Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Cleo
I’ve always preferred outdoor-inspired scents—morning mist, oceans, forests, rain—you know the type.
My preferences must have subconsciously changed overnight, because suddenly, nothing in the world smells better to me than the scent of amber.
His scent and steady breathing envelop me, bringing me a sense of comfort.
I slowly crack open my eyes to see the sun barely beginning to rise.
Truthfully, I haven’t slept a wink since we finished, but I expected that.
I hardly ever sleep at this point in my afterlife.
Honestly, I find it shocking how often Kai can rest—he must be carrying a lot if his body calls for rest this easily.
Last night, I was too preoccupied to take in my surroundings.
During my life before, I spent most of my time outside chasing dragonflies, reading on the porch’s swinging bench, or playing games with my brother and sister downstairs.
I spent the least amount of time resting upstairs.
Now that this space has been converted to a loft, it’s even less familiar to me than it was before.
Glancing around the room, I notice several new features, like the new accent chair resting in the corner nearest to me and the new bookcase taking up occupancy across the room.
I also spot a few things that transport me back to my youth. The oak beams that line the ceiling. The original brass chandelier that hangs above the fireplace. The circular stained-glass window above the fireplace.
Memories threaten to rise to the surface, and I fight them, instead molding my body deeper against him as his arm tightens around my stomach.
I fight the wide smile stretching across my face but fail pitifully.
I’ve casually slept with a few men over the last few decades, but never have I felt the desire to stay in bed after the act. Let alone cuddle with them.
This is new territory for me.
The simple fact that he just became my favorite new blanket in a matter of only one night would be impossible for past-Cleo to believe. In fact, past-Cleo would have bet money on something like this not happening.
I clearly don’t know myself as well as I thought.
A quiet snore disrupts my train of thought. Then Kai bends his head down to rest on top of my own.
You know, I’ve never found snoring cute, but his is slightly endearing.
…Heavens. I’m such a mess.
Just yesterday morning, I had committed to following Kai on Earth to bring him back to Eloras. He thinks I’m here to run away with him, and as romantic as that sounds, it couldn’t have been farther from the truth… yesterday.
I don’t think I want to drag him back to Eloras unwillingly. I actually don’t know if I’m capable of it anymore. For reasons I may never understand, he actually seems to like me. He doesn’t seem like the type to lie to me.
But I, on the other hand, have withheld the truth since the moment I landed here.
And if I don’t return with him, I’ll never get my wings back.
I squeeze my eyes shut as my throat tightens.
I have no one else to blame for any of this other than myself.
I’m the one who let him escape down here in the first place, and I’m the one who looked the Archangels in the eye and vowed to bring him back regardless of his own desires.
I was so angry at him for abandoning me that I failed to truly reflect on why he left in the first place.
I assumed he didn’t care about leaving me, but obviously I misread the situation. At the end of the day, I’ve failed him.
How on earth could I bring him back to Eloras now? Kai wants to stay down here—his smile has been brighter in the last twenty-four hours than it has for the last several weeks up there.
His countenance may rival the sun in the sky, but his spirit seems to long to be here on Earth.
If what he said is true, I don’t think he left with the intention to hurt me.
Maybe he didn’t know I cared about him. If that’s the case, I don’t blame him.
I haven’t been exactly forthcoming with my feelings, and quite frankly, I’m still not sure what to do about them.
But whether I want to or not, I do care for him. Deeply.
Maybe it’d be best for me to leave and return to the realm without him now. I could plead his case for him to the Archangels and see if he can get another Earthly assignment or something so he can remain here longer.
I’d undoubtedly miss him—a lot.
I just want him to be happy, though. If that means fighting for him to stay down here where he’s happy and going our separate ways, so be it.
My chest tightens at the thought of not getting my wings back and never flying again, and tears begin to pool in my eyes. As if sensing my unease, he suddenly pulls me firmly into his side.
I release a soft sigh of relief and take a deep breath, closing my eyes as a wave of calmness washes over me.
Somehow, he always knows when I’m on the verge of cracking. It’s like he knows me even better than I know myself.
