Chapter Thirty-Five #2
‘You wouldn’t have been alone,’ Mum said, quietly.
I laughed, genuinely laughed. Because this was ridiculous. Truly ridiculous.
‘Of course I was going to be alone,’ I said, my tone sad but sharp. ‘Who was I going to be left with? You, Mum?’
She nodded, and another laugh erupted out of me. The vicious note to it took even me by surprise.
‘Mum, when have I ever had you?’ I asked, and my mother’s brow furrowed into a look that Rani often mirrored.
‘How could I ever feel anything but alone when we’re together?
When we can’t even watch a show together without it becoming a lecture.
When you can’t spend five minutes with me before you need to mention my grades or exams or reports.
When you’re so sure that I’m destined to be nothing, so rather than help me, you told me to resign myself to uncomplicated magic. To baby spells. To being nothing.’
Mum’s eyes were wide as saucers now; she couldn’t find the words to interrupt me.
‘And have you ever stopped to think that not everything I do is a disaster?’ I asked, on a roll now.
‘About how I saved the Treasure Trove? Or how I’ve worked so hard this whole month to become a better spellcaster, all in the hopes that I could solve this.
That I could fix this mess myself. Can’t you see how hard I’m trying? ’
I was breathing hard now. My throat felt warm, and moisture was building rapidly in my eyes. I wanted her to understand that I didn’t enjoy causing these incidents and messes; that I was trying to fix this one. That I had gotten better.
I wanted her to see me and not be disappointed.
But Mum said nothing. She just stared at me, like I was a new species of witch.
‘Fine,’ I said, slumping back on to the couch, disappointment making my bones heavy.
‘Call the Coven. Tell them what I did. Give me another point on my licence, and then I – I’ll do whatever it is you want me to do.
I’ll pass my exams, help Ivy in the bakery with whatever she likes, come home and do whatever you want me to do. I’ll be mortal for a year.’
Time slipped between us in heartbeats. When I was sure that Mum had something more to say, I was proven wrong. She simply looked away from me and then moved around the couch and went straight out of the door. I stared, dumbfounded, at the empty space where my mother had stood.
And then the tears came.
It was the cathartic kind of crying: ugly crying. Sobs that broke through my ribcage, and salty tears that cascaded down my cheeks. I let it all out.
When I was done, I was heaving and rubbing my palms against my cheeks to wipe away my tears. Breathing in and out, I tried to calm my racing heart. How could this mess have gotten so bad?
And I must have looked bad, because I felt something warm and furry find its way on to my lap. A wet sound left my throat as I found Jinx curled up in my lap, his green eyes looking up at me.
‘So, I look like I’m on the brink of dying, right?’ I said, stroking a hand down his spine. ‘That’s why you’re here?’
He nuzzled my hand, and it was the sweetest gesture I’d ever got from him. But it was working – stroking Jinx made my heart rate return to normal, and my breathing was becoming less haggard with every breath. It was only inevitable that I’d start talking too.
‘Mum’s probably out there, calling the Coven,’ I said to myself and Jinx. ‘I should expect an angry letter soon. I wonder if they’ll snap my licence in half. Or maybe because Rani will stop all this, we’ll get some sort of token of forgiveness. Maybe they’ll halve my punishment.’
Jinx raised his head under my palm, almost questioningly.
‘Of course Mum is calling Rani, Jinx. They’ll both come together to solve this,’ I explained to the cat.
Jinx turned his head to one side, as if he was saying, ‘Why?’
‘Because I failed to do it, Jinx,’ I said, the words tearing out of my mouth. ‘And it’s better that I just step back. I’ll just make things worse. I mean, yes, I know the counterspell. And yes, I’ve been working all month to solve this issue with Orion, but he’s not even answering my calls.’
Jinx stared unblinking at me. If he could speak, I’m pretty sure he’d be saying, ‘What else have you got to lose? You’re getting a point on your licence and your mother knows the truth. What’s the harm in trying again?’
Or he could be saying, ‘Everyone fed me late today and I want you all to burn.’
