Chapter 40 #2
"You couldn't have known."
"But I should have."
Orm stepped forward slightly.
"You were hurting too."
Lingling looked at her.
"I was angry."
"You were broken."
"I blamed you."
"You were trying to survive."
"I hated you."
Orm's expression softened.
"I know."
Lingling's face twisted with pain.
"And you still loved me."
Orm's lips trembled.
"I never learned how not to."
That sentence destroyed them both.
Lingling couldn't take another step backward.
She couldn't stand another second pretending that four years had erased what had never truly disappeared.
So she crossed the distance between them.
Without another word.
She wrapped both arms around Orm.
Orm froze.
Completely.
For one brief, heartbreaking second, she couldn't believe it was real.
She had imagined this moment so many times.
In dreams.
In lonely nights.
In the quiet moments before sleep.
She had imagined Lingling running toward her.
She had imagined being held again.
She had imagined hearing her heartbeat.
She had imagined what it would feel like to finally stop missing her.
But dreams were cruel.
Because sometimes, when you wanted something for too long, finally receiving it felt too impossible to trust.
Orm's hands hovered uncertainly.
Then Lingling held her tighter.
And that was enough.
Orm broke.
Her arms wrapped around Lingling's body, pulling her close with everything she had left.
She buried her face against Lingling's shoulder.
And cried.
Not quietly.
Not gracefully.
Not like the strong woman she had forced herself to become.
She cried like someone who had finally been given permission to grieve.
Lingling cried with her.
They clung to each other as if four years of separation could be undone simply by refusing to let go.
Every sob carried a memory.
Every tear carried a year.
Every trembling breath carried a love that had survived things it should never have had to survive.
"I'm so sorry Orm."
"I'm the one who should be sorry Ling."
"No! Because I was blinded by my own feelings, the way my heart breaking, I failed to recognize your heart has been wounded too."
"I'm sorry I let you faced everything alone my Ormy."
"You've been through a lot. And God, you tried to take your life." Lingling sobbed more as she remembered how Fluke narrated it to her.
"I can't forgive myself if ever Fluke and Junji didn't came on time to save you."
"It wasn't on you Lingling. It's all my decisions." Orm whispered as she tried to calm Lingling.
They continued to weep and grieve those four long years.
-
A few minutes passed, Lingling looks at Orm's teary face.
"I missed you." Lingling whispered.
Orm squeezed her tighter.
"I missed you too."
"So much."
"I know."
"I thought I'd never hold you again like this."
Orm closed her eyes.
"Neither did I."
Lingling pulled back just enough to look at her again.
Their faces were wet with tears.
" Om, I still love you."
Orm's eyes closed.
Another tear slipped down her cheek.
"I know."
"No."
Lingling shook her head.
"I need you to hear me."
Orm opened her eyes.
"I still love you even after everything that we went through."
Orm's lips trembled.
"Even if I have Liam now?"
Lingling nodded. "Especially with baby Liam now."
Orm cried once more.
"And I still love you Lingling. With every piece of my broken heart."
Lingling pressed her forehead against hers.
For a moment, they simply stayed there.
Breathing.
Crying.
Existing in the same space again.
Together.
There was no magic that could return the years.
No apology powerful enough to erase the nights they had spent alone.
No promise that could change the past.
But there was something else.
Something they had almost forgotten they still had.
Now.
This moment.
This second chance.
This fragile, trembling beginning.
Lingling closed her eyes.
She thought about every birthday spent apart.
Every unanswered prayer.
Every sleepless night.
Every airport where one of them had walked away while the other stayed behind.
Every hospital corridor where fear had reminded them how fragile life truly was.
Every anonymous cake.
Every photograph secretly watched from a distance.
Every song that still remembered them.
Every place that had held their laughter long after they stopped visiting.
Every moment they had continued choosing each other...
Even when life had forced them apart.
And perhaps that was what made their love so heartbreaking.
It hadn't been perfect.
It hadn't been easy.
It hadn't survived because they never hurt each other.
It survived because, somehow, even through the hurt, they never stopped caring.
They had lost each other.
But they had never truly let each other go.
-
Outside, the waves continued to kiss the shores of Phuket.
Soft.
Rhythmic.
Unhurried.
