31. Thirty-one
Alight rain starts to fall just as we prepare to exit the restaurant hand-in-hand, my stomach knotting in anticipation.
“Stay here so you don’t get soaked. Only I should be doing that, not the fucking weather,” Zander says, voice low and sensual as he gives me a panty-melting grin before he ducks out the door quickly and runs to the valet stand.
Raindrops cling to his hair when he returns, and I brush a stray drop from his jaw. He catches my hand and holds it there, staring at me so intently, his eyes shimmering with the heat of a summer storm so I can’t look away. I think he’s going to kiss me right there, but just as he shifts his body and starts to lean down, his unusual car pulls up and his attention is drawn away. He shakes his head, still not taking his eyes off me, but ushers me out of the restaurant and into the car.
He lives downtown, so the drive is short and quiet as we vibrate in anticipation of what the night holds for us. The ride up the elevator of his high-rise building is full of longing glances and a tension that builds the closer we get to the top floor. I’m trembling with the nearness of him, with the promise of what’s to come, and the possibilities of what this all means. His fingers keep up a slow caress along the open back of my tank, but he stays silent until the elevator comes to a stop at a marble vestibule that opens to the door of his penthouse. He leads me with a hand at the small of my back across the space and unlocks the door, letting me walk in ahead of him.
Zander’s home is insane, as expected. It’s modern, full of sharp edges, lots of glass and metal. It”s a child-proofing nightmare to my mama”s eyes. He doesn”t let me fully inspect the palatial space before he’s in front of me, pulling me into his body, his hand on my throat in that sexy, commanding way of his, angling my chin up to his face.
“Do you want this as badly as I do, Lowe?” he growls, mouth close to mine.
“Yes,” I breathe, feeling the heat pool between my legs with the low urgency in his tone.
“Do you want me, as shitty as I was to you?” He lets my chin drop and smooths the hair away from my face gently, like he can smooth away the past hurts.
I blink and look down at his chest. “As much as I hated you for what you did, there was always a part of me that wanted you. That always will.” I look up at him. “But it will be so hard to trust you.” I shake my head, feeling my hair slide over my bare shoulders, hissing against the silk of my top. “I believed in what you told me before and it broke me when you took that away so easily, like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. But, fuck, I want to believe you now, so badly.”
“How do I show you this is real, when I’ve never done this before? It’s all new to me. I’m going in blind here. I don’t know the right things to say or do to make you trust me.”
“But you do want to do this, right?” I clarify.
“Yes, I want to do this. I would fucking walk through fire for you, Lowe. I want to do everything this means. Be a father to our son. Be the man you need. Share a forever with you. I want you to be mine so fucking badly, Lowe. Say the words, baby.”
I’ve waited five years to hear him say those words and mean them. I close my eyes and rest my forehead against his shoulder, breathing in the scent of storms and sandalwood of his cologne. He drops his hands to my lower back and holds me tightly as I process, as I think about how to place my trust in someone who can so effectively shatter it. I don”t think there’s any way to know but to try, to believe, and hope for the best. I pull my head back and look up at him again, patiently waiting for me when I remember him to be one to take what he wanted immediately.
“I’m yours, Zander.” And with those three simple words, his face becomes absolutely radiant, like lightning has cracked open the sky.
“You’re not seeing that fucking football player anymore,” he growls, hands roaming possessively low and gripping my ass tightly. “I won’t be sharing you, so make arrangements right the fuck now, if you need to.”
I laugh softly. “I’m not with Knox anymore. He and I decided we were better friends than anything. Turns out, I’m not really his type.”
Zander’s face darkens with rage. “You’re incredible. What the fuck is wrong with him?” he asks, glowering. “Has he taken too many hits to the head or something? Did he not see your out-of-this-world ass? These fucking amazing tits? These thighs I want wrapped around me immediately? You’re a goddess; there’s no comparison to your beauty. I’m fucking rock hard just touching you.”
