Chapter 12
There was someone in the house. Bella lay in the darkness for a few moments, then pushed back her duvet and made her way across the landing.
She reached out for the light switch, but when she pressed it, nothing happened, and that was when she realised: this was real.
The man had come for her, and this time he was on the stairs.
She could see his outline in the darkness.
‘Who are you?’ she said loudly, trying to appear confident, although her whole body was trembling.
‘Shh!’ he said, putting a finger to his lips. ‘Your mother’s sleeping. Go back to bed.’
And then a hand touched the base of her neck and a scream ripped from her throat.
‘Shh,’ said Justin, drawing her into his arms. ‘Bel. Shh. It’s OK. It’s just a dream.’
Bella opened her eyes. The room was dark, the air close and musty. Justin was here with her. She was in her own bedroom, in her own flat. Slowly, her heartbeat returned to normal.
‘You closed the curtains,’ she complained.
‘Sorry. I didn’t—’
‘I need them open.’
She heard a sigh, felt the bed move. A moment later, she could see the familiar orange glow from the street light outside.
‘You need to sort this out, Bel,’ Justin said, getting back into bed. ‘You need to go back to therapy.’
‘It’s too expensive.’
‘Well, we need to do something. You can’t live your life like this.’
‘You mean, you can’t.’
She knew she was being unfair. Justin was only trying to help, and he had been infinitely patient with her throughout the two years they had been together. But she sometimes resented the dynamic this created between them.
‘Look, I know what this is about,’ Justin said. ‘I know you’re worried about you-know-who. But you have to remember what Kathy said. He’s going to have a ton of conditions. He’ll have to go to meetings. They’ll be monitoring him.’
‘I know that,’ Bella said. ‘It’s just that it’s dragged things up.’
He put his arm around her again, kissed the top of her head.
‘But it’s made me realise …’ She paused.
He hesitated, too, and that moment’s hesitation spoke volumes. ‘Realise what?’
‘That it could really have happened. That I could have come downstairs in the night and seen a man on the stairs.’
Justin fell silent. ‘But we’ve been over this,’ he said finally. ‘We know why you created this character.’
‘I’m not sure that I did “create” him.’
‘Bel, the neighbours saw Jamie Clarke. They saw him leaving the house.’
‘I know.’
‘So who else could it be?’
‘Well, that’s what I’m wondering, but I can never see his face in the dream.’
He stroked her arm. ‘You’ve got to stop feeling guilty.’
Bella felt annoyed. ‘You think I made him up because I feel guilty?’
‘You’ve told me you feel guilty,’ Justin said, sighing. ‘I’m not saying you should.’
Bella fell silent. Of course she felt guilty.
How could she not? She had gone to bed and slept while her mother lay dying beneath her.
She had explored this with her former therapist, who had come to the conclusion that this was why Bella wanted to believe she had come downstairs in the night.
Bella was supposed to keep an elastic band on her wrist and snap it every time she began to think about this.
‘You were seven, Bel,’ Justin was saying. ‘Kids sleep deeply. You know what Robbie’s like. Once he’s out for the count, it would take a hurricane to wake him.’
‘But what if I didn’t sleep through it?’ Bella turned onto her side to face him. ‘What if I’m not imagining it? What if I really did hear noises? Maybe I came downstairs and blocked it out?’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Justin said, sighing.
‘I think he might have removed the light bulb,’ she persisted. ‘So that I couldn’t see his face.’
‘Look,’ he said. ‘It’s nearly three o’clock and I have to pick Robbie up at eight. Shall we try and get some sleep?’
‘Of course,’ Bella agreed, but she suddenly didn’t feel like taking Robbie out with Justin today. She would make an excuse.