Chapter Five
The home Roman had purchased for his mother was on one of the quieter streets of Denver, close enough to the stores that she had easy access to the things she needed but far enough away from the bustle that she wouldn’t feel crowded.
It was a nice home, though not very large—she hadn’t wanted something large, even though he’d assured her he could afford it.
“I can be just as happy in a small home as a big one as long as I have my family,” she’d told him, so he’d found a two-story with three bedrooms, a charming garden, and a wraparound porch.
The kitchen was spacious and had a nice stove, which was the one thing she’d requested.
She enjoyed cooking for her family, and they enjoyed eating what she made.
The days of scraping by were over, but none of them had forgotten what it felt like to go without, and they regularly offered up thanks for what they received.
Roman wished he could say he did that out of some great and abiding faith, but for him, it was more out of desperation, a plea that things would never return to what they had been before.
He hadn’t gone to see his mother in several days, and he knew he was long overdue for a visit.
He brought his horse to a stop in the yard, tied the reins around the pole he’d installed there for that purpose, and climbed the steps to the front door.
Martha Kendall met him before he’d even reached for the knob.
“There you are,” she said. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d forgotten all about us.”
“I could never do that. Things have been busy, but I’ve thought about you.” He bent and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “How are you doing?”
“We’re fine, just fine. I’d be a little happier if you were able to stop by every day, but I know that’s a foolish wish.” She stepped back so he could enter the house.
He pulled off his hat and tossed it onto the small table just inside the door. “Aren’t Timothy and Lacy enough company for you?”
“Yes, when they’re here. As they grow older, they have lives of their own, which is how it should be, but it makes for some lonely hours.
I’ve told Lacy that I’ll only give her my blessing to marry if she chooses someone who will build her a house nearby, preferably next door.
And as for Timothy—well, who knows what that boy has going on inside that mind of his.
I rarely see him these days, and I only know he’s been home if I find half a loaf of bread missing in the morning.
There are weeks when I see you more often than I see him.
” She led the way into the kitchen, where Lacy was bent over a mixing bowl, kneading bread dough.
Roman frowned. “You have no idea what Timothy’s doing?”
“Not a one,” Martha replied. “He tells me he’s working at a lumberyard north of town, but he hasn’t told me the name of it, and it seems a bit suspicious. What lumberyard would have him out so late?”
“Maybe he’s courting someone,” Lacy said. She had a smudge of flour on her nose that reminded Roman of the way she used to play in the mud as a little girl, creating “pies” and pretending to serve them up.
“He’s courting someone? That’s nice,” Martha replied. “Do you know her name?”
“I don’t even know if such a girl exists.
I was just trying to think of reasons for him to be gone so much.
” Lacy gave the dough another thump and covered the bowl with a dish towel.
“I’ll let you know if I hear anything, though.
It seems that someone around here ought to be getting married. ” She lifted an eyebrow at Roman.
Roman shook his head. “If you want a wedding so badly, why don’t you have one yourself? I’m not the only one who hasn’t tied the knot yet.”
“But it’s my job to stay here and keep house for Mother,” Lacy replied. “It’s your job to find a pretty wife and make some adorable grandbabies.”
Miss Smith’s comment about his future children flashed through his memory, and he smiled. “Yes, I imagine my children would be rather adorable. That is, if I were to have any. I’m a busy man—I don’t have time for things like romance.”
“It’s a sad, sad day when we’re too busy for things like falling in love,” Lacey said over her shoulder as she placed the bowl on the counter, where it would get some warmth from the sunny window.
“And now you’re talking in circles.”
“Children, children . . .” Martha used the same tone she’d used on them when they really were children. “I’ve made something nice for breakfast. Let’s sit down and eat, all right? There’s no need to squabble.”
“I’m all for that.” Roman pulled out a chair and sat at the table. Martha placed a skillet in the center, the mouth-watering aroma of bacon rising from the pan.
“Bacon, eggs, potatoes, onion, and a bit of cheese,” she said. “And there’s quite a lot of it, so eat up.”
Roman didn’t need further encouragement. He ate two generous portions, then glanced at his pocket watch. “Oh, it’s getting late. I’m sorry, Mother. I wish I could stay longer, but I need to get back.”
“You haven’t even been here an hour yet,” she protested.
“I know, and I’ll do better on Sunday. Workdays are hard for me as a general rule.”
She nodded. “I understand. But I’m going to hold you to your word on Sunday.”
