63. Nick #2
For a second, he goes completely still. But then his lips part beneath mine, and suddenly we’re both lunging forward, over the center console, meeting in the middle. His hands go to the back of my head, fingers threading through my hair. Our mouths collide in a desperate kiss.
Thunder and lightning rage all around us. He smells like rain and the sea, and his skin is ice cold to the touch, but his lips are warm, and his tongue, when it sweeps over mine, is burning hot.
My hands slide down to his waist, gripping it, then to his bare back underneath his shirt. Goosebumps spring up underneath my touch, and he lets out a shaky exhale. Tearing my mouth away from his feels impossible, but somehow I manage.
“You’re freezing,” I say. “We have to go.”
His eyes search mine for a moment, hazy with lust, but then he nods.
I press my lips to his for one more quick kiss before I let go and turn the car on. I set the heaters to blast hot air into the interior of the car.
“I’ll go put the shell away,” I say. “I’ll be back in a second.”
I jump out of the car before he can argue. Once I’ve put my soaked shoes back on and locked up, I sprint back to the car.
It doesn’t take long to get back to my apartment. It’s still raining heavily when we get out of the car, the clouds above dark and foreboding, so I make a run for the door, tugging Blue behind me.
Once we’re inside my apartment, I slam the door shut behind us, and then we stand in the hallway, both breathing heavily. Blue’s shirt sticks to his skin, and his hair is plastered to his face in wet strands.
I step closer. “Okay?” I ask hoarsely.
He nods. By now, he’s starting to shiver.
There’s so much we need to talk about, but all of it can wait just a bit.
“Shower,” I say. Goosebumps appear on my skin, painful this time because of the cold. “Now.”
He rolls his eyes, but the gesture loses some of the belligerent effect because his teeth have started to chatter.
“And then we’ll talk,” I say, stepping even closer.
“We will?”
I nod, take his hand, and pull him toward the bathroom. Once there, I turn the water on, then I turn to face him. Blue is standing in the middle of the bathroom, arms wrapped around himself.
“Clothes off,” I say as steam starts to fill the room.
“Bossy,” he says hoarsely. But then he looks away, still hugging himself. “Nicholas,” he says, soft and uncertain. He swallows, Adam’s apple moving, before his gaze stops on me again. “I don’t think…” He swallows again. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
I take a step forward, instinctively trying to erase the distance between us, and he takes a quick step back.
“Blue…” My heart’s beating too fast and too loud again.
He shakes his head. “Not like this.” He closes his eyes like looking at me is too much. “Just…”
I move closer. He moves back. Until his back hits the wall and he has nowhere else to go, and then I’m pressed up against him.
His eyes are still closed, and he’s still shaking his head.
“I’m in love with you,” he says. I don’t know if those words have ever been delivered with such a level of doom.
“Still,” he adds. “I always have been.” He sucks in a deep breath mixed with a sob.
“I just… I can’t go on like we have. It hurts too much. ”
My forehead is pressed against his, my hands cradling his face. “Blue,” I say hoarsely, relief battling with desperation once the words register fully. “You love me?”
He lets out a shuddering exhale. “I never stopped,” he whispers.
I brush my thumbs over the corners of his eyes, wiping away the tears that are flowing freely now.
“Blue,” I say helplessly. “Blue, I’ve been so incredibly stupid.” I take a deep breath. “I love you. More than anything, I love you. It’s always been you, and I’ve been so stubborn and stupid, but I promise, if you’ll have me, we’re going to fix us. We’re going to fix everything.”
He’s so still that I don’t think he’s even breathing. Neither am I. I’m just waiting.
And then he’s clutching me in a hug so tight it feels like he never wants to let me go, and that’s absolutely fine by me.
I wipe his tears away over and over until he’s laughing, tears still flowing.
“I love you.” I say it again and again, lips pressed against his neck and his cheek, his temples, eyes, nose, lips. I’m going to brand those words into his skin. I love you, I love you, I love you.
I’m sorry.
I love you.
I’m sorry.
“Stop apologizing,” Blue says hoarsely. “Just kiss me.”
So I do.
It’s later. Much later. A long, scorching hot shower later, when the storm clouds have parted and we’re lying under the covers in my bed, bodies plastered together, Blue’s head on my shoulder, our legs entwined, my fingers linked with his.
He laughs when I bury my nose in his hair and inhale.
And he laughs when I kiss him again and again because I can’t stop.
