Ainsley #2
“I was taking notes on a deal, and Archer saw me when I left the meeting. He followed me back to my floor and asked me out. I turned him down. I knew about him and didn’t want to get myself into trouble or lose the one job that was actually paying decently.
Archer’s a narcissist, but I didn't know that at the time, so he took it hard that I wasn’t instantly his and I became a challenge.
He pursued me all summer, and I agreed to give him a chance when my internship was up, thinking it was finally a safe time. ”
“It sounds like things turned ugly for you if you realized he was a narcissist and was nasty to you.”
Payton sweeps his thumbs up the sides of my spine and I moan at the incredible way it feels.
Not seeing his face while I reveal this makes it easier to divulge the details.
At least it’s been the simple stuff so far.
Now he’s asking for the hard. The lump already rises in my throat as I dig for the strength to open this box, share the ugly truths, and reveal my weaknesses to a man who’s far too similar to Archer, at least on the surface.
“He was great at first. Attentive, doting, made me feel so special, and like the only woman in the world who mattered. I was so dumb. I realized later that’s exactly what a narcissist does.
A few months in, he asked me to move in with him.
He wanted me to focus more on school and not worry about paying rent.
It was too good to be true and I was head over heels for him, so I was thrilled.
But he quickly changed. He became possessive and controlling.
He didn’t want me to hang out with my friends and demanded all my time be spent with him.
He said he cared and didn’t like when we were apart, but he was jealous if I wasn’t focused on him.
He even interfered with school and work.
I kept my newspaper internship but quit my waitressing job because he didn’t like me out late, so I became financially dependent on him, as well as dependent on him for my housing.
He was super manipulative. Every argument became my fault when I knew he was the cause.
It was so messed up. He had the upper hand at that point and I didn’t know what would happen if we broke up over something stupid, so I’d apologize to end the fights.
I was walking on eggshells, trying not to upset him, worried that I’d suddenly be left without anywhere to go or a way to get by.
It was scary to realize later just how much he’d manipulated my situation so I needed him for everything and couldn't leave even when I wanted to.”
I shrink with this admission, becoming smaller as I round over my knees away from Payton’s hands.
I hate this part of the story. I was so weak and stupid.
To not realize that was gaslighting…God, listen to me, I’m still making it my fault.
I don’t want to admit the rest because it only gets worse from here and it’s already bad enough.
“He sounds like a fucking nightmare. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
” Payton pulls me back against him, threads his long fingers into my hair, and massages my scalp, eliciting a little moan from me as my body relaxes against his minutely.
“Tell me the rest of what he did to you. I know that’s not the worst of it. I want to know everything.”
I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut. “He tracked my phone, I think, because he’d call or text and ask who I was with and why I was at a certain place if I hadn’t told him I was going to be there.
It was all super weird. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but I was in so deep by then I couldn’t end things.
Where could I even go and how could I pay for it?
I’d alienated all my friends and I didn’t have a way to afford a Manhattan apartment on my own.
It was such a change after he’d been so good to me, at first.”
I sniff and force the tears that blur my vision not to fall. I won’t let Archer make me cry again. I clear my throat and shake my head. He’s had enough of my tears. Enough of my anxiety, my fear, my pain. But not tonight.
“His parents hated me. They made sure to mention that I was a scholarship student from the South every time I had to see them as if that somehow made me less. They insisted he’d never marry someone like me and made it known they thought I was dating him for his money.
I guess it looked that way. I was living with him and he was paying for everything.
Looking back, that’s probably what he wanted them to think. How sick is that?”
I shake my head, shame settling over me as I unburden myself of the shadows of my past to a man who is too much like Archer in his wealth and status that he could think the same things.
Payton could be a carbon copy of Archer if he wanted to be, given a malicious streak.
I should worry what he’ll think of me after hearing how naive and dumb I was to fall for someone like Archer and his manipulations. I’m supposed to be smarter than this.
Payton’s hands still against my neck and he pulls me back against his chest. “Archer’s a predator. You didn’t do anything wrong. You know that, right?”
I stay silent.
He grips my knees and spins me around to face him. He wraps his arms around my back, holding me close. It’s incredibly intimate being face-to-face with him like this.
“He’s the one who fucked you over and that’s why you don’t date, right?”
“It’s a pretty good reason not to. He’s horrible and I was so stupid.”
He tilts his head like he’s seeing something I’m not saying, and I look away, not wanting him to pry into what I’m keeping from him, but in true Payton fashion, he catches on too easily.
“It was you who ended things, right? How did you finally break up with him?”
I nod, still not meeting his intense ocean-blue eyes.
“It’s a long story and it’s already late.
I’m sure you don’t want to hear it, especially since it’s not relevant to our fake relationship.
” I wave at him to deflect, looking for an edge of anger to add to my voice, but I can only muster embarrassment.
Payton captures my hand in his and pulls it up to his lips, kissing each of my fingertips in turn.
“It’s relevant because it happened to you.
Besides, it’s going to be too hard for me to sleep with you next to me if you won’t let me cuddle, so I have all night to listen to your story, and I want to hear it.
Please tell me, Ainsley, even if you’re embarrassed or it hurts. I won’t judge you.”
I look at Payton, seeing the truth of his words and the openness on his face.
I hate sharing this part of my history with anyone.
It took me a year to tell Della, and my parents still don't know the full story.
But for some reason, I want him to know.
I blink and look at the stubble on his jaw before I can work up the nerve to tell him.
I take a deep breath of his glorious scent to fortify myself before I can begin.
When I blow it out, I see him shiver a bit from my breath on his neck.
“He asked me to do something for him, to write a story using information that he said was from a source at the company. I agreed, and the story was really good, one of the best I’ve ever written, but it ended up costing me my integrity in the end.
My editor was able to substantiate the claim, but I shouldn’t have accepted the information.
It’s a story that earned me a really great scholarship that would have paid for the rest of my grad program.
It opened doors for me after my time at NYU—it landed me an internship at The New York Times, which led to a promised spot on their staff once I graduated. ”
I laugh bitterly, remembering how great my life was going for about six months before it all came crashing down on my head. I risk a glance up at Payton. He’s looking at me sincerely, with no judgment in his stare, just patience.
He cups my cheeks in his big hands and forces me to maintain eye contact.
“I’m listening. I know this is hard. I won’t judge you for anything you say.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, hating the next part and the way it reflects on my character, and possibly how he’ll feel about me, despite what he says.
“Everything was going so well after that story. My confidence was at an all-time high, so my writing was better than ever. I won an award for it. Everything was great. Until I found out it was all a lie. Archer’s father, Andreas, had provided the insider information I was given.
Donner Investments had fabricated the whole thing.
Archer used me, knowing I was desperate to prove my worth as a journalist. I didn't care when I wrote it that the story would have the kind of life-altering consequences it did.
When I heard Archer and his dad talking about how they'd used me, I was devastated.”
I hug my arms around myself as my stomach twists even now, years later, thinking of walking up to their table to meet them for dinner without them seeing me and hearing them discussing how easy I was to manipulate.
I’d stayed long enough to hear all the incriminating evidence because they were planning to do it again now that they’d been successful.
The repercussions of my actions and how Archer manipulated me using false information for the financial gain of a company that already had more money than they knew what to do with still affect me.
I swallow the lump in my throat and glance up at Payton, feeling guilty even admitting it now.
He cups my jaw and brushes his thumb over my cheek before he leans forward and kisses my forehead tenderly, lingering long enough for me to relax into the intimate gesture.
I blink a few times to hold back the tears pricking my eyes.
“What did you do when you found out?”