14
Quark hated it. He hated feeling so small.
He felt his body imploding out of shame and embarrassment.
Head hanging low, his shoulders slumped, becoming the perfect image of a scolded child.
Pulse, however, was pouting. Their hands were shoved into their pockets, purposefully ignoring Seret in any way they could, and not making it subtle that was their intent.
While traversing through the canopy of dense pine and cedar wood, Quark bit at his fingers, wanting to make things right with Seret, yet—
"I just don't understand," Quark said, "why can't Leo read her books? Are none of the dreamers allowed to read here? Ever?"
"Only the heads of the Epiphany and Memory departments can authorize that," Gamal said. "That is not up for anyone else to decide."
"Can't you then—“
"No."
Quark looked at Pulse, gesturing to say something to her. A Pulsar of their magnitude was bound to get through to Seret.
Pulse took the cue. "How are we supposed to make her happy if we're so restricted?"
"Try to get creative then," Seret said.
"Ms. Gamal," Pulse attempted once again to use their charm, talking sweetly like how they spoke to the guards.
Seret, however, was annoyed. "Don't even bother with that charm. Flattery doesn't work on me."
And so, Pulse was back to pouting.
Quark's head hung so low it threatened to fall off his shoulders.
He tripped over brambles and branches and weeds, trying to keep up with Seret's steadfast pace.
Her chin pointed upwards, poised gracefully like into the air with a tight jaw and squared shoulders. There was no hope of winning her over.
Quark swept away some tangled branches when he asked again: "I still don't understand some of the rules, Ma'am... This is just a dream. We are all just dreaming, so what harm could be done?"
Something weakened in her face. She gave her temple a rub, massaging her thoughts, replying back, almost pitiful to the stars: "You two are new yet; too new to the dreaming state. There is a lot you don't know. What's important is that you listen, and stop looking for trouble."
Pulse took notice in the sky. "Is that normal?"
The clouds were gray, and growing darker.
A roll of thunder came after the sun was swallowed up by a sweep of wind, the chirping birds, buzzing damsels, the hum of leaves—was gone.
The smell after that was putrid. It was rotten; it was molding soil, bloating carcasses, and stagnant water. It lingered in a choking miasma.
"This is Leo's dream?" Quark shared his concern. "This doesn't seem like a dream. It's like the start of a nightmare."
Gamal went quiet. Even though she wore her stilettos, she charged head-first into the thicket with unrelenting force. Under her breath, she was muttering swears and curses.
"If that damn thing is in my department again..."
At that, Pulse stopped pouting. They high-tailed it after Seret, helping clear the way from thick, greasy vines. "What's happening? Is Leo in danger?"
Quark felt a pit in his stomach. What if Leo is in danger? What would happen to her? 'What could happen to her?'
Finally, a clearing in the forest opened up. A river split the wind-battered trees into two sections; an overgrown bridge connected the two banks. That bridge, infested with thorny vines, decorated with dying leaves that fell one by one into the waters.
Leo was on that bridge.
So was someone else.
"What in the fuck—"
She was in an argument with a shadow. At first, it was just a shadow. The longer Quark focused on it; he could make out the oozing, inky rots that wrapped and writhed around the body. He was begging, pleading, with Leo, who refused to look it in the face.
Quark didn't know anything about the dreamscape. But he knew what he was looking at.
Leo was face to face with a Black Hole.
Quark charged, focused on getting her the fuck away from what he knows the be a deadly force.
An instrument of unforgiving and relentless proportions that Quark was, distressingly, familiar with.
Pulse called after Quark, but as the dwarf star stepped into the clearing, something catapulted him backward.
It wasn't Pulse, and it wasn't Gamal that grabbed him by the arms, legs, and spine, but an invisible force. It yanked Quark with such violence he landed on his back, knocking the wind from his lungs.
He jumped up, undeterred, going for a running start once more, but the force held him down.
With a thud, his face was planted into the mud, threatening to suffocate Quark.
Unforeseen but felt, it beat him into compliance.
The tug in his spine was painful like something had hooked around it through the skin and into his bones.
Quark didn't dare to move from the fear of increasing the pain.
"Leo!" Quark screamed out for her. Pulse made their move forward, and the force pulled them back, causing them to stumble in bewilderment. It had pushed against their chest like a punch to the sternum.
“What the fuck is going on?" Pulse demanded. Again, trying to push through the invisible wall.
Gamal was on a bulky, brick cell phone, cursing in ancient tongue at the receiver.
"He is back in my department," she chided the voice beyond the brick. "I told you to fire that guard weeks ago! Get someone fucking capable of doing their job here and get Ruin out of here."
"Gamal!" Quark pleaded, "We need to help her! What's going on!"
"Shush, watch."
Helplessly, Quark and Pulse listened, Quark fought the force once more, but it held him fast.
The Black Hole motioned for Leo to take its hands. It was circling her, attempting repeatedly to get her to look at him. He was becoming increasingly distraught.
"Don't you remember any of it, Leo?" He said. His voice distorted like black, thorny worms crawled inside his throat. It made Quark sick to listen to. "You must remember something."
"I remember enough," Leo spat back, short and annoyed.
"Please, we can move past the mistakes, can't we? What happened to second chances? What happened to us?"
"You happened. I don't need to elaborate further. You know what you did."
