17. Sawyer
Sawyer
It’s been a day. Mom and I packed up the cabin to head back to Ashford tomorrow. Back to real life. I’m not ready but I guess, the universe doesn’t care.
Owen’s phone is in my hand. The texts between him and Ella open again. I’ve reread them at least a dozen times since I found them yesterday.
We need to tell her… Tell both of them.
I don’t mean to fall asleep.
One minute I’m staring at the ceiling, running the texts through my head again, and the next I’m thirteen years old, sitting at the island in the Aldrich kitchen with a cut up apple and my laptop open to an essay I needed to finish.
Owen disappeared upstairs to shower twenty minutes ago. Thank God. He came off the lacrosse field smelling like a barnyard animal baking in the sun. Even Victoria wrinkled her nose and sprayed perfume in her car when she picked us up from school.
We were supposed to be working on our essays together. They’re due tomorrow, on the American Revolution. I had exactly one sentence written, and it wasn’t even a good one. He claimed he could help, that he was almost done with his. We’ll see.
The back door opened and Knox came in. He was wearing gym shorts and his Ashford High T-shirt, sticking to his body from sweat, lacrosse stick propped over one shoulder. I took a minute to appreciate him before he noticed me. It’s still hard to believe that Knox somehow became hot this year.
I mean he’d always been cute, but maybe I was just too young to notice.
He dropped his bag and stick by the door with a thud that rattled the cabinet next to it, opened the fridge, and stood there drinking orange juice straight from the carton.
“That’s disgusting,” I said without looking up.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Nobody asked you, Thorne.”
I scoffed and flipped open to a random chapter in my history textbook. Anything to keep my eyes occupied.
He put the carton back and shut the fridge, and I felt him register me properly for the first time since walking in. “What are you doing?”
“We’ve gotta finish an essay.”
“Where is he?”
“Shower. He smelled like death.”
Knox almost laughed and I couldn’t help but feel good about that. He came around the island and leaned over my shoulder to look at my screen. He was close enough that I could smell grass and sweat and a hint of his deodorant. Most definitely not like a barn animal…not at all.
“Causes of the American Revolution,” he read. “You’ve written like, five words.”
I flip a page in the textbook. “It’s coming along. I’m building momentum.”
“That’s not what momentum looks like.”
“Thank you, Knox, for that incredibly helpful observation.”
He straightened up and grabbed a handful of the apple slices off my plate without asking. I turned to object and found him already eating them, completely unbothered.
“Those were mine.”
“There’s a whole apple in the bowl.”
“That’s not the point—”
My phone lit up on the counter beside my laptop. Then again. Then three times in quick succession, buzzing against the marble.
I glanced at the screen and found a text from Brianna Wilson, who I’d spoken maybe twelve words to in my entire life.
heard you like chase henderson. rachel is SO mad at you lol
My stomach dropped to the floor.
Two more texts came in. One from an unknown number, and one from Madison, who’s been Rachel’s best friend since kindergarten and therefore the last person I wanted weighing in on anything involving me. I didn’t open either of them.
I told one person about my crush on Chase.
“You good?” Knox was still standing at the island, looking at me over his water glass.
“Yeah.” I flipped another page in the textbook I wasn’t reading.
I could feel him watching me the way he sometimes did. Quiet and intense, like he could see through my skin.
My phone buzzed again and I flipped it face down.
“Thorne.”
“I said I’m fine.”
He reached over and picked up my phone before I could stop him.
“Knox! What the hell?”
He turned away to read. I watched his jaw tighten, his hand clench around my phone. Then he set it back on the counter, screen down again, and was quiet for a moment.
“How’d that Brianna girl find out you like Chase Henderson?”
Heat crawled up my neck, probably coloring my face like a strawberry. “I don’t know…It’s not—” I sighed then pressed my lips together. “I told Owen. In confidence.”
He picked up his water glass and drank, not saying a word, just staring at the back wall of the kitchen.
“Don’t say anything,” I said.
“I didn’t.”
“You were going to.”
He looked at me, and there was something in his expression I didn’t have a name for. It wasn’t pity. I’d know that look. It was almost like he was angry on my behalf. Which was probably worse, because what was I supposed to do with that?
“Chase Henderson’s a tool anyway,” he said finally. “And what’s the deal with Rachel? They dating?”
“No. But she likes him.”
He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “So you like the same guy. That’s not a crime.”
