Chapter 29 #2
“I’m not going to be fine,” I admit. “I can’t picture our days without you in them. I don’t want to. I want you to come with us.”
I’m asking for a lot here—a cross-country move away from the people she cares about, and a life she may not have imagined for herself. It’s selfish, I know, but what else am I supposed to do when I can’t be the one to stay here. My career won’t allow it.
Tears spring to her eyes as she presses a kiss to my mouth. “I can’t. But I want you to know that spending time with you and Quinn has been the best job I’ve ever had. The very best.”
Pain twists the muscles in my forehead. “Is that all this was then? A job?” Because it’s meant everything to me.
“Of course not! That night in your studio when you asked me why I didn’t go on the date…
it was because I wanted to be here more than anywhere else.
” She presses her palm to my chest. “But if I were to move with you right now, I’d be back to relying on another man to take care of me.
I need to know I can take care of myself first.”
“You don’t have to live with us,” I’m quick to add. “You can have your own place there.” It’s an empty argument though if it means she’s still nannying Quinn. When she said she didn’t want to rely on a man, I have a feeling she meant she doesn’t want her income coming from me.
“Emma needs me at the law firm for a little while longer. So does my résumé. And Julia is in the middle of her nursing program. She’s been so good to me. I owe her this—to stay and help with Henry.”
I want so badly to tell her I’m the one who needs her.
That I want her to be mine. But I promised myself I wouldn’t put her in a box.
And even now, after I’ve already decided it’s what’s best for me, it’s hard admitting the truth.
That I need time on my own just as much as she does. To start therapy and heal from my past.
When she grips my neck and kisses me again, I let her, even though it wrecks me. My head screams for distance, but my heart wants her. Patience is all I have.
“Then I’ll wait for you. You go be the badass, independent woman that you are, and I’ll wait.”
“I’ll be dreaming about that day,” she says through her tears.
Me too, I think, but it hurts too much to say out loud. All I can do is hold her while a long silence draws out between us.
“It feels unfair that you know something so personal about me,” she finally jokes.
A choked laugh tumbles from my lips with that familiar phrase.
I know she said it to break the tension, and because I didn’t say anything back, so I lean into her lighthearted tone.
I ease her against the carpet until her hair is fanning around her shoulders, a smile dancing in those big blue eyes.
“You’re killing me in this dress, you know that, right?
” I trace the neckline with my pointer finger.
“Well…” Her top teeth snag her bottom lip. “You said I should be seen in it.”
I shake my head, inching closer to her mouth. Mint and chocolate from the Andes brownies we had after dinner swirl in the breath I pull from her exhale. “I think I said you’re about to be seen out of it.”
Her eyes heat. “So, see me out of it.”
Before my mouth closes over hers the words are right there… on the tip of my tongue… on the edge of that cliff. I jump off and let them consume me.
“I love you, Summer.”
Thursday morning comes faster than I hoped it would. I could barely bring myself to leave the bed this morning with Summer in it, let alone stand here on the front steps preparing for the goodbye I’ve been dreading.
I squat to be eye level with Quinn, grabbing her hands. “I’ll be back in a few days, okay?”
Her bottom lip wobbles despite her efforts to be brave, and she nods when I know she wants to cry instead. I wrap her in my arms, letting her cling to my neck as long as she needs to. A wave of emotion surfaces when she pulls away to plant her lips on my forehead.
“Otay.”
I stand and hold out Todd’s business card to Summer. “I need to turn off my phone tomorrow in preparation for the concert. My best chance of this going well is not to have any distractions. If there’s an emergency or you need anything at all, you can call my manager. He’ll get the message to me.”
Summer slips the card from my fingertips. “I will.”
I tug her toward my chest, filling my lungs with the citrusy scent of her hair. “Thank you for taking care of her.”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” she says.
I take a step back and offer them both a weak smile, and then do what I have to do and turn for the Uber.
I’m ten steps away when Quinn cries out.
“Daddy! Don’t doe!”
I freeze, and time stills.
She said my name. All five letters of it, clear as day.
She said my name.
So many seemingly insignificant tries have all stacked up to meet this hard-earned milestone.
I wasn’t prepared for the gravity of it. Didn’t anticipate the pounding in my chest. The weight it would free. The walls that would tumble in its wake. The space it would unlock. All of it belonging to her.
For the first time I see myself as more than a son, a brother, a friend, a lover. More than an auditory processing disorder or even a country music star. I’m her dad, and there’s nothing I want more than that.
I turn around to her bottom lip bubbled out, her eyes glassy. She’s squeezing Summer’s thigh in a tight embrace as if she has to tether herself to something to keep from running to me. The moment I hold out my arms she’s clomping over in her rain boots and tumbling into them.
I stroke her hair and squeeze her tight. “Quinn, I’ll never leave you. I’ll be back, I promise. I love you so much.”
Before now she had her mom, and then my parents. She didn’t need me. Now I’m leaving a giant portion of my heart here with her. When she loosens her tight grip around my neck, tears form in my own eyes. She lets go and bravely holds Summer’s hand.
I stand once more. “Are you sure I’m doing the right thing?”
Summer cups my cheek. “Touch the world with your music, Rhett Dawson. We’ll be here waiting for you when you get back.”
All I can muster is a nod.
“Wuv you, Daddy.”
“I love you too.”
This time I give her a quick wave before I turn away so that the tear can slide down my cheek without her seeing it.
I’m doing this for us is something I find myself repeating for the next hour and a half until we land on Colorado soil.
Warm sun, bright lights—the idea of touring again feels so much less like home than it did before.
For the first time in my life, I miss Harrison Boulevard.