‘You think I should go after him?’ I asked, and Jinx licked his paw in response. ‘Portal to Rose Glenn?’
What did I have to lose? I’d chased after Orion before, and, as exhausting as it was, I could do it again. I was preparing myself to go when a loud banging on my door catapulted me out of my seat and to my door.
I swung it open to find Raven and Sofia standing there, looking at me like I’d grown two heads.
‘You left Silas in the forest?’ Raven said, stepping inside.
‘Are you OK?’ Sofia followed up, closing the door behind them.
I don’t know why the sight of them brought a fresh wave of tears, but my gaze turned glossy. Before I knew it I had arms wrapped around me, and I was pulled into a hug.
‘What happened?’ Raven asked, when I had finally calmed down.
I looked at her, my throat aching, heart racing. ‘You’re going to hate me.’
Raven held my gaze like it was a lifeline. ‘Maya Reverie, there’s nothing you could say that could make me hate you.’
‘I think I’m in love with your brother.’
Raven stared at me, Sofia held her breath beside me and even Jinx had stopped moving.
‘I’m about to portal to Rose Glenn,’ I babbled, the words spilling out of me.
‘I was going to take this risk, this reckless, stupid risk, because I think we’re meant to be together.
And yes, maybe he might reject me. Maybe he’s not my soulmate.
Maybe I’ll cast the spell, and my real soulmate is right back here in this town, but I want to take the risk, just in case it is Orion. ’
‘You thought you and Silas should’ve been together,’ Raven noted, and her voice was clinical. ‘What’s different this time?’
‘Everything,’ I whispered, because it was true.
‘With Silas, I could see myself being happy, but I wasn’t being myself.
I wouldn’t dare to dream wildly, and I wouldn’t have the courage to speak those dreams out loud.
Orion sees me and makes me feel like I can make the risky choice, ’cause he’ll be right there to catch me in case I fall. ’
Raven went quiet, watching me with contemplative eyes. I was sure I’d ruined it, destroyed our friendship with one declaration.
‘I knew,’ Raven said, and then shrugged. ‘I just had to be sure you were making this choice because you actually loved him. He is still my brother at the end of the day.’
I felt my jaw drop, and even Sofia gasped. ‘You knew?’
Raven laughed a little incredulously. ‘You’re not serious, right? You thought you’d like my brother, and I would have no idea? I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.’
I spluttered. ‘But – but you never said anything.’
Raven took my hand in her own and squeezed it tightly. ‘It wasn’t my place, Maya. You and Orion, you’ve both been circling each other for so long, and I couldn’t be the one to push you two together. One of you needed to take the first step yourself.’
Her logic put some part of my brain at ease, and that sharp ache in my chest that I always got around her now bloomed.
‘I’m going to miss you so much when you’re gone next year,’ I confessed, because I couldn’t hold it in any longer. ‘I think that’s why I’ve been acting so intense about finding my soulmate.’
Raven’s gaze softened, and her throat bobbed. ‘You’re trying to replace me?’
‘No,’ I said, feeling choked up. ‘I just didn’t want to feel so alone.’ I glanced at Sofia next to me. ‘It’s why I’ve been so happy to have you here too, Sof. I can’t explain how much I value your friendship; you know that, right?’
‘Maya,’ Raven said, her words strained with the urge not to be too emotional. ‘I’m not leaving forever. I’m going to come back. You and I are always going to be best friends – you’re never getting rid of me. I don’t want you to get rid of me.’
I felt my chest tighten further, not realizing how much I needed to hear her say that.
Sofia smiled, and even the corners of her mouth were trembling slightly.
Raven huffed out a sound and pulled both of us into a hug.
I let myself fall into the embrace, reminding myself that even when everything felt like it was going wrong, at least I still had them.
‘All right, all right,’ Sofia said, breaking out first. ‘We’ve got to get you to the portal –’
Her words were cut off by the sound of another knock on the door. This time, I didn’t untangle myself from Raven to open it. Instead, with the flick of my wrist, I swung the door open.
Only to find Orion Hawthorne on my doorstep.