14. In the Midnight Hour
IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR
ALEXIA
I t’s him. The bed smells as such.
“No, stop, please!” I begged, sobbing as I slowly crouched closer and closer to the ground until I kneeled on the ground.
“No! This is all his fault!” he shouted. His angry and loud voice boomed through the air. I’m terrified. Dexter wrapped his arms around me, trying to shield me from him.
“You will leave her alone. But take me,” Dexter demanded.
“No!” I sobbed and placed my head in his arms further. He couldn’t leave. I needed him, I didn’t want to be alone in a world without him. Everything was blurry, spinning, way too loud, when a loud ringing bursted through the air, someone was shot.
My eyes burst open from the memory; I’m breathing heavily and sweating. His voice still echoes around me.
He still haunts me.
The nightmares are happening again. Like they always do. I remember this time more than I’d like. I thought I finally didn’t need my medicine, so the doctor took me off. Mom was so proud. Only Dexter knows I still have trouble with my PTSD.
I lift my head to look around the room, and I see Grayson is no longer here. Where did he go? I get up from the bed and I go to the door. Carefully, I open the door, then slip out into the hall.
I lean over the railing as I breathe out. Relief slightly floods out. I grip the railing a bit more because now I’m starting to shake, and a few stray tears are falling due to the memory that surfaced. I breathe out slow deep breaths to not overwhelm myself as more tears start to flow.
I go through deep breathing motions while closing and opening my hand on the railing till I’m calmer. I have a list, a list of special things I do when I have flashbacks like this, so I don’t break down.
First, calming breaths, then stress pressure, next calming thoughts. If it gets too bad, I list what I’m feeling, if it gets past that then tracing or as I say sensory focusing. I blink away the tears that had crowded my eyes before going downstairs where the waterfall is inside the glass. The only light shining is the base light in the waterfall. The darkness where people could lark. He could be.
I shake my head. No, he’s not here.
I need water.
I slowly get my balance together and start taking steps toward where I remember the kitchen to be. The house is somewhat dimly lit so I can find my way. As I get closer to the kitchen, I can see the lights are on.
I feel as if I could throw up.
I enter through the threshold to find Kenan sitting at the island drinking some amber colored liquid. I walk in and beeline right for the refrigerator to take out a bottle of Voss water. “Are you okay? You look a little shaken up?” Kenan’s voice breaks the silence of the house.
“I had a mild anxiety attack and needed water. Why are you up?” I say as I close the refrigerator and open my water.
“Sometimes I have insomnia, and I tend to have an active head and get caught in my thoughts,” Kenan explains, before sipping his drink and I glance down at it.
“It’s not alcohol. It’s apple juice,” Kenan informs me, and I nod before drinking my water. I finish and walk around the counter to sit beside Kenan.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask.
“Nah, I’d just overthink it later. You?” he answers.
“No,” I answer.
“Well, we can always just sit here and be here for each other,” Kenan tells me, and I turn and look at him to find him looking at me. I give him a small smile.
“Thank you for the company,” he says.
“No problem.”
Me and Kenan end up just sitting there drinking our drinks, occasionally talking about small things like hobbies and favorite things.
“What are you two doing up so late?” Grayson’s voice comes from the entrance of the kitchen.
“Insomnia,” Kenan replies.
“Bad dream. You?” I say.
“Bad dream,” Grayson states. Grayson walks in and goes to the fridge pulling out a water before closing it and leaning back onto the counter.
“Same thing,” Kenan says looking at Grayson and he nods.
What’s ‘same thing’ mean? It’s probably none of my business.
“You weren't in the room when I got up anymore,” I point out.
“Yeah, I wanted to make you more comfortable, so I slept in Charlie’s room and he’s in Scarlett's room,” Grayson answers. I guess that’s fair, I mean it’s not like we’re best buddies or anything.
“I think I’m gonna go play basketball for a little while,” Kenan says, getting up from his seat. He rinses out his glass before putting it in the dishwasher.
“Thank you, Alexia. Goodnight, you two,” Kenan says.
“Goodnight, Kenan,” I reply.
“Night,” Grayson says.
“What was your dream about?” I ask Grayson. I probably shouldn’t but I’m too curious for my own good. Grayson lets out a sigh before leaning on the island. Grayson doesn’t say anything for a moment but then he opens his mouth,
“My sister. I have these dreams where I leave, and my dad starts taking his anger out on her. I know he’s hard on me and her but I take most of the heat so she can at least go to normal high school and not always put on runways and billboards for new TV shows he wants her in.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and he shrugs it off.
“It’s fine, what was your bad dream?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Bad memory,” I answer. Grayson looks down at his hands and removes one of his rings. This one is silver, and it has a black stripe going around the middle.
“Here, this is an anxiety ring. I play with it sometimes when I get scared, nervous, or mad. It helps. The black part spins,” Grayson says, holding it out for me.
“I can’t. It seems like you need it,” I tell him.
“I can get more. You need it more than I do,” Grayson says and sits it on the counter in front of me. I smile at him, picking it and test which finger it fits on.
The left pointer.
“Now it’s yours,” Grayson says.
Me and Grayson sit in silence till we are both ready to try sleeping again. We even have a snack and then we go look outside to check on Kenan.
“Is he going to be okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, he’s been like this for a while. He’s just going through some things,” Grayson says. It looks like Kenan is putting his all into this game. He looks almost like a robot playing than a person having fun.
“He must have really been through some things,” I say.
“Haven’t we all? We all have our demons and battles, just some are longer lasting than others,” Grayson replies.
“That’s very brilliant of you to say,” I tell him.
“I’m pretty smart sometimes,” Grayson says, causing me to laugh a little.
“Come on. Let’s leave him be,” I say, turning around.
“Will you go back to Charlie’s room or stay in yours?” I’m slightly hoping he comes back to his room, which I hate.
“I’m sure we can sleep close to each other and not kill each other.” I smile to myself, hoping he can’t really see it as we make our way to his room.
We lay shoulder to shoulder in the bed, staring up at the night sky through his glass ceiling. “This is my favorite spot in my room, which is why I had to move my bed here,” he whispers to me.
“Why?” I whisper back.
“I like stars. Or at least looking at them.”
We lay there, just looking up and he tells me about the constellations, while I lean my head closer onto his shoulder and listen. Without knowing it, I fell asleep. This time, I dream of good dreams. Dreams with Grayson Archer in them.