Chapter Twenty-Seven
‘I – what?’ Orion’s voice cracked. ‘I never said that.’
‘Yes, you did!’ My voice shook with stubborn anguish. ‘You walked in on me, saw the spell on my hand and you said –’
‘No one will love you like this,’ Orion said, and I watched his eyes shut briefly.
‘Exactly,’ I said, voice aching. ‘You told me no one would love me. And I knew that meant you didn’t have feelings for me, but you didn’t have to say it like that. If you were going to break my heart, you could have at least done it kindly.’
‘That’s not what I meant,’ Orion replied, and he stepped closer. ‘Maya, that’s not what I meant.’
My arms folded tight across my chest, like armour. ‘Then what did you mean?’
He shoved a hand through his hair, exhaling hard. ‘I was angry. Furious. But not at you, at him.’ A hysterical kind of laugh left his lips. ‘Silas. He was the guy you’d been crushing on for years. I never thought you meant me.’
‘Well, it doesn’t matter now does it?’ I added hotly. ‘I’m over it. Over you.’
His gaze lifted to me, a slight sadness in his expression, but I refused to be moved by it.
‘Regardless. Even if it was me you were casting that spell for, I stand by what I said to you that night. I wanted you to understand that even if you’d cast that spell and totally erased yourself, what you got from others wouldn’t have been love.
It would’ve been infatuation and lust, and it would’ve been wrong because you wouldn’t really have been you under that spell. ’
I stared at him, my heart racing as he continued. His voice was getting more desperate.
‘Do you get it? I wasn’t calling you unlovable. I was just saying it was wrong. It was awful phrasing, yes, and I’m sorry for that, but I don’t regret stopping you. You deserved better than that.’
The world tilted under my feet. ‘If you cared so much then why’d you call the Coven?’
‘Because I didn’t know what else to do,’ he snapped.
His agitation spilled over, silver wings curving unconsciously around us.
‘I didn’t know about your feelings for me.
I thought we’d built a connection, but that seemed to be ruined.
I was drowning in my parents’ expectations, trying to be everything they wanted, and then I saw you about to change yourself forever.
I couldn’t go in good conscience without knowing you wouldn’t attempt this spell again.
I wasn’t even thinking about your licence. ’
‘Why didn’t you say any of this to me, huh?’ I retorted, unrelenting and unwilling to see his side of the story. ‘Why did you leave if you felt all this care?’
Orion’s gaze blazed. ‘Because I couldn’t stay. I knew you hated me for calling the Coven, and my parents’ expectations were too much to fight against.’
‘So what? You’ll just spend your life doing whatever they want,’ I probed, disbelievingly.
‘Will you spend all your life searching for your mum’s approval?’ Orion taunted back, and I gasped.
He winced, immediately, but I felt fury rise like a tide inside me. ‘I wish we could go back to when you were too high and mighty to talk to me and Raven any more.’
‘You think I pulled away because I had a choice?’ Orion exclaimed.
‘My dad was breathing down my neck about the stupid agency; my mum was looking at me like I held all the keys to her happiness. So yeah, I tried hard to reach my parents’ standards.
Yes, I pulled away when we were kids. Yes, I went to MAC because my parents expected me to.
Yes, I told the Coven about you because I thought I was protecting you.
But, tell me, do you truly think I wanted you to get a second point on your licence out of malice? ’
‘Yes, because – because –’ I stuttered.
‘Because we’re not friends,’ Orion finished for me. He turned his gaze to the sink embedded in the wooden countertop and started to collect water in a jar. His wings retracted again, and he rolled his shoulders with the motion.
‘We’re not!’ I said, trying to ignore the hurt I could hear in Orion’s voice. Why would he need to be hurt by any of this? ‘You said so yourself only days ago! We’ve never been friends.’
‘Right, right, of course we aren’t,’ he said, still keeping his eyes on filling up the glass jar. ‘Because I’m Orion Hawthorne. The guy who seems to make your life miserable. The guy who you say you liked but thought the worst of, immediately.’
I was nodding along but stopped when he shot me a sharp glare.
‘Did it ever occur to you that I reported you to the Coven because I was worried?’ Orion questioned, shutting the tap off to face me again. The liquid in the jar didn’t look pleasant.
‘Worried?’ I repeated, still looking at the jar.
I was really hoping he didn’t expect me to drink that.
But then his question actually hit me and captured my attention once more.
‘No, I don’t doubt that you were worried,’ I snapped.
‘Worried that I would try the spell again or let my magic go haywire. But not worried for me.’
Orion’s jaw dropped before he clenched his teeth again. I’m surprised he didn’t crack something.
His next tirade came through gritted teeth. ‘I was worried about you! What were you thinking, Reverie?’
‘I was thinking maybe you’d finally stop looking at me like I was your little sister’s best friend,’ I shot at him. My words were little spears dipped in all the anguish I’d felt in that moment. ‘I wanted you to look at me, OK?’
‘Reverie, I’m always looking at you,’ Orion said, his jaw tight.
My heart seemed to stop for a whole beat at his words; we faced off at one another, breathing heavily.
So much had been said, and my mind still felt fuzzy.
I wanted to sort through all my memories of last summer with this new information, but I couldn’t.
I felt myself sway slightly, the numbness from the spiked faerie punch sweeping through me, leaving tiredness in its wake.
Orion clearly saw my exhaustion, because he sighed and handed me the drink. ‘Now, drink this. It’ll get the potion out of your system.’
The liquid smelled disgusting and looked disgusting too.
‘Do I have to?’ I whined.
He tipped the glass upwards with his index finger. ‘Yes, you have to. Now, drink.’
‘You’re so bossy,’ I mumbled as the rim of the glass touched my lips and the liquid went down my throat. ‘Oh, I think I’m going to be sick.’
‘Keep drinking,’ Orion commanded, folding his arms over his chest. I hated that even my fuzzy mind found that attractive.
I brought the cup back to my mouth, had another disgusting swig and took a minute to swallow. Looking for a distraction from the taste, I asked Orion, ‘Did Melodie give you the key to this place or did you really pick the lock?’ I leaned forward to really assess him.
One side of Orion’s mouth lifted, and half a smile graced his face. He looked handsome, I realized. He was always handsome, sure. Even when he was angry. But right now, in that moment, I struggled to drag my gaze away.
‘I picked the lock,’ Orion said, simply.
‘That’s reckless. What if this place was warded?’ I asked. My head was starting to feel heavy all of a sudden.
Orion shrugged, looking oddly bashful. ‘I don’t make a habit of it. Just, you know, for emergencies.’
‘You’ve changed,’ I slurred. My eyes were beginning to feel heavy now too. Before, I felt alive with energy, but now I felt drained. Exhausted. I let my head tip back, like I was falling into a bed, not realizing that behind there was nothing. But Orion’s hands were there to hold me upright.
I still didn’t open my eyes. Not even as he helped me off the counter and leaned me against his arm again.
But I did speak, words stumbling drunkenly out of my mouth. ‘I really liked you, you know.’
‘What’s that?’ Orion asked, as he led me out of the shop, putting things away as we went.
That fragrance of a campfire filled my senses, calmed me, lulled me deeper into the darkness that was slipping over me. ‘I really, really liked you. And I wanted you to like me. I wanted to be your first choice. Like Rani’s Mum’s first choice,’ I mumbled, pressing my face to his arm again.
I know he said something back, because I felt the vibrations of his voice against where my cheek was planted on his bicep. But I didn’t hear it because by then, I’d fully sunk into the ever-welcoming darkness.