Roman gave her another kiss on the cheek, told Lacy goodbye, and grabbed his hat on his way out of the house. He was just untying his horse when he heard Lacy calling out to him.
“Wait! Wait just a moment!” She closed the front door behind her and trotted down the steps. “You can’t leave yet.”
“Why not? What’s the matter?”
She glanced over her shoulder, then back at him. “I’m sorry for what I said about you getting married. I didn’t mean to pester you—it was a joke.”
“I know that, Lacy. I didn’t think you were trying to be hurtful.”
“And yet I did hurt you. I saw the look on your face after I said it, and I’ve felt just awful. But I didn’t want to say anything about it in front of Mother. I am sorry, Roman. Whatever it is, I’m sorry.”
He rested a hand on her shoulder. “It’s honestly all right. I didn’t give it another thought. Of course, I was busy eating bacon and that might have had something to do with it, but you didn’t hurt me. Not at all.”
“But . . . but why did it bother you, Roman? And you can’t say that it didn’t—you know you can’t hide things from me.”
He chuckled. “No, I never could.” He could almost feel time ticking away beneath his feet and he knew he was going to be late, but he couldn’t leave with Lacy feeling so unsettled.
He needed to be honest with her and then try to set things right.
“I just don’t think I’ll ever marry. There’s no big secret about it or dilemma to be solved. ”
“I think that’s quite a big dilemma to be solved. Why don’t you want to get married?”
He rested his arm across his horse’s saddle as he tried to find the right words.
“Do you remember how poor we grew up, how Mother was always working late into the night washing laundry for other people and getting paid just pennies, how she’d scrimp and save for every little thing we needed?
How she’d work even harder to buy us shoes for school? ”
“Yes, of course. I think it would be impossible to forget something like that.”
“Well, I spent a lot of years being angry with Father for dying and leaving us in that condition. Why didn’t he put away some savings?
Why didn’t he think about our futures? Of course, I know he didn’t expect to die, but surely he could have done better with his finances than he did.
And I made up my mind that I would never leave a wife to suffer the way our mother suffered.
No wife of mine would ever cry herself to sleep because she didn’t know what she could feed her children for breakfast.” Roman nodded toward the house.
“She doesn’t know I overheard her prayers, but I did.
And they broke my heart. The best thing I can do as an honorable man is to stay single so I never put a good woman through that kind of struggle. ”
“I can understand why you’d feel that way, but it doesn’t make sense,” Lacy replied.
“You have money now—more than enough. If something were to happen to you, your wife and children would have everything they could ever need or want. You aren’t the same as our father, Roman.
You’ve thought about the future. You’ve prepared for it.
You’ve invested and saved and tucked things away.
What you haven’t done is prepared to be happy in the future. Don’t you want a family of your own?”
He pulled in a breath. How did Lacy always see right to the heart of the matter? “I do want a family, but it has to be done the right way, and until I have some guarantees, I won’t risk it.”
She laughed, but without humor. “Oh, big brother. You’re something else, you know that? You take risks every day. You work in a field that has no guarantees whatsoever. How can you say you’re afraid to take a chance?”
“Because I understand numbers. I understand money. What I don’t understand is life and death.”
“And no one can ever place a guarantee on that. It’s all a risk—it’s all a matter of faith.
” She gave him a gentle smile. “I just want you to be happy. If spending your life alone makes you happy, then I’ll do my best to support you in it.
But I think you’d be a wonderful father, and I personally know of several young ladies who would be thrilled if you looked their direction once in a while. ”
Roman groaned. “No, Lacy. Please don’t start introducing me to your friends. I couldn’t stand it—I really couldn’t.”
“I’d only introduce you to the very best ones.”
“Absolutely not, and don’t use that wheedling tone on me. I will not be swayed.”
“All right. But just think about what I said. I feel terrible that you’re shutting yourself off from the world by choice. That sounds like such a lonely life.”
“Maybe so, but it feels like the responsible one. And speaking of responsibility, I really do need to go.” He kissed her on the cheek, just he had their mother. “Take care, Lacy. I’ll see you Sunday.”
“I’ll make a pie. I know how much you like them.”
“Thanks.” He swung himself up into the saddle. “Do you think Timothy will be home when I come back?”
She shrugged. “We never know. We can only hope.”
As Roman rode away from the house, he glanced around, hoping to see Timothy riding up so he could say hello, but his brother was nowhere to be seen. He’d just have to hope for Sunday.