The Stones We Cast

Chapter 2

What happens when you die? My Mama says that you go to the righteous side of hell until the rapture. I looked it up myself and read something of a similar substance, but it wasn’t clear. However, it didn’t stop my heart from racing and my mind from wandering. Eight weeks ago, I started having nightmares. Nightmares that consisted of the day I died… alone. My parents were the only ones at my funeral.

Not my sister.

Not my close friends.

No one.

“Monah said you don’t have to be completely nude. I can put these pasties over your nipples and you can wear a nude colored thong. Is that cool?” Hillary, my best friend and assistant, held up the thin piece of tape.

The illusion of me topless would still be there. Nipples covered or not. My whole vagina is exposed in a crotchless panty set. “Yeah, that’s cool.” Her doe brown eyes questioned my solemn demeanor. “Did Aleyah text me back yet?” Before her deep cherry matte stained lips could part, I questioned her about my sister.

Any talk of Aleyah got her to smile bright. My sister had that effect on people, though she hated it. Her contagious aura felt like angels had sprinkled their magical power over her so she could be a peaceful haven for those on earth. Aleyah and I were seven years apart and were not similar at all.

I enjoyed the fast life and living on the edge. Aleyah preferred her solitude and deep intellectual conversations that stimulated emotional responses. Her love language had always been expressing herself through words, and mine was expressing myself with my body. My sexuality. Some of my choices caused me to hurt her, really cause her a lot of pain and I pray daily that God softens her heart towards me. I allowed my selfishness to stop me from being there in her time of need, and now I was paying for it.

Her sigh erased my daily allotted hope. “Yes, she did. She won’t say when she’s returning, but that it will be soon.” Hillary dropped her gaze and vanished before I could probe her for more details because there was always more. You didn’t just have a short conversation with Aleyah. She asked questions. You answered, and then it turned into a soul cleansing of sorts.

I missed her so much.

Four nights ago, I called her in the middle of the night and cried on the phone for fifteen minutes straight before I had the strength to tell her that I felt like I was about to die. These nightmares of me dying felt real and current to what my life was like now. She switched our call to Facetime and when she saw me; she looked heartbroken and asked me a series of questions that had terrified me since.

If you die today, where are you going?

Have you completed your earthly assignment God has given you?

What rewards have you gained by giving yourself to the world?

We hung up, and I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, afraid to close my eyes because what if God was about to take my last breath away?

Her questions had me praying differently and changing my conversations with God. I asked him to make me sensitive, aware, and insightful of things and people around me that were bringing me harm. First reaction I got was becoming overly emotional. Second, I was one of the first people God showed me that was bringing harm to myself.

I, Sunnie Austin, was the ‘It Girl’ of Hollywood. Fan favorite of Bougie Baddies of LA reality television show. My face card has been platinum status since I started modeling at the age of ten. My mama is a true southern woman. Between genetics and her cooking, it all aided in the overwhelming development of breasts growing to a natural DD, hips curved to every man’s dream, waist small enough to grip, and the ass was plump. Always plump, and unfortunately, I fell victim to previous managers’ words and tried to be better than the next bitch and had two fat transfers to make my ass extra juicy.

Can’t tell you the last time I saw my real nails, eyelashes, or hair. And don’t even get me started on my wardrobe. For years I thrived off the fact that less got me more. Tight clothes or no clothes at all. Half naked or naked. Twerking and showing everything the good Lord gave me. Brand deals, runway shows, movies, video vixen, and every man’s dream girl except my own. Stealing hearts from viewers watching me keep it real to busting bitches over the head with bottles because one thing you would never do is disrespect me and think I wasn’t going to knuck because you got buck.

I was living the life, the life all the girlies gushed and raved about. The life that planted ugly seeds of jealousy because on social media, I was thatgirl. However, it all came with a price.

Men thought my only value was my body and not the smarts that got me two bachelor’s degrees and a master’s. Intelligence that helped create several businesses that were thriving and making me money while I slept. Amongst my small group of friends and family, I was known as the go-to person to go over their contracts, negotiations, and making sure everything was legit. I made money, made a lot of money to the point I could buy a hundred-thousand-dollar bag and not blink or cry about my rent not being paid. My daddy made sure I understood the power of money and to always have a plan. But I felt powerful being the object of men’s wet dreams.

