Paige
six
Ipace the short distance between the two windows in Alex’s living room on the morning of my third day in New York, looking for answers over the dark Manhattan skyline and hoping for some kind of clarity on how I can go back in time and salvage my marriage.
This visit has been a balm to my broken heart.
It’s been wonderful to be carefree and to walk the streets of Brooklyn and Manhattan with Alex, without a single person recognizing me.
Carefree or not, a part of me is homesick, and it’s not my childhood home or Savannah that I’m yearning for, it’s the Buckhead mansion with an underhanded man and his giant demon dog that fills my mind on a loop.
A soft knock at the door freezes me mid-step, and I turn toward the entryway.
It’s just after six, Alex is still asleep in his room and didn’t tell me to expect any visitors.
Maybe it’s one of his friends, or maybe a fling not expecting to meet a random girl in his apartment.
I look back at Alex’s closed door and wonder if I should get him up.
No, it’s so early, it’s better to let him sleep.
It’s probably someone looking for another apartment, anyway.
I pad softly to the door in my socks and look through the peephole, but I can’t see anything.
I definitely didn’t imagine the knock, so I make sure the chain is engaged and slowly open the door a crack to peek outside.
My eyes travel down toward the mat where Cerberus is sitting like the regal, imposing guard dog he is, a piece of paper tied around his neck with a red ribbon.
I scan the hallway looking for Hayes, but it’s empty and I’m wondering at the craziness of seeing his dog here in Brooklyn.
Am I dreaming? I take the chain off and open the door wider.
“Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit. You’re a sight for sore eyes, big guy,” I whisper.
Cerberus’s nubbin tail thumps the mat as I run my hands over his sleek fur and place a kiss on his big, blocky head. I drop to my knees in front of him, where we’re the same height and I can better read the note around his neck.
Paige (my most favorite human of all time, whom I love even more than my dad who raised me, feeds me, and deals with my shit),
My dad messed up big time. So bad, not even a pretty poem could fix it.
Seriously, he tried for hours. His ego is really big, and it hurt when he realized he was wrong.
You were right to leave him for what he did.
That’s why I’m showing up late. He was sad (and really stupid) and wouldn’t bring me sooner, but I wish I could have made you feel better.
Trust me, I was mad at him, too. I took a Jurassic dump on the kitchen floor to get back at him when he showed up at home without you. You’re welcome.
I giggle and rub Cerberus’s face for having my back and staging a coup against his dad. I return my eyes to the note and continue reading, feeling my heart slowly thawing with every sentence.
You made our family whole, and we both miss you more than words can say.
It’s too quiet, too clean, and not nearly enough fun in Atlanta without you, and we want you back.
You made Dad happier than I’ve ever seen him, and you’re the only person I’ve liked more than him since I was a puppy.
He wants to be a better man completely deserving of you. Teach him how.
It’s not the same without you. Please forgive him for being a big jerk and not being honest with you. I know he doesn’t deserve it, but we’re both hoping your big heart can extend some grace to him.
XOXO,
C and H
PS - say “Apologize.”
I sit back on my heels and raise an eyebrow at Cerberus. “Apologize?”
He raises his front paws off the floor and sits back on his haunches. He brings his paws together and howls so loud that I fall back into the apartment on my bottom. I start laughing as Cerberus continues to howl, begging in his best rendition of a completely tone-deaf request for forgiveness.
“Okay, okay. Apology accepted,” I say quickly, to get him to stop and not wake the whole building.
Cerberus immediately stops howling and plants his paws back on the mat before he rushes in and covers my face in slobbery dog kisses that just make me laugh harder.
“His singing voice is better than mine, believe it or not.”
I look up from petting Cerberus, who is all but trying to sit his massive one-hundred-pound body into my lap, and take in Hayes.
“I wasn’t mad at him, so he didn’t have to apologize.”
Hayes tentatively steps toward the door and squats down to eye level, looking like a luxurious dark dream in his black peacoat, black cashmere sweater that hugs his chest, and charcoal slacks that mold to his big thighs.
He runs a hand through his hair, but it’s already disheveled like he’s repeated the motion many times before this instance.
“I kind of hoped you might be a little more interested in talking to me if I had backup.”
