Chapter 13
LAYLA
S omething woke me. My room was still dark, but outside, there was some sort of commotion. Moving back the curtain, I could see porch lights flickering on and the flashing of a witch light being carried in the distance. Suddenly wide awake with adrenaline, I left my room to see what was happening.
As I reached for the handle to peek outside, a loud banging caused me to jump back. It sounded like someone beating on the door with both fists.
“Sativa!” a voice called.
I yanked the door open, and a long-haired witch in a nightgown rushed in. I heard my covenmates emerging from their rooms with various protests and questions.
“Sativa!” the witch cried, tears streaming down her face as she ran. Outside, I could see other witches running, doors opening. Fear seized me. I quickly shut the door and locked it.
“Fern, babe, what’s happening?” Sativa drew the crying witch into her arms.
“People are going wild outside,” Datura said, standing next to Oliver. “Are we being attacked?”
“Not us, other Circles!” Fern sobbed. “Cypress and Saltmarsh are sending distress calls and fleeing for their lives, and no one can get a hold of anyone from Hillsong. We’re next… oh fate, we’re next!”
Sativa ran her hand down Fern’s hair. “Shh, you’re safe,” she said, but she looked up at me uncertainly.
Panic slammed into me as an emergency signal blared from everyone’s phones.
Oliver looked down at his screen. “Shit. Shit . We’re… we’re being called up,” he yelled over the tone.
“Us?” Datura grabbed Oliver’s arm. “We don’t even have guardians assigned!”
“It says all covens,” I said through numb lips, reading through the stark, all-caps notification on my own phone. The alert sound ended, leaving us in stunned silence.
Sativa’s familiar appeared by her side as she released Fern. “We… we’d better get ready. We should go get our robes.”
“No! I can’t!” Fern crashed into Sativa again.
“I’ll grab the robes,” Datura said as she jogged to their rooms.
“I can’t do this,” Fern wailed. “I never wanted this.”
Datura tossed Sativa her spell caster robe, and my covenmates struggled into their formal wear. It was the only equipment we had—a bright red beacon to mark our locations in a skirmish so guardians could pick us out easily.
If the angels did have some intelligence after all, it would be a deadly liability.
Datura and Oliver both called up their familiars. The small demons glanced around warily, as if searching for the source of danger—did they understand that they’d been called at an odd hour? I tried to see if they looked like they’d been sleeping, but they gave no indication either way.
“Shit,” said Oliver. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“Stay here with Layla,” Sativa told Fern. It was a given that I wasn’t going. “Take care of her,” she begged me.
I gave her a grim nod.
“Stay safe.” My voice sounded small.
I locked the door after my three covenmates left. Fern huddled miserably on the couch while I paced.
“I… I think we should—” I felt lightheaded, hugging my trembling arms to my chest. I took a series of deep, calming breaths. A shard of self-loathing pierced me. I’d prepared my whole life to be a spell caster, and here I was, terrified. Costi would never cower in fear. If I wanted to be anything to him, it was time to grow up .
I forced myself up straight and assessed the apartment. If I couldn’t help with the defense, at least I could make sure Fern and I were safe. I had no idea what we’d be facing, but it was probably best if the building looked unoccupied. I turned off the main lights and made sure the shades were closed in the main room and the bedrooms. In the dim glow of the single night-light, I moved items into the bathroom: a comforter, prepared food, bottles of water. From the kitchen, I took the fire extinguisher. It was heavy enough to bash at least one intruder.
“If we hear anything,” I said to Fern, trying to project confidence though my voice was shaking, “get in the bathroom. It’s the only room without windows.” I sat next to her on the couch.
“Okay,” she said weakly. “You’re not going with them either?”
I shook my head, though it was probably too dark to see. “I can’t. I don’t have a familiar.”
“Oh fate, I wish you could take mine. You seem really brave, like Sativa. I… I’m not cut out for this at all.”
“I’m not brave,” I murmured, thinking of how I’d panicked during the attack on Northern Sea. “Which coven are you from?”
“Brightstar. I’m one year ahead of you. My covenmates hate me because I haven’t gone on any missions with them.” Fern sighed. “I think after this, I’ll have to drop out or something.”
“You don’t want to be a spell caster?”
“Fate, no. Do you?”
“Yes,” I said, but then I thought about it for a moment. “I never really had a choice. It was just assumed.”
“Exactly. If your parents are casters, they just throw you in, too, whether you like it or not.”
I frowned. “Well, we’re so rare, I suppose they have to.”
Fern thumbed her phone on. In the dim light, I could see her with her knees drawn up, resting her head on them. “They don’t have to,” she said bitterly. “Other witches could learn to pull magic.”