However, now I was drowning.

Barely able to breathe and wanting an out, but didn’t know how to get it.

I was tired of being fake and idolized for vanity and material possessions. Tired of being labeled as the mean girl with the lethal tongue and vicious methods of revenge. Tired of fighting and hearing my mama disappointed because I once again showed my natural black ass all over the internet. Tired of being everything for everybody but myself. Days and nights filled with drinking and drugs just to stop the overthinking of my life and to do the jobs. So tired of sharing my life to make money that I didn’t need. None of what was attached to my name brought me happiness or a peace of mind.

I felt like a slave to the money and industry of sex and fame.

“Sunnie, we’re ready for you on set.” One of the set assistants announced, walking by.

My photoshoot for today was with a lingerie company, Ivy Rose. I’ve been the face model since they started business six years ago. These people have seen everything from my rootie to my tootie with no shame, yet today I wanted to cry and throw up. I felt disgusted at the idea of having to be naked with a strange man’s hands on me, though I’ve done far worse for far less money. I used to get soaking wet, stripping my clothes, and showing my body for the world to see.

But now… I couldn’t do it anymore.

And my constant nightmares didn’t make it any better.

If I dropped dead right now these people wouldn’t care. They’d call 911 and have another model standing in to finish, so why was I willing and continuing to sell myself for nothing?

“Alright, Sunnie. This shoot is going to be overly provocative.” Stan, the photographer, showed me all the visual illustrations he had posted up near the set.

Swallowing the heaviness that sat on my chest, and ignoring the voices in my head that told me not to do it, I let him guide me on the white platform stage with four red acrylic chairs. He continued to explain the poses he wanted me to position myself in as I watched my male model come from his dressing room. He had to be a newbie. I knew almost every model that has worked with the company before, and he was a fresh face. A cutie with muscles, giving off a Drake reject. The more I assessed the more something about him made my skin crawl.

He caught me staring and didn’t back down. Any other man with his caramel complexion and hooded eyes would’ve made my knees weak. Licking his pink lips and running a hand down his waves, he winked, sending chills over my skin.

“Are you cold? We can get a heater over here?” Hillary used her hands to try and rub my chill bumps away, but it was pointless. I wasn’t cold. That man’s energy was off. “Okay, nipples are covered, and pussy secured. How do you feel?” I couldn’t answer, afraid I’d either burst into tears or throw up. I nodded with a half smile. “I got some news that might cheer you up.” Hillary and her contagious vibrant spirit quickly changed my whole mood as she bounced on her toes. “Ezekiel is in town, and he wants us to come to his party tonight.” That cheered me up. Ezekiel had that type of power.

A powerful man that I kept close but at arm’s length at the same time.

“Tell him we’ll be there.” I wanted to tell her to ask if he could come here and switch with the model. Ezekiel was much finer and would send the sales and promotion through the roof. Most importantly, I’d feel so much safer and relaxed if they did.

“Yay. Okay, I’m going to ask if he’ll let me style him tonight. We’re going to have so much fun. Tonight I’m drinking until I stop thinking about Derrick and his trifling ass.” My smile dropped when she ran off and the model started walking my way shirtless, wearing the matching silk red boxers to my crotchless set.

“Here, one last look.” The makeup artist thrusted a mirror in my face and the woman staring back at me haunted me.

Who are you?

I immediately pushed her hand down. “I’m good. Thank you.” Clearing my throat and blinking my vision clear, I tried to smile, but the battle was too hard.

Lights dimmed and the countdown began. “Fuck. You’re so damn beautiful up close.” Mr. Satan whispered once we got close enough. I gave a fake smile and tried not to flinch when his soft hands touched me. It’s like the moment his flesh touched mine, that hyperawareness I asked God to give me cranked up times a thousand and the emotional warfare had me tripping harder than my first time on pills.

We had to pretend we were actors and actresses. Acting like we were in love, gazing into each other’s eyes. Chill bumps covered my body again and this fool thought it was a lustful reaction to his touch. No. My spirit was screaming and crying for me to get away from this man, from these people. I did what I had learned to do, play the part. Then we switched to the shots that had me straddling his lap with our private areas touching, him holding my breasts in his hands, and my head tossed back in fake ecstasy.

“Shit.” He moaned low as tears pricked my eyes.

