Epilogue 1 #2
We might wanna rethink our nightly routine of working on our puzzle, though. In no way, shape, or form was I able to leave the bed anytime soon.
He’d fucked me dead.
The following day, I woke up to find a note on the kitchen bar.
Morning, my hellcat.
You know how much I hate leaving the bed when you’re all cuddled up in my arms?
An epic shit-ton.
Coffee’s prepared. Just push the button.
I emptied the trash and took the rubbers while I was at it.
See you at lunch.
Love you,
J
PS: Now you can stop pretending that you haven’t gotten around to finding someone who can prescribe you birth control too.
I grinned to myself and bit my lip.
How was it even legal to be this happy?
Okay, time to be productive. Coffee, shower, get dressed and ready for work, lunch with James, then a late shift.
I had some errands to run too. James was out of his favorite cashews, we were running low on milk and toilet paper, and I needed to get my hands on some chocolate in preparation for tomorrow. I could feel my period was on its way.
James and I had lunch together again two days later, this time in the Hillcroft cafeteria.
It was our thing when I had an evening shift to suffer through—when we could. James was sometimes out in the field with his drone pilots, but not today. Today, he was eating in silence and occasionally scowling at the new recruits.
“Honey, looks can’t actually kill,” I reminded him.
He shifted his gaze to me and dropped the scowl. “We don’t know that for certain.”
I laughed.
He grinned and shoveled more pasta Alfredo into his mouth.
The food in the cafeteria was surprisingly good. Maybe it was standard business building quality? Because it sure as hell wasn’t like the food I’d had access to at hospitals and nursing homes. I’d opted for a chicken casserole and a green salad.
“What is it about the recruits that you dislike so much?” I had to know.
He snorted at that. “Young punks who think they know everything? Where do I begin.”
I smirked and shook my head. Fair enough.
“By the way, I have a new assignment coming up,” he admitted. “I’ll be gone for a week.”
If all goes well, was the unspoken end of that sentence.
One week, got it. One week fell into the category of “definitely manageable.” So far, his longest one had been the Ecuador thing.
With his main job as a pilot entailing flying operators in and out of risky areas, I’d come to appreciate the fact that he was mostly out of harm’s way.
I tried to reserve my worries for the flying in and flying out parts.
In between, he was essentially hiding out in a safehouse.
“Are you allowed to divulge where you’re going?” I wondered.
Despite that I’d made my own connections—including here at Hillcroft, but mainly another aid organization—I sometimes hoped that if he had to go somewhere, let it be Afghanistan.
It would be the test of a lifetime for him to have to turn me down and say, fuck no, you can’t come with me, Kiera.
Which I would accept very reluctantly. But still.
I’d try. On the off chance I could see Noura again.
And her girls. Last I’d heard, two months ago, they’d finally received better supplies.
The resistance was alive.
“Afraid not, but you’re smart,” James replied. “You know where we’re sending more operators these days.”
I swallowed and looked at him. South America was a frequent mention, but lately…
Iran, Israel, Kuwait, and the Musandam Peninsula.
“Be careful, or I will hurt you,” I said, as had become my usual line.
He offered half a smile. “I have everything to come home to.”
Good. Yes. And about that…
I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat. “On that note, can you help me math something?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Okay, where to start? I’d done the math myself, and something wasn’t adding up.
“My period’s weird this month,” I said, keeping my voice down. We had our table to ourselves, but we still had Hillcroft people all around. “And the more I think about it, the more I wanna remember it was kinda weird last month too.”
He cocked his head. “Weird, how?”
“Well, this month, damn near nonexistent,” I answered.
“In a regular month, I need tampons for three days. I haven’t used a single one now.
And last month—I mean, it was there, just way less than I’m used to.
But enough for me to write it off as an odd month, which is perfectly normal.
It happens.” I paused. “My question is if you can remember if we were reckless outside our usual windows in December. You know how we’ve tried to stick to right before and after my period to be reckless. ”
He chuckled and forked up more food. “We’ve really been shit at that from the very beginning.
” He grew pensive as he chewed. “I don’t know, baby.
It’s highly possible. Hell, I had to dick you down once just because it drove you bonkers to watch me shave.
And let’s not forget that I’m at half-mast as soon as you shimmy around in one of my shirts. ”
No lie detected…
“I’m willing to shoulder 20% of the blame,” I offered. “But at the end of the day, it’s the Big Breeding Energy that gets me, and we’ve agreed that’s on you.”
He chuckled under his breath and shook his head. “I could argue that it’s 100% your fault, seeing as I’ve only ever had that urge with you.”
