26.
Having a sibling was like swimming endlessly in the sea but knowing that you had a rope tethered to you that would pull you back to shore if you went too far or got lost. Despite us being night and day, I never imagined a time when my sister and I would question whether we'd have each other in our lives.
I always knew I could fall back on her and watching her sit there, tears in her eyes, scared that I wouldn't be there for her broke a piece of me I would never be able to put into words.
For so long I had expressed how excited I was about her having kids and needing to be a fun, young aunt.
I never imagined she would be telling me she was pregnant like this.
Over a situation with a guy who can't even bother to have a civil conversation with me like a grown, mature adult.
Pushing away the sadness that washed over me at the thought of him, I straightened and faced my sister reaching over to grasp her hand.
"I will be here, always." I sniffed as tears started to well both our eyes. "Every doctor's appointment. Every birth coaching class. Every birthday, recital, graduation. You name it and I'll be there."
With a loud sob, Ophelia lunged at me and wrapped her arms around me so tightly I could barely return the hug. She squeezed me a few more times before sheepishly sitting back, wiping her cheeks.
"That is such a relief you have no idea." Instead of saying something else, I squeezed her thigh softly before gently patting it and getting up.
"Would you like something to drink? Water? Tea?" I asked as I made my way to the kitchen. I looked over my shoulder and caught her shaking her head.
As I put the kettle to boil, I lost myself in preparing a hot chocolate. I hadn't had much of an appetite, but I always had room for a comfort beverage. The screech of the kitchen stool caught my attention and I faced Ophelia with a small smile while holding the cup up.
"You sure you don't want?"
"Yeah, thanks." She sunk onto the stool and watched me carefully. Leaning on the counter, I turned to face her whilst crossing my arms in front of me.
"So, thought of any baby names? I think Em-"
"Should I be worried about you?" She asked, cutting me off abruptly. She scanned me from head to toe apprehensively, as if there was something she wanted to say but was refraining herself from voicing it.
"Of course not." I brushed her off with a wave of my arm before returning it to its crisscrossed position. "As I was saying, I always thought Emma-"
"Because I am, by the way."
I dropped my arms, slightly annoyed, at my sides. "Don't be. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine, Charlotte."
"Charlotte, really? You're full naming me right now?"
"Damn right, I'm full naming you. You're lucky I'm not last naming you too. I mean come on, have you looked at yourself lately? You're not okay."
"I'm fine."
"You can tell me that a million times but it's not going to make me believe it."
"I'll be fine."
"All this over a guy you barely knew? You're better than this. Than him. You deserve more."
"You don't understand," I say as I nibbled on my bottom lip. I kept my glance on my toes, trying to will the growing pressure behind my eyelids away.
"You're right. I don't understand. So, explain it to me."
"I can't," I said, lowly.
"Explain to me why you're house that is normally so clean is so messy. Explain why you've lost so much weight and look like you haven't had a meal in weeks. Explain why, even now when we just made up, you didn't have the energy to even put on a real smile."
"What do you want from me? I told you I'm fine."
"I want an explanation. I want you to talk about what's going on with you."
"Fine," I snapped. "You put me in an impossible situation. Then when the fallout happened, it fell onto my shoulders. I lost everyone. I lost you. I lost him. Everything worked out for you though, right? So, I shut up and am trying to move on so please let me do it how I want to do it."
"You didn't lose me. I'm right here. As for him, you'll find someone else. You barely knew the guy."
"My god, Ophelia." I let out an empty laugh.
"You don't understand what it's like. I know I didn't know him long but we just clicked.
He drove me up the walls half the time, but he just made me feel comfortable.
It was as if I'd known him my whole life.
I didn't have to force anything with him.
He was refreshing. I've never had that with anyone.
I didn't have to be anyone or put an act with him. I could just be myself."
"Oh," she whispered and scanned my face before smiling sadly. "I'm sorry. I was being an insensitive bitch."
"Yeah," I laughed as her smiled widened. "A huge one."
A sound of a knock echoed throughout the apartment.
"Are you expecting anyone?" Ophelia asked.
"Uh, no. I'll go check. Wait here."
I made my way to the door as a second set of knocks rung again. I opened the door and peeked half my face out. My eyes widened at the sight of Mason, holding a small bouquet of dusty pink peonies. Our eyes connected and as he opened his mouth to most likely say something, I slammed the door shut.
"Char, is everything okay?" Ophelia asked, making her way into the entrance hallway.
"No."
"Who was at the door?" She glanced from my tight grip on the handle to my face.
"Mason."
"Okay, and why did you shut it?"
"Because."
"Because what?"
"I don't know! I glitched."
"Is he still out there?"
"Yes," a deep voice grumbled through the door.
"Okay, Char. Here's what you're going to do. I'm going to leave and then you're going to invite Mr. Moretti inside for a cup of hot chocolate. Okay?"
I nodded, my throat suddenly dry. Ophelia mimicked taking a deep breath, encouraging me to follow along with her. It only made my nerves worse. I open the door and watch as my sister pats Mason's arm gently before walking towards the elevator. I take a deep breath and meet Mason's awaiting eyes.
"Come in." I nod towards the inside of my apartment. He makes his way inside and settles at the kitchen, sitting in the same stool my sister preoccupied. "You wanted to talk?"
"To start, I'm really sorry I did not show up tonight."
"It's fine. I didn't wait long." I said with a small shrug.
"Don't lie."
"I'm not."
"You are. I saw you."
"You were there?" I asked, more than slightly annoyed.
"Yes, I've been there. I was there before you got there and stayed after you left."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't know what I'd do when I saw you again. I didn't know what to say or even what I wanted to say but now I do."