Chapter Nineteen
N ick finished up in the bathroom, washed and dried his hands, then stood in front of the mirror. He dragged a hand across his forehead, still in disbelief.
Tonight, with Em, had been perfect. Better than he’d imagined… and he’d imagined them together plenty.
In retrospect, it seemed silly that they’d been afraid to admit their feelings for each other. From now on, they could be straight with each other about everything.
Nick’s heart beat faster. He still hadn’t told his best friend everything. He’d admitted his attraction to her, and there was no doubt about their incredible chemistry. What he hadn’t told Em—what he’d barely come to terms with himself—was that he was in love with her.
Now that he’d finally admitted as much to himself, Nick realized that the signs had always been there. He’d been fighting his feelings for Em for years out of a desperate need to preserve their friendship.
But the more he acknowledged his feelings for her, the more confident he was that they could make this work. They could have a romantic relationship and a close friendship without compromising either.
“I love you, Em. I think I always have,” Nick whispered the words beneath his breath, surprised at how good it felt to say them aloud. But now he needed to confess his feelings to her.
Nick stepped out of the bedroom and glanced at the spot where he’d left Em glowing, sated, and a little emotional.
She wasn’t there.
Maybe she’d gone to the kitchen to make them a snack. An idea he was totally on board with. But first, he needed to tell Em how he felt.
Nick slipped on his boxer briefs and ventured into the living room. Em was seated on the sofa wearing an old T-shirt and a pair of shorts. She sniffled and dragged a finger beneath her eyes, wet with tears still. But this didn’t look like an emotional reaction to the two of them being together. There was deep hurt in her dark brown eyes.
“Em, what’s wrong?” Nick sank onto the sofa beside her.
Before he could drape an arm around her shoulder, she sprang to her feet, as if the last thing in the world she wanted was his touch. She retreated to the other side of the coffee table.
A lump settled in Nick’s throat, and another knotted his gut.
He’d been gone maybe five minutes. What the hell had happened?
Nick quietly assessed his best friend. She was pacing the floor, and her arms were wrapped around her torso. Something she did whenever she was upset.
Right now, she was clearly upset with him. But he had no clue as to why.
Nick retraced his every word and every action. But he couldn’t think of anything that would’ve caused Em to react this way.
“What happened between us tonight… It was a mistake. We shouldn’t have kissed, and we definitely shouldn’t have…” Em gestured toward the bedroom. And even beneath her brown skin, Nick recognized the flush of her cheeks.
“Okay.” Nick stood, but he didn’t move toward her. He kept his voice even and his expression calm, despite all of the emotions swirling in his chest. “But just a few minutes ago, you were literally saying how amazing it was.”
“And it was.” Her soft, wistful expression was quickly replaced by a pained one. More tears welled in her eyes, and she brushed them away before they could fall. “But I think it’d be best if we didn’t do this again.”
Nick’s heart was heavy. He felt every ounce of the pain reflected in the brown eyes that had always greeted him with a smile and made him feel like everything would be okay, regardless of what was going on in his life.
“Sweetheart, I get that you’re upset,” Nick said calmly. “But at least tell me what it is that I’ve done.”
“That’s just it. It isn’t what you’ve done. It’s who you are, Nick.” Em wiped away more tears and sniffled. Her gaze didn’t quite meet his. “You’re Holly Grove Island’s very own fuckboy. But I didn’t call this the Find a Fuckboy Project for a reason. That’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for someone I can build a life with. Can you honestly say you’ve ever even considered settling down with someone?”
“I’m clear on what you want, Em. And yet, I’m here,” he said. “Would I be here if I hadn’t at least considered it?”
Em frowned, her shoulders sagging. She wasn’t pleased with his response. But before he could think of a better one, she spoke again.
“You’ve been my best friend for two decades, Nick. As long as you were the center of my world, you were fine with things the way they were. I finally decide it’s time to start living my life and get serious about finding love rather than waiting for you to decide you want me, and suddenly you realize that you’re into me?” she asked incredulously.
“It’s not like that, Em. You make it sound like—”
“You’re only interested in me now because someone else has the audacity to want to play with your favorite toy.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she wiped them away angrily.
The pain and devastation in Em’s voice ripped a hole in his chest. He hadn’t developed feelings for her because someone else was interested in her. But he had been prompted to finally act on his feelings because…
Shit . Em was right. He was a selfish asshole who probably didn’t deserve her.
“You’re an amazing friend, Nick, and tonight was incredible. But I’m not interested in joining your list of friends with benefits. I need more than that. It was unfair of me to expect you to become someone you’re not.” Em’s eyes finally met his.
