16. Just for a Moment
JUST FOR A MOMENT
ALEXIA
I ’m going crazy again.
Last night I dreamed about two things: the way Grayson looked at me the other day and Griffin.
The way Grayson looked at me is burned into my memory like a tattoo. It won’t go away, and I can’t stop thinking about it. The way he looked at me makes me think he is capable of falling in love again. It makes me wish he would love me but then again, I should never think that.
He’s just a boy but I can’t help but think about his crystal gray-blue eyes. They are gray, expanding into a very light blue on the outside. They captivate me almost every time I see them and can’t look away. Which never happens and I don’t want it to start now.
Then there’s Griffin. He's in prison, so why did I see him? More like imagine him. All these years of therapy will not go to waste now only to have everyone say I’m crazy, then I have to go back on antipsychotics for PTSD.
I get out of bed to wash my face and brush my teeth before heading downstairs to the kitchen. I slip on my Crocs and try not to think about what happened last night as I walk in and see everyone.
I find my mom just where I thought she would be, making breakfast. Lia is sitting at the table, waiting for her food. I don’t remember much after throwing up. My memory kind of blacked out after that.
I glance between the two of them before I sit down at the table as Mom brings over our food. “Good morning, Lex, how did you sleep?” Mom asks.
“Fine,” I croak out. I sound more anxious than I planned on sounding. I begin to spin the anxiety ring Grayson gave me, the cool metal running over the pad of my finger feels nice. To know it’s his feels nice. So nice, I want to throw up.
I look down at the bacon and avocado toast my mom put in front of me. “You look like you need this,” Mom says, sitting a cup of tea in front of me.
“Thanks.” I smile at her. She kisses my head in return.
“I’ll be getting ready, girls, and then we’ll head to set. Yay!” Mom says, pumping her hand up to the ceiling. She's excited to be going back, I think she loves Hollywood.
“Never do that again,” Lia tells her as Mom walks out of the kitchen with a plate of her own.
“I’m worried, we both are. You said you saw him, ” Lia says, leaning into the table as if someone was listening to us.
“I did,” I state. I twist the ring faster as my breath gets faster.
“You couldn’t have. He's gone, Alexia. For good, it was your nerves, imagination,” Lia says, picking her toast. Tears start to form as the anger rises in me.
“I’m. Not. Imagining it. I saw him! I saw Griffin!” I’m shaking now. I’m getting too worked up.
Calm breaths.
Turn the ring.
Focus on the ring.
I inwardly try to calm myself as my emotions take over. “Take them,” Lia demands, holding my pill bottle in front of me. I haven’t taken these in weeks. My doctor said I could come off them, since I was stable enough but if any major slip-ups came, I’d be back on them. This is a major slip-up. I look up at her with teary eyes and snatch the bottle out of her hand before storming off to my room.
It’s not fair. Why am I the only one fucked up over this? It happened years ago, and I’m stuck with PTSD. No wonder I never get out of the situationship phase. I’m pathetic and traumatized. No one wants to love that.
I open the bottle and take one of the pills. I swallow it whole, at this point it’s numbing. I’m used to getting down one of these small blue pills.
My room door opens, and I look up to see my mom walk in and take a seat beside me. “Lia told me what happened,” Mom says.
“Figures,” I reply. Big-mouthed ass.
“She did it because she cares, we all know you are a little more affected by what Griffin did than we are,” Mom says, pulling me into a side hug.
“Stop. I took the medicine. Can we forget this happened?” I say and get up, pulling myself out of the hug and going into the bathroom. I don’t want to talk about this, not right now, not today, not ever. I slipped up. I should have known I could never last long without the meds.
My family is complicated. I guess that’s why I can relate to Grayson so much. My parents have never abused or used me before, but something did happen, and my dad betrayed us.
Filming is boring today. I'm mostly filming scenes alone, since my character is locked away in a tower this whole season. At least I don’t have to really talk to anyone because I honestly don’t feel like talking today much anyways. I filmed one flashback scene where I’m dressed in a cheer uniform and all I have to do is walk down the hall and look at Grayson and he bumps into Noah’s character. After that, I just got fitted for the final costumes I’ll be wearing.
Right now, it is about lunchtime so I slip on my purple Converse, so I can go out and get food.
They got catering for Subway today.
“Hey, are you ready for lunch?” Emerson asks from the doorway of my dressing room.
“Absolutely,” I reply, and I slip my Cheer Extreme T-shirt I wore here over my costume.
“How is practicing for cheer going?” Emerson asks.
“Pretty well,” I reply. We go to the outdoor lunch tent, and I choose a Spicy Italian sandwich and make my way over to sit with Emerson and Grayson.
“You’re a good tumbler,” Grayson states.
“Thank you, but flying is more my specialty,” I say and sit down.
“I can tell by the way you landed that twisted tuck,” Grayson says, chuckling at the end. Excuse me? He did not just say that.
“I’d like to see you try and do one better, since mine was so bad,” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
Grayson gets out of his chair and walks to the side of the tent on the grass. He looks behind him and around him for a moment before throwing a perfect standing twist back tuck. I scoff slightly as Grayson comes and sits back down.