“Yes. Fantastic shot guys. Don’t move.” Stan yelled; flashes burning my eyes. I’m sure the shots were good. The model’s reaction was pure organic, but mine… his dick hardened under me and I was on the verge of losing my shit. I kept praying and praying, asking for strength to finish. Praying and shaking. Shaking and praying.

I couldn’t take it anymore. “Stop!” I yelled, and all the flashing lights ceased.

Stan looked as confused as Hillary, who stepped up on the platform looking me over. “What’s wrong?”

“Why…” Take a deep breath, Sunnie. “Why doesn’t he have a protective cup on?” My voice trembled, alerting Hillary to look him over. She gasped when she saw the very large tent in his boxers.

Proud of his manly glory on display, he feigned ignorance. “Aye, my body is just doing what it does best when it sees and feels a sexy woman.” This creeper had the nerve to wink and lick his crusty ass lips.

Stan’s wide eyes bounced back and forth. “Um, let’s take a break. Conner, wear the cup we gave you. Wardrobe change, people. Excellent job.” And just like that, my uncomfortableness was brushed aside, and all was forgotten… to them.

I ran to my dressing room and barely made it to the trash can in the corner. Chunks of my Italian salad disrespectfully erupted from my mouth as knocks rapped along my door. Over the hurls of my vomiting, I heard the uncaring voices asking if I was okay or did I needed anything. I didn’t know what I needed, but I needed to get away from here. Such fake concern. Only asking because the Me Too Movement is still on a rise with someone new getting exposed every day. The last thing they needed was a Black woman accusing one of her own of not protecting her on set.

Once my stomach decided it had enough, I took my time brushing my teeth and getting myself together to finish and go home. The voices had become faint noise and knocks concluded, making it all more startling and surprising to see Monah leaning against the door across from my room.

“Can we talk?” Ah, here it goes. The coverup chit-chat. Stepping in and making herself at home, Monah almost confused me with her fake concern. “Are you okay?”

“I am.”

Nodding, she assessed me and I assessed her. Two could play this game. Though this was my first incident while working with her, I’ve been on enough shoots to know how this went. She wanted to see if I was going to go the lawyer route and accuse her of having inappropriate models and not caring about the women. Not every woman cared about protecting another Black woman. Black Girl Magic had its limitations in Hollywood, not all but most.

“Monah.”

“Sunnie.”

Awkward laugh activated. “Listen, Monah. I know you’re only here to save face. His erection just threw me off and…”

“And it won’t be tolerated.” Hmm, that’s a first. “Conner is sexy and the shots we got were perfect, but I won’t let you continue knowing that he purposely made you uncomfortable and didn’t follow directions. Had you not worn the nude thong, or we’d given him the boxers with the slit, we’ll things could’ve gotten way out of hand and I don’t want that. I apologize. I really am sorry. You’ve worked with me since I started, and I don’t want our relationship to be tarnished because of this. So, with that being said, if you’re up to it, I’d like to finish the shoot with just you.”

My stunned ass flopped down on the plush sofa. I was really shocked. Yes, Monah has been nothing but respectful towards me, paid me well, and always made sure I had a good time on set. Most of the guys I did my shoots with never let me feel anything and wore protective covers. For a second I wondered if I overreacted because I’ve been going through this weird mid-life crisis at twenty-eight. I mean I had my breast in this man’s face. So, what if my nipples were covered. The illusion of me topless was still there, and to his knowledge, I wasn’t wearing anything to protect my coochie. Any man would react as he did but still.

A little taken aback that she was on my side, my lashes were on the verge of falling off from my blinking. “I’ll admit, Monah, that I was prepared to tell you to kiss my ass after this one, but I’m thankful that you care about my well-being.”

“Of course, Sunnie. As long as you’re on my set, it’s my job to protect you. Whenever you’re ready, come on out and we’ll finish.” Monah surprised me again with a hug.

As she walked out, Hillary walked in. My curly gray-haired friend was a beauty who liked to hide behind the camera as a personal stylist. A thick Baltimore accent matching her slim thick frame. We’ve been friends for over a decade, and I’m humbled enough to know that I wouldn’t have kept my sanity this long if it wasn’t for Hillary. We prayed together, laughed together, cried together, and we were about to go into business together. Hell, we even lived together. Outside of my sister, Hillary was my person. My soulmate in best friend form.