“Did you ever consider that maybe I’m ready for a change in my life, too?” Nick asked.
Em tilted her head as she regarded him carefully. She shook her head. “No. You’ve always said not everyone is meant to be in a monogamous relationship,” she reminded him.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
He’d definitely said that. Repeatedly . At the time, he’d meant it because he couldn’t imagine wanting any woman other than Em in his life long-term. And he’d been sure that if he got involved with Em, it’d destroy their friendship. So he’d been content to keep things the way they were.
He’d been unfair to Em, not realizing that their friendship alone wasn’t enough.
As he stared into his friend’s eyes now, it was clear that nothing he could say would convince her otherwise. He needed to figure out how to show Emerie that she was the only woman he wanted in his life.
“Okay.” Nick sucked in a quiet breath. “But can I at least ask what led to such a sudden change of heart?”
“Reality.” Em’s expression hardened. “By the way, I think those work messages —” she used air quotes “—you were waiting for came through.”
Now he had a pretty good idea what had flipped the switch on their evening.
He’d seen that message from Tiffany come through before he’d gone to the bathroom. And he’d left his phone on the nightstand because he hadn’t wanted Em to think he was trying to hide something from her. But she’d evidently seen the message, and now she was both pissed and doubtful that he was capable of being a one-woman man.
He didn’t blame her for jumping to conclusions. But she was wrong. He hadn’t made plans with Tiffany or anyone else tonight. In fact, he hadn’t gone out with anyone in months because his thoughts had been consumed by Em and this Soulmate Project of hers.
Nick opened his mouth to tell Em that he understood her apprehension. Until she’d started this Soulmate Project, he also doubted his desire and capacity to settle down.
He snapped his mouth shut.
Even in his head, that argument sounded weak. He’d only be reinforcing Em’s doubts.
“I get why you feel the way you do right now, Em. And I’m sorry. We were having an amazing night, and I was looking forward to talking about what this could mean for us. But maybe we should talk about it another time. I’ll get dressed, and we can watch a movie like we’d planned.”
“Actually, I could use some time alone.”
“Sure.” Nick’s heart sank. “I’ll get my things and go.”
Em tucked her hair behind her ear and nodded. “Thanks for understanding.”
Nick took a few steps toward the bedroom, then stopped. He turned back to his friend, the silence between them louder than the scream happening inside his head.
“We promised each other we wouldn’t let sex destroy our friendship. I meant what I said, Em. I hope you did, too.”
“Of course I did, Nicky.” Emerie took a few steps toward him. “But tonight has been a lot. I just need some time to process everything.”
“Fair enough.” Nick resisted the urge to insist they talk through whatever Em was feeling. If he ignored her request that he leave, how was he any better than Alan?
Nick got dressed, grabbed his phone, and shoved it into his back pocket before making his way to the front door where Em was waiting for him.
“Em, I need to know we’re still okay. That tonight hasn’t ruined our friendship.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” She repeated the running joke between them and flashed him a sad smile. “You should be so lucky.”
“I am lucky,” he said. “Because I couldn’t ask for a better best friend.”
“Same.” Em’s eyes were suddenly filled with sadness. “When do you leave for New York again?”
Nick sighed. He didn’t like leaving town with things this way. But he couldn’t force Em to talk to him. “Tomorrow afternoon. It was supposed to be three days, but I might end up flying from New York to the new property in Virginia.”
“Then safe travels. Text me to let me know you arrived safely.”
“I will.” He didn’t miss the fact that she’d asked him to text rather than call.
She gave him an awkward hug, the vibe between them so different from before. “Good night, Nick.”
Nick frowned deeply as he cradled her to his chest. “Good night, Em.”
He left her apartment and returned to his car. His phone buzzed again, and he pulled it from his pocket. Nick scrolled through the messages from Tiffany and Ellen.
He had no idea which messages Em had seen or how she’d come to see them. But it was no wonder she’d been upset.
Nick dropped the phone in the cupholder and slammed a fist on his steering wheel.
He’d finally stopped fighting his feelings for Em, they’d had an amazing night, and then his past had come stomping in to sabotage things as quickly as they’d begun.
He was in love with Em. Nick knew that now. He wouldn’t give up so easily. Maybe this trip to New York was well-timed. It’d give her a few days to cool off and give him a few days to think of what he needed to do next. Because he would need to be armed with more than just words if he was prepared to prove to Em that she was the only woman he wanted.