“ What? ”
“You didn’t know?”
Initiate casters pulled magic instinctively, but could anyone learn to do it?
“But… they probably wouldn’t have enough capacity for casting,” I reasoned. “It’s hereditary.”
Fern made a small sound. “All I know is, I don’t want any part of it anymore. I just want to be with Sativa. Our other lovers can give her children, and I’ll help raise them.” She checked her phone again, and I checked mine, even though I hadn’t gotten any notifications.
“You’re worried about her?”
“She’s everything to me,” Fern said lowly. “I can’t stand the thought of her out there…”
“It seems quiet so far,” I said, glancing at the window. I didn’t see any flashing behind the shades. If there was an attack, would we hear it from here?
“Do you have someone out there too? Your parents?”
My throat closed. I’d been trying not to think about him. “Not my parents,” I said thickly.
My phone pinged, causing us both to jump.
Where are you? Costi’s message glowed on the screen.
“Is it someone outside? What are they saying?” Fern gasped.
“Hang on,” I told her.
I texted back, At home, hiding in the dark. Where are you?
Good girl. Costi’s immediate reply simmered through me. A second text came through. Front line. No sign of angels.
I let out a breath. “He says there’s no angels so far.”
Fern mirrored my exhale.
My phone dinged again. Stay where you are, Layla.
Pay attention to your job, bossy, I sent back.
I’ll show you bossy , he replied.
My stomach swooped, and I bit the inside of my lip to stop my reaction from showing.
“What kind of face is that? Fate, are you flirting right now? Who is it?” Fern leaned over, trying to see. “Costi—is that one of the Northern Sea casters?” She grinned.
I pushed my phone under the pillows with a groan. “Is everyone in the Mountain Circle addicted to drama and gossip?”
Fern giggled. “Pretty much, yeah.” When I didn’t reply, she continued, “Take my mind off everything and tell me about Bossy Costi.”
My face burned as I choked on my own spit. How did she read that quickly?
Fern laughed again as I tried to recover from my coughing fit. At least I was entertaining her.
This could be bad. Costi was probably already in trouble for squabbling with Calamus. The last thing he needed was rumors about me.
“Listen, I’ve known him forever. We’re old friends. He’s just having fun. It’s nothing like what you’re thinking. I’m seeing Calamus Grey,” I lied through my teeth.
Fern nodded. “Ah, gotcha. Calamus, huh? He’s popular.” She didn’t sound convinced. After a moment of quiet, she yawned.
“Hey,” I said. “I’m way too wired for sleep, but you should get some rest if you can. I’ll wake you up if anything happens.”
“Maybe you’re right,” she said. I pointed her to Sativa’s room, hoping my covenmate wouldn’t mind. She seemed to keep her lovers out of her space, but I got the feeling that it was more for the rest of us than herself.
“Calamus Grey didn’t text you the first chance he got. Just saying.” Fern closed the bedroom door before I could reply.
I know . Fate, did I know.
As the night wore on, I sat alone in the dark living room with only my tumbling thoughts, listening for danger.
I wasn’t like Fern. I wanted to be a spell caster. Even though I hadn’t had a choice, even though I was terrified, I wanted to stand with Costi and make the angels regret trying to kill us. I wanted the raw power I felt surge through me when I boiled them out of the Northern Sea sky. I wanted the Arcaenum to listen to me instead of manipulators like Cedar Grey and my mother.
I wanted to protect my people.
I had been going about this wrong, trying to find someone to help me. This was my life. I was going to figure out my magic myself . And if I couldn’t, well, I’d find a different way. Maybe I could learn to throw down, become a guardian.
I decided then and there, I was not going to sit out another fight hiding in the dark. Come what may, I was joining this war.
Hours later, the sky brightened beyond the window shades.
The attack never came.
***
It was still early, and Fern hadn’t reappeared yet. Costi had texted me once to tell me the status was the same. I could no longer sit still.
Throwing on some clean clothes, I cautiously peeked my head out the door. The movements of the Circle were hushed—just whispers and scurries.
I glanced to the sky nervously, then crept out and hurried to the large indoor cafeteria in the main part of the Circle. It seemed like everyone else had the same thought—the place was packed.
One of the councilors I didn’t know, an elder witch with a bald head and a scraggly white beard, was addressing the crowd from a small platform. “…have been unable to make contact with the Hillsong Circle in Kentucky. We expect refugees from the Saltmarsh, Cypress, and Tidewater Circles to begin arriving today.” The councilor paused, placing a weathered hand over his eyes. “We believe we are the only remaining eastern Circle.”