“Are you okay? And don’t you lie. I already told all of them out there that they could get it.” True to her word, Hillary had a reputation for being the sour patch diva. Sweet to meet, but if you mess with her or someone she loves, well, you got an enemy for life.

“I’m better now.” My shoulders relaxed. “Let’s finish this so we can get ready for tonight.”

* * *

Black will forever bemy favorite color, and Hillary didn’t disappoint in making sure my outfit of the night screamed me. The chic suit blazer romper screamed sexy yet chic and sexy. A deep opening neckline with my breasts tapped to the lapels. Gold layered chains starting from my collarbone down to the middle of my breast. Tom Ford lock stiletto sandals that put the perfect deep arch in my heel. Black and gold press-on nails from my latest collection to match. An assortment of rings and bangles. Big hoop earrings and diamond studs going up the curve of my ear. Switching out of my layered bundles from earlier, Hillary teased my tresses until she got the perfect messy bun. Outside of a smokey eye and matte red lipstick, my makeup was minimal, and my scent of the night was his favorite - Dawn by Brown GirlJane.

Like any other night when Ezekiel and I crossed paths, intentionality was the theme of the night. From my hair to heels it was always for him. My scent, for him. My lipstain, for him. Though he’s never seen them, the color of my panties and matching bra, if I wore one, were for him.

It was always for him.

“I’m so glad we don’t have to wait in this line.” Hillary groaned, flipping open the visor to fix her lipstick. A total contrast to the sex ensemble she dressed me in, Hillary went vibrant and bold with a parrot yellow jumpsuit and purple platform heels. Her dyed gray hair was in a wild afro. Her eye sore of colors popped against the chocolate melanin of her skin.

My nerves had gotten the best of me and made me mute, for good reason this time. Ezekiel “Damien” Donovan.

Our lives were similar. Fast money driven by the greed of vanity and sex. To the world, they assumed our friendship was everything but real and I was nothing more than another notch on his sexcapades list. So far from the truth. We were friends coasting on this fine line of not crossing it because neither of us was prepared for that level of commitment and change.

“Let’s go see your man.” Hyper than a jellybean, Hillary and I stepped out of the sprinter Ezekiel sent for us and headed inside.

Club Soul was an LA favorite for the grown and sexy. A nice jazz and neo-soul vibe with the best drinks and appetizers ever. Dim blue lights with the tufted soft sofas. Tonight’s crowd was like any other night. Packed with smiling faces and bodies grooving on the dance floor. The deeper Hillary pulled me into the club, the faster my heart pounded, and fingers tingled. No matter how long we’ve known each other, each time always feels like the first.

The moment when my heart started to beat off kilter. The moment when my world leveled, and peace kissed the butterflies in my stomach to a calmness. The moment when being vulnerable and safe to exist in all my natural soft woman glory felt natural because this man protected me.

“Hello, love.” Those were always the first words that my heart whispered from my lips, but never loud enough for him to hear.

That’s what happens when your heart speaks first.

Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. A repeated motion to keep me leveled in my heels because seeing Ezekiel “Damien” Donovan in the flesh always took my breath away, causing my breathing to become skittish, thoughts to run a muck, and heart to… smile.

I loved the softness he brought out of me just by being him.

My Zeek.

Hillary would get that Chanel bag she’s been eyeing. She dressed him and me alike. Him in a black three-piece suit that was tailored to fit his thick lineman frame. A dark charcoal tie behind his vest with a gold Cuban chain connecting the pocket watch his father gave him when he turned sixteen. Black Saint Laurent Gabriel derbies patent leather shoes. Cartier glasses framing those beautiful chestnut eyes that were a mystery of all things Ezekiel. Locs freshly twisted and styled. But the killer that made my knees weak and my lady parts squeak…

The four gold fangs on his pearly white straight teeth.

Thank you, God. You did your big one when you created my man.

Ezekiel was such a classic man, a debonair man.

As if he felt the magnetic pull he had on me, those bedroom, sultry eyes lifted from his phone and sucked me in. Five arm reaches away and I heard the knee-weakening groan he released as his tongue wet his lips. A warm blush coated my cheeks seeing him wear the matching bracelet we shared. Over the rim of his glass of brown, his eyes commanded me to come closer, to come to him, and my heels led me there, but not before the most annoying distraction.

