do? Make me divorce you? Besides…” Sonall shook his head. “Who the hell am I supposedly building a second life with around here? Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s all maids and my family members. And the maids are like… old women and teenagers. No, thank you.”
“Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there are other girls here right now. Yup. Not even from this planet.”
“What? The julah? You have got to be kidding.”
“What? You haven’t noticed how pretty that…” Sulim had to search her brain for the name of someone who wasn’t Mira, Joiya, or Hannu. “Kema. That’s her name. She’s what the boys in Yarensport would call a ‘fresh catch.’”
He glared at her from across the table.
“What?”
“At least you didn’t say the High Priest’s daughter.”
I’d rather die than imagine you two together. But it confirmed that Sonall had probably not picked up that Mira was queerer than his own wife. Why would he? The man’s been busy. Being responsible and… Sulim sighed. She regretted this whole conversation.
“I’m not going to do something stupid like that,” he said.
Sulim bit her lip while the rain finally let up a bit. After wrapping the blanket tighter around her body, she said, “I feel bad, okay. Part of the reason your mother’s been bothering me is because she regrets letting you marry me.”
“She doesn’t think that.”
“Yes, she absolutely does.” This time, Sulim’s sigh held more emphatic purpose.
“Because she loves you and wants you to be happy. That’s why she let you marry me. Because you loved me. But she thinks I’m not doing my wifely duties, and you know what?”
Sulim pressed a finger into the table. “I’m not!”
He didn’t say anything.
“Wouldn’t you want to be with somebody who actually wants…”
Good Void. Those words weren’t supposed to come out of her mouth.
Unfortunately, Sonall understood what she meant.
“I just wanted to hang out for a bit, you know.”
He picked up his tiny teacup and placed it back down in the kind of staccato rhythm that drove most people insane.
Instead, Sulim accepted her fate, knowing she had brought it upon herself.
“Maybe catch up on how it’s going with so many people living in the house right now. I didn’t think we’d be talking about sleeping with other people.”
Sulim leaned her head into her hand. “I’m sorry. I just… I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while, but recent events have escalated it.”
He didn’t say anything for a long while. Not until he got the gumption to get up and go back inside, leaving the teacups and teapot for Sulim to deal with.
The mood she had soured continued through the night, when the two of them slept back-to-back, and into the next day.
Sulim wasn’t in a hurry to get out of bed.
Every time she tried, she heard a minor commotion out in the hallway and simply turned back over and pulled the duvet over her head.
Sonall had gotten up early to tend to work with his father.
Being alone in her room was far better than dealing with whatever happened out there.
When she did get up, however, it was to the tune of a confrontation between mother and daughter.
Apparently, Jacelah had caught Lewin in Graella’s room earlier that morning, and the implication was incredibly clear.
So clear that poor Lady Joiya was pulled away from her textbook reading to mediate a concerned mother fretting over what people would think of her harlot daughter doing things she was not allowed to do yet.
Joiya reminded everyone that the pair was already engaged to be married soon. Jacelah admitted that the biggest problem was how it looked. Graella’s outburst continued phrases like, “You’re the only one who saw anything!” and that was that.
Sulim peered outside her bedroom door after the argument died down. Unfortunately, Joiya still stood in the hallway, her nose buried in messages on her communicator.
“Oh.” Sulim stopped from stepping out in her pajamas. “Sorry.”
Joiya looked as if she didn’t know who Sulim was for a moment.
“Oh. Oh!” Suddenly, her usual demeanor returned as she lowered her communicator to her dress pocket.
“Don’t mind me, dear. I’m the guest here. I should be the one apologizing. Ah…”
She stepped forward, looking up and down the hallway before speaking again.
“Have you seen Mira lately? She’s been skittish since… well, since a couple of days ago. I know she couldn’t have gone far, but it only takes her a moment to find nooks and crannies where she can hide. The girl does love privacy.”
“No, but… relatable. Things are a bit chaotic here right now.”
“Isn’t it fun, though? I’ve been invited to sit in on the wedding plans. It’s a lovely reprieve from all the studying I’ve been doing recently.”
“Yes, I’ve heard that you will be staying. Something about metaphysical research?”
“Oh, yes, yes. We’ve put the pilgrimage on hold while I do some research on behalf of the Temple. You know, this piece of the universe is very special. One of the thinnest veils to the Void outside of Yahzen.”
“Is that so?”
“Well, I won’t keep you. Do let me know if you see my daughter around.”
Sulim slipped back into her room, where she washed up and got dressed before going down to the kitchen to scrounge up something leftover from breakfast.
She stood at the counter, consuming fiber and berries, while her mother-in-law swished in and fretted with one of the maids over the “madness” in the house.
She didn’t seem to acknowledge Sulim’s presence at all.
Still, she made herself useful. Some chores fell into her lap as easily as someone fell into the mud outside.
Staying busy kept her mind off things, and being visibly helpful meant her mother-in-law kept even less of an eye on her.
It wasn’t until the mid-afternoon, when people began to settle for a rest and looked around for her to hassle, that Sulim took her chance to get Emi out of the stable and ride through the muddy trails to her hideaway in the woods.
She wanted a snack. But she wanted to hide beneath a blanket and read a book more.
The rain wasn’t letting up when she tied Emi beneath the half-rotted eaves of a hitching post. Sulim kept her rain jacket tight around her torso—and her head—as she stomped into the barn and let out a tired gasp of finality once she was somewhere dry and warmer.
Her soul left her body when she looked to her left and saw someone against the wall.
“Holy—!” Sulim slapped her dewy hands against her mouth long after she recognized Mira hanging out in her barn. There had been no other horses outside. How had Mira gotten here? Had she walked? In the rain and mud? “You startled me!”