Chapter 33
Pretending to not know anything about the doubts that had been planted in his head was harder than I had thought.
I desperately wanted to reach out to him, to reassure him of me and my feelings for him, but I knew it wasn’t the time to do that yet.
We had made love again this morning, in the bed and in the shower, desperately clinging to each other as if we both knew this might very well be the last time.
We were riding into a war without knowing who the opponent was and who was truly on our side.
We left the Veilstead behind and traveled the Luminaris back to the Lodge. Most of the sentinels had already left and only a few remained to make sure there were no more surprise visits from the Heralds. I quickly packed a few things and met Theo in the foyer.
He held out his hand, offering me a little velvet pouch.
“What is that?” I asked and pulled the strings open.
Theo smiled. “Something to make sure you always find your way home to me.”
I gasped. In my hand lay a small silver owl with purple eyes that were faintly glowing. “It’s a key to the Luminaris,” I whispered and couldn’t hide my tears.
Theo gave me a long kiss, but pulled back eventually. It was time to go.
“You try it,” he said when we walked outside.
Theo had our luggage slung across his shoulder, so I grabbed his free hand and pulled out the owl from my pocket.
I felt the pull of the Luminaris, like a vibration in the air and my palm.
I lifted the owl and the floor beneath our feet started to glow.
The Veil got lifted over our heads and we were floating through the Veil towards the next part of our journey together.
It was forbidden to travel straight into the Citadel for safety reasons.
Shields had been put up around the Citadel, and we had to walk quite a few stretches to get to the gates.
When we neared the gates, shouts echoed from the turrets and the gate slowly swung upon, allowing us to get inside.
The Citadel was buzzing with activity, Faeries and Gods of all corners of the God realm were milling about, each tasked with their own preparations for battle.
Lythandra spotted us first and stopped in her tracks when she saw our linked hands. Her surprise quickly turned into a happy giggle, and she gave me the biggest hug. Unsure of what to do, she stepped towards Theo and offered her outstretched arms. He smiled and rolled his eyes at her.
“Oh come on then,” he said.
They hugged and I could clearly see the happy tears in Theo’s eyes.
Theo leaned over to me and gave me a quick kiss.
“I am going to meet with the other lords to get up to speed. Lytha, can you find someone to point Mae to our rooms and then join me in the command center?”
Lythandra nodded and pulled me towards the nearest entrance into the Fort.
“Oh my Fates, Mae! I knew it! I knew it from the moment I met you. Oh, this is so exciting, I am so thrilled for you! I wish we had more time to talk, but swear to me that when this is over, you will tell me everything!” I couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.
“Thank you, Lytha, it means a lot to me that you are so pleased. I am going to need your support and guidance through all of this. I have so many questions and… well, let’s just say I will need some time to figure everything out.”
A very slight shadow fell over her face, but it was gone so quickly that I couldn’t be sure I had seen it right.
But of course she would have heard the rumors too.
Veridus had done his job well. But she gave no further indication that she somehow mistrusted me and pointed me towards a young Faerie with big eyes who would show me to my room.
The day dragged on and I felt pretty useless. I was wandering around the Fort, trying to help where I could, but it seemed like people weren’t too thrilled about me helping out. They were nice enough, but every time I offered to help, they politely told me that I should rest for the battle ahead.
It was late in the evening when Theo finally came to our room. He undressed quickly, brushed his teeth and climbed under the blanket with me. I opened my eyes, revealing that I hadn’t been asleep.
“How did it go?” I asked.
He let out a breath and stared at the ceiling for a long moment.
“We expect them to attack no later than tomorrow night, probably sooner. Nearly all of the Gods have come here or have sent reinforcements, so we can now guess who will possibly be fighting for the Heralds on the other side. We are truly going in blind here.”
I scooched closer to him and he lifted his arm so I could put my head on his chest and wrap my arm around him.
“I don’t think I can offer any more than a cuddle tonight,” he said gruffly, and I trailed my hand over the hair on his chest. “You know you are more to me than your… basic anatomy, right?” I asked and jokingly lifted the blanket to inspect his sculpted body.
He chuckled. “When this is over, I plan to use my basic anatomy to make sure your basic anatomy knows nothing but pleasure and happiness.”
I laughed, though it didn’t reach my eyes. The truth was, we might never get the chance to plan a life after all this.
“How was your day at the Citadel?” Theo asked, his voice measured, but something in it felt off, like he was testing the waters, fishing for a reaction.
“It was… fine,” I said quietly, avoiding his gaze. “Uneventful. I didn’t feel very helpful.”
He cleared his throat and finally said what had been on his mind.
“There are… rumors going around about your past,” he said slowly. “About you reporting magic-wielders to the authorities… and what happened to them. I’m sorry if anyone at the Citadel treated you coldly. I suspect the Heralds are spreading these stories to distract us.”
A shiver ran down my spine. I had feared this day would come.
I took a deep breath and confessed, “It’s true.
Back then, I was… a slave to my magic. I was addicted, drunk on it most days and working for someone who paid me to extract secrets.
