Chapter 19 Kai #2
“I don’t want to be a king who wastes resources on frivolity while our enemies circle.
” Even as I said it, I knew it was only half true.
We had the supplies, and the kitchens could manage it.
The halls could be secured. This was not about waste.
It was about whether I could bear presiding over a celebration while knowing what hung over us.
“That isn’t what this is, and you know it.” Thea’s voice softened. “You wouldn’t be wasting anything. You’d be giving your court a reason to keep its spine, and a reason to believe this castle is still more than a place to die in.”
I turned back toward the window and watched frost begin to feather along the edges of the glass.
She was right, which irritated me more than if she had been wrong.
Politics didn’t pause for the apocalypse.
If anything, the threat made a show of public strength more necessary.
A court that sensed weakness would splinter, and I couldn’t afford fractures within my own walls while Bram’s hand worked against the realm.
Thea moved to stand beside me, and when she placed her hand lightly on my arm, the scent of lavender soap and thyme reached me through the harsher scents of parchment, candle smoke, and frost gin. “Kai, Hannah needs this too.”
My breath caught before I could stop it.
Her brows lifted. “You’ve already mishandled this.
You should never have embarrassed her the way you did before leaving for Silver City.
It would’ve cost you nothing to explain even a little, or at the very least to speak with her while those preparations were being made.
Instead, you shut her out, left her hurt, and then had the nerve to look surprised when she used your own words against you. ”
My head jerked back, since there was no defense worth offering.
“Yes, she threw it back in your face exactly as you deserved, and no, I’m not sorry about it.
” Her mouth curved for the briefest instant before flattening again.
“But you still have not gone to her. You’re waiting because you want the moment to be perfect, or controlled, or somehow safe from missteps.
It’ll never be any of those things. You know that as well as I do. ”
My jaw tightened. “You presume much.”
“I know you.” Her tone gentled, though it didn’t lose its force. “And because I know you, I know you are stalling. You want to tell her what she is to you, but you’re afraid of doing it wrong, so you keep doing nothing. Which, for the record, is worse.”
I looked away from her and back out the window. She was treading dangerously close to truths I had no desire to hear spoken aloud.
“If you won’t tell her immediately, then at least use the night properly.
The ball gives you that chance. It’s the same evening as the meteor shower.
Olen suggested the guests be taken to the northern plateau afterward to watch it.
The mountain shields it from the worst of the wind, and the view of the sky is unmatched.
” A spark flashed in her eyes. “You and Hannah could slip away beneath the protection of the wards, away from everyone else, and if you still insist on making your situation dramatic, then there are certainly worse settings for confessions than a sky full of fire and starlight.”
My mouth flattened into a hard line. “I would remind you of your place.”
“My place?” She tilted her head. “My place is preventing you from doing something catastrophically foolish simply because you cannot decide whether to act too quickly or not at all. You’ve spent days brooding instead of speaking to her, and I’m meant to stand by while you continue making a mess of it because royal dignity must be preserved? ”
I lifted a hand before she could continue.
“I hear you.” She was right, and I had no desire to stand there while she catalogued every one of my failings in increasing detail.
“The invitations have already gone out, the preparations are underway, and security measures are in place. Canceling now would cause more disruption than it would prevent. The ball may proceed.”
Her mouth curved upward. “Of course. I’ll make sure Hannah knows that is the only reason.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t test me, woman.”
She placed a hand over her mouth in feigned innocence. “So prickly.” Then, with all the serenity of someone who had just shoved me exactly where she wanted me, she turned and left.
But her words stuck with me. They lingered long after the door shut, settling into the corners of my mind.
The ball. The meteor shower. The northern plateau.
It would, in truth, be an ideal moment to tell Hannah what she was to me and what bound us together.
If I wanted a setting that might soften the blow of everything else, I couldn’t deny Thea had chosen well.
It might even have been perfect, if not for one very serious complication.
Hannah had never once, since she arrived, shown any sign of doing anything that would make my task easier.
I spent the following days buried in work, sending out trackers to search for the missing kitchen attendant and stable hand, even though I doubted we would find either.