I laugh harder at his defense of me. “Relax. When I say I’m not his type, I mean you’re more his type. Knox is gay. He just came out to me, so you’re sworn to secrecy as the only other person who knows. He said I could tell you, if I needed to, after he saw how you acted at the gala. He was impressed with your defense of me, to say the least. You may have a six-foot-six admirer now.”
I walk my fingers up his chest and smile, thinking of the way Knox looked when we talked about it on the way home from the gala last weekend. He is seriously on Team Zander with Mom and Alicia.
I feel Zander’s muscles ease against me. “In that case, I’m fucking you tonight.”
His hands slide behind my thighs and pick me up like I”m not forty pounds heavier than the last time he did this, wrapping my legs around his hips and holding my ass as he carries me through the penthouse to his bedroom. He sets me down on a huge platform bed with a white duvet and just looks at me for a moment with those mercurial eyes of his.
“What?” I ask, feeling self-conscious. Maybe it’s my not-quite-toned arms, the bit of my belly with the stretch marks showing where my tank is riding up, or the squish of my thighs pressing together where I used to have a gap.
“You’re so beautiful. I’ve thought about your body so many times. I can’t wait to get you naked again.”
“Zander, my body has changed.” I wrap my arms around my middle, feeling self-conscious, despite years of therapy to get past my hang-ups and being a warrior for body positivity now. “I don’t look the same, and I don”t want you to be disappointed.”
He kneels at my feet, staring up at me as he begins to unbuckle my four-inch heels one at a time, rubbing the instep of each foot, before lifting my leg and placing a kiss on my ankle. “There is not a single way your body could disappoint me. I know your body has changed and every change I’ve seen has made me that much crazier about you. Your fucking thirst traps on Instagram have been my undoing. Fuck, I”ve been going insane seeing those and not being able to get my hands on you.”
He stays on his knees in front of me as he runs his hands from my ankles to my knees and pushes them apart with a quick movement that leaves me breathless. He moves his hands to my inner thighs and slowly caresses up to the apex of my hips, where he grabs me roughly, and I whimper, feeling my need begin to outpace my self-consciousness. He rubs his thumbs softly along the seam of my pussy, still fully covered by my leggings and thong underneath, but pulsing with hot need for him already.
“I love this new softness to you. It’s made me insane to have had even a tiny touch of it here or there against me and not have my fill.”
He tucks his fingers into the waistband of my leggings and thong, pulling them down. I lean back on my hands and lift my hips for him as he peels the tight material down my legs with a slow reverence that leaves me speechless. He kisses his way back up my legs until he reaches the edge of my tank, his hands slowly raising the silky material along my skin in a sensual caress of its own as I raise my arms and he pulls it off, leaving me completely bare before him.
He stands and unbuttons his shirt, tossing it on the floor behind him, and I get to drink him in as he toes off his shoes, works on his belt and slacks, stripping down to his boxer briefs. The last five years have been good to him, filling him out, giving him the good kind of bulk that lends power instead of paunch, and he’s still exquisite in every way.
He stands staring at me for so long that I give him a look before he can make me feel self-conscious again. “Now what?”
“I’ve thought about having you back in my bed for so long, it doesn”t feel real seeing you here now. I’m just taking a second to sear it into my memory as the moment my fantasies became real again.”
My eyes prick with the pretty words, but I know the truth. I shoot him an accusing look. “Liar. You didn’t think twice about me after that trip. You made sure of it. No repeats was your motto. No attachments. Be real with me so I can trust you.”
He kneels before me again and takes my hands, lacing our fingers. “On the outside, yes, but deep down, there was always a part of me that wanted this right here. I only do no attachments because it wouldn’t be fair to give anyone what’s left after what I devote to work. My first priority has always been Olympus. Going in early, staying late. Living and breathing deals is second nature. What does that leave for a relationship? Fuck, I’m scared of what that’s going to do to you. You deserve better, and I knew it then. I know it now, but I still want this more than anything. So I’m making changes, starting today, but it’s going to be an adjustment. Be patient with me as I fight my way through it to give you what you deserve.”
