Chapter Thirty-Two
Everett woke before the sun. His body felt heavy in places where grief had dug in to settle. He lay there staring at the ceiling, replaying her words.
I’m choosing myself.
I won’t be the reason you hate your life.
You still don’t hear me.
He flinched and dragged a hand over his face. He’d been unable to stay. Seeing her sleepy face and tousled hair; touching her warm, smooth skin and swollen mouth, it would’ve killed him.
He would’ve begged. But Everett realized she’d made her decision.
They’d be going back to New York alone.
He got up with a groan and headed to the kitchen, stepping around Kelsey’s shoes from last night. The Keurig spit out his first cup of coffee and he grabbed the mug with shaky hands. Had a breakup ever spun him out like this?
Hell, he’d never been broken up with. Even when Kelsey’s mom left, there had been nothing to grieve. He’d never loved a woman like Rowan.
Now he knew what all those chick flicks were about.
He walked onto the balcony. A pale ribbon of sunrise pulled itself along the horizon. He thought about last night, sifting through each piece like it was a puzzle he could still solve. That he could fix.
But Rowan had simply told the truth, and he realized he’d never considered what she’d have to give up for them. Everett figured with enough money, she’d be happy. She could rebuild her life around them. Now that his anger had settled, the full picture was clearer.
He was asking her to leave everything behind. A life she loved and needed. A place she’d lived with her father. The surfing community that had built her career and caught her when she’d fallen.
He felt his throat tighten, and set the coffee aside before he dropped it. He braced both hands on the balcony railing and bowed his head.
He’d come to Hawaii to build a hotel. He hadn’t expected to build a version of himself he actually liked. One that wasn’t constantly chasing the next benchmark, the next title, or the next impossible standard.
“What the hell am I doing?” he whispered to the wind. He sipped his coffee and let the morning creep in. Eventually he straightened and heard Kelsey’s door open.
“Dad?”
She rubbed her eyes, dressed in an oversize T-shirt, hair messy. A kid. His kid. His responsibility. His heart.
He swallowed the ache. “Hey.”
She stepped closer. “You’re up early.”
“So are you.”
“I had weird dreams.” She hesitated. “Did you and Rowan . . . Did something happen?”
He didn’t lie. He couldn’t. Not to her. “Yeah. We talked. And things are . . . complicated.”
Her mouth wobbled. “Are you guys breaking up?”
“We’re figuring things out,” he said gently, and hated how vague it sounded.
She looked at him, really looked at him, and her expression softened. “Dad . . . you look sad.”
He almost broke open right there. “I am.”
She stepped into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek to his chest. “I’m sorry.”
He held her tight, breathing her in, anchoring himself. “It’s not your job to fix this.”
“I know.” Her voice sounded tiny. “Did you ask her to come with us?”
“I did. But she can’t, Kels.”
“I know.” He cocked his head at her assured declaration. “Rowan could never leave here. I know she wants to be with us, but she needs to be by the ocean and her dad and Lea and surfing.”
“You knew that, huh?”
Kelsey blinked. “Didn’t you?”
The words made him jerk back in surprise.
Kelsey pulled back and wiped her face. “Can I say something?” Everett nodded.
“When you’re here . . . you’re different.
” She shrugged, as if the words were too simple to hold the weight behind them.
“Happier. Less tired and . . . mad at yourself. It feels like we’re a real family here. Like we fit.”
Something cracked behind his ribs. A slow, painful widening. “And when we go back to New York?” he asked quietly.
She hesitated, then looked at her feet. “It’s harder.
I know you want this new job, and I think it’s going to be okay, even if you’ll work even more and travel.
And I’ll have to go to another school and start all over and it will suck, but I think that will be okay, too.
” Her blue eyes fastened on his face with hope.
“But here, we’re better than okay. We don’t have family back in New York, and we don’t talk, or surf, or get off our phones. Does that make sense?”
He studied his daughter’s face and smiled. “Yeah, it does.”
“I want to live here, Dad. I know you think I’m just a kid who believes it’ll be just like vacation.
And I’m supposed to go to these fancy schools so I can get a great job.
It sounds like it doesn’t make sense, but it does to me!
I want to go to school here, and what if you can get a job here?
If Rowan can’t leave, maybe we can stay.
I think we should try—even if it’s just for a little while. ”
He didn’t know how to respond. The way she spoke was more than a child begging to extend a summer. It was as if she’d been trying to tell him something true for months, but he’d been too wrapped up in his own world to see it.
Her face fell. “Never mind. I know I don’t get a say.” She patted his arm. “I’m still really proud of you, Dad. Everyone really loved you last night.”
Then Kelsey snapped on her headphones and went inside to make cereal.
Everett went to take a shower, head ringing with the words of two women he loved more than life.
What the hell was he going to do?