Chapter 24
Vanessa
I watch Jason leave, and then I slump against the wall.
My brain can’t even process what I just saw or how this affects my and Jason’s relationship.
But I know this: There’s no chance he’ll ever date Lisa after what we witnessed.
I mean, maybe it was always a long shot, but now it’s an impossible shot.
Worse, I hate myself for being happy about this development.
See? Terrible.
I’m tempted to speak with my sister and try to unpack what’s happening, but I highly doubt she’s interested in anyone other than Denise at the moment. What to do? Where to go? How to feel? So many questions and zero answers. Nothing’s making sense in my head.
I rush up the stairs and sprint into the first room I find.
Dark wood paneling covers the perimeter, and a built-in bookshelf spans the entire length of one long wall.
Two green velvet chaises face each other in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Manhattan skyline.
As I struggle to catch my breath, I trace a finger against the spines of the books whose titles pass in a blur.
I’m too wired. Too confused. Overwhelmed by the knowledge that Lisa isn’t—or shouldn’t be—trying to win Jason’s heart anymore.
I drift over to the mirror opposite the bookshelf. I’m the same person I was when I entered the 3 West Club a few hours ago, but so much has changed. Does Jason sense it too?
As if my thoughts have conjured him, he appears in the library and quietly closes the door behind him. The click of the lock sounds in my ears like a gong.
Within seconds, he’s behind me, studying our reflections in the mirror, his eyes drowsy and just as unfocused as mine. “Are you okay?”
“Not really,” I say, my voice unsteady.
Because for once, that’s the truth. My body is coiled tight, a million nerve endings pinging all at once.
Every moment I wanted to touch him but held back returns in a rush, as if all of my repressed feelings have finally gathered enough force to barrel through the floodgates.
I’m on overload, and I’d do anything to feel Jason’s hands on my body.
He steps closer, his chest creating a wall of heat at my back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, exactly. It’s just…seeing Lisa and Denise together threw me for a loop. I was not expecting them to be glued to each other like that.”
He peers at me, his brow furrowing. “It bothers you? Seeing your sister with Denise?”
Disappointment laces the tone of his voice.
I meet his troubled gaze in the mirror and shake my head.
“It doesn’t bother me in the way you might be thinking.
God, nothing like that. Lisa’s never hid her bisexuality from me or my parents.
It just surprises me. Those two specifically.
First, I thought they hated each other, then I thought they were only tolerating each other. For Cami’s sake.”
“Hate’s a strong word. The way I see it, they’ve always provoked each other. Now we know why.”
“I guess.”
“There’s something else messing with your head, though. Tell me.”
His voice is urgent, hopeful, and I can’t pinpoint why. I’m seconds away from revealing the truth about the ruse, but I realize it isn’t only my truth to reveal. It’s Lisa’s too. “I don’t think I can.”
His lips thin.
“I’d rather show you.”
Because this? This is my truth and my truth alone. And I want to give it to him freely.
He gives me a questioning look, his teeth pressing gently on his bottom lip. My arms fall to my sides, as if I’m offering myself to his scrutiny. Am I really doing this?
“Whatever you need,” he says softly, urgently. “Anything.”
That promise unleashes my restraint. So I push my ass against him and take one of his hands, drawing it across my stomach.
He sucks in a breath, and the sound of his desire flips the switch in my brain that controls any rational thinking.
I want this, I want him, and I don’t want to consider why this is a bad idea.
Our entwined hands lift the hem of my dress slowly, his long fingers traveling across my skin wherever I direct them—the top of my thigh, the curve of my hip, the swell below my belly button.
“You’re so warm,” he murmurs against my ear. “So soft.”
I drag his hand over my panties, and he closes his eyes, breathing through the contact as if he’s using all of his reserves to keep himself under control, to let me steer his hand in whatever way I choose.
“Here’s where it’s aching,” I say. “I need you to make the ache go away.”
He cups me, then freezes. “You want my fingers inside you?”
“Yes,” I say with a moan. “Your fingers. Your mouth. Your dick. Please.”
He scrunches the fabric of my underwear, as if he’s making a fist with it, then he delves underneath, tracing his digits so close to where I want them.
“Don’t tease me.”
“I’m not teasing. I’m exploring every inch of you. This could take hours. Days, maybe. Might want to settle in for the ride.”
“Now you’re just being cruel.”
He doesn’t respond with words. Instead, he slips his free hand up my back and around to my shoulder, where he drags down the thin strap of my dress, baring one of my breasts.
“Look at that,” he says, flicking a nipple.
“Qué bella.” Unable to stay upright any longer, I fall back against him, and he immediately buries his face in my neck. “Here’s one.”
I open my mouth, ready to ask him to explain, but then I feel it: One long finger. Slipping inside me.
“How’s that?”
“So good,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Here’s two.”
“Oh God. Yes.”
“Want three?”
“Please.”
“Open your eyes first. Watch us in the mirror.”
I open my eyes, but my vision is blurred; when it clears, I see the strain in his face, the sheen of sweat across his upper lip.
He’s taking this slow, but it’s a struggle for him.
Then I focus on my reflection, and I’m stunned by what’s in front of me: My hair’s disheveled, my lips are parted and wet, and my chest is heaving.
“What a sight we are,” he says.
“Three,” I eke out. “You promised me three.”
He slips another finger inside me, his thumb working my clit. “There you go.”
I nearly fall to the floor, but he holds me steady. “Yeah, that’s it. Just like that.”
“Fuck, Vanessa,” he says, his eyes closing for a moment. “My fingers are soaked. Now I’m imagining this wetness all over my dick.” He tilts his pelvis against my butt, as if he’s envisioning what it would be like to move inside me.