“Is that really the reason you didn’t want a relationship with me?” I ask, the information sinking in slowly. “Because of work? Not that I wasn”t good enough? It wasn’t because you didn’t want me?” My voice sounds small and I hate the waver in it.
He gives me an incredulous look and brings a hand up to cup my cheek. “You thought you weren’t good enough and I didn’t want you? You have to be joking. I wanted you more than anything in the world. I fucking fell in love with you, Lowe. The same night you fell in love with me, in the bathtub, with these damn flowers all over us,” he says, turning and grabbing his discarded pants, pulling a plumeria blossom out of his pocket, and holding it out to me.
I take it with trembling fingers. “What… I didn’t know…” I fumble over my words, but he goes on, saving me from my inability to speak after that proclamation that just blew my mind.
“I couldn’t do that love justice. As much as I wanted that forever we promised each other, it wouldn’t work in the world I’d created back home, where Olympus came first and everything else a distant second. You couldn’t come second to anything. You deserved to be first. You deserved to be my queen, and if I couldn’t give you that, I didn’t fucking deserve you at all. So instead of giving you the scraps of what was leftover, I broke your heart and tore mine out completely, locked it up, and let it fester away, all while being the fuckboy who doesn’t do attachments until I saw you again last month and realized I’d fucked it all up. When I found out about Hendricks…” he pauses and shakes his head, looking down at his hands where he grips my thighs like he can’t find the words. He looks up, his eyes endless wells of brokenness. “Everything else in my world narrowed. I realized there’s something more important than Olympus, more important than work. I wanted to know this kid we made, more than anything. This kid that you raised all by yourself because I was a selfish bastard who gave you no other choice.”
He wipes tears from my cheeks with his thumbs and cups my face in his big hands, staring at me with a look so intense it makes me squirm under the attention.
“You have your psycho eyes on right now. They look like quicksilver and maybe you’re going to lock me in a closet and keep me as a pet,” I say to diffuse the intensity and the revelation that has burst like the clouds outside, rain now pelting the windows of the penthouse in earnest.
He laughs and drops his hands. “I deserve that. I’m being creepy. I do want to lock you up and keep you forever.”
He looks down and makes a noise that is all male, his big hands going to my waist, making me feel small under his touch. His thumbs trace the undersides of my breasts, brushing over my nipples, making me arch into the contact.
“Don’t scare me while you touch me like that,” I joke, my words becoming a sigh as he rolls my nipples until they’re hard peaks.
“You’re a very dangerous woman, Lowe. You make me want to do and say all sorts of things that would scare the shit out of us both.”
“Like what?” I ask, breathless as his touch roams my skin, his lips and tongue joining between words. It’s been so long since I’ve been touched like this, every nerve ending is craving the attention, needing, and wanting. I lean back on my elbows, shivering under his skilled touch that still knows my body so well as he travels lower.
“I was serious earlier—about babies. How many do you want?” I look down at him as he reaches the apex of my thighs, kneeling on the ground as my legs hang over the edge of the bed, the question asked against my sensitive folds. I thought he was kidding, but, maybe incredulously, he was being honest. He holds my gaze as his tongue parts me and he laps against my center, licking all the way to my clit and we both shudder with the contact, him groaning and me whimpering.
“More,” I answer, to both his question and his action. More of his gray-eyed babies and more of his damn skilled tongue.
“Sweeter than I even remembered. Still so responsive and fucking dripping for me. Such a good girl.” He slips a finger inside of me. “Just one more?” he asks, stroking too gently to get me there and smiling wickedly because he knows it.
“Another,” I pant, my hips rolling, looking for more friction from him.
“Two more.” He slips a second finger inside and strokes against my spot with the speed and pressure he knows I like best. My head rolls and I pant. He breathes against my clit but doesn”t give me what he knows I want, playing with me.
I grab his hair and pull hard. “More,” I demand, throwing my own head back and rocking my hips against his hand, chasing what I need.