“I missed you,” he says softly. His eyes are my Blue’s eyes again. Unguarded. I can see everything he feels in them. It’s like coming home.
“I’m going to make it up to you,” I promise. “Every second of lost time.”
He shakes his head. “We both fucked up. I should have told you the moment I found out.”
I blow out a breath and drag my palm down my face. “I knew something had happened. It’s like… You weren’t yourself in those last days. But I figured it was because of Dia. And then after… I just didn’t understand why you didn’t tell me. And then it hurt.”
“I didn’t know how,” he says, so softly I can barely make out the words.
“And Mom, she said… she said that if you found out then, you might not help Dia, and in my heart I knew you wouldn’t just abandon her like that for revenge.
That’s not you, and I promise I knew that, but everything was a mess, and I didn’t… I just didn’t do the right thing.”
He squeezes his eyes shut, fingers gripping mine tighter.
“I was scared. Scared and stupid. I didn’t know how to tell you.
Or what to say. So I kept putting it off.
And everything just got messier until I was all wrapped up in this chaos that I created myself, and I couldn’t figure out how to unravel it all. ”
“I never gave you a chance to explain,” I say.
“I was scared and stupid too. We were kids, Blue, and we made mistakes and hurt each other, and all I want now is a chance to make it up to you and be with you and love you. For as long as you’ll let me.
” I squeeze his fingers and press my lips against the back of his hand, then kiss my way up his wrist and arm to his shoulder.
“Nick.” He pushes his body closer. His lips search out mine, and then we’re kissing again. This time there’s no holding back. Like the storm he and I have always been, the kiss sweeps in, and we’re unstoppable.
His tongue swipes over my bottom lip, and we both surrender to the need. I roll over him, my full weight on top of him, bodies plastered together, mouths devouring hungrily.
Blue.
My Blue.
There’s six years of urgency and need packed into the way our bodies come together, and there’s regret and a thousand apologies lingering somewhere on the periphery, but we’ll have time to deal with that later.
Right now, I need him.
His hands roam over every inch of skin he can reach, legs wrapped around me.
Every kiss is both familiar and new, his mouth hot and needy against mine.
He kisses me like it’s the first time, and he kisses me like we’ve done it hundreds of times before.
He kisses me like he’s trying to drink in every breath and moan that leaves my lips. He kisses me like I’m his to consume.
Our bodies strain against each other, and the covers fall away and slide to the floor.
He meets me eagerly, wrapping his legs around my waist. My hand goes to his ass, pulling him even closer.
Our bodies move like one, cocks rubbing against each other between us.
Every sound that leaves his lips sears itself into my brain.
Every moan. Every whimper. His fingers dig into my back, his hips move impossibly fluidly, and I hold nothing back.
It’s Blue and me, as bare and honest as humanly possible.
Our movements turn more desperate. Faster. Harder. Desire tastes sweet now.
“Blue,” I whisper.
He moans, head thrown back. I bite down on the sensitive skin where his neck meets his shoulder.
My breathing has turned ragged and my skin burns with his touch.
“Please,” he pants, hips straining, cock leaking between us. “Nicholas.”
I shift just enough that our cocks are pressed fully together, rubbing against each other with every thrust of my hips.
“Nick,” he gasps. He’s so close I can feel it as if it’s happening to me. The tension. The heat of his skin. The desperate thrust of his hips against mine, seeking, searching.
“Blue,” I say. “My Blue.”
His thighs tighten around me with punishing force, trapping our bodies together. He ruts against me, and I clutch his ass cheek, yanking him closer.
We fall over the edge as one, bodies trembling, locked together, dicks pressed between us.
Blue lets out a shaky breath and his lips press against my neck. I’m sprawled on top of him, and my body feels like jelly.
“I missed you,” he says softly. “All the time.”
I turn my head to the side so I can look at him. “I’m sorry I made us miss each other.”
There’s a softness in his expression, an open vulnerability I haven’t seen in so long. “Don’t,” he says. “No more regrets. We’ll learn from this. Do better.”
I smile. “Sounds like a plan.”
“It’s scary,” he admits quietly.
“Which part?”
“All of it. I know what it’s like to lose you now.”
I see the pain in his eyes. I hear it in his voice.
“It won’t happen again. Not if I have anything to say about it.”
He shakes his head. “You can’t make that promise and you know it.”
“Watch me,” I say vehemently.
And he laughs.
And hugs me tighter.
I mean it.
Because I know what it’s like to lose him too.