Chapter 10
Carissa
My father’s been in rehab for six weeks, getting the help he needs. He’s doing much better with both the alcohol and gambling addictions. For the first time in years, I have real hope.
Mostly thanks to Giovanni Casella. I never could have gotten my father the help he needs without Gio’s financial assistance. And I don’t know how I’ll ever repay him.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and my future. Without the responsibility of taking care of my father, and paying for two people to live in this city, I’ve been left to my own devices. It’s been eye opening. Honestly, I don’t like what I see.
I’ve been stuck in the hand-to-mouth cycle for all of my life.
I’m not going anywhere else. Certainly not getting off of it unless I initiate some serious changes.
Which is something I’ve never done before.
I’ve always done what’s necessary, never took a step back far enough to actually evaluate my life path. Or my desires.
I’ve never let myself dream before.
Now I have, and I want a different kind of life. One where I don’t feel stuck and hopeless all the time. One that feeds not only my needs, but my soul.
I’m cleaning a hotel room when Miranda joins me. It’s her last day on the job, and I’m green with envy. She’s getting out, making a new life for herself with her fiancé, one they’ll share together.
“Hey.” She helps me strip a bed. “How’s it going with your boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I insist. We’ve had this conversation a thousand times.
After Gio came to my apartment, and I realized that I no longer had to run away, I told Miranda everything about that messed up blind date.
How I thought Gio was Marcus, the wonderful date night, followed by the lies and betrayal.
I left out the parts about my father’s debts and the fact that Gio killed a man.
At first, she was worried for me and offered to have her fiancé talk to Gio. But when I told her about the new locks on my door, him sending my father to rehab, and the myriad of small things he’s done for me since, she changed her tune.
Now she thinks he’s the best. She also thinks I should forgive him.
I’m just not ready for that yet. I need to get my own shit together before I do anything about my love life.
Thankfully, Miranda lets it go and doesn’t bring up Gio for the rest of the day. We chit-chat as we work. Before I know it, our shift’s coming to a close, and we head downstairs to clock out.
Jimmy’s waiting for us near the exit. “Miranda, you sure this has to be your last day? I’ll give you an extra quarter a day for staying. What do you say, huh?”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re not in charge of giving raises, Jimmy.”
He shrugs. “At least we’re not losing Clarissa, too.”
It’s Carissa. Not that he cares.
Struck by sudden inspiration—or maybe it’s insanity—I turn around when we get to the door and tell Jimmy, “Actually, I’m leaving too.”
Jimmy blanches. “What do you mean?”
“I’m done. I quit.”
Miranda squees, a huge grin on her face. Her excitement’s palpable.
“You can’t quit. You have to give notice,” Jimmy protests.
“No I don’t. I’m done. Bye.” A sense of profound relief washes through me as soon as I speak those words.
Jimmy scowls at me. “If you quit, I won’t give you a good reference. You won’t be able to get a job anywhere.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Before I think too much about it, I say, “I don’t need a reference from you. I’m going to college, Jimmy. Have a nice life.”
He sputters as we walk out the door. I feel so light, my feet might leave the ground. And I can’t stop smiling.
“You seriously just did that!” Miranda gives me a side hug. “Are you really going to college?”
“Yeah. I’m going to get my accounting degree.” And then make a better life for myself.
“I’m so happy for you. You’re going to do amazing. Now let’s go have a celebratory drink!”
We go out for one drink before splitting up to find our own ways home. Miranda’s getting married in two weeks, so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other leading up to the wedding.
By the time I get back home, my excitement has mellowed.
Quitting out of the blue was a rash decision.
Yes, it felt good. But I also need to be rational, and I realize that I’m living on the edge.
I don’t have any savings and it will take time to apply for college, get accepted, and move into the dorms. In the meantime, I’m going to have to take Miranda up on her offer of support.
She’s the best friend a girl could want.
I spend the rest of the week researching and gathering everything I need to apply to NYU.