"How many times do I need to beg for forgiveness? When will you believe me when I say I still love you? We can still make this work. We can move past this."
He tried to grab her hands, but she swatted him away. Her next words were haggard, spoken with venom and a tremble. Leo didn't dare face the Black Hole. She looked disgusted and in pain.
"I have moved past it. And I moved past you. Just leave me alone. It's over, and I am sick of repeating that to you. Goodbye."
With that, she fled; off the bridge, into the dense forest away from everyone, leaving the leeching star lost and alone, rooted in that spot, reaching out as though he could still catch her.
Calling her name repeatedly, acting as his echo while the forest swallowed the dream–the nightmare, and pulling him back into the unknown.
At last, the pull relented its grip, and Pulse and Quark were free to move.
"What the fuck happened?" Pulse bellowed out, facing Seret while she hung up her phone.
"What is a Black Hole doing here?" Quark couldn't match the power of Pulse's voice, but he matched their anger. "Why couldn't we move? She was in danger!"
"That's the pull," Seret was infuriatingly insipid with her reply. "That's what happens when you try to go against the order of the dream."
"What fucking rule were we breaking?" Pulse's fists began to shake, eyes flashing, standing against Seret as a means to challenge her.
"Each dreamer has their own set of rules. Rules that keep her from harm and you two from turning into what Ruin is now."
Quark placed a hand on Pulse's arm, pushing them back gently while he took control of the conversation. "The Black Hole? His name is Ruin? How would we turn into that?"
"By breaking the rules that I have so plainly written."
She took out a cigarette, lazily pulling out a zippo and flicking it a few times while she planned her words.
"That's the hazard of this line of work. Especially my line of work. When dreamers are here, they can easily get addicted to the wish fulfillment, and they want to remain here, far beyond what their real bodies can handle. As for the stars, you guys would risk corruption.
That corruption would affect your real selves. You would no longer be balls of plasma, but that. That's why I'm a bitch when it comes to you two trying to disobey me. Because I've had to deal with one too many stars losing themselves to risk it happening again."
Quark felt the silence; heavy and sobering.
The quiet that fell between the three of them left, at least, the stars to simmer and sputter out of their initial vitriol.
Pulse still trembled, but now Quark could sense they were worried and uncertain.
Pulse didn't dare look up from the ground, so Quark spoke for them both.
"But Leo—I don't understand—Why were we not allowed to help her? What if she got hurt?"
"McCarthy is a tough girl. She is perfectly capable of keeping herself safe. But that's the rule. She has to defend herself at all costs. No one is allowed to step in."
"That doesn't seem right. Isn't it part of our job to keep her safe?"
"Your job is to keep her happy. There is a good reason why it is that way, and you need to accept that. The sooner the better."
Pulse's eyes squeezed shut. Slowly, their cheeks cooled, their fists, though still clenched, relaxed from biting their nails into their palms. They took slow breaths while Quark held their arm. His face had fallen. His eyes were dim. The thoughts in their head were pessimistic.
"Go to her," Seret waved them off. "I have to clean up house."
Gradually, the brambles and vines rotted away. The grass could breathe once more, and the rot faded from their senses. Quark rubbed Pulse's arm.
"Let's go find Leo, okay? Will you be alright?"
Pulse let out a hot breath. A bit of steam escaped their mouth, nodding while they grabbed Quark's hand. They didn't reply; they were not ready to speak yet, but the careful and gentle squeeze of the fingers told Quark what he needed to know.
"C'mon." Quark tugged their hand, squeezing back.
As they walked, the trees became sparse. Green was abundant between the moss, the leaves, and the knee-high grass. The air was damp and swampy, but it smelled cleaner than before.
They found Leo sitting alone, hunched over with her hands tangled in her hair. The stars sprinted to her, taking a seat on either side. Pulse's violent energy was extinguished in an instant. Now, they spoke in a near whisper, resting their hand on her shoulder.
"You okay, Leo?"
She was quick to wipe her face. She resembled her photo more than before. There was a dark tint under her eyes, and her skin was not the same warm, healthy glow as the stars remembered. But her voice was the same, ever so vibrant and bold.
"Yeah, I'm okay," she was trying to write off her stress as an annoyance. "Just been a day for me, that's all. Didn't need to deal with an old ex after having to be awake for nearly 24 hours already..."
"Ex?"
"It's a long story. Honestly, I don't want to talk about it. I'm glad to see some handsome, friendly faces at last."
Quark wanted to ask further. He wanted to ask about the Black Hole—Ruin. 'Have they dated before?'
So many questions popped off inside of him. Each one was personal and perturbing for his little human. They wanted her to share her woes, hoping to alleviate the dreary and dead look in her eyes.
But she was not having it. Leo quickly changed the tone entirely. She sensed their intentions and had no desire to engage in such topics. She hopped up like a spring, grabbing their hands and leading them out of the wall of trees.
"Let's not linger in such a drab mood," she said. "I won't have much time to sleep. I want to enjoy myself."
'This is what she wants,' Quark thought, ' so we'll do it for her.'
Yet Quark couldn't swallow the stone in his throat. He couldn't fully let go of the voice that nagged at him, telling him something awful was afoot. Something was eating away at her, and he knew it. Pulse knew it.
'Why won't she talk about it?'
Leo was stubborn. If she wouldn't confide in the stars, then there was nothing more they could do. Like her shadow, they followed her lead out of the forest.