My heart kicked up a wicked beat as gasps and cries followed the announcement. How could three—maybe four—Circles be attacked in the same night? This was coordination on a massive and devastating scale. An army of angels.
We had to be next. Even if the angels didn’t know where this Circle was, there was no way they’d miss so many witches coming to one place. Those refugees were running straight to their doom.
Our doom.
“We are in touch with the Great Lakes Circles, the Canadian Circles, and farther beyond. They’re on alert now and will send aid as they can. The eastern Circles had no advanced warning. They suffered heavy losses.”
My body turned cold despite the sticky warmness of the crowded cafeteria. No one had really believed the angels would attack again. They’d thought the Northern Sea was a fluke, like the attack in Greece fifteen years ago. It had been long enough that they felt safe. They hadn’t even been watching. Fate, even the Northern Sea’s survival was down to Costi and me sneaking out to meet up at night.
“It is likely we will be attacked,” the councilor said, then held up his hand to stop the panicked chatter. “We need to be prepared. Gather what weapons you can—angels cannot be killed except by spell fire, but decapitating or badly maiming them will incapacitate them.”
Would Costi give me one of his daggers if I ask nicely?
The councilor continued, “Remain alert at all times. Our teams are on rotation now, with spotters watching the skies from the fire towers in the hills. But if you see anything , call the emergency line.”
The councilor stepped down and was immediately surrounded by people clamoring with questions. Feeling grateful to the witches working in the kitchen during this chaos, I joined the line for coffee, filling an extra mug for Fern before hurrying home.
***
Our living room was full of witches, and they all turned to look at me when I entered. My three covenmates looked miserable and exhausted, with frizzy hair and drooping robes from being outside all night. Fern had emerged and was sitting on the couch, looking somber. But taking up most of the space were Costi and three other guardians. They wore full tactical gear—intimidating black armor, with riot helmets and massive swords strapped to their backs.
I felt young and small in front of them.
“Hey,” I said, flushing and feeling awkward. I handed Fern her mug silently and placed mine on the side table.
Sativa gave me an annoyed look, widening her eyes. “As I was saying, Oliver can move over with Datura, and you two can take their room, leaving Salix with me.”
I blinked. Was everyone moving in?
“Fucking fate,” said one of the guardians. “Ewan snores.”
The guardian next to him, presumably Ewan, grinned and punched him in the shoulder.
“I—” Fern started, then cleared her throat. “Can I stay here too? I can sleep on the couch.”
Sativa looked at Oliver and Datura. Datura shrugged.
The third guardian, Salix, a tall Northern Sea witch I had seen around, spoke up. “I can take the couch. It’s no big deal,” she said, running a hand over her buzzed head.
Costi grabbed me by the upper arm and tugged me toward my room while the group started working out a schedule for the shower. He kicked the door shut behind him with a bang—he’d never cared what anyone thought in his life, so why start now?
Still holding my arm, he pulled me closer. “Thought I told you to stay put,” he said into my ear.
I shivered. He smelled like lightning and fresh air.
“You did. Then I called you bossy and ignored you,” I said.
“Hm.” He looked down at me with an unreadable expression. His face was way too close to mine.
“What exactly is going on?” I said a little breathlessly.
Costi released me. “Turns out the practice arena, the only large indoor space in the Circle, is closed for emergency repairs ,” he growled. “We can’t leave witches outside in tents anymore, so they emptied the barracks and told us to go bunk with our spell casters or family.”
“And you came here ?”
He smirked. “Not a very nice welcome for your new roommate.” He threw his helmet on top of my dresser and started unbuckling his gear.
I balked. “They’re not going to let you stay with me.”
He shrugged. “Who’s not going to? We’ve got bigger problems.”
“Fate!” I squeaked and whirled to face the door as he pulled his shirt over his head.
He just chuckled.
This was already a disaster. We could barely keep our hands to ourselves in public, let alone a closed room where he was throwing his clothes off.
“Safe to look now, innocent little Layla,” he teased.
I bristled, turning back around with my arms crossed. He had replaced his shirt. “I suppose you’ve had dozens of lovers and don’t care about that kind of thing anymore,” I said. My voice sounded more bitter than I liked. I didn’t know where it had come from, but now the idea was like acid in my throat.
He raised his eyebrows with a half grin. “The number would shock you.”
“I—”
Someone pounded on the door and called out, “Hey, Blackthorn, what are you doing in there with your childhood friend ?”
“I’m gonna break your face, Ewan,” Costi yelled back, but he was still grinning.
The door opened, and the two male guardians from earlier laughed at my expression.
“What a pretty best friend , Blackthorn,” Ewan said with a grin of his own. He was a stocky witch with his hair shaved at the sides.