I never knew what would happen to the magic-wielders, the immigrants, when I gave out the information…
but I still feel guilty. I should have told you sooner. ”
Theo’s gaze softened.
“I’ve known all along,” he said quietly, the warmth in his eyes steady and unwavering. He leaned back slightly, as if giving both of us space to breathe. “What I told your mother, I meant it. Your past actions don’t define you. It’s what you choose to do moving forward that matters.”
I let out a shaky breath, the weight of years pressing on me. His words were like a lifeline, grounding me, reminding me that there was still a path forward, even if I had stumbled before.
We held each other through the night, until shouts echoed from the guards in the lookouts. They were here, the battle had begun.
Minutes later, Theo was up and dressed in his fighting gear.
He kissed me deeply and told me to stay safe until he summoned me.
We had planned our approach carefully, since no one truly knew how to fulfill the prophecy.
I wasn’t ready to fight an entire battle, and the risk was too great, so I would stay behind and wait for his signal until he was close enough to strike.
I ran toward the citadel wall, my breath ragged, eyes fixed on the armies below marching toward the coast. Theo rode at the front, sword strapped to his back, every movement radiating strength and pride.
For a heartbeat, he turned and caught my gaze.
His smile hit me like an arrow to the chest, sweet and painful all at once.
A warm breeze brushed against my skin, wrapping me like a gentle hug, and a voice whispered in my mind, words I couldn’t quite grasp: “Sela ti’oré ana. Sela ti’oré ana. Sela ti’oré ana.” I tried to hold onto them, but they slipped away, leaving only a fluttering ache of longing and curiosity.
I watched as Theo rode on towards the enemy lines, my heart heavy with the knowledge that this was possibly the last sunset I was ever going to see. The last time he smiled at me. And the last time I had lied to him, because I didn’t intend to stay where I was.
I had a prophecy to fulfill.
* * *
I went to look for the Abbot and found him in the citadel temple.
Theo had allowed him to travel with us after their altercation back at the Lodge, but the Abbot was to stay away from me.
There was hardly any light in the temple, the orbs floating along the temple walls giving off a warm, subtle glow. It smelled of incense, notes of sandalwood, frankincense, and patchouli hanging in the air. It was a comforting scent that reminded me of the temple at the Lodge.
The Abbot was busy cleaning up the space, removing the white sheets that had been hung over the furniture and cleaning up dust. When he spotted me, his face darkened with anger. He must have heard the rumors too, confirming his biggest fears.
“Are you here to gloat, wordsmith? I hear you got everything you wanted,” he spat out.
I ignored his jab and simply sat down on one of the benches.
“I know you hate me, but I need you to know that everything I did was to protect my people and Theo.”
He huffed at that. “Your words mean nothing to me, wordsmith. You can save your breath, you will never have my trust.” He turned around, dismissing me and returning to the task at hand.
“I want you to harness my power, if the tides are turning against us.”
There. I had said it out loud.
It had been a terrifying thought at first, but the longer I had reflected on it, the more I had realized that the Abbot was right. If I wasn’t ready and if we couldn’t figure out how to fulfill the prophecy together, there was only one way to go.
The Abbot spun around and looked at me. “What kind of trickery is this?”
I shook my head. “No trickery, you were right. I am no God, nor am I a Faerie. I can’t fight yet because my skills are basic at best. But I have one thing to give and that is my heka. So if we are losing this battle, I want you to harness my power to save Theo, to save everyone.”
He looked at me as if I was a riddle he couldn’t solve. “Do you know what you are saying? Harnessing one’s power is not something I can do with a flick of my wrist. It will most likely kill you.”
I gulped. Theo had said it was a cruel ritual and there was a possibility of me not surviving the ritual, but to hear it so loudly and clearly was a different matter.
“I know.”
He shook his head. “Why? Why would you do this?”
My eyes filled with tears. I didn’t want to cry, and certainly not in front of him, but the gravity of my decision was weighing heavily.
“Becau… because I love him.”
The Abbot was silent, looking at me in disbelief.
I sniffed, “I am sorry for being such a mess. I need you to promise me that you’ll do whatever it takes to transfer my powers to him if we should be failing. And when it’s done and when I am gone… I want you to promise me that you will let Theo live a self-determined life. My life for his freedom.”
The Abbot still didn’t move. His face was unreadable, his mind probably racing trying to figure out what my angle was.
“I promise you, wordsmith,” was his only response.
I nodded. “Thank you. So… teach me what I need to know about the ritual.”
We spent the next hour going over every gruesome detail of the harnessing.
The Abbot explained the different steps of the ritual and what I’d have to do in order to transfer my powers over to Theo.
I took notes of the spells the Abbot would use and the runes that would allow us to channel my heka into Theo.
I left the temple feeling lighter for having made the decision, but so much worse for what it would mean to Theo when I was gone. I clung to the hope that we would be able to prevent the harnessing from happening and Theo would never hear about my plan.
But deep down inside, I knew that the Fates had chosen me for this exact reason. They had chosen me because I was a wordsmith, someone not to be trusted. Someone who would stop at nothing to get what they wanted—even if it meant betraying the people they loved the most.