CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Just for a moment, my panicked brain couldn’t take it in.
The flight-or-fight impulse that had me racing over the green to ‘rescue’ Barley was still in charge. It took several seconds to adjust to the fact that not only was Barley not being stolen by an apparent dog-thief, but the yelps I was hearing were actually happy yelps.
Barley had seemingly remembered the hero who’d rescued him from drowning in the river and was in an ecstasy of excitement over their reunion!
‘Annalise?’ Jensen looked as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.
‘Yes. It’s me. Hi!’ My heart was beating so fast now, I could hardly breathe.
Still hunkered down, he laughed incredulously and gave Barley a firm rub on his belly. ‘So are you his owner now?’ He was gazing up at me and I remembered how amazing his eyes were. Dark, with those little gold flecks...
‘I am. Yes. He . . . erm . . . he arrived last week.’
My whole body seemed charged with excitement, simply because I was standing next to Jensen again, and I was worried that the joyful fireworks going off in my chest might be obvious on the outside if I looked back at him. So I fixed my gaze on Barley instead, making a big thing of ruffling his ears. ‘I mean, he didn’t just arrive . That makes it sound like he pitched up at my door. No, I had to be vetted by the rescue centre people and fill in forms and then I had to go and collect him. Obviously.’ I was waffling, sure my face must be scarlet.
‘It’s good to see you again,’ he murmured, and the tone of his voice made my heart leap hopefully.
I dared myself to look at him, remembering how his dark gaze had the power to hold me in his spell and stumble over my words. I’d held an image of Jensen in my mind ever since that day by the river, but the real thing – being in his presence – was so much more powerful than the memory.
‘It’s great you’ve got Barley.’ He stood up, and I also remembered just how tall he was. ‘I’ve been thinking about you a lot... I mean, whether you’d been to see Barley at the shelter.’
‘I’ve been thinking about you, too.’ I gave him a shy glance. ‘I saw you at the café, just before the meeting of the Pudding Club started?’
‘You saw me?’ There was a sudden tension in his eyes.
‘I was at the window. You were reading the poster on the door?’
He nodded stiffly and I felt him detach – almost as if he’d stepped away from me – and my heart lurched. Why did I have to go and say that? I’d obviously made him feel awkward.
He cleared his throat and looked down at Barley. ‘This little guy needs his walk. Don’t you, boy?’
A feeling of despair filled my chest. I had spoiled things. He was trying to get away now, but doing it in a nice way, of course. Which was just like him. I looked down at Barley, trying to harden my heart. ‘Yes. We’d better get going. Eh, Barley?’
Jensen nodded cheerfully and bent to give Barley a parting stroke.
‘Right, well... it was nice to see you again.’ I was feeling so utterly foolish. All this time, I’d been daring to think that the connection I’d thought I’d felt between Jensen and me was real, and that he’d been feeling it, too. But I’d obviously been fooling myself. ‘Come on, Barley. Let’s go.’ I reattached his lead, managed a stiff smile in Jensen’s direction and started walking quickly in the direction of home, just wanting to escape before the stupid tears that were threatening began to flow.
I heard Jensen call after me but I was walking too fast to catch what he said. Tears were blinding me now, so I couldn’t turn around or he would see. I was shocked at how devastated I felt, but after the dreams I’d dared to dream, reality had truly felt like a punch to the gut...
But he was running to catch me up, calling my name, and my heart sank. He’d see I was crying and he’d feel sorry for me, which was the very last thing I needed right now.
I dashed away a tear, forced a smile and turned.