“Fine, more babies it is.” He stops talking and drops his mouth to my clit, doing something sinful with his lips and tongue at the same time he presses hard against the spot inside, sending me over the edge. I lose my mind, my hips bucking up against his face, and my screams echoing around the large room. He strokes me as my release continues, letting me ride his face and fingers until I’m spent and breathless, delirious with the heady relief that only he can provide.
Tears have tracked down my cheeks again. It’s been so long since someone has touched me, made me come, I”ve forgotten how good it can feel, and I’m surprised that Zander remembers my body so well to elicit this kind of response so easily.
He stands and removes his boxer-briefs in a fluid movement and I marvel at the electric beauty of him, the impressive length and girth he strokes now as he looks down at me sprawled at the end of his bed, feeling satisfied and still wanting more.
“You make me crazy with how good you taste, Lowe. The sounds you make are heaven. You feel so good, everywhere I touch. How do you get better every time I have my hands on you? I can’t get enough.” He roughly yanks open a drawer on his nightstand and pulls out a condom, ripping the foil and rolling it down his cock. “Tell me when we can start making more babies and I can fill you with my cum again.”
I scoot away from him and up the bed. “You’re talking a lot about babies tonight. Give it some time. Let’s see how you do with Hendricks first. And with me. Now come fuck me, it’s been too long for me and I don”t remember what it’s like.”
He kneels on the bed and crawls up my body, his eyes intense as he takes in every bit of me. “How long has it been, Lowe?” He pulls my arms above me and holds my wrists together in one of his fists. The possessive, jealous note in his tone is an obvious double standard given his own fuckboy ways and the myriad of women he has taken to bed.
“You were the last, Zander,” I whisper as he hovers above me, with his face so close to mine we’re breathing the same air.
His face goes even more possessive, though a tender look passes through his storm cloud eyes, filling them with a mercurial gleam in the moonlit room. He lets go of my wrists to stroke my cheek. “You’ve always been mine, even when you hated me.”
He notches himself at my entrance and pushes in agonizingly slow. My pussy is wet, but still having to stretch to fit him and I moan, arching my back at the near intrusion. He pulls out a bit and can slide in easier this time, and we both groan in satisfaction. I place my hand on Zander’s face and stare into his eyes, which look so much like my beautiful son’s. He deserves to know my reasons.
“It’s why I had the baby. I wouldn’t erase that one little piece of you I was able to keep when you shut me out. I didn’t want to lose my forever with you, even if I couldn’t have you.”
“Fuck, Lowe.” He drops his face to my neck, his arms encircling my back and pulling me tight to his body. “You have me now, forever.”
He rises to his knees and pulls me up with him, so I’m straddling his lap, and kisses me like he’s starving. Like I’m air and he’s drowning. Like he can”t get enough of me. This isn’t just a joining of our bodies after years apart, I realize, it’s a homecoming. Zander still feels like home, and being in his arms, our bodies fitting tightly together, has the same feeling of home I felt years ago with him in the Maldives. I blink in recognition and look into his eyes, seeing that same spark of awareness, that same kindling of home that flares brightly for him as well. I kiss him again, never wanting this feeling to end.
I can feel the elusive orgasm building slowly as my hips rock, his hands moving me just right. I push a hand into his hair, the other grips his back, nails sinking into the muscle and holding tight as I ride him hard, pushing the spiraling tension to a breaking point, my whimpers caught by his kisses. I tip my head back, hair tumbling behind me, breathing hard, loving how he feels, and how we move together.
He lowers his mouth to my neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive spot below my ear, sending a jolt of electricity through me that pushes me over the edge. I scream in ecstasy, lightning flashing behind my eyelids as the storm breaks outside the floor-to-ceiling windows of the penthouse. A boom of thunder rattles the panes of glass, joining in my cries of pure delirium as Zander keeps our bodies moving throughout my release. Rain pelts the glass in torrents now, turning the room darker, shadows swimming around us.
I start to laugh as my trembling muscles finally release me from the deluge of bliss he wrung from my body. I collapse against him, curling into his arms, and let him hold me as I get my breathing under control. “Now I remember what fucking you is like. Holy hell, Zander.”
