Chapter 37
Iclung to Lioran. My body settled against his as we raced back to the Heart on Veylar. The world was spinning with tinges of emerald.
“Lioran…” I groaned. Each beat over the rocky path jolted me.
Fyn and Cora raced silently behind us with Gaia.
“We’re almost there.” Lioran adjusted his grip on me, pulling me closer into him. Nausea gripped me harder.
Veylar slowed cautiously as we approached the castle. Fyn darted toward us and lifted me from the saddle. Once Lioran dismounted he placed me back in his arms—his gaze softened as he looked at me and nodded to Lioran.
“We need the healer,” Lioran desperately cried. A tear trickled down his cheek and fell onto mine. He carried me through the halls and into the infirmary.
I gripped him tighter as he lowered me into the slender bed.
“Rowena, thank goodness you’re here.” Lioran knelt beside me.
“Your Highness? What happened?” Rowena asked, her eyes scanning me. “The princess…she’s…”
He had barely caught his breath. “She nearly died, Rowena.” He tried to steady his voice. “I need you to check her out—to make sure she’s okay. To check on…” His jaw tightened.
“What is your concern, Prince Lioran?” An uneasy silence settled between them and Lioran turned from us both. “I will make sure she is okay…I will check everything,” she promised him.
I didn’t know what he saw—what he was so afraid of.
“Your Highness, may I examine you?” Rowena asked.
She studied my eyes as I nodded.
Her hands shifted over me, down to my abdomen. My lungs tightened—my body dripped with sweat. I was no longer me.
“She’s panicking, Your Highness, you need to try to calm her. Princess Aelira, you need to breathe…I need you to focus on your husband. Breathe with him.” Rowena’s voice was steady.
Lioran braced me as every part of me quaked. He took my hand in his and settled it on his chest. Each breath he took was my anchor—I mirrored it. “You’re safe—you’re home. We came home.” He smiled softly, but the ache still lingered in his words.
“Your body needs lots of rest. Things are new—very new.”
I continued to force each breath, until my muscles unclenched.
“I’m fae now?” I asked.
“Yes, Your Highness. Completely fae.”
“My humanity was erased? It’s just gone?” Tears gathered until they fell. My heart thundered in my chest. I didn’t just cross the divide—I lost everything that tied me to Bailoc, to my family. They would never recognize me.
Lioran wiped away my tears.
“How can it be gone?” I cried.
His hand caressed my cheek. “We will figure this out together. Just breathe.”
I clutched the pillow as the tears continued to fall. I was grateful to be alive, to be here, but I mourned the part of me that didn’t exist anymore.
“Your strength will return. Perhaps you can take her to her chambers, Prince Lioran. I think she would be more comfortable in her own bed.” Her hand rested on mine. “I will check in on you later and you may send for me whenever you need me.”
Lioran scooped me up into his arms.
Rowena grasped my hand. “You are perfectly healthy, Your Highness. The stars have blessed you with a miracle.” She bowed to us as we slipped through the infirmary door.
I clung to Lioran as he carried me through our home.
Days flashed by as I slept—each time my eyes blinked open I took in my chambers. I was still here, whole and fae in a way I never thought I would be. The reflection that greeted me forever altered, but my mother’s golden eyes still glowed.
My strength renewed.
My magic still stirred.
I encouraged Lioran to return to the work that was piling up in his study. He had barely left my side, hovering even as I slept.
We didn’t speak about our tattoos again, or the words the stars uttered. Our moments grew quieter. His words more tender. But every day he looked as if he was grieving. I wondered if he still saw me beneath all the changes—or if he was mourning the version of me he lost.
Scouts surveyed the land and brought back news—the Grove had been fully restored. Even Othryl saw a slow trickle of new growth. Signs of life were sprouting through the decay.
Juniper brought lunch to my chambers. She helped me slip into a gown for the first time since we returned. The fabric pulled at my chest. It squeezed my waist. She struggled to even lace it.
I traced my waist, fuller than I remembered it.
“If I may speak freely…” Juniper said.
“Of course,” I replied.
“It may be time to consider some new gowns.” Her voice was a soft whisper as her eyes avoided mine. “Your shape has…altered.”
My stomach churned with the scent of the coffee as it wafted over to me. I pushed it away, completely overwhelmed. Juniper arched an eyebrow as she tidied up the room.