“I don’t recall placing your name on the guest list, Samantha.” A leech named Candice loved to tap dance on all my nerves. Ezekiel’s little jealous minion of a whore hadn’t learned her place and truthfully it was getting exhausting.

“Girl, go find someone else to bother. Clearly, we’re in here so that means that our names were on the list, which further proves that your rank is peasant level to my friend. Learn to stay in your place, shewolf.” Hillary’s eyes rolled and shoulders bumped Candice out the way, clearing a path for me to walk in Ezekiel’s section.

Forever the gentleman. He met us at the entrance with his panty wetter of a smile. “Hillary Banks, give me some love, sweetheart.” Even with her in his arms, his eyes were transfixed on me. “Thank you for making sure me and my lady looked better than good. Hmm. And you listened to my need of having them legs and thighs on display. Come here, Sunnie Mae.” Gently tapping her on the hip, he moved around Hillary and took both of my hands until he placed them right where he wanted them.

Around his neck.

Our foreheads touching and lips almost kissing. Kismet moment sealed with our breaths exchanging, I exhaled reassurance that he was safe with me, safe to trust me with him. And he inhaled my love to submit all that I was to all that he is.

“I’ve missed you, Sunnie Mae.” Warm breath caressed my ear causing my eyes to close in bliss. Hands roamed up the curve of my back to the top of my ass.

He’s the first man that has ever made me feel flustered. A weird space of wanting to crawl in a hole and live there versus being unable to speak because my tongue hadn’t untied itself.

A clearing of an aggravated throat wanted to break our hold but that only made him hold me tighter and his lips to my skin touched along my cheek, jaw, and chin. “Mmhm, you know that perfume drives me fucking crazy.” His growl and teeth nipping my skin had my body trembling and hormones ready to jump off the cliff and explode. “Why do you do this to me, Sunnie Mae? Why do you insist on teasing me?”

Because I was a glutton for punishment.

Panting, I whispered with my tongue, leading the band of words caressing his ear. “If you don’t unhand me, people will start thinking that we go together.” The moan I released deserved to be studied and praised. It came from the depths of my vagina. Pure intention because I heard from the grapevine that he had a praise kink and loved for it to be delivered in moans, screams, and overflowing body fluids. I knew how to get him to push further. To move those hands from caressing my back to get them caressing all of me.

“Don’t provoke me, baby. I’ll hurt these people’s feelings including the nigga you got at home if I wanted to.” His laugh vibrated through my chest, making my knees buckle and breath hitch.

I had a love jones for this man.

Those strong, rough manly hands went exploring every curve covered by my dress. From my arms to the curves of my hips and the round thickness of my ass. His touch felt like praise and worship. I felt admired, sexy, wanted, and desired.

I felt like his.

Standing back but keeping those hands on my hips, he looked down at me as if I was the only girl in his world. “You missed the red carpet walk. I want to take some pictures. Are you gonna smile with your man, Sunnie Mae?” Like he took my breath away just from his masculine energy and potent aura, I had no words. Only a head nod and squeeze of my hands.

He and Hillary must’ve had this planned. As soon as he got my yes cameras appeared out of nowhere and posses were done. All given the illusion that we were indeed a couple, a beautiful couple in love. We were matching. We had chemistry and vibed together unlike any other. Me giggling because his beard tickled me while he wrapped his arms around me from behind. Skin glowing because of the sweet nothings he whispered in my ear. We gave the people what they wanted… a fa?ade that I hoped would one day see the side of reality.

Pictures and videos that warred and contrasted differently with my relationship status, but that was a headache I refuse to give time to while in his presence.

My haven of peace and tranquility.

“Now that you’re done with whatever this is.” Candice tooted up her nose, trying to squeeze her narrow ass in the non-existent space between me and Ezekiel. “Tonight is going to be… uh, can you move over?”

“No, she cannot.” His smooth, deep baritone caused two different reactions. I melted, and she froze. “Don’t play these games with me tonight. I’m only in the mood to entertain one person and she isn’t you. Go to your section and have a good night.” I expected her to go off, but the daring glare he challenged her with had her speed walking away and me pinning.

A small part of me did feel bad for Candice, though. In true fashion, she was a vulture when it came to Ezekiel but I sympathized with the look of hurt from wanting the heart of the man you loved but he never shared even the same like. I’d been in her shoes a time or two.