It was my turn to shake my head, because I was totally innocent, and—
“Wait a minute.” James sat up straighter and stared at me. “This means…there’s an actual possibility you’re already pregnant?”
Well, yeah. Wasn’t that clear?
“The possibility’s there,” I confirmed. “I’m far from convinced. Minor bleeding and the fact that I’ve had zero nausea or any other common pregnancy symptoms, it feels unlikely. But I can take a test at work to be safe.”
He was already shaking his head and scooping up the last food on his plate.
“You think I can wait that long? Finish up and meet me at home. I’ll run out and buy a couple tests.
Do you need anything else? Oh, and you should walk slowly.
Don’t overdo it. Maybe I should have one of the junior operators escort you. Is it even safe for you to walk?”
I blinked.
Oh dear lord.
There was no way, right? Had I spent the morning with my head in the toilet, I would’ve felt more confident.
My nerves, at this point, were only frazzled because James was pacing a hole outside the bathroom. I felt like I had to be the level-headed one in this scenario.
He was freaking adorable, though. And it was reassuring to see him both hopeful and prepared to “learn all the shit,” as he’d said earlier. He’d already made a list on his phone.
Buy pregnancy books, it read.
“How much time is left?” he asked.
“Umm, I’d say about thirty seconds less than last time,” I teased.
He shot me a look. “Woman, that’s unhelpful.
If you’re pregnant, we’re behind on things.
I don’t know at what point the fetus is a pea or an avocado.
Do they still compare the baby to vegetables?
Not to fucking mention, we don’t have a house yet.
You will have to study school districts.
I’ll handle the crime rate stats. It’s gotta be the safest goddamn neighborhood in the whole state. ”
I beamed at him, unable to help it. “I promise I will look into the school districts.”
“Study them,” he emphasized. “No cursory glances on my watch.”
“Aye-aye, captain.” I saluted him.
Was he even aware of how he was painting our future?
I remembered the first time I’d met his coworkers, like Bo and Danny, and how James had said no embarrassing stories about him could resurface until I was “locked down” and had his name.
Marriage had been on his mind, in other words.
And now, a house? In a good school district?
“I’ll talk to Coach too,” he went on. “He knows where I can get a good home security system.”
“Honey, we’re not raising a child in a prison,” I pointed out.
“Of course not, but they gotta be safe,” he replied. “My cousin Laurie, you remember her—when she had her first, she came damn close to wrapping her entire home in bubble wrap. It’s not a bad idea.”
“It’s a terrible idea,” I laughed. “And I’m pretty sure it was her husband who wanted to wrap their house in bubble wrap.”
He shrugged and brought out his phone. “As for security—it’s gotta be top-of-the-line. If you don’t agree, ask your old man.”
“Why would I ask him? He’d probably agree with you.”
“That’s why. What time is it?”
For the love of God!
I looked at my phone, and my heart thudded a little harder.
Shit. It was time.
“It’s time to look,” I admitted. Dammit, now I was as nervous as James looked, and it was nuts! I was a nurse, for crying out loud. I was used to calming down family members who freaked out at nothing.
I opened the door to the bathroom, where two tests waited on the sink. James had bought one regular—two pink lines meant pregnant—and one digital that flat out said pregnant or not on the display.
I swallowed hard, and my stomach felt tight with nerves and unease. Would he be super disappointed—
I had to know right away, so I spun around and planted a hand on James’s chest, surprising him.
“If I’m not—”
“Then you’re not.” He got with the program in a heartbeat and dipped down to kiss me. “We haven’t even started trying, hellcat. These things can take time. Which you obviously already know, but I’m aware too. Okay?”
A breath gusted out of me, and I nodded once. He squeezed me tight, and I let the relief flow through me.
“Let’s look,” I whispered.
He released me and nudged me around, but he kept me close and hugged me loosely from behind. It was as if he knew I needed him nearby—or maybe he needed it too.
I took a breath and leaned toward the sink, almost afraid to take another step, and there it was. Just like that, my heart was pounding.
Two pink lines.
Pregnant.
A grin took over my face, and a rush of emotions swept through me, causing my eyes to well up. I covered my mouth with my hand as James squeezed me tighter and pressed his lips to my neck. He’d seen it too.
Some eight months ago, I’d been scared for my life. I’d been scared I wasn’t going to have a future at all. Barely a tomorrow. And that fear had almost snuffed out the big hope I’d left the US with—that this journey to Afghanistan would be my last for a long time because I’d wanted to be a mom.
“It looks like we’re gonna be parents, baby,” he murmured against my neck.
I nodded and turned around, quick to throw my arms around him, and I screwed my eyes shut.
Holy crap.
We were gonna be parents.