The ball drew closer with every report that crossed my desk, and so did the ritual window.
I kept my focus on matters that could still be ordered, counted, or moved.
Supply lines were reviewed. Guard rotations were tightened again.
Wards were checked, reinforced, and checked once more.
Meals came and were taken alone. Sleep happened only when exhaustion made command impossible.
Despite Thea’s persistent interference, and despite the bond’s steady pull beneath the lorn leaf’s numbness, I didn’t go to Hannah.
I couldn’t trust myself near her yet. If I saw her before I decided what to say and when to say it, I couldn’t be certain I wouldn’t do something reckless and ruin the one moment I still hoped to control.
She was already angry with me, and she had every right to be.
I couldn’t mend that by stumbling through the truth with no thought beyond instinct.
If I was going to tell her, then I would do it properly.
Or so I hoped.
The day of the ball arrived, draped in obligation. I left my study only as long as necessary, moving from one task to the next with clipped efficiency, and when at last I returned, I knew something was wrong before I crossed the threshold.
The air had changed.
My gaze shifted to the right side of the desk. The space beside the inkwell sat empty.
The astrolabe was gone.
It wasn’t Thea. She stole my quills.
My jaw locked so hard my teeth ached. The scent of magnolia and apricots curled through the room, soft and unmistakable, and hot fury rose fast enough to cut through some of the lorn leaf’s numbness. Anger, and something far more dangerous that felt suspiciously like admiration.
Of course it had been Hannah.
She wanted my attention? Now she had it.
I turned on my heel and strode from the study. The guards in the corridor straightened the moment they saw me, but I spared them no glance. My boots struck the stone in hard, measured beats as I made my way toward her chambers.
She had no right to take something of mine simply because she was angry, no matter how justified that anger might be. If she wished to make a point, she had succeeded. If she wished to provoke me, she had.
At her door, I knocked five times in rapid succession. “Hannah of Tennessee, we need to talk.”
Something slammed inside. Then something rattled, followed by the unmistakable scrape of movement. “Sorry, can’t do that right now. I’m in a very important meeting. And I’ve got plans to wash my hair. I’m booked. I’ll see you at the ball.”
My palm flattened against the wood. “Hannah.” A low growl built in my chest despite my best effort to keep my voice level.
“Seriously, Your Majesty, I can’t spare five minutes to talk to you.
I’m busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. I’m sure you understand.
You’ve been so busy yourself these past eight days.
” Something thumped inside, followed by another loud clatter.
Then it sounded as though a small door grated shut.
I stared at the wood in front of me, deeply unimpressed. What in Fate’s name was she even doing in there?
More important… Who else was with her?
I drew back half a step, glaring at the wood as if it had personally offended me. “Is someone in there with you?”
“Well, of course someone’s with me.” Her sweetness turned syrupy, exaggerated, and entirely false. “Like I said, I’m talking to very important people, and I don’t want to see you. So if you could just mosey on back to your study and brood some more, that’d be great.”
Mosey?
No. I wouldn’t take the bait and ask what that meant.
I pounded my fist against the door once more.
“Open it. Now, before I lose what remains of my patience entirely.” The lorn leaf could only do so much against the primal instincts clawing at my restraint.
I should’ve taken another dose before I came here.
“Oh, are you getting mad?” she called back. “Well, bless your heart.”
My hands settled against my belt as I forced myself not to tear the door from its hinges on instinct alone. “Do not pretend to bestow blessings upon me, Hannah of Tennessee. Open this door. I’m not asking.”
“That’s a shame, because I was answering. But I can stop.” More movement shuffled inside. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m otherwise occupied.”
The words hit like a blade between my ribs, and before I could respond, I heard it.
Bedsprings.
A quick, rhythmic squeaking from inside the room.
For one suspended instant, every thought in my head ceased to function. Then a white-hot surge of rage came roaring up through my veins so violently that it burned right through the lorn leaf.
I slammed my shoulder into the door with enough force to splinter the latch and send the wood crashing inward against the stone wall as I stormed into the room. I’d kill the bastard with her.