The ocean moved exactly as it always had, rolling toward the shore before retreating again, leaving behind a thin line of foam that disappeared almost as quickly as it came.
It was peaceful.
Almost painfully so.
Because the ocean did not know.
It did not know about the four years that had passed.
It did not know about the promises that had been broken, the words that had remained unsaid, or the nights when two people had cried themselves to sleep in different parts of the world.
It did not know about the birthdays spent apart.
The holidays celebrated without each other.
The photographs that had been stared at for far too long.
The messages that had been written but never sent.
The countless moments when both of them had looked at the same moon from different places and wondered if the other was doing the same.
The ocean did not know how much they had lost.
Or how long they had spent trying to convince themselves that losing each other had been necessary.
It simply continued to move.
As if time had never taken anything from them.
As if the world had simply paused...
Waiting.
Waiting for Lingling and Orm to find their way back to each other.
Inside the quiet room, however, everything had changed.
Lingling and Orm sat together on the couch, their bodies close enough that there was no space left between them.
Neither of them had said much since their embrace and break down.
There were simply too many emotions between them.
Four years' worth.
Four years of questions.
Four years of regret.
Four years of longing.
Four years of loving someone they had both believed they had lost.
Orm leaned against Lingling's shoulder, her cheek resting gently against the warmth of her body.
Lingling had one arm wrapped around her.
Tightly.
Almost protectively.
Her other hand rested over Orm's fingers, their hands intertwined on her lap.
Lingling's thumb moved slowly over Orm's knuckles.
Once.
Twice.
Again.
Every few seconds, she would glance down.
Just to make sure Orm was still there.
Still breathing.
Still leaning against her.
Still real.
Because somewhere deep inside Lingling, there was a small, terrified part of her that refused to believe this was real.
She had spent four years dreaming about this.
Four years imagining what it would feel like to hold Orm again.
Four years waking from dreams where Orm was beside her, only to reach across an empty bed and find nothing but cold sheets.
Four years of remembering the exact shape of Orm's smile.
The sound of her laughter.
The way she used to say her name.
The way her fingers used to find Lingling's beneath the table.
The way she used to fall asleep against her shoulder.
Lingling had remembered everything.
Even the things she wished she could forget.
So now that Orm was actually here...
Lingling was afraid to believe it.
Afraid that if she closed her eyes for too long, this moment would disappear.
Afraid that tomorrow would come and she would wake up in Paris, alone, with nothing but a memory of this day.
Afraid that happiness was another cruel trick her heart had created because it had become too exhausted from grieving.
Her arm tightened around Orm.
Orm noticed.
She slowly lifted her head.
"What is it?"
Lingling swallowed.
"Nothing."
Orm studied her face.
"You keep looking at me."
"I know."
"Why?"
Lingling looked down at their hands.
For a moment, she couldn't answer.
Then, in a voice so quiet it almost broke beneath the weight of the confession, she whispered,
"I'm making sure you're still here."
Orm's smile disappeared.
Her eyes softened immediately.
"Oh, Ling..."
"I'm scared."
The words were barely audible.
But Orm heard them.
And somehow, hearing Lingling-the woman who had always appeared so strong, so composed, so certain-admit that she was afraid hurt more than anything.
Lingling stared at their intertwined hands.
"I'm scared that I'll wake up tomorrow and find out none of this happened."
Orm's chest tightened.
She lifted her hand and gently touched Lingling's cheek.
"I'm here."
Lingling closed her eyes.
"I know."
"You can feel me."
Lingling nodded.
Orm smiled faintly through the tears gathering in her eyes.
"And if you wake up tomorrow..."
She gently squeezed Lingling's hand.
"...I'll still be here."
Lingling opened her eyes.
"You promise?"
Orm's lips trembled.
"I promise."
Lingling leaned forward.
Her lips pressed against Orm's forehead in a trembling kiss.
She stayed there for a moment longer than necessary.
As if she could somehow memorize the warmth of Orm's skin.
Then she pulled her close again.
Closer this time.
As though four years could somehow be erased by the simple act of refusing to let go.
Orm wrapped both arms around her.
And for several minutes, neither woman spoke.
They simply held each other.
Two women who had spent years pretending they were okay.
Two women who had learned how to smile while their hearts were quietly falling apart.
Two women who had mastered the art of surviving without the person they had once considered home.
And now...