22
"What are you talking about ammi ji? Abba ji was fine when I had left." She could hear Farhana sobbing as she spoke, Shahwar's own body was rejecting the news in complete shock.
"Shahwar, he wasn't. He just didn't want you to know.
He couldn't get a donor for his kidneys Shahwar.
He had kept it all from me too..." Farhana kept on saying things but Shahwar couldn't hear anything it was like her ears could only hear a single beep sound continuing on and on deafening her.
"Shahwar?" Rehaan stepped ahead of her from behind when his wife had stilled in her position not speaking over the call she was on. "What happened? What is she saying?" He saw Shahwar's face lose all the color when he stood in front of her.
When she didn't respond to him he took the phone from her, "Salam ammi ji. It's Rehaan, what has happened?" Shahwar was still unmoving. She couldn't sense anything happening.
When Rehaan heard of the news he understood his wife's reaction. He subtly cut the call and Shahwar suddenly remembered something, "Rehaan, you said, you said you'll ask him for my medical records, why didn't you tell me he wasn't okay?" She was gasping for air trying to speak.
"I—I—Shahwar I didn't know." Shahwar looked at him with so much hope for answers to her painful questions. "He never answered my calls, Shahwar I'm sorry I thought maybe he didn't want to keep in contact with us."
She kept on looking at him trying to breathe everything was going back to numb. "Shahwar, we—we should go there." He held her face when she zoned out.
"No. I'm okay." It was a lifeless response that he had not expected. Shahwar moved away from him and went to the bedroom without looking at him.
She sat down on the floor of her room and watched the moon shining through the terrace doors.
Her father, he was no more. He was her life.
Her father, was sick and she hadn't known.
He didn't even see her before his final days.
She had lost him. She had been hoping for him to end their estrangement. It was now never going to happen.
Rehaan came inside the room and looked at his wife. She was on the floor like there was no life inside her. It was unbearable for him to see her in so much pain. She wasn't even crying. It was a dangerous sign if she wasn't.
"Shahwar," He sat down on the floor next to her and touched her head, "Come and sit over there on the bed."
"Rehaan." She was suddenly feeling like there was nothing to do with herself anymore.
"Yes my Shahwar." He was hoping she'd say it. Whatever she wanted.
"He didn't, he didn't, he didn't Rehaan. Unho ne mujhe bulaya hi nahi apnay paas." Her voice started breaking and he shifted her in his lap folding his legs on the floor.
(He didn't call me to see him at all.)
"Let's go to him then, okay." He moved his hand up and down her back soothing her but she wasn't loosening up.
"No, how can I go now? He didn't call me when he knew he was not going to live. He didn't Rehaan. I'm his daughter. I am right?" She shook her head her lips started to pucker, Rehaan knew she was going to break anytime soon.
"Yes you are his daughter. You are jaan, you are." He kept on caressing her back.
"He's upset with me. He was—he said I should marry you and then—Rehaan I, I told him that, I would never speak to him, Rehaan.
I said that." Shahwar started heaving, "Was I wrong to be upset with him?
I shouldn't have right? He was my abba ji, toh kya hua agar unho ne mujhse kuch aisa karwa liya.
Apni ek baat manwa li unho ne, all his life he did everything for me whatever I wanted Rehaan.
" Then the tears finally came and she started crying out loud.
(so what if he had made me do something,)
"No, you weren't wrong my jaan. You weren't. It wasn't wrong Shahwar." Rehaan pulled her to his chest and held her.
"Now he's gone. He's not going to forgive me now Rehaan." She cried on and on.
"No Shahwar, he loves you. We'll go there." Shahwar raised her head and looked up at him.
"Par ab toh woh chalay gaye hain hamesha ke liye. Ab kiske paas jaon mien?" Her eyes did the involuntary blinking that were indicating her bigger breakdown coming through.
(But now he's gone forever. Who can I go to now?)
"He can never leave you. Never. You know he'd be hurt moreover if he saw you in pain." Rehaan knew his words were useless and meaningless compared to her pain but he couldn't just let her talk to herself about it all.
"Aap bulayen unhe. Mujhe pata hai woh apko mana nahi karengay. Please." She was leaving Rehaan speechless with every word.
(You call him. I know he won't refuse you.)
"Hum jayenge unke paas meri jaan." He rested his forehead on hers holding her.
(We'll go to him my dear.)
"Mujhe maafi mangni hai unse, Rehaan bulayen unhe please." Her breathing was hindered because of her relentless cries.
(I need to apologize to him, please call him Rehaan.)
"Acha hum subah hi chalay jayenge unke paas." He kept on replying to her requests however he could. It wasn't possible for even Rehaan Kazmi to undo the pain that was destined for her as much as wanted it to.
(Alright we'll go to him right away in the morning.)
He carried her to bed and held her the entire night. In the morning they both were on the plane flying back to Shahwar's house on Rehaan's private jet. There was no time to book flights. Nor Rehaan cared about anything else right now.
It had been difficult to feed Shahwar a few bites of food for breakfast before leaving and when they got there it was revealed that it had been two days since Salman Nawaz's passing.
Apparently Shahwar's father had his will prepared by his lawyer a year in advance to his illness.
He'd left all his money, properties, business assets and possessions in his daughter's name.
The lawyer revealed that he had not wanted Shahwar to be left without anyone who was her own after his death which is why he had been so determined for her to be married before his health started to decline.
All of the things that were told only increased Shahwar's guilt for her behavior towards her father. Farhana was asked to not contact Shahwar when he had been in his final days. He made Farhana promise that she wouldn't let Shahwar see him in such a state and give up on life because of her sorrow.
Rehaan took Shahwar to her father's grave where she sat and stared at it for a long while.
She spent three hours sitting there and Rehaan didn't move or say anything sitting next to her.
It was something she wasn't able to accept.
Her abba ji was supposed to be with her.
She wanted to see him even if he'd come back to life for only few seconds and within those seconds if he would say that he hated Shahwar she still wanted to see him.
When the sun was about to set Rehaan brought her back to her house.
They stayed there for a few days and then Rehaan asked her if she wanted to stay there for a longer time.
Shahwar wanted to stay but Farhana ensured Rehaan that she should go back after a few more days if she was to recover from the grief.
Shahwar couldn't become docile living there in constant pain remembering her father in such a manner.
She didn't have any siblings of her own.
Her father wanted her to be with a relation that would be as strong as to support her when he'd be gone.
No matter what but when parents die, there's truly nothing that can ever heal the loss.
But if you have someone who can look after you even a little, it does let you survive.