“I know that. But I told Owen specifically because I wasn’t going to do anything about it. Because my friendship with Rachel matters more.” I pushed a piece of apple around my plate. “And now she thinks I was going behind her back.”
Knox looked at me for a beat, before lowering his voice. “You shouldn’t have told Owen.”
I didn’t want to hear it from him. Mostly because I knew he was right.
“I know that now,” I muttered.
He grabbed another apple slice off my plate and I let him, too deflated to give him shit about it. My phone kept buzzing with notifications, until I grabbed it and put it on silent.
Knox stayed where he was, leaning against the counter, quietly chewing, not filling the silence with unnecessary chatter. I appreciated that more than I would have admitted.
Footsteps sounded from around the corner right before Owen appeared in the doorway in fresh clothes, hair still damp, smelling way better than he had a half hour ago.
“Hey,” he said to Knox as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. “How was practice?”
“Fine.”
Owen turned to me, his usual self, completely unaware of the tension in the room. “Okay, I’m ready. Where are you at?”
I looked at him and tried to keep my face neutral even though his smile and easy personality grated on me. He was already pulling out the stool next to mine like nothing had happened. No idea that most of our grade has probably been talking about me all afternoon.
“Owen,” I started, keeping my voice low. “Did you tell anyone about Chase?”
He paused for a second, his smile dropping.
“What? No. Why?”
“Because Brianna Wilson just texted me that Rachel knows.”
His eyes shifted down to the textbook. “I mean...I might have mentioned it to Evan. But just Evan, and I told him not to say anything. I didn’t think he’d—”
“Owen.”
“It slipped out.” He messed with the water bottle in his hands. “It wasn’t a big deal, I didn’t think it would be a problem. What happened?”
“She’s my friend and now she thinks I went behind her back.” I took a breath, trying to stay collected. “I told you I wasn’t going to do anything about it. To keep it to yourself. I just needed to tell someone and get it off my chest.”
“Shit.” He turned to face me fully, and I could see the genuine regret in his eyes. “Sunny. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking. You know I’d never do it on purpose.”
I held his gaze, feeling my anger already softening at the edges. I kind of hated that it was so hard for me to stay mad at him.
“I’ll talk to Evan,” he continued. “And figure out how it got back to her. We can fix this.” He bumped his shoulder into mine. “I promise. Okay?”
I looked back at my laptop. “Fine.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I turned the laptop toward him. “But you’re actually helping me with this stupid essay.”
He grinned and leaned over to look at my screen. “Okay, so we have a lot of work to do.”
“I know.”
“Like a lot, a lot.”
“Owen. I know.”
I felt Knox push off the counter behind us. I’d almost forgotten he was still there.
“Unbelievable,” he said quietly.
Owen glanced up. “What?”
Knox looked at me instead of his brother, and I could see the disappointment in his expression. “Nothing. Just good to know you’ll forgive him for anything, Thorne.” He walked over to his bag, and slung it over his shoulder. “He’s lucky you have no backbone.”
My face was on fire and I immediately looked away. They both went quiet. Even Owen, who usually laughed everything off.
“Bro,” Owen said, but Knox was already headed down the hallway toward the stairs.
I stared at the place where he was standing, feeling the sting of his words work their way through me.
“Ignore him,” Owen said, turning back to my laptop. “He’s in a mood.”
“Is he wrong, though?”
Owen looked at me. “What?”
“I forgave you in like, thirty seconds.”
“Because I said sorry and I meant it.” He bumped his knee into mine. “That’s not a bad thing, Sunny. That’s just you being you.”
I reread the words on my screen while Knox’s insult played in my head. Was I that pathetic? And why did I even care what Knox thought of me, anyway?
“Come on.” Owen tapped my laptop screen. “American Revolution. George Washington and shit, right? Let’s get it done.”
He started to sing Hamilton lyrics obnoxiously, something he loved to do since our families saw the show together last month. I tried my best not to give in and smile, but as soon as he messed up the words, I was right there correcting him with a shove.
I finally got him to focus, and passed him the textbook. But it was me who couldn’t focus. Knox’s words hurt. Worse than any of the shit currently making its way around the entire eighth grade.
But I knew the sting would fade. The drama with Rachel would die down. And Knox, he could go screw himself.
A noise wakes me and I blink, my eyes focusing in the dark. I hear it again. It’s my phone going off.
What the hell? It’s 2:04 AM.
I reach for my phone.
Knox: hey
Knox: come outside
I stare at it wondering if I’m still in the past, but the way my heart is going tells me pretty quickly that I’m awake. That this is real.