39
Rehaan's eyes opened to the emptiness on the other side of the bed and he immediately sat up searching for her around the room.
The bathroom door opened and Shahwar came out of it and he breathed a sigh of relief.
"It is the second time you left me when I was in bed.
" He looked at her holding the small towel in her favorite cream soft fabric shorts and top with small ribbons on it.
"I always wake up earlier than you. You don't know anything about me." She had a serious look on her face and then he realized her eyes were a little swollen. Had she been crying?
"Shahwar? Jaan were you crying?" He got off the bed and walked towards her.
"Apko kya." She turned around to move away from him but he bent down and lifted her into his arm in swift motion like she was feather and carried her to the bed.
(What is it to you.)
"Mujhe bohat kuch hai." He sat down on the bed holding her like a baby and smoothing her hair with his hands continuously.
(It is a lot to me.)
"Kuch bhi nahi hai apko. Whenever you want you can say yes to divorce, whenever you want you can say no to it, whenever you want you can say you don't love me and whenever you want you can say that you do.
" Tears streaming down her cheeks she sniffed hard, "Everything is only about you and your wants.
It never matters what I want." Shahwar started rubbing her eyes and Rehaan held her face gently removing her hands away from them.
(It's nothing to you.)
"I only care about what you want. What do you want my love?" He rested his face on her chest and looked at her.
"Liar. Did you not say that you'd let me go and divorce me?" She tried to sound less like a child and more like a woman but failed.
"Anything but that Shahwar. I can't leave you. Your Rehaan can't do that darling, he'll die." He wiped her tears but more came running down.
"Another lie. You're not mine. You never were. I have never matched you Rehaan, you always made sure I knew it. You never loved me." She shook her head remembering all the memories.
"What? When did I say that you don't match me? You only belong with me my love." He was in a daze listening to her.
"You never wanted to accept me in front of others, your friends always knew me as a replacement, you never even wanted to touch me outside of our bedroom when anyone else was around, when I kissed you for the first time myself you told me not to.
" The more she spoke her memories came back to her and made her feel weaker.
Rehaan's guilt exceeded with each and every word that came out of her mouth which was soaked in tears running down her neck, "Shahwar, I'm—I'm sorry it's not what you think, but I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for all of it.
I won't say anything to make a reason for it, but I can't live without you. I'll fix everything my love."
"Phir kyun nahi aye aap foran mujhe mananay yahan?
Apko pata hai mien kab se yahan akeli hoon.
Itni dair se kyun aye aap?" She started her blinking which instantly made Rehaan stressed out knowing what would happen next.
His heart ached more that she'd been waiting for him to come but had been an idiot about that too.
(Then why didn't you come here to win me back? Do you know how long I've been alone here by myself. Why did you come so late?)
"I thought you didn't want to see me. My presence was suffocating you, and it's not even a lie. Jaan mein toh foran ajata but I thought—"
"Nahi. Aap nahi atay. You don't like me, you don't like anything about me. I was never beautiful enough for you, I was never good enough for you, I was always a burden, you said ke aap mujhse pyaar nahi kartay! Mene pucha tha na aap se." Rehaan started to grow impatient for mitigating her pain.
(No. You wouldn't have come.
you said you don't love me! I did ask you right.)
"No, no, no, meri jaan, that's not true.
I love everything about you, every single thing.
You are the most beautiful woman in the world for me, there's no one who can be you for me Shahwar.
I love you more than anything else in the whole world.
" Rehaan rubbed her back slowly and tried to breathe to keep himself collected.
"Lies, lies, all of it. The only thing I used to think I do well was cooking, but you never even liked my cooking. You made me feel like a failure with that too." Rehaan thought she was talking about someone else and not him. It couldn't be him right?
"What? Shahwar what are you saying? I love your cooking, I only like to eat what you cook my love. When did I say I don't?" The shock was too strong for him.
"Haan tabhi uss French uncle ko you were saying thank you for dinner every night at the guesthouse but never even said a word to me about my food since months and you also refused to eat the parathas I made in the morning.
" The fact that she had remembered everything with a completely different perspective was hitting him like a slap.
"Jaan...the food...I just thanked the guy because of courtesy my love, and I wanted you to eat all your parathas, I didn't want to make you cook for me at that time of the morning.
We were too tired from the travelling I didn't want to make you more exhausted.
And the food you made everyday at home for dinner I always told Isabel to send it for lunch to my office and I never really got to talk about it with you because of work. "
His hands cupped her face and then he pulled her to his chest and hugged her, "I'm so sorry it was all my fault, I didn't think of how it was affecting you. I'm so sorry Shahwar."
"The guesthouse chef didn't even let me use the kitchen and, and—"
"What?" Rehaan's tone completely changed at the disclosure of the information. "What did he say to you, Shahwar?" His voice turned cold.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter now. I was just being an emotional wreck." She swallowed her tears and cleaned her face with her hands.
"Shahwar." The voice became firmer but she moved away from him. "Tell me what he said."
"What he said was nothing. What you said was the reason why I can't ever love anyone now." She gave him the accusatory expression that made Rehaan close his eyes.
"I love you. I love you. I love my Shahwar the most, I love you." Rehaan tried to touch her fingers but she moved them to her chest.
"I'm going for an interview, you go and shower.
Did you bring any clothes with you?" She was almost formal till she mentioned his clothes and then saw his clothes in which he had slept through the night, it would be definitely uncomfortable to sleep in them, though Rehaan had never felt more comfortable sleeping than he had last night.
"No. My clothes are in my car." As soon as he said that Shahwar nodded at him and got up.
"Give me your car keys. I'll get your clothes. There is no house help at my place, I do everything myself." She forwarded her hand towards him to give her the keys.
"No, jaan. I'll get them myself." He stood up as well.
"Rehaan, give me the keys, and go take a shower. Please." Rehaan bent down and kissed her head then went out of the room to head out for his car.
Shahwar stood there till he came back with a big luggage bag, "Sweetheart why aren't you getting ready for your interview? You're going to be late."
She took the bag from his hands, "Go and shower Rehaan. Please. I'll take your clothes out of this."
"Shahwar—"
"Ab aap ne meri baat nahi suni toh phir I won't talk to you."
(If you don't listen to me then I won't talk to you.)
"Alright, alright. I'm going." He looked at Shahwar again before going inside the bathroom, "You don't have to go out of the room when I will change my clothes my love."
"Jayen aap, ziada khwaab dekhne ki zaroorat nahi hai apko." She shook her head and Rehaan smiled at his wife as she started to unzip his bag with a cute pout on her face.
(Go now, no need to dream about your fantasies so much.)
What will Rehaan Kazmi do now???