“What’s new with you? I wanna hear everything except anything involving that pussy ass nigga you call yourself dating for social media. Hillary said you were at a photoshoot earlier. How did that go?” Outside of drinking his bourdon, his attention was mine. All on me. That’s how it was with Ezekiel.

Forever all consuming.

“It was good. Started out rocky with a model that refused to wear his dick cover.” I had to roll my eyes and take my drink to the head on that note. Still can’t believe that weirdo.

“What’s his name?” Tight jaw and dark eyes narrowed my way.

All I could do was simper and bashfully smile. If Ezekiel could slay every giant in my life he would. “No, Zeek. It’s been taken care of.” I caressed his jaw until he relaxed. “Catch me up on you. What’s new in your world?”

Exhaling, he slouched back taking my right leg with him to place over his thigh and caress. Whenever our talks took a serious approach, he always made sure that he found his comfort zone… me. “I keep having these dreams or out-of-body experiences. Nothing scares me but God, but these dreams, Sunnie.” Though it was quick, I felt the tremor in his hands. “It’s the same thing over and over. A dark figure standing over me or at the foot of my bed. This pressure on my chest pushing me down into this dark pit. A funky pit. Smells of burning, rotted flesh. When I wake up I can smell it outside of my nightmares. What’s scary about it is, is that I can’t fight it. It has its hold on me.” He got quiet, bobbing his head to the music, looking off.

“I told my mom about the dreams and you know what she told me to do?” He smirked. “She told me to call on the name of Jesus and the demons will flee.” There, right before my eyes, Ezekiel became vulnerable. “Two nights ago, I felt like this demon in my dreams was choking me in real time. I kept yelling out for help. No one came. My body was physically paralyzed, Sunnie. It’s never been this intense. After I called out every name that came to remembrance, I called out the name Jesus and that motherfucker vanished and I sat up gasping for air, fucking crying and shit. What is God trying to tell me, Sunnie Mae?”

Here we were in the hottest club in LA looking like two lovers conversing and flirting to the naked eye, when in truth we were talking about real stuff. Our problems and troubles. It’s always been like this with us. Hence the reason we flirted but never blurred the lines. The foundation of our friendship stood on solid ground, and we vowed never to taint it because of lust.

“Would you believe me if I told you that you’re not alone?” My nervous laugh only did so much to stop my chin from trembling. His eyes beckoned me to share, to trust, and I did. “My dreams are more dramatic, like me. Dying in a gruesome way and then my funeral. No one was there but my parents. Not my sister. Not even Hillary.” Or you. “I’m scared, Ezekiel. What if I’m about to die? What is God trying to warn me about?” Forever my safety net, his thumb wiped the stray tear.

Eliminating all space, he curled an arm around my waist, bringing me closer until we were positioned how we stared. Foreheads resting and lips a breath away. “We’re going to figure this out, Sunnie Mae. You and I.” Holding up his pinky, my heart smiled so damn bright that it burned.

Locking our fingers together, I kissed them. “You and I.”

“Hold on.” He pulled out his ringing phone and grinned. “Come on. I gotta take this, and I’m not ready for you to leave my space.” Forever the gentleman his mama raised him to be. He helped me to my feet and guided me up a narrow set of iron stairs leading to an outside patio covered in hanging lights and the most beautiful blood-red roses. Giving him space to handle his call, I admired the surprise of flowers. I was such a sucker for them.

“Why are you way over here?” He grumbled in my ear, securing me into his chest.

“I was giving you privacy to talk.” Hillary would talk cash trash if she heard the number of times this man made me giggle.

The joys of being love sick.

“I don’t need privacy when it comes to sharing my world with you, Sunnie Mae.” Sweet baby, Jesus. “Now, say hello to your best friend.” His phone appeared in my face and I squealed so damn loud that he flinched when I saw it was his mom on Facetime.

Taking his phone from him, I welcomed the happy tears sitting on my eyelids. “Mama Violet, how are you boo? I miss seeing your face.” I loved this woman like she was my mama. Unlike the rest of the world, she didn’t judge me. She didn’t care that I’m cussing a heaux out one minute and then praising God in the next. We’ve shared the same space twice but talked numerous times on the phone. We had each other’s numbers and had weekly Facetime dates. Daily she sent me encouraging text messages and scriptures. When my nightmares started I wanted to call her and ask for guidance but she was already burdened with a lot of her own troubles.