“Your appetite…has changed too. Is there anything else you’d prefer?” She removed the coffee from the table.
My strength returned, but my appetite hadn’t. Nausea rushed through me as I gripped the table.
It hadn’t stopped. We came back from the Grove—but every feeling lingered.
“Can you send for Rowena?”
“Certainly, Your Highness. I will get her for you immediately.” Juniper’s words trailed behind her as she left my chambers.
I was so consumed with losing Lioran, and later afraid of losing everything.
It had been weeks. No, it was even longer. I steadied myself, still glancing in the mirror as I counted the time that passed.
I hadn’t bled.
It couldn’t be—it wasn’t possible.
We had been careful, but maybe the dream we wished for, the one I thought would never be, existed inside of me.
“Your Highness, Juniper said you needed me.” Rowena peered in the doorway.
I looked out the window, still reeling in my discovery, too afraid to hope it was true. “I need you to confirm something for me.” My melodic voice faltered.
“What can I help you with?” Rowena asked.
“I think…I’m pregnant.” I finally exhaled. “I’ve been feeling so sick. I’m not sure if it’s from how I changed…or if there’s…life growing inside of me.”
She walked over to me. Her hand drifted over my abdomen. “Your child is still perfectly healthy.” Her voice was a quiet hum that interrupted my rapid heartbeat.
“Still?”
“I sensed it with my magic when Prince Lioran brought you to me. You were so panicked, so exhausted. He was shaken too. You both needed time to accept the change that had already settled, before I could deliver the news.” Her head angled slightly.
“I hope you understand. I would have come to you had I thought you needed to know sooner.”
“I understand.” I wouldn’t hold it against her. We weren’t ready to hear the truth then—couldn’t have truly embraced the news. “How far along do you think I am?”
Her eyes scanned mine. “At least a month, if not a little longer.”
“It’s not possible. We were careful.” I released an exhale. “I drank the vials. Lioran got them from your supplies.”
Rowena sat with what I said. “It should have worked. I don’t know of a single fae that’s had it fail.” She parted her locks from her face. “The main ingredient is a diluted toxin, that prevents life from taking hold.”
“It’s toxic? Did I hurt the baby?” I gasped.
“From everything I sense, the baby is very strong and healthy.” She took her hands in mine. “The main ingredient could have caused harm, but maybe something was wrong with the potion. Did it taste bitter?”
“It tasted sweet. I sensed flowers I knew, but one that was different, too.”
“Moonflower is bitter. You’d know it the instant it settled on your tongue.” Her eyebrows raised. “Maybe the herbalist didn’t mix it properly.” Her cheeks grew red. “I’m so sorry, Your Highness.”
“Did you say moonflower?” I recalled the white bloom I had never seen before I grew it in the palace garden. The one I tried to give to the queen, but she refused.
“Yes, it’s highly toxic if not properly diluted. We use gentle flowers sprinkled with healing magic to make it suitable for ingestion. You are familiar with it?” Her eyes narrowed on me.
“I made it grow, but I had never seen it before.”
“When you used your magic to create more oregano, you asked me to get you some first…”
“Yes, I have to experience it somehow to make it grow.” My hand rested on my stomach. “I’ve been drinking it the entire time.”
“And you never had cramping or discomfort after taking a vial?” she asked.
“No. I felt… completely fine.” I tried to make sense of it. Our child was healthy and strong when it shouldn’t have existed at all. “Rowena, could my magic have interfered with it?”
“It’s possible. I don’t think we could ever really know.”
I took in the news—let it sit—until I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.
We thought we were doing everything we could to control the future, but the stars had other plans.
She placed her hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay to grieve if this is not what you wanted.”
“It’s exactly what I wanted. I just didn’t expect it to happen like this.” Silent flutters rippled through me. “I feel something stirring in me, like my magic, but different. I felt it in the Grove.”
“It’s your child’s magic.” A warm smile crept across her lips.
I couldn’t help but wonder how our child would fit into this world or what would happen when the High Court discovered the news. Would they accept our child? I wasn’t sure I wanted them to.
“Can you tell if the baby is human at all? Or is it only fae?” I held my stomach.
“It is too soon to know.” She spoke softly. “I will give Juniper some herbs for tea that may settle whatever sickness you’re experiencing. She can be discreet until you’re ready to tell your husband.”