“There’s no need to imagine. I want that as much as you do.”
“This isn’t how I pictured our first time.”
“You thought about it? Before today?”
“I went to bed imagining it in my head. More times than I should have.”
“I don’t think I can wait. Not anymore. Now that…”
“Now that what?”
“Nothing. I’m not making any sense.” I shake my head. “I just need you.”
Jason grimaces. “I don’t have anything on me. No protection.”
“Have you been with anyone lately?”
“Not for eight months. And I’ve tested negative since then.” He hesitates, then asks, “You?”
“I got tested when I came back here. I had to.”
He pins me with a piercing gaze, but he doesn’t push me to tell him more. That’s all I think I can bear to say about that anyway.
“I’m on the pill too,” I add.
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes.”
My one-word answer galvanizes him. He pulls out of me and tugs my panties down my legs. “Step out.”
I do, and then he slips the scrap of fabric inside his pocket.
“We won’t have much time,” he says against my ear. “Someone will come looking for one of us soon.”
“It’s okay. I just need this. Need you. Don’t want to think about anything else.”
With one hand, he unbuckles his belt and flicks open the top button of his slacks. With the other, he cups my pussy.
“Yes, Jason. Hurry.”
The sound of his zipper ricochets all over the room, and then he’s tugging down his pants and bunching up my dress at my waist. “The couch?”
“No, right here,” I whisper as I place my hands on the console table.
He caresses my back and gently pushes me forward, guiding me to bend over, as he lines up the head of his dick against my entrance. “I’m so hard right now. Jesus, V, what the hell are you doing to me?”
“The same thing you’re doing to me. Hurry.”
He covers my body with his, places his left hand over mine, and pushes inside.
“Fuck,” we say in unison.
He groans as he inches forward. “Incredible.”
He’s big. Thick. Filling me with no room to spare. “God, you did need that book.”
He chuckles, his chest vibrating against my back, but when I squirm against him, he hisses, all humor forgotten.
“God, Jason, please move. I need you so much.”
My words seem to be his undoing, because now he’s caging me in, his fingers clutching mine, and he’s moving in and out of me in earnest. I’m tingling everywhere, and my updo is a wreck, but I have no fucks to give except the one I’m giving this man. I tighten my core, and Jason shudders against me.
“Yes, that’s it, baby,” he groans. “Squeeze just like that. I want to feel you on every inch of me.”
I’m blissed out and overwhelmed. All I can do is chant his name and moan in rhythm with each stroke. My entire body is hot, adrenaline coursing through me.
He nibbles on my ear, ratcheting up my pleasure. “Knew we’d be like this together, but didn’t dare hope. Fucking fire. Electric.”
“Addictive,” I choke out, a tear slipping down my cheek. “Oh God, so good.”
“How can I make this everything for you? What do you need?”
Somehow, his voice gets past the ringing in my ears. “I need to touch myself.”
He slows, waiting for me to snake my hands between my legs and massage my clit. “Good?”
“More than good.”
And then he speeds up, smoothly, like his only job is to be attuned to my body and satisfy its desires.
Jason nuzzles me. Inhales my scent. Scrapes his teeth against my neck.
I’m a bundle of nerves expanding, then coiling tight.
The sweetest pressure fills me. I want this feeling.
Precisely this feeling. As many times as he’s willing to give it to me. No one else will do.
“Oh God, Jason. I’m going to come soon. Are you close?”
“I’m close,” he grunts. “But don’t wait for me. I don’t want to miss seeing you fall apart.”
I stare at his reflection in the mirror and watch the way he rocks into me, my fingers furiously circling my clit.
He meets my gaze, then says, “Open your mouth.” When I do, he places his thumb inside. “Bite down if you need to. I want you to leave a mark I can see tomorrow.”
My eyes fall closed, the pleasure so intense I’m seeing stars behind my lids. He’s making me crave things I never imagined I would. Soon a tingle teases me, then flares into a warmth that spreads throughout my body. “Oh God, I’m going to come.”
“Bite,” he says as he slams into me.
I don’t worry if I’ll hurt him. I just press my teeth into his skin as the orgasm rocks me from head to toe.
“Jesus, Vanessa,” he says, trembling behind me while he chases his own orgasm. “Fuck, fuck, fuuuck.”
When we descend from our highs, we stare at our reflections, both of us panting. Eventually he pulls out and looks around in a daze. “Do you need me to…”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“I’m guessing you can clean up in there,” he says, breathing hard and pointing to a doorway in the corner. Stunned. He looks stunned by what we just did. Me too, Jason. Me too.
I let the skirt of my dress fall and stagger to the restroom. In a stupor, I quickly use the bathroom and dab my face with a tissue. I’m a literal and metaphorical mess, but I don’t regret what Jason and I just did. No, I only regret that there are so many secrets between us.
When I return, Jason’s dressed and rubbing the back of his neck.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
“I’m wondering how I’m supposed to go back out there and put together intelligible sentences.”
“No idea,” he says with a chuckle. “I’m only smiling and nodding for the rest of the night.”
I laugh. “We’re ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously good together, you mean,” he says, caressing my cheek.
I step forward and kiss him sweetly. “Sir, you are so much more than I bargained for.”
And that much is true. I never imagined Jason and I would be together like this, bringing each other pleasure, reveling in the feel of our bodies igniting.
“Come home with me,” he pleads. “Stay the night. Let me worship every part of you.”
“Yes, I’d love to.”
There’s no hesitation in my voice, and perhaps there should be, but for once, I’m going to enjoy the here and now and worry about the inevitable clusterfuck later.