I sigh, giving Cerberus one last ear scratch, and untangle myself from his paws to stand.
I think Hayes deserves a chance to tell his story, and I’m going to try my hardest to hear him out this time.
He rises from his crouch and stands awkwardly on the welcome mat that says Challah At Ya Boy in pretty script next to a braided loaf of bread.
“Come in. No use standing in the hallway and letting the nosy neighbors listen in.” I look around Hayes and catch a door shutting abruptly.
I step back and cross my arms as I move into the apartment and hear the bedroom door open behind me.
“What’s going on?” Alex asks, sleep gravely in his voice.
I look back over my shoulder at Alex, wearing oversized pajamas, curly hair rumpled, holding the earplugs he sleeps with, then back to Hayes, not sure how to explain.
“I’m here to get my wife back,” Hayes answers instead, his voice not exactly threatening, but not completely comfortable, either.
It’s a small difference I learned in our time together, and likely why Hayes is considered as formidable as he is—he has the male equivalent of a resting bitch face and the voice to match.
Alex’s eyes open wider as he becomes fully awake, straightening up and walking into the living room to stand next to me.
“Well, shit. Do you want him here?” The fact that Alex is allowing me to tell Hayes to get lost is a wonderful reminder that he has always had my back, no matter the situation, or the imposing man who towers over both of us.
“It’s okay with me if it is with you, Alex. This is your apartment and I’m just a guest.”
Alex gives me a long look and I try to coax my features to imply that I am confident and ready for this, whatever it is. He nods slightly.
“Give me a minute and I’ll go get bagels and coffee for the three… um, four of us,” he says, taking in the giant black dog sitting at my feet giving him a level stare that says back the heck up. “Holy shit, what in the hell is that?”
I squat down and give Cerberus face scritches. “This is Cerberus, and he is the best dog ever. Cerberus,” I say, addressing the dog now. “Alex is my best friend, and we love him, okay? You don’t have to be so menacing.”
Cerberus looks past me at Alex and after a pause, he finally settles onto the ground with a sigh. I stand back up and give Alex an apologetic smile.
“He’s very sweet and loving,” I offer.
“I’ll take your word for it,” Alex says, his eyes not leaving the dog. He retreats to his room where I hear drawers opening as he gets dressed.
I turn back to Hayes and have to fight the urge to run directly into his arms and bury my face against his chest. The urge is so strong I have to fist my hands in the sleeves of my sweater to keep myself from reaching for him.
I want to hear him out before I fully open my heart to him again.
It’s better to keep my traitorous body out of this.
“I’ve missed you,” Hayes says, his gravelly voice low and connecting straight to my lady bits.
Well, there goes that holdout; my body is right on board with whatever he has to say. I shake my head to clear it and keep from falling down that path.
“Hayes,” I start, bracing to tell him I’m not sure I’m ready.
Alex bustles out of the bedroom, pushing his arms into a coat.
“I’ll be back in an hour. If you need me before that, I won’t be far, just call,” he tells me, with all the care of a protective best friend who also wants to give me time alone with my husband.
Gosh, it’s still weird to think that I have a husband, no matter how estranged we have become, and he’s standing here now, patiently waiting for a chance to talk to me.
“I’ll be fine, but thank you,” I say, wrapping him in a hug. “I appreciate you so much.”
Alex pulls away and approaches Hayes. “Don’t fuck this up. This is your only second chance.”
Hayes’s face darkens at being scolded and told what to do, but he just nods and lets Alex pass through the door before closing it.
“I’m glad you have a friend like that,” he says to me, without sounding like he means it at all.
“Alex is as good a friend as they come. We grew up together and he saved me from a whole lot of heartache in high school.”
I catch a shift in Hayes’s features and wonder if he is thinking about us now or what Garrison did to me in high school.
“Come in and sit down.”
I curl up on one end of the sofa, pulling a throw blanket down and patting the cushion for Cerberus to join me. I’m extra indulgent with him because it feels so good to have complete acceptance and love from a big animal who didn’t go out of his way to buy out my legacy.
Hayes hesitates, looking around the room before finally settling his big frame into a chair across from me. It’s pretty impressive to see him out of his element and not completely in control of himself, or the situation, for once.