Brushing my foot along his leg, I twist to face him.
His tan skin is nearly glowing as dapples of sunlight fill the room, shining on him.
His brown brows are relaxed, and his full lips are parted.
I run my hand through his honey-brown waves, focusing on his hair’s thick texture.
Then I trace his jaw, running my fingers across his smooth face and taking in every detail.
I brush my fingers over his nose, long eyelashes, and brows, eventually landing on his forehead.
I stroke his forehead lightly, and exhale.
If after all of this, we end up apart, I refuse to forget his face.
Suddenly, he cracks an eye open and breaks into a slow grin upon seeing me.
“I must be dreaming. Are you a cuddler?” he asks with a playful lilt in his raspy, sleepy voice.
Just when I thought I couldn’t fall more for this man, he has to sport a voice like that at this time of day? I knew I was doomed from the very start, but damn. Again, I say: I’m doomed.
I must be blushing because his grin grows wider.
“Good morning, little angel.”
He plants a kiss on my nose. My nose.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
He lets out a yawn and says, “You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”
“Of course not. One of us should be awake at all times anyway.”
“Once a Watcher, always a Watcher, I suppose, huh?”
I break into a grin against my better judgment. As I peer into his eyes and remember all the things we did last night, my cheeks grow warm. Maybe now that we’ve slept together, he’ll move on. Maybe that’s all he really wanted. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m on cloud nine.”
A sense of relief spreads across my chest. I wish it were easier to believe him. It’s difficult to get past my reservations about us—our conflicting dynamics.
His inner light rivals my inner darkness. He’s warm, and I’m cold. He’s inviting, and I’m aloof. He thrives as the center of attention, and I’m perfectly content remaining in the background.
It’s tremendously challenging to comprehend how the sun could be drawn to the night sky.
However, I’m beginning to understand. Slowly but surely, the walls I’ve built around my mind are crumbling in his presence.
Terrifying, isn’t it? How someone can slip into your heart and steal it without permission.
How, one day, you can go from not caring about what the future holds to being riddled with anxiety about it all.
Because suddenly, your heart isn’t your own anymore.
It’s theirs. And for the first time in what feels like forever, you give yourself permission to look forward to the days that lie ahead.
I can’t quite articulate my thoughts into a sentence of consonants that will make sense, so I resign and simply respond with, “I echo you, love. Words truly can’t describe this feeling.”
“Well, what shall we do today, beautiful? I thought maybe we could go feed some ducks, but I’ve seen that go south before and decided I didn’t want to risk it.” He furrows his brows, getting lost in thought. “Should we go on a hike?”
No. Never again.
“‘Never again?’” he repeats, quirking an eyebrow.
Again, I’m at a loss for words, so I simply nod quickly, hoping he will drop it.
“Cool. No hikes.”
His eyes slip away from mine, and he repositions his body so he’s lying on his back. After spending a couple of minutes staring at the ceiling, he breaks the silence.
“I’ve got to be honest. I’ve really missed it here.
I love the air down here. I love being surrounded by people who live simple lives.
But you know what else I’ve missed lately?
” He spins toward me slowly, fashioning a serious expression I don’t often see him use.
“Your midnight-blue wings. It’s fucking killing me not knowing what happened to them. Will you tell me?”
I sit up, wrapping the blanket around me and gazing outside, focusing on the light snowflakes falling just beyond the window’s reach. A tremor passes through my body, and suddenly, my chest feels heavy—like it could collapse if I don’t handle this delicately enough.
I didn’t realize the absence of my wings impacted him this much. Truthfully, I’ve avoided thinking about them for the past couple of days. If I don’t avoid it, the grief settles in and makes itself too comfortable for my liking. I don’t know if I’m ready to tell him everything, but when will I be?
“How about we go on a walk?” I offer, still fixing my gaze on the falling snow and the icicles lining the roof pane.
The bed moves, then I feel his thigh resting against my own. He wraps his arm around my neck, then kisses my head.
“Hell yeah, let’s go. I’ve always loved snow days.”
I drag my feet down the stairs and brace myself for this conversation. Telling him what happened to my wings means telling him… everything.