“I’m not done with you, Lowe,” he growls. ”Get on your knees and give me that delectable ass so I can watch my cock destroy your pussy from behind.”
I shiver in anticipation and look up, catching the commanding look on his face, and smile back at him. “Make me,” I purr, running a nail down his cheek. Another crack of lightning flashes, lighting up his smoldering gray eyes that take my challenge.
“There’s the little Wildcat I remember.” With a swift movement, he picks me up and roughly turns me in his arms, pinning my back to his front and clasping his hand around my throat, squeezing gently as I gasp, sending my heart racing and pulling a smile up at the corners of my mouth. Thunder booms, sending the beat of his heart skipping against my back.
“This smart mouth has always been my fucking favorite,” he growls against my face. “You miss it a little rougher, baby? You want me to punish this pretty little cunt that’s been waiting so patiently for my cock?” He moves the hand he has banded around my waist to grip between my legs. “I’ll make you take every inch of me and see what that mouth says after I teach you a lesson.”
He lets go of my throat and I take a deep breath that turns into a squeak as he bends me over and pushes my chest into the bed, keeping one heavy hand on my hip. He knocks my knees wider with his leg and pushes into me roughly. I groan, hands fisting the duvet, back arching as I push back against him, meeting the punishing thrusts he’s started.
“That’s it?” I goad. “I thought you were going to teach me a lesson about my smart mouth.”
A loud thwack sounds as his palm connects with my ass and I let out a yowl of pain, trying to jump forward, but he holds me in place.
“Shut the fuck up and take that cock like a good girl.”
My body clenches around him, my eyes rolling in bliss even as I whimper, and he smooths his palm over the raw spot on my cheek. He continues the punishing rhythm that has him bottoming out, his hips connecting with my ass on each thrust that rocks my entire body.
“Look at your cunt, taking my cock so well,” he grunts out as he slams into me. “You look so pretty.” Thrust. “Stretching around me.” Thrust. “Dripping for me.” Thrust. “Put those pretty fingers to work.” Thrust. “Touch yourself.” Thrust. “So you can come apart.” Thrust. “While I ruin you.” Thrust.
I moan and unclench one hand from the death grip I have on the duvet that is keeping me from being thrust across the bed and inch my arm under my body, finding my clit and circling. He pushes my hips lower, widening my knees, and drives into me from a new angle, hitting that sensitive spot every time he bottoms out, and I start to see stars as my body tightens around him. I begin to shake, my knees trembling with the effort to keep me upright, and damn does it feel good to take all of him like this. I make a sound I can only call mewling while my pussy spasms, locking up tight around Zander’s cock, the breath freezing in my lungs for a heartbeat before the orgasm tears through me, and I scream loud enough I’m sure the neighbors three floors down can hear me.
Another flash of lightning and boom of thunder shakes the room, joining me in my cry of release, and I think that the storm is as relieved as I am that Zander is back in my life and I’m in his bed. I bite down on the duvet as the waves keep washing over me, Zander relentless in his pursuit of my pleasure. With a groan, he buries himself deep and comes, his fingers digging into my hips hard enough to bruise.
He collapses onto my back, tracing kisses across my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me, lacing our fingers together, and squishing me into the mattress in the most divine way, like he knows I want to be entangled in him even now.
“How’s that smart mouth now? Throat a little hoarse from screaming? I don”t know what was louder, you or the storm.”
“Me. Definitely me,” I groan, voice scratchy from the effort as I snuggle harder into him. “Why do I keep falling in love with you during lightning storms?” The thought slips out before I can catch it, and he wraps me up tighter, as if he likes hearing those soft words I’m barely able to breathe now as the storm rages outside the penthouse windows.
“It’s because we’re electric, baby. We’ll always set the sky on fire when we give in to each other. Now maybe you’ll know I’ll love you until the atmosphere can no longer muster the energy to crack the sky open with light and heat and sound to match how I feel. I’m going to love you forever, Lowe, and every time you see lightning, you’re going to know the absolute power of my love for you.”