“Meet two assholes,” Costi said to me, gesturing broadly at the guardians. “Hollis Ewan and Aeron Bay.”
“Hey,” said Bay with a warm, dimpled smile. His nose was crooked, as if it had been broken.
“This is Layla,” Costi said, clamping a hand over my shoulder. “ My pretty best friend.”
Ewan held up his hands. “Relax, bro. We’re not trying to catch it from Daire by messing with spell casters.” He looked at me. “No offense, Layla. You are pretty.”
“Um, none taken,” I murmured. My face was about to melt off from blushing, and I wished I could dissolve into molecules. “You’re Oliver’s and Datura’s guardians?”
“That’s right,” said Bay. “Your coven was the only new one without a team, so you got an emergency assignment. They said you’re not casting yet, so no one’s with you. Salix is with your other covenmate.”
“And Blackthorn here’s just looking for a comfy bed,” Ewan said, reaching out to ruffle Costi’s hair.
Costi grabbed the other guardian’s hand, and they scuffled as they tried to best each other.
“Cut it out! You’ll knock stuff over!” I cried.
The three guardians chuckled at me, but Costi released Ewan from the neck hold he’d been attempting.
Bay rolled his eyes. “Anyway, we came to give Blackthorn the rotation since he wasn’t paying attention.” He handed Costi a piece of torn-off notebook paper. “Looks like you and Grey are on the six-thirty shift.”
“Better get some sleep, besties!” Ewan crowed.
“I know where you sleep,” Costi threatened.
Ewan and Bay ducked out of my room, laughing and tumbling around loudly like rocks in a can.
In the hall, Datura was moving a basket to Oliver’s room. “Thanks for the coffee,” she said with a smirk, then toasted me with my own mug.
Fate, it’s too crowded in here already. The stressed-out lack of sleep suddenly pulled on every nerve in my body. I closed the door and flopped down on my bed, throwing an arm over my eyes.
“You’re going to get in trouble,” I told Costi.
“I’m always in trouble,” he said, but there was no heat to it. The second bed rustled as he sat. I supposed it was his now.
He wasn’t wrong. “You’re still partnered with Calamus?”
“Yeah. He didn’t get around to talking to Daire.” He was silent for a long moment. I nearly drifted to sleep before he continued, “I’m not gonna… let him get hurt or anything.”
I sat up quickly. “ What? I’d never think you would do something like that.”
Costi’s lips parted, his face caught in an unguarded moment, eyes luminous and vulnerable. It occurred to me that most witches would be quick to judge him. Did he really think I felt the same?
“Costi, I know you. You’re a good man.”
He swallowed and looked away. “No.” His voice sounded like it had been raked across hot coals.
I shifted off my bed to sit next to him. He stiffened as I slid my arms around his middle. I blinked back tears. He’d been strong for me, but he’d had no one to comfort him. “Where’s this coming from?”
“You’re like… like a light,” he grated out. He wrapped himself around me and pressed his forehead into my neck. “The only thing I could ever do for you is be your guardian, and I can’t even do that.”
My heart cracked. I was the defective one who couldn’t summon a familiar. I cradled his face with both hands and tipped his head up so he would look at me. “You don’t need to be anything for me. You’re Costi.”
“Layla,” he whispered, gazing at me as if I was his whole world. His hands tightened where he held my waist. “I can’t have you.” He pressed his forehead to mine.
The truth of it hit me then. This was our permanent reality. We could have a friendship of sorts, but we couldn’t have more than that. Ever. They’d punish him for touching me. They’d never let us build a life together. They wouldn’t let us have what was simmering in Costi’s eyes that I was sure he could also see in mine.
“I’m not really a spell caster,” I whispered back.
He looked at me sadly. “I don’t think they’re gonna let me off on a technicality.”
The only way would be to leave the Circle. Even though neither of us was particularly beloved by our people, could we live with ourselves if we left them to their fates?
“You should get some rest,” I said. “You were out all night.”
Costi made no move to let me go. “Now who’s bossy?”
I quirked my eyebrow at him and used my weight to push him down onto his bed. He gave a surprised grunt, but I sat up and started picking at his shoelaces.
He said nothing, only watched me through his lashes as I tugged off his heavy combat boots. The moment they tumbled to the floor, he hooked one arm around my waist and hauled me down beside him. He pulled me close, draping me over his arm and shoulder, holding me against his chest.
I tucked my hot face under his chin, not daring to look at him. This was very different from when I slept next to him when he was injured. My body lit with breathless energy, but I was held motionless, intoxicated. I was treasured. Safe .
I can’t have you , he had said.
But I don’t think I can live without you .