“I’m doing fabulous now that I got my nails done.” She wiggled her freshly painted nails in the camera, making my heart soar.

I started my nail polish and nail enhancement business years ago. EXPRSN was my baby and the first company to elevate me in the tax bracket of six figures. When Covid hit and my line of GelX nail enhancements and press-ons dropped, those four figures turned to six. Each color was created with intent and purpose, just like the collection I spent over two years crafting with my chemist for women who were going through radiation and chemotherapy. If they could create vegan polish then I knew there was hope. I wanted the right formula that didn’t cause harm, and God had given me the wisdom to figure it out. Not just a polish, but a polish remover without the harsh chemicals. All the proceeds and money made from SPUNKY VI, fashionably named after Mrs. Violet, went towards the medical treatment and bills of those having cancer.

Had Ezekiel not told me randomly one day that his mom was down because she wanted to feel like a woman again, get a pedicure and manicure without the chemicals burning her. Never would I have thought to do something like that if he had not trusted me to confide in me about the problems his mom faced. Seeing her happy made the gruesome hours spent up late at night worth it. A reward that I cherished dearly. It also opened the door to hear Ezekiel confess his love for me.

Friend or lover realm, it didn’t matter.

He spoke those words and my heart took them and ran.

“Send that son of mine to get you a drink while we have some girl talk.” My smile slipped a little, but I obeyed her words.

“You heard your mama. Go get me a drink.” Is it weird that his height made me feel all girlie?

Licking his lips, he leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth. “I know you love talking to my mama but I had your attention first. I’m coming back for you, Sunnie Mae.” His lips were on my neck. Why did he want to slaughter me hopelessly in front of his mom?

Panties ruined.

“I can’t wait for the day when y’all stop pretending and get married so I can have more grandkids to love on.” I’m glad she waited until he left to speak her mind.

Lord knows I shared her same dream, but it would always remain that… a dream.

“I won’t keep you long because if I know that son of mine, he’s not going to stay away from you long.” She knew just what to say to make a girl blush. “I want you to make me a promise, Sunnie.” I tried not to get teary-eyed again but it was inevitable. Cancer had not only caused her day-to-day routine to change, but it had taken her long brown thick hair, dulled and paled her chestnut skin, and sunken her russet eyes. Still the beauty of yesterday, she was smiling and had a face of joy.

“Yes, ma’am,” I mumbled, heart slowly breaking for the man who worshiped the ground his mom walked on.

“Promise to love him in honesty and in truth. Love him when he can’t love himself. Love him when he pushes you away by pushing back. Love him, please. My time to transition from this earth to the forever memory of the hearts of my loved ones is upon me. Ezekiel is in denial. He doesn’t want to face reality and we both know he’s going to need someone to help him get through this. That person has always been you. Will you promise me that?”

Trying not to be a crying mess, I agreed with anxiousness. “I promise to be there for him. I’ll take care of him, Violet. Rest in knowing that your son will be cared for.” I hadn’t permitted my heart to love another and care for another in a long time. But for my Zeek. He could have it all.

“I also want you to promise me that you will continue to let your light shine, baby. God has created you for so much more than this ugly world can offer you. Just because you’re in this world doesn’t mean you have to be of this world. Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. Remember that. Live by that. Have faith in that. You are such a gift that I’m thankful God blessed me to have. I love you so much, Sunnie Mae Austin. I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight, but God is always answering my prayers. Give my love to my son.” She blew me kisses and hung up before I could say a word.

I did my best to clean my face and appear normal by the time he came back, but he knew. His head tilted and eyes narrowed. Assessing and studying, but he didn’t share what he found. Instead, he handed me a much needed lemon drop.

“Sunnie.” Clasping our hands together, he admired our connection, a growing smile spreading across his face.

“Yes, Ezekiel,” I cooed, finally making him blush.

Standing tall and broad like a true Black king, his chestnut-smoldering eyes held me captive. “I love you. You know that right?”

Why was this man set on sending me to the upper room before my time?

Be still my beating heart.

“Yes, I know you love me and you know that I love you too.”

Kissing the back of my hand, he inhaled and exhaled deeply. So much weight on his shoulders and I wanted to carry all of his burdens. “More than you’ll ever know.”