I nodded. They may not work, either. “I plan to tell him soon. I just need a moment.”
“Take the time you need. He will be overjoyed to hear the news when you’re ready to share it.”
The whirl kept spinning inside me—tiny flutters of hope for the future—our future.
Lioran’s study door was propped open. The familiar scent greeted me. It was my favorite. He hovered over his desk, sifting through paperwork.
The firelight cast a glow that illuminated the stars in the ceiling.
“Lioran?” My voice was a hum in between the crackling fire.
He dropped everything and came straight to me. “I wanted you to take it easy. You need to rest.” His fingers intertwined with mine. “You could have sent for me.”
“I wanted to come find you myself. Are you in the middle of something?” I almost said I could wait, but I knew I couldn’t.
His eyes softened. “I would stop the entire world for a moment with you.” He leaned in and kissed me.
I held him for a moment, afraid to break the calm between us. “The stars gave us everything we wanted.”
His head tilted, taking me in, but his muscles clenched. “They certainly have. You are still here with me.”
“It’s not just me.” I grabbed his hand and slid it over my stomach. “You’re going to be a father.”
His eyes widened. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, Rowena confirmed it.”
His free hand cupped his mouth as if he was holding the rest back. “When did she confirm it?”
“Moments ago.” My voice cracked. I watched a single tear trail down his cheek. “You don’t look happy.”
“I thought…” His shoulder rounded forward. “We lost the baby.”
“Lost it? You knew?”
He nodded. “The night after we bonded, I sensed you stronger than before. Then I felt something new—different from your magic, different from you. It was pulsing inside of you. I felt the life we created.”
I hadn’t even known, hadn’t even recognized it, but Lioran had. Sorrow settled on his face.
“I deserved to know.”
“I was grateful you didn’t. You had sealed your fate with the bargain. It took everything for me not to tell you. But I couldn’t let you worry about what we’d lose.”
“You never told me…even when I survived,” I said.
“I thought I lost you—and then you awoke completely new. When I tried to feel for the baby, I felt nothing.”
“It’s why you went to the tree without me. You planned to sacrifice yourself for us?” I braced myself against him.
“It broke my heart to walk away from you both. Knowing I would never get to meet our child…never hold you again.”
My throat constricted as I tried to swallow.
The moment Fyn held me, I hadn’t gotten over it still—that Lioran even asked him to.
“Did Fyn know?”
“No.” He flinched. “I had no other choice.”
“You could have told me,” I said quietly.
“I was desperate.” He shook his head. “We tried to take on the bargain together. I thought it would be enough to save you, but then you shattered.” He inhaled sharply.
“I had to watch Fyn rock my pregnant wife in his arms while we all wondered if you would come out of it. While I wondered if I would ever be able to hold you again. It broke me.”
“You took the choice from me. You both did.” I had been silent about it since we returned, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Fyn fought me over it. If you need to be mad, be mad at me. No one could have talked me out of it. Everything I cared about was being taken from me.”
For a moment, he just held me. Neither of us said anything at all. Not because there wasn’t more to say, but because we had both been through enough. We were desperately trying to fuse the fragments back together.
I slid his hand over my stomach when the flutters began again. “Can you feel it now?” I asked, finally breaking the silence.
“A pulse…of magic?” His eyes welled. “For someone so small, it’s so strong...”
I nodded, blinking back the tears, but they fell again anyway.
It was a glimmer of hope. A glimpse of light.
We sat with the baby’s movement until it faded.
“Does Rowena know how far along you are?” He held my stomach still.
“She guessed over a month.”
“This entire time…” Lioran swallowed hard. His jaw tensed. “Is she concerned you were taking the vials?”
“They’re made from flowers. My magic…may have caused it not to work.” I leaned into him. “The toxic flower that helps it take effect…I made one at the High Court and I may have handed one to your mother.”
“You what?” His shoulders stiffened.
“I didn’t know what it was. I had never seen it before.”
“But you drank it,” he said. “And it didn’t affect you at all—didn’t stop our miracle.”
A glimmer lingered in his gaze. “Hopefully Rowena can make a different vial…not made from flowers.” He smirked. “Otherwise, we’ll have a lot of little ones in our future.”
I laughed as my fingers trailed my stomach.
Standing beside him, my heart lightened.