“Show off.”
“Don’t be bitter, baby. You’ll get it next time.” Grayson smiles. I throw a mustard packet at him which he pays no notice to.
“Are you two like this all the time?” Emerson asks.
“Only when he’s an ass,” I answer.
“I’m never an ass. Little Miss Perfect over here is just upset,” Grayson says.
“I am not,” I say.
“You’re right, you’re not… Sometimes,” Grayson says. I just roll my eyes and eat my sandwich. He’s right. I am angry, but only at the world, not him.
After lunch, Emerson decides this would be a good time to talk to Marina, so she asks her to come to her office.
While they are inside, Emerson decided she could do it but needed me for support, so I stand outside the door and listen in. It’s mostly quiet until the very end.
The door beside me opens and out storms Marina, then behind her, out walks Emerson. “And her issue is?” I ask.
“She’s just bitchy,” Emerson replies, which I laugh at.
Now we are shooting the last scene of the day before leaving. This is the kiss scene they tried to do last time but Grayson couldn’t, so Emerson re-wrote it and today they actually kiss. I never knew I could feel such a deep pit and gut-wrenching sick feeling.
As the scene starts, I get nervous. The strange pit that formed in my stomach deepens. I feel almost jealous but that’s impossible. I can’t even stand him. As far as this trip has gone, I’ve had no feelings for Grayson, and I don’t intend to gain any. I didn’t come to Los Angeles to get a boyfriend. Yet something in me feels strange. It’s almost like that time where you realize you could form a crush on someone if you wanted but I figured that out yesterday.
I can’t watch this, I refuse to. I leave the space and hide out in my dressing room.
Finally, after they shot that awful kiss scene filming was over for the day. I sit in front of my dressing room mirror taking my makeup off as I look back at myself. The idea that I’m going to be on TV hasn’t really hit me yet, even though I knew this sweepstake was for people who wanted a start in the industry. I haven’t really come to terms with everything. I mean, at the end of it, I’m going home.
“Knock, knock!” a voice sings as my door opens. I turn around and see Emerson dressed in a pastel purple dress. “Hi, I wanted to invite you over for dinner. It’s a group dinner night! Will you come?” Emerson asks. As crappy as I feel, who can say no to dinner at the Hayden's House!
“I’d be honored. Let me tell my mom,” I reply.
“Fantastic, I’ll be back before I leave.” Emerson blows me a kiss before leaving the room.
“Hey, it's me,” my mom says as she knocks on the door, and I look up at the mirror to see her enter.
“I wanted to give you these,” my mom says, holding up a bottle of my antipsychotics and migraine medicine.
“I know the migraines tend to come back when you have an episode,” Mom says.
“Thanks,” I say, taking them from her.
“I know you hate them, but can you take them for me?” she says.
“Yeah, Emerson Hayden invited me over for dinner, I agreed to go.”
“Then have fun at Emerson’s tonight, please be back by eleven. Be careful,” my mom says and kisses my head.
“I will.” I give my mom a quick hug before she leaves, and I finish changing into my clothes. Tomorrow, I go to Golden Star and listen to the composition the music team came up with for my song and try to record some vocals. Then we have location shoots for the TV show Reidledge .
I gather my bags and go to open the dressing room seeing Emerson and Grayson standing outside the door. “I was just about to knock, perfect timing.” Emerson pulls me to her and locks her arm with mine, then closes my dressing room door behind me.
“I heard you’re coming to dinner,” Grayson says.
“Yep, dinner night at the Haydens!” Emerson chimes excitedly.
“Thank you for inviting me, I do have to be back by eleven though,” I tell them.
“Then you will be back,” Grayson says as we begin to walk toward the exit.
As we walk outside, I notice Grayson walking to a car than I have rode in. So far, I’ve been in a black Mazda, but now it’s a black Audi. “You’re using a different car?” I turn to Grayson.
“Yeah, got bored of the last, though I’d switch up for a moment,” Grayson says.
“I forgot you have like five cars,” I say to myself.
“I forget sometimes too,” Grayson says, apparently hearing me.
“What’s your dream car?” Emerson asks me as we walk toward a white Range Rover.
“A purple jeep or Jaguar F-type convertible. Definitely the Jaguar,” I answer. “How many cars do you have?”
“Two. This one and my Tesla. You?” Emerson answers.
“One, which is a pain in my ass because I end up driving my sister around everywhere,” I say.
“Who do you want to ride with?” Emerson asks.
“I’ll ride with you,” I answer.
“Wonderful! See you at the house, Gray,” Emerson says, waving to him.
“By the way, you can call me Emmy or Emery. We’re friends. There’s no need to be formal,” Emerson says before getting into the car.
Emerson lives in the hills of Los Angeles; her house looks over the city, with iron gates at the front, and a private lake in the back.
She parks her car in front of the house and a butler opens each of our doors for us. “Thanks, Conner,” she says to the man as she hands him her car keys.
“No problem, Miss Hayden and-” He starts before turning to me, not knowing my name.
“Kirby,” I fill in for him.
“Of course, Miss Kirby.” Conner bows and gets in the car, I’m guessing to go park it somewhere.
“It takes a while to get used to,” Emerson says to me, noticing the weird look on my face.
Grayson pulls up behind us, but Conner doesn’t take his car; he leaves it parked among the other cars already here. Grayson catches up to us and opens the front door for us after Emerson punches in the pin code.
Emerson’s home has a homey feel but is also very luxurious. Brown, cream, and white are everywhere with gold accents. The floors are marble and lights hand from dark wood banisters. The foray leads to a curved staircase then to the right is a big open kitchen with glass doors that cover a whole wall then to the right is a big living room with leather couches and a TV that fits the whole wall. Behind the stairs is a waterfall that goes down to rocks and the water gives off such a peaceful sound.
“Your house is lovely,” I say.
“Thank you,” Emerson says, walking to the left and I follow.
To the left, everyone is moving around the kitchen. “Sorry we’re late, Daddy,” Emerson says.
“It’s fine. I’m glad you’re here now,” her dad says.
“I’ll take your things,” Emerson says, and I hand her my jacket and book bag. Once Emerson comes back, she goes right over to Noah and kisses his cheek while hugging him.
“I missed you; I hated finishing filming before you,” Noah says.
“No ews this time?” I lean over to ask Grayson.
“Nah, it’s been a long day, no need to be an ass right now,” Grayson answers.
“Didn't think you had it in you,” I say.
“Hey, Lexi, wanna come help with the salad?” Charlie asks.
“I’d love to.”
I helped prepare the food with everyone while Scarlett and Raven set the table. Charlie and Grayson set up the movie room while Zara picked a movie, so after dinner we can watch it. It was nice of Shawn to bring her. Emerson said she’s always invited even though she rarely comes. She tries to be her friend as much as possible, but even with time, Zara is now skeptical because of what Jazzlyn did.
“Will you go get Charlie and Gray for us, Lex,?” Kenan says.
“Sure,” I agree, sitting the salad bowl down on the table so I can go to the living room.
As I walk closer to the living room, I begin to hear them talking.
“It’s called a crush, Gray. Those happen. Well, not you, you’re stone,” Charlie says and I hear him laugh a little.
“I was stone,” Grayson corrects.
“Ahh yes, that was before Alexia showed up,” Charlie says. I know this is wrong to listen in but They're talking about having a crush on me!
“I seriously don’t know what to do,” Grayson says.
“I have an idea… Tell her you are obsessed with her,” Charlie says.
“Yeah, because that doesn’t sound utterly weird,” Grayson replies sarcastically. He has a fair point.
“Or you could ask her out and see what happens,” Charlie gives another suggestion.
“Because asking a girl out randomly is so amazing,” Grayson says.
“Now you are just rejecting my ideas,” Charlie says. Grayson says nothing, so I take this as my opening to step in the room.
“Time for dinner,” I announce, looking in between them.
“Awesome, I'm so ready for your mom’s Moussaka recipe,” Charlie cheers, leaving the room.
“He really likes Greek food,” I say.
“Just my moms,” Grayson says, walking toward me.
“So you’re only half Greek,” I say, as If I didn’t know that already.
“Half Greek, half Italian American but it’s obvious right I look like a Greek god, don’t I?” Grayson says and I roll my eyes.
“Ever so modest,” I say, shaking my head.
“Always.” Grayson smirks. There’s a small pause of silence that passes by before I talk again.
“Yes.” I reply.
“What?” he asks.
“You asked if you look like a Greek god, my answer is yes,” I reply.
There's another pause, this time I end up turning to leave when he speaks, “Athena.”
“What?” I ask, Grayson steps forward.
“If you were a Greek goddess, you’d be Athena,” Grayson clarifies.
“Why?” I ask.
“You’re intelligent, brave, confident, beautiful,” Grayson answers, naming off traits.
“You think I'm beautiful?”
“So beautiful that Aphrodite should be jealous.”
The movie Zara picked is Journey to Mysterious Island for movie after dinner. Everyone is already sitting in their own little space as the movie begins. Over dinner, I’ve found Mr. Hayden is pretty chill outside of work. He tells really bad dad jokes though. He occupies a leather arm chair with his popcorn, Zara and Shawn have the small sofa to the left of him, Scarlett and Charlie are cuddled on one of the large couches with Kenan in the other leather chair and then Me and Grayson are at one end of the big sofa that Scarlett and Charlie are on while, Raven is in the middle and Emerson and Noah on the other large sofa.
Throughout the movie, I’ve noticed Raven is very serious when it comes to movies, like when they start, she is all in paying attention. No one near her better talk or else they will be getting a serious hushing.
Throughout the movie I’ve drifted closer to Grayson to where now my head is on his shoulder and I’m breathing in his cologne. He doesn’t seem to mind, he just moves the popcorn out the way, so I don’t accidentally knock it over. Normally I’m not big on physical touch but I don’t mind right now.
For the first time since I’ve met Grayson Archer, I feel like we’re somehow in the same world. For a moment I feel like our hearts sync and our eyes meet